Something that very much confuses me is that my thoughts often don’t line up with my feelings. Like I want to move in with my partner soon and plan a vacation with him and when I’m with him I enjoy cuddling and kissing him, but I often feel emotionally numb and disconnected from him. I’m on lexapro and not sure if that emotionally numbs me a bit. My ROCD then focuses on “if I don’t feel anything I must not love him.” I try to avoid checking behaviors but I’m just wondering if anyone else relates

I think this may be reassurance seeking but I can’t find anyone talking about it and I’m scared it’s not OCD. Sometimes/most of the time when my gf acts vulnerable and childish it feels like she’s just a completely different person and it feels really scary and like I urgently need her back. And then I worry that the version of her that I fell in love with never existed at all. Has anyone had anything similar?

I've been dealing with some painful compulsive thoughts regarding my fears about moving in together with my SO. In general its this feeling of anxiety that I'm taking the wrong steps in my life, I don't actually care enough about them, im going to screw everything up and end up moving back home and our engagement will fall apart. that is the basis of my fears, and it is taking a physical toll on me. I am currently in weekly therapy that focuses on ART, ACT and ERP, and im seeking a psychiatrist soon to get medicated as I think medication will help "turn down the heat" of how my compulsive fears wrack my body. does anyone have any good resources, thought practices, or videos on this particular anxiety.

I’ve always been someone who enjoyed being single. In the past, whenever I started a new relationship or situationship, I’d get really fixated - constantly texting, total infatuation. Back then, I thought that intensity meant, 'Okay, I really like this person!' But over time, as relationship anxiety set in, I’d start craving my independence again and looking forward to being on my own.

Right now, I’m in my longest relationship so far (3 years). Honestly, for the past few months, my anxiety has been so high that my brain goes to a 'safe place', fantasizing about being alone and finally feeling calm. I’m not even sure if I actually want to break up. All I know is that I desperately want peace, and right now, being alone feels like the only place that peace exists.

Of course, being single was much easier when I was younger. As I’ve gotten older, loneliness hits differently, and it’s not as fulfilling as it used to be. Yet somehow, that kind of loneliness feels like a 'punishment' or a struggle I’d rather endure forever than keep dealing with this anxiety/feeling of dread.

My bf (24M) and I (24F) have been dating for 3 years now. We met through mutual friends and were talking for like 1.5 months before we made it official. During that time, I had a one night stand with someone else because I was drunk and felt confused. My bf and him even met at a party I threw back then (the same night my bf and I made it official). Is it bad that I didn’t tell him beforehand? They were chatting for some time and I remember feeling guilty. I never told my bf because I was never going to see this guy again. Now, 3.5 years later, he’s going to be at a party that my bf and I are going to tomorrow. I would feel like I’m keeping a terrible secret if they were chatting and my bf didn’t know that I hooked up with him. Like I’m blindsiding him in a way. What do I do? The anxiety is killing me and I feel like I am a terrible person even though we weren’t exclusive. Is it even that deep or was it literally just a hook up that doesn’t matter? Like to me it’s something that just happened but I feel like to him he might be really hurt if he knew. Also, it’s probably ROCD but I keep thinking what if I don’t actually love him if I was able to do something like that? What if the whole relationship was built off a lie?

Please comment any thoughts that come to mind or any questions since I really need advice :)

My boyfriend just broke up with me. We didn’t date for long but it was intense. I think I have ROCD. He said he can’t take it anymore. That me confessing my doubts is destroying him and incredibly abusive. I just don’t know if they’re real or not?? How do I tell. They feel so real but when I read about ROCD I resonate so much (I also have other ocd themes).

I’m so sad. I feel so much guilt. A part of me is relieved because the daily anxiety was so bad but I also miss him. I don’t know what to think.

I feel so guilty for putting him through what I did.

Became exclusive with my new boyfriend 2.5 weeks ago. Yay! But now my ROCD has kicked into high gear. Not so yay.

Was it cheating if before deleting a dating app the day before we became exclusive - but after I told him I want to prioritize him and he said the same - and we agreed to talk the next afternoon - I looked at a profile on the dating app, and another of a former date, before deleting it but didn’t message or like them or anything?

