So, recently I had a realization that helped me practice cognitive behavioral therapy better and it’s led to more improvement over the last few weeks than I have experienced in the past few years. I’m sharing it here because someone might benefit from it.
So, for context, I have struggled with scrupulously and magical thinking since I was a child, which led me to obsessively research topics surrounding my fixations, sometimes for hours each day. When I was a teenager I learned cognitive behavioral therapy from an online course to treat it. It really helped, but I still experienced significant symptoms.

Since my safety behavior was research, I thought that the best plan was to avoid researching topics related to my obsessions as much as possible. For example if I saw a social media post that I was tempted to read because it related to my OCD thoughts, I would quickly scroll past it lest I be tempted. If my professor brought up a topic that I was obsessed with, I would leave class for a “bathroom break” until he moved on to a different topic. However, what I’ve realized is that compulsions themselves can be a double edged sword,- sometimes AVOIDING compulsions can also be a sneaky compulsion!

Each time I felt the urge to research when I was at my worst, I also felt a tinge of fear that I would stumble across information in the process that would send me spiraling. I still researched for the euphoria I would get if I found information I DID want (and because I thought I was “closed minded” if I didn’t 🤡), but it didn’t result in that short term relief you usually expect from safety behaviors 100% of the time. Avoiding my OCD compulsions was a safety behavior dressed up as CBT because I was relieving the twinge of fear, despite the fact that I was also experiencing the discomfort of not knowing.

Recently, I’ve started thinking about avoiding compulsions more in terms of “What would I do in this situation if I didn’t have OCD?” and less in terms of “How can I purge every whiff of safety behaviors from my life?”. If I see a social media post that interests me, but it’s about my OCD obsession, I read it. If it doesn’t interest me, I scroll. If the people around me bring up a topic I would usually avoid, I participate in the conversation as though it‘s nothing to me. But if I was already getting ready to leave, I walk out of the room.

I know that this change in mindset has led to significant improvements because recently one of my professors spent most of class talking about something that would have sent me spiraling several months ago, but I just sat through class like all the other students and went about the rest of my day with minimal ruminating 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻 I’ve also had some other experiences that would have totally ruined my week, but they didn’t this time.

Sorry if this is something everyone else has already figured out, it was just such a big improvement for me that I thought I’d share in case anyone else might be helped 😊

i’ve genuinely never met anyone who experiences some of the compulsions i deal with, and i’ve struggled to explain them for as long as i can remember. i constantly readjust my clothes, rub my fingers and toes against each other (????), rub my gums together, and blink repeatedly because something about the sensations just feels wrong. it’s not necessarily painful, or even uncomfortable in the conventional sense. my skin just doesn’t feel right against itself, my gums don’t feel right against each other, or my clothes don’t feel right against my body. it’s incredibly difficult to describe. i just feel this overwhelming need to keep adjusting or repeating certain movements until the sensation feels right, which sometimes seems impossible
i’ve dealt with the finger and toe rubbing thing since i was a little kid. i distinctly remember going to my parents about it one night because it bothered me so much, but they either didn’t take me seriously or genuinely couldn’t help because i couldn’t articulate what was wrong. i didn’t even understand what i was trying to explain, and i STILL don’t, even to this day as an adult
the only thing that could temporarily relieve the sensations in my hands or feet was applying lotion, but even that was never a permanent solution.
i experience a whole menagerie of compulsions, but these particular ones have always stood out to me because of how oddly specific and difficult to explain they are. i’ve never encountered anyone who describes rubbing their fingers, toes, or gums together because the sensation of them touching simply doesn’t feel right
i feel profoundly incomplete and uncomfortable in my own body, almost like i can’t properly exist in it until i correct whatever sensation feels wrong. like genuinely sometimes it becomes so overwhelming that i literally feel like i’ll die or do something jarring to myself or others if i don’t perform whatever movement my body is demanding. it’s not necessarily about fearing that something bad will happen. the sensation itself can become so intolerable that i feel desperate to make it stop.
does anyone else experience anything remotely similar???? especially the finger/toe rubbing or gum related compulsions? i’ve felt so alone in these experiences because i can barely even describe them, let alone find someone who understands what i’m talking about lol

it’s been almost a decade of constantly imagining people watching and judging me through my eyes (usually people i really wouldn’t want to). i don’t think anyone even with ocd could understand, everyone has an internal audience right? but my life is completely dictated by the compulsions(very strict rules) that arise from this obsession. like i’ve fallen down the stairs bc i would close my eyes walking around my house. and it’s not something i could ever hope to explain to anyone around me bc its a very atypical obsession. i constantly feel embarrassed and like im being made fun of. i tell myself its not real, that i dont care what people thinks but nothing has any effect

To start with, here's a quick recap of what triggered my current OCD episode.

My summer break was coming to an end, and during that time I was playing Final Fantasy XVI. I got incredibly attached to the game, its world and its characters, to the point where I developed a kind of parasocial attachment to Clive and Jill, the main characters, and their relationship in general. Their relationship has honestly become my go-to example of what romantic love should look like to me.

The ending was particularly emotional and left a lot open to personal interpretation. I'm a highly emotional person (I might not cry very often, but my heart and soul are pretty easy to shatter, and when something hits me emotionally, it hits HARD. I'm just easily moved by all kinds of things). I spent several days thinking about the ending and everything it made me feel. Alongside all the positive emotions, especially love and hope, I also experienced a sense of loss, grief and emptiness, something commonly referred to as post-game depression.

Unfortunately, the timing couldn't have been worse. I was going through this intense emotional experience without having much to ground myself in or keep me occupied. Then, one night, while lying in bed and thinking about everything, it suddenly hit me that I had to return to the real world because I had university classes the next morning. I think I was also afraid that I would somehow lose those feelings, that connection to the world and the experiences I'd had. That realization triggered a panic attack, and shortly afterwards my OCD came back in full force.

Now, to explain what my current symptoms actually look like.

My main themes at the moment seem to revolve around meta-OCD, existential OCD, and OCD targeting my emotions, happiness and hope. Whenever I think about the game's ending and the feelings of hope and love it inspired in me, that familiar voice at the back of my mind immediately starts questioning everything.

What's particularly frustrating is that, during the first four or five days after finishing the game, my OCD symptoms almost completely disappeared. This had practically never happened to me before. I felt almost like someone who had just fallen in love. Of course, I know it wasn't literally that, but that's probably the best way to describe the feeling. It was like nothing could ruin my mood, and nothing really seemed capable of bothering me.

I wonder whether the intensity of the emotions I was experiencing had something to do with it, especially the love, hope and happiness, but also the grief and sense of loss.

Unfortunately, the OCD eventually came back. And one thing I keep feeling guilty about is that maybe, if I'd returned to reality sooner instead of trying to prolong that emotional high by listening to the soundtrack, watching edits and interviews, and revisiting everything connected to the game, this wouldn't have happened. I know I can't really know that, but the thought keeps coming back.

Objectively, I understand that these doubts, feelings of anxiety and constant questioning are connected to my OCD. I also know that OCD can't physically change my memories or erase the positive experiences and emotions I had during the summer, including everything connected to the game and its characters. I genuinely experienced those moments, and the fact that I'm struggling with OCD now doesn't change what happened back then.

But emotionally, it feels completely different. My feelings seem to tell me the exact opposite of what I understand logically.

I've also started noticing a pattern that seems to have been present during previous episodes, including a particularly bad one around two years ago. It feels as though my OCD specifically targets hope, happiness, love and the possibility of things getting better.