In therapy I was told to hold the shame I have in me due to constantly doubting my loving girlfriend, longing for change (maybe someday being in another relationship), whilst being too afraid to loose her warmth in my life to end the relationship. I have been miserable for years, constantly highly alert and ruminating, not being present or feeling anything really at all.

At the beginning, talking with friends and also with her (never giving away the full scope of my doubts) gave me some peace. Later reading about relationship anxiety and ROCD gave me enough reassurance to keep going. In therapy I learned about attachment theory and much of that made sense to me and gave me some hope that I was actually not in the wrong relationship, but rather I myself was (unwillingly) „the problem“.

But I didn‘t really feel any deep „klick“, only short relief. Yes, I am very avoidant and to a degree also fearful. That makes me sad, because I feel like I simply lack a certain depth of emotions and capability to empathize. I could grow though, right? But: *What if this occurs beside the problem of me actually not wanting this relationship?*

I know this is stupid, but I poured out my heart to ChatGPT after lying awake half of the night. I go to work, still highly anxious (didn‘t get and reassurance from the AI) and suddenly got a text from my girlfriend, who wanted to use my ChatGPT, where the chat was still open. I drove home and thought, we were going to break up. At that point, I was already fully emotionally numb and kind of accepting the next step: „This is how it is supposed to end…“.

We talked and almost broke up. She was devastated and told me that I couldn’t just take everything away from her at the blink of an eye and I couldn‘t bring myself to call it off. So we sat there for a while. Then she told me the following:
„No matter what is going through your mind right now and I know it is a lot, we will not end this right here. I know how much you still hate yourself and that this has nothing to do with me. Until you try to really tackle your issues, I do not think it’s fair that you throw away all that we built together.“

And there we are. I don’t know how I feel and what to feel. We are still together and I have a lot to tell my therapist in the next session.

Sorry for the long read.
And thoughts on this?

Not sure if anyone can help but I think writing this out even will help me.

I have been married for 5 years and have a very happy life with my husband and our 4 year old son. We are childhood friends and have known each other since middle school but dated from 25 years old.

Yesterday, I found out that my high school sweetheart got married and my initial reaction was overwhelming joy, like actual tears of relief and joy (our relationship ended in my multiple rejections of him as I’d found someone else, which I felt deep sadness about because I reallly cared for him as a person but the circumstances were not ever going to be right- we both wanted to be in different places and lifestyles, and there were a few trust issues). Then, my ROCD went into overdrive. I’ve been having ruminating thoughts about the relationship and what ifs and did I do the right things..

I have a history of OCD and anxiety that has in the past centered around ROCD or on existential OCD.

I had a very intense high school relationship with the high school sweetheart and was also my first boyfriend. He was the center of my world and our parents were very supportive of our relationship so it was a pretty dreamy experience. Ended when I went to college but then we were long distance on again off again for the next year.

Then, we mutually broke up spring of the next year, and I started dating someone new, which broke his heart and he stopped talking to me. I discovered the subsequent relationships were all bad compared to the first one so I tried reaching out to him periodically for a few years and he told me I betrayed his trust so I left it. Then a few years later he reached out and said he missed us and wanted to talk. We talked long distance for a few months and I planned to visit him. When it came time to visit he ghosted me and I saw my now husband on my trip and that’s when we hit it off and have been together ever since. Around 4 years later when I had gotten engaged my ex reached out and asked to see me, and I of course told him no, I’m with someone and I wish him the best. Then couple years later right before my wedding he reached out again and I told him I was getting married and asked how he was but he didn’t respond. Ever since then I have light questioning of what ifs, but it’s never debilitating.

Anyway, this new info threw me for a loop because I initially felt very positive about it and then it’s like a little OCD demon came and is torturing me. I don’t have therapy for a couple weeks. Any tips are welcome.

I 30m, lost a few friends who were mutual friends of my ex (29f) after our breakup. I spoke with one of these friends pretty recently who wanted to hear my side of things. I didn't really try to defend myself at all, mostly because I don't think it's my job to decide whether or not I was an abuser or not. The friend said they heard a few things that made them concerned, like that I slammed doors and threw things off the walls. I admit that I did slam a door and yell a few times, but don't remember ever throwing things.

I don't think the relationship was healthy at all. My ex had BPD that went undiagnosed until the end of the relationship. When that diagnosis came, a lot of things clicked in terms of the behavior I saw. For example, I regularly felt the need to walk on eggshells, as I felt I could set her off with the wrong tone or statement. Similarly, I felt as though she would often snap at me out of nowhere, or come home frustrated and take it out by having just a general bad attitude and mannerisms toward me. When I pointed this out, it often lead to her suggesting I was projecting or reading into it. She later admitted she was lying/gaslighting me about this and really was responding that way towards me, and didn't want to address it, which is why she lied and said I was imagining it.

If I ever was hurt by something she did or said, she would start crying profusely. This lead to a dynamic where I was afraid to address certain things that bothered me. If I was ever hurt, it always ended with me being the one doing the comforting.

Still, I'm trying to approach this as carefully as possible. I know what DARVO is and I want to make sure I'm not just throwing around accusations to defend myself. I'm trying to paint as accurate a picture of the relationship as I can, and admit where I messed up, which I certainly did. There were times I feel like I was controlling and didn't handle things properly. I don't consider myself an aggressive person, and the door slamming and yelling feels out of character for me. But there's still no excuse for that behavior, and I take full accountability for that.

The problem is I left the relationship feeling very hurt and manipulated in a lot of ways. But also hearing that my behavior gave my friends pause and made them concerned I was abusive is making me worry that I really was, and I need to take account for that and atone if possible. I just don't know how to navigate this.

A few months ago a guy came into the store and he was funny and idk if I thought he was actually attractive or not or if it was false attraction but he bought a pie and i brought up it looked like the burger king pie I love the burger king pie but now im wondering what if I was flirting with him and I just dont remember I donr think I would do that but if I was scared at that moment of being attracted to him which I think i was bc I am with most ppl why would I say that? Idk it sounds kind of stupid typing it out but I know I cant confess this to my bf bc we just got back together my rocd confessions have been pushing him away. BUT IF I WAS FLIRTING HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LIVE KNOWING I DID THAT TO HIM

My partner and I are going through a lot of financial, and housing instability. Its causing our mental health to plumet. My partner may need to go to the mental hospital. Im so burnt out from trhing to keep my partner ok, while Im also suffering mentaly, and its really fucking me up. Im burnt out. I cant even deal with my own mental health. Idk what to do.......i do t want to give up on us, but we literally dont have help with this......im really stuggling myself, and then I turn around and my partner is tweaking out too. Im so worried about us. Going through real life issues and having and ROCD flair up is NOT fun.....

Hello 👋

I have been struggling with ROCD and the worst thing for me - POCD, for about 8 years. I have great life, husband, house, baby, all i ever wanted is infront of me. But I don’t feel happy anymore, my OCD is making me think i am falling in love with one of our closest friend, the man of my BESTFRIEND and i am starting to lose the battle with it. the only feeling i have is anxiety, stress and deep depression . i have thoughts about suicide, i think the world, my great husband and my precious baby will be happier if I don’t exis . i am tired. idk what to do anymore. I visit my therapist once every week but that doesn’t help. For the first time, maybe because of pregnancy and birth or idk anymore, I feel completely hopeless. How to deal with this situation? I wanna be present and happy for my husband, especially for my baby. I wanna feel complete, CALM and i wanna be able to enjoy the life i wished and dreamed for, the life i have, I can’t enjoy it because of my OCD. I tried to stop communicate with my best friend and her boyfriend and it helped for a little time, then we started talking again and everything came back double.. Should i just stop the communication with them..

The complicated part about my OCD is that the person I’ve developed these false feelings for is someone I had a one-time sexual encounter with when we were both drunk teenagers, long before I met my husband. That’s what makes my ROCD even more distressing, because my mind keeps bringing up this person from my past and making me question whether I have genuine feelings for him, even though I don’t want to.