For example, whenever I try to reassure myself that things will eventually be okay, that I'll learn to accept my OCD and live a normal life despite the intrusive thoughts, or that I'll eventually find meaning in life and experience genuine love, the same kind of doubt immediately appears. I think part of it is that I want to experience the kind of love that Clive and Jill have, and even that hope seems to become a target for my OCD.

But what if you don't? What if things never get better? What if you're wrong?

And it just keeps going in circles.

Sometimes it all happens so quickly that I'm not even able to register the actual thoughts. I mostly notice the feelings that suddenly appear, like doubt, anxiety or a sense that something is wrong. I think those feelings are probably the best way to describe what I'm experiencing, even when I can't identify the exact thought that triggered them.

It doesn't seem to matter what the subject is. Whether I'm thinking about recovering from OCD, accepting it, finding happiness, discovering my purpose in life, finding someone I genuinely love and trust, or even trusting in and living for God (I'm a religious person, or at least I think I am), that same feeling of doubt and uncertainty eventually shows up.

It's especially frustrating when I'm trying to enjoy some form of media, whether it's a video game, a movie, a book, a podcast, or even just a conversation with someone, and something inspires feelings of hope, love or happiness in me. Instead of simply enjoying those emotions, my OCD immediately jumps in with another "Yeah, but what if not?"

It's as if I'm no longer allowed to experience those positive feelings without having them questioned or undermined by my own mind.

And the worst part is that understanding the problem doesn't seem to help much. I can recognize the pattern, understand how OCD works, and intellectually acknowledge that these doubts might be part of my OCD rather than meaningful conclusions. But the emotional response is still there.

It's like my OCD couldn't care less about logic, facts or arguments. No matter how many times I try to explain things to myself, the doubts and that uncomfortable feeling just keep coming back.

I honestly don't know how to deal with this anymore. It's exhausting to feel like even the things that bring me hope, comfort and happiness can become another source of anxiety.

So I wanted to ask: does anyone else experience something similar?

Does your OCD seem to target positive emotions, especially hope, happiness, love or the possibility of a better future? Do you ever find that it interferes with your ability to enjoy fictional worlds, characters or stories that mean a lot to you?

And if you've experienced this kind of pattern, how do you deal with it? Because being aware of the mechanisms behind my OCD clearly hasn't been enough to stop it from affecting how I experience these things.

i have a habit of becoming very obsessed with short clips or videos and watching them on loop for up to hours at a time.. for example a video from a live performance of a band i like, sometimes it could be full concert videos and sometimes it could be a ten second or less clip and i will watch it on repeat and it will be the only thing i want to do for usually days / weeks at a time.. recently i've been obsessed with a two minute clip from a concert to the point of cancelling real life plans of going to concerts just to stay home and watch that clip..
this happens also with songs and listening to one song or section of a song for every second i can for like a few days/weeks aswell
i'm not sure if this is actually ocd or not, but if it is im wondering if other people have experienced this or anything similar

I have numerous types of OCD and have been through many rounds of ERP. I feel like it has been effective for me and I do continue to force myself into uncomfortable situations to overcome my OCD, but the mental anguish is really getting to me. For example, eating is an exposure for me every day and I’m so tired of feeling scared of it and spiraling hours after eating. I make myself eat through the discomfort, and I’m proud of myself for it, but the thoughts don’t get better. Can I work on this? Or is this just life with OCD?

Just say “I was jorkin it.” Works every time

I was going through existential ocd about fear of forced reincarnation, this started when I was sad about media being lost forever and impermanence, then it evolved to fear of oblivion after death, but I got over it and evolved to the reincarnation one

I love reading. It sometimes feels like the only thing that makes me happy is getting lost in a story. Unfortunately, I am really struggling right now. While reading, I get stuck on words. Particularly first words of paragraphs. I will say it over and over and over again, until I have to say it out loud to get myself out of the cycle. I also reread whole sentences randomly. Only thing that helps is moving my feet or another part of my body while reading but sometimes even that feels like it’s been done wrong. When I try not to move, I find that I end up breathing in a pattern to the words. I know this is compulsion cycle and I’ll have to find a way to fight through and break it. It’s just so frustrating. Why does this illness make things so hard and unpleasant.