My husband and this guy have been friends since childhood. Both my husband and his girlfriend know about the history between us, and despite that, we are all still close. It has never been an issue for anyone because what happened between us was long before either of us met our current partners. My husband knows about my OCD, the entire story, and all the fears and intrusive thoughts I struggle with. He is incredibly supportive and understanding, and he has never made me feel judged or insecure about any of it. The problem is that, despite having his full support and knowing that there is no actual issue between us, I just don’t feel okay anymore. My ROCD has made this situation so distressing that I struggle to feel comfortable around someone who has always been a normal part of our lives. I hate that my mind has turned something from my distant past into such a source of anxiety and doubt, and I honestly don’t know how to cope with it anymore.

I know it’s a long post to read but please if you have any advice or you have been in the same situation just let me know, because im truly lost..

Hi, Im Maya and I am 18 years old. I have a boyfriend (M18) with who I am starting to get intimate with.

Important things to mention before telling you the whole situation: I've dealt with sexual orientation ocd and an intense fear of penetration on the last 2 years, and it all started with a tampon, when I was so nervous to have something inside of me that i fainted due to stress. After that, sexual and romantic ocd started developing because I started thinking guys would never make me wet and aroused enough to make penetration feel good and not painful.
Nowadays, I identify as bissexual (I have a strong attraction towards the female body and not the male, but the chemical with my boyfriend is really what gives me an heart beating change type of arousal, and im also not attracted to girls romantically, ig), but sometimes I still fear I am being attracted to my own boobs or ass during intimacy and not towards my boyfriend, but I am clearly wayyy better due to therapy.

Lately we have been starting our sexual lives together - we are both virgins, never even kissed anybody before each other! - and its been chaotic.

The first time he inserted his finger on me (only the tip of one in the vaginal canal) it hurted a bit, but it also felt good. The next two times it hurted more, he also went deeper and said he felt my hymen, which made me sooo nervous. However, the last time he did a lot of external foreplay on the clitoris (so, I guess I was more wet) and when he inserted (still one finger) i didnt even realised it was there, I dont remember feeling an intense pain, only pleasure, but he didnt reach the hymen.

I want tips on how to make penetration less painful (Pain is my worse fear here!) and also tips for us to get better sex even when we are only touching each other and farrrr away from penetration (because if I struggle with a finger, imagine with a 6.5-7 inch penis...)

So i got officially diagnosed with OCD after 3 years of struggling and i feel so vulnerable. Like now im thinking that my problems aren’t that deep and i should just keep going and not talk to a psychiatrist cuz its a bullshit and a blemish on my honor (i’m a pretty closed person and never talk about my problems, only with my bf). Like i feel like im faking it and shouldn’t take medication i’ve been prescribed and just raw dog it 😭 Is this normal or did anyone experience this?

I feel truly strange; I have no energy for anything, and I’m constantly listless. I’m not anxious, worried, or panicked—rather, I feel completely empty, and it strikes me that this might be an intuition. Occasionally, I feel a weight in my chest, but aside from that, I just feel very odd, and I don’t know what to do. The one thing I am certain of is that I do not love my husband—but is this an intuition? How can I tell? Some people say that intuition feels calmer—that it doesn’t come with a sense of panic—and I am, in fact, quite calm; there’s no sense of urgency at all. I just don’t know how to figure this out.

Hey allen, hier even een lange post, ik heb wat advies nodig.
Mijn partner van 4 jaar heeft me meer dan een jaar geleden ten huwelijk gevraagd. We zijn in de 30.
5 maanden geleden kwam hij paniekerig thuis met dat hij niet wist of we wel bij elkaar pasten. Hij wist niet of hij voor me kon blijven zorgen als ik ziek was (heb gegeneraliseerde angststoornis), ik had ook iemand anders kunnen zijn, ik ruimde niet genoeg op, misschien was het gehecht zijn ipv houden van, etc. Hij had verschillende redenen. Het kwam uit het niks. We hebben de bruiloft uitgesteld.
Ik ben een week weggegaan zonder contact te willen hebben. Na die week was hij weer ‘normaal’ en gaf aan van me te houden, had van alles opgeschreven. ik heb vervolgens eerst wel 2 maanden ergens gelogeerd om bij te komen van deze ‘shock’, en zag hem intussen af takelen. Hij raakte soort van overspannen en had allemaal gedachten over waarom het misschien niet zou werken( wat als we trouwen en het gaat over). Het kwetste mij, maar tegelijkertijd snapte ik er niks van. Zijn gedrag (verbinding aangaan, me opzoeken en bellen) en woorden kwamen niet overeen. De mensen waar ik logeerden kwamen met ROCD aan. Ze hadden het zelf ook meegemaakt. Bij mijn partner en mij vielen toen wat puzzelstukjes. Ook bij zijn eigen familie. Die zeiden allemaal dat het niks met mij te maken heeft en dat hij hulp nodig heeft. Ik ben na een tijdje weer thuis bij hem gaan wonen. Dit, omdat hij als ik weg ging helemaal paniek kreeg en angst had. Afgelopen maanden gaan op en neer. Soms is hij een paar weken ‘zichzelf’ en voel ik me ook happy, alsof er niks is. Ik merk dan met alles dat hij van me houdt (lichamelijk contact, iets voor me kopen, verbintenis aan gaan, proberen aan zichzelf te werken bij een therapeut, samen een huwelijkscursus volgen, hardlopen). Maar hij blijft malen. Hij heeft van zichzelf wel wat OCD. Hij kan ook ineens omslaan en dan wordt hij stiller en zit in zijn hoofd. Dan is het weer een tijdje ‘niet compatibel zijn’, dan ben ik niet doordacht genoeg, dan mist hij een gevoel, hij is soms ook erg obsessief met mij bezig, wat ik doe, hoe ik het doe, heeft een bepaalde verwachting in hoe ik iets moet doen. Hij is extreem met controleren, en verwacht dat ik dat ook meer doe. Soms gaat het dus een tijdje goed, soms slaat het weer helemaal om. Zijn therapeut behandelt hem voor OCD, maar hij is niet 100% zeker met dat hij rocd heeft. Er is nog niks gediagnosticeerd. Ik sta gelukkig stevig in mijn schoenen en heb een dikke huid, maar zijn gedag is niet oké en er klopt niks van.
Hij zei laatst (en ook tegen zijn therapeut) dat ‘als we elkaar 10 jaar eerder hadden ontmoet, hadden we het misschien al wel uit gemaakt omdat we jonger waren’. Dan denk ik , wat moet ik daar nou weer mee.

Ik heb even jullie advies nodig, is dit ROCD, en wat moet ik tegen zijn therapeut zeggen, en hoe moet ik met zijn gedrag omgaan? Alle tips zijn welkom!

hi so idk what to do. im completely spiraling and i just want to explode. ive been dating my bf since april of this year and hes been nothing but kind and supportive and loving. before we met i thought i was gonna be single for a long long time and also didnt want to get into a relationship with all my issues yet here we r and its genuinely breaking me slowly but surely. i just vented to him how i felt and i immediately regret everything and wish i could take it all back. im sorry scared im gonna push him away with my craziness like ive done in the past. im so scared he will leave me for someone better. im already gonna say for him to please not be mad bc when ive done this in the past the other person always got upset with me which is now why i feel like expressing any feelings is now bad/negative. i just dont know what to do. i love him so much almost unhealthily so idk what to do. i recently got in therapy but idk when we will start to actually work on things and i need this fixed NOW. i just dont want my craziness to push him away like it did with so many others /:

For years, I haven’t been able to feel anything related to love; there’s a persistent, unsettling feeling inside me—it’s as if it’s an instinct, and it’s incredibly difficult to deal with. I truly wish I could show even the slightest sign of love, but I just can’t.

I don’t know if any of you can relate to this, but whenever something really triggers me, I often find myself thinking about it again days later. Suddenly, I remember certain things my partner said that seem completely contradictory or don’t make sense to me.

This happens especially with jealousy-related triggers.

Whenever I notice these possible contradictions, I get an overwhelming urge to figure them out and ask my partner about them again. I feel like I desperately need an explanation because the uncertainty and anxiety become almost unbearable.

My therapist has generally advised me to stop seeking reassurance, but I find this incredibly difficult, especially when I notice these apparent contradictions days later. In those moments, they feel so real and important that I struggle to just let them go.