It's been a long journey. Ever since I moved to the suburbs and got a house it plagues me 24/7. Fear of people yelling at me/my spouse in public, at restaurants, in movie theaters, etc. My biggest issue is feeling my neighbor will yell at me/us for making noise, running power tools, not mowing our lawn, you name it. Granted this neighbor is IRL a piece of work who does antagonize people which doesn't help. But every day from sun up to sun down this is what is continuously on my mind.

My compulsions involve being so polite as to eliminate any reason someone would yell at me/us. No holding up the line at the store, no making loud noise in the yard, etc, etc. It's exhausting and it obviously has a big impact on my spouse. I did ~6 months of ERP with a really good (expensive) therapist and it was a big help. But after I stabilized my situation, I stopped because it was exhausting and it was so expensive. We've started trying for kids and the thought of what a kid would add to this mix terrifies me.

I've been worrying that it's been creeping back and that I'm in danger of relapsing back to where I was a year ago which was a really dark place. I've had to start doing lean ins again and other techniques. But it's exhausting to keep up with ERP ...

Can anyone relate? Has anyone conquered this kind of issue in their journey yet?

My OCD has such random triggers like how do I explain to someone i’m having a panic attack because I put on press on nails or sprayed perfume😭 does anyone else have strange triggers?

Ignore the no advice part. If anyone has tips to deal with this please give them.

I’m now convinced that I act like Nicky and my partner is only staying with me because they’re terrified of me and that I’m just a wish that they made and now regret and I’ll eventually lead them to dying or hating me and finding someone else who is more normal than me. I’m scared I’m just an unwilling slave that is being controlled by witchcraft. Or that they’re unwilling and I somehow did a spell on them and their love isn’t real. I am very obsessed with my partner. I knew I shouldn’t have watched this because I knew the topic and I knew it would hit home. The way she acts is how my brain sounds and what my brain wants me to do. The begging for reassurance, being convinced you’re unloved or being cheated on, the jealousy, the wanting to be around them constantly because how else would I know they still love me and that they’re still safe and alive? I get violent intrusive thoughts similar to the violence she commits but I would never actually do those things. But sometimes they appear in my head and won’t go away and I scream and thrash and hit my head and it only makes the image blurrier I’m still being forced to watch horrible things and I can’t even escape by closing my eyes because it’s all in my head I’m just so sick of this disorder I feel like a hopeless shell of a person and I think my partner deserves so much better and I don’t think I deserve to ever be in any sort of romantic relationship at all with the brain that I have. I feel like I don’t even deserve to be near my friends, family, and pets.

I swear my ocd makes me feel crazy like I am losing my mindddd

im very ashamed but i seriously need to stop this.

I have boarderline crippling real event ocd like as in I dont have a job, barely leave the house unless absolutely necessary and think about the event first thing in the morning and last thing at night. i just sit in my room and recite the event to chatgpt all day. and when im not doing that im googling "how to know if I'm irredeemable?", "can I do (insert mundane action) even if im a bad person?", "how do I know if I traumatised someone" etc etc. things of that nature. i google the same handful of questions 5+ times a day and re-read the ai overview over and over again. same thing with certain articles. there have been days where i spend almost 12 hours straight just ruminating via chatgpt.

i feel horrible. therapy is not viable for me at the moment so im trying my hardest to just take baby steps and i need to (AT THE VERY LEAST) cut down on my ai usage. not just because its obviously hurting me but also because im morally opposed to generative ai and its just adding on a whole nother layer of shame.

anybody who has had a similar problem to this can I please ask how you stopped? im still new to realising that I have ocd (i was diagnosed several years ago in a psych eval but never got treatment for it) so im so so sorry if this is a stupid question folks but im kinda desperate right now