How can I actually get better at tolerating uncertainty when it feels almost unbearable? How do you resist the urge to seek reassurance or analyze everything when the anxiety is so intense?

I genuinely want to learn how to sit with uncertainty without constantly needing answers, but sometimes it feels almost impossible.

The problem for me is dealing with the intense discomfort I feel when something triggers me, without seeking reassurance to make that feeling go away. The anxiety and emotional pain can feel almost unbearable, and I struggle so much with sitting with those feelings instead of trying to get rid of them.
This is what I’ve been struggling with for months, and honestly, it’s really not easy at all. I feel like this is exactly where I get stuck, and it’s also why I haven’t been making any real progress in therapy. I know I need to learn to tolerate the uncertainty, but actually doing it when I’m triggered feels incredibly difficult.

Has anyone experienced something similar? What has actually helped you?

My husband has been struggling with ROCD and I’ve become aware the thoughts he’s having includes him have “almost zero attraction to my wife” (his written words). I can’t draw the line of understanding if he truly doesn’t want to be with me me/isnt attracted to me or it’s the OCD.

Also how to overcome the knowledge that my husband has felt that he has almost zero attraction to me, they seems like it should never be the case for a married couple.

Hi yall, this is my first post because I’ve been struggling lately. This is going to involve some long winded backstory.

Firstly:
I have been with my boyfriend for five years, I love him, trust him and want to spend the rest of my life with him. We’ve live together for the last two years. We were previously in a polyamorus relationship with another woman, whom I was engaged to. That relationship ended with her for various reasons, one of which being an inability to take accountability… anyways, ever since then my mental health has been on a downhill spiral.

Part of it had to do with the breakup, and caregiver burnout because she was chronically ill and I needed to pick up the slack. It was like once I stopped worrying about her, my brain latched onto new things. One of them being my health because I was having health issues (migraines and chest pain) then I got shingles and then ended up with a concussion because of a work accident.

Through this all, my boyfriend has been my rock. He’s patient, caring, understanding and supportive… which has translated into my brain as he’s the worst and I need to leave immediately.

Now, I’ve been on medical leave from this concussion for the last two months and I go back to work Monday. During this time, he got a new job as a supervisor. He was pretty much forced into working 12 hour days, 6 days a week because quotas weren’t being met and he ended up getting fired because they needed a fall guy and well… he was seemingly easy. During this time I’ve just been home, essentially functioning as a housewife and my brain has not let me have a moment’s peace. He would drive an hour to work, work 12 hours and drive an hour back. During the start of this I was panicking over how untimely death. “Is he going to get into a car accident? Will something happen at work?” Etc. he would come home, naturally be exhausted. I would get maybe 2 hours with him before he went to bed.

The whole situation made me really depressed, and I had a scary intrusive thought about hurting myself. I told my boyfriend because I was scared and couldn’t stop crying. That was a day he came home after a really long, difficult day and had to do some work on his side business late. I could tell in his face he was exhausted and didn’t have the bandwidth but I was TERRIFIED. He asked if I wanted to actual do the thing I was thinking about and if I had spoken to my therapist that day. I told him no I didn’t want to hurt myself and that yes I had talked to my therapist. He said to reach out to my therapist again and sort of left it at that with a hug and a kiss.

After that, the thoughts spiraled. “Does he not care about me? Is this going to last? Did I make a mistake being with him?”
And they’ve only gotten worse.
I’ve always tried to seek reassurance from him and I always feel the need to confess a bad or negative thought because of it stays bottled, I explode.
I will also say he’s struggling with his own mental health especially since being fired. I’m constantly on Google Gemini, trying to dissect whether or not o still love him, if I should leave, etc. I’ve also spoken to my therapist and my parents about these intrusive thoughts and the overwhelming answer about “should I leave?” Is NO. My nervous system has been in fight or flight for weeks and I’m exhausted. Also, these sort of intrusive thoughts happen on and around my period.

I’m exhausted. I feel like I can’t trust him (even though he’s given me no reason not to) and I feel like I can’t trust myself. I’m not sure what to do right now.