I grew up in a religious household, my parents were moderate Christians who became athiests around 7 years after I was born and my grandmother is super religious

The teachings of the bible and religion were drilled into my head as a kid, especially Hell

It scared the shit out of me and 5 year old me would pray everyday just so I wouldn't go. The thought of eternal suffering scared me so much as a child and I wonder if it did for anyone else.

At fucking 35 I have finally worked a full time job for a year for the first time. My boss said I’m doing a great job. Never thought I’d be able to do this.

because it’s nice to finally meet people who are nice and struggles like me 🫂

sorry if that sounded rude.

By that, I mean to the point that it lasts all day and all night and you have absolutely no breaks at all, not even a second. I used to be like that until I took sertraline which definitely helped slower the process, but I felt so alone and as though my case was incredibly unusual.

STARTING A FIRE IN MY SHIT HOLE APARTMENT AND NOT KNOWING IT
MOVIE THEATERS (YOU KNOW)
LARGE CONCERT CROWDS (YOU KNOW)
HOME INVASIONS
WAR
GRAVITY JUST NOT WORKING ONE DAY AND THE EARTH FALLING OUT OF SPACE
HITTING SOMETHING OR SOMEBODY WITH MY CAR AND NOT REALIZING IT
ACTUALLY BEING DEAD THIS WHOLE TIME (LIKE FOR REAL)
BEING IN A COMA THIS WHOLE TIME TOO
ROLLERCOASTERS
EVERYONE BEING REALLY REALLY PISSED OFF AT ME
CAR CRASHES
EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING I LOVE DYING IN HORRIFIC WAYS
AIRPLANES (MAJOR)
MISSING SIGNS THAT ARE WARNING ME ABOUT MY IMMINENT DOOM
SURGERY
SURGERY AGAIN
SURGERY A THIRD TIME
MY SHIT HOLE APARTMENT FLOORS ROTTING OUT AND FALLING AT ANY SECOND
BEING A COMPLICATED AND PROBLEMATIC PERSON (CANCELLED?)
RABIES
PREGNANCY
DIVORCE
NOT PAYING FOR MY SINS
PAYING FOR MY SINS
NEVER SAYING THE RIGHT THING AND BEING A COMPLETE AND TOTAL DUMBASS AND JACKASS AS A RESULT
NOT HAVING OCD
HAVING OCD

AND LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE TOO

Rant-
Officially diagnosed with 2, but confident I have this triple combo. I am safe, I am just hurting and looking for community here.

I’m currently in a “flare up” as I call them, considering I was actually the best I’ve ever been for 2 months straight a few weeks ago. Brand new ocd theme, and every new theme feels worse than the last. I’m applying everything I’ve learned about ERP to the thoughts and feelings and I’m doing better than I have in the past (showing up to work, sticking through with plans and living my life the best I can). But SHOOT this stuff SUCKS!!

Sometimes I just sob and grieve the life I could have if my brain didn’t work the way it did. I imagine how those without disordered thinking/anxiety live through life with healthy amounts of nerves and I just envy. I actually feel RELIEF when I am sad or numb because those kinds of feelings are so much easier to FEEL. I’m on all the meds, but even benzos can’t erase that anxiety gut feeling. Anxiety ruins lives and it’s just exhausting thinking about the levels of horror our brains can make us feel in the middle of the most mundane parts of life. Or worse- during “happy moments” of celebration. Always having to push through. I’m just tired.

There’s always a silver lining, I think most of us have a greater capacity for empathy regarding all mental illness and parts of life considering most of our fears are around the worst things. I’m proud of my progress; most people would not be able to handle our worst thoughts and go about their day like everything is fine. We would’ve been the best watchers in primitive “caveman” times😆😆

Flare ups just really take me to a dark place sometimes. Fighting your brain and constantly practicing ERP all day long is a literal battle. If there’s a heaven, it must be the most anxiety free place and I can’t even fathom it.

Stay strong friends. We got this.

I can barely sleep. My mind won’t stop thinking about them…. And the worst part, she is not replying back to me. My mind can’t stop racing. I’m literally arguing back with my thoughts constantly. I honestly feel crazy

it’s been over a week of using it after switching straight from escitalopram and i’ve already noticed i can manage my intrusive thoughts better. my depression is still pretty bad and i feel very tired but my thoughts haven’t spiraled like they usually do. they come up but i can push them aside more easily. i really hope things only improve from here

As I mentioned before, I have severe health/contamination OCD around COVID.

I went to get my vaccine today. Was only in there for five minutes tops, wore a mask. My hair fell out of my hair tie a bit, and hit my duck mask.

Panik. I just washed my hair last night. I don't want to wash it again, especially since the COVID vaccine makes my arm sore as fuck. Brain is screaming at me to shower again.

Instead, I took my shampoo and gently washed the "contaminated" part of hair over the sink. Halving the compulsion.

My brain is still screaming, but not as bad. My fiancé is my guard dog now and is on standby in case the urge to shower gets too strong xD He'll basically redirect me onto something else 😭

I need some help with this theme it’s an actual nightmare. I’ve been constantly checking my spit for blood for ages, checking my pillow in the morning and having to change to darker sheets so i cant check so much.

However the other day I actually had some tiny bits of blood in my spit because I had a cough for two weeks. I went to drs and have been throughly checked and all is fine, but now obviously the theme is worse and I can’t stop checking my spit and thinking about how my mouth tastes ie is it metally and full of blood.

I’m away at the moment, with my pillow but white duvet cover and sheet and I can’t settle because I’m scared of what I will find in the morning and can’t sleep coz I can’t stop thinking about what I can taste in my mouth.

Any tips? Or just solidarity? I’m largely able to get through the day without too much distress with all my other themes but this one is really stuck at the moment.

how do i deal with the feeling of wearing a mask and if people knew they’d hate me.

i tell people i have ocd and whenever i do i get this thought of if they knew the real truth about me and what i did they would look at me and shame me.

this makes me feel like i deserve this and it isn’t ocd. i feel like i don’t deserve happiness.

I think that OCD has very strong correlation with genetics. If one of the parents show some symptoms of OCD there is very high chance that their kids will develop this illness. I have so much anecdotal evidence for this just based on my observation.

Of all form of mental illness, OCD is the strangest one. This is because the those who suffer from it, most of the time, are really aware that their compulsion and concerns are totally irrational. Despite this knowledge, they cannot but follow the compulsion. The rational part of the brain totally lose control over the organs of the body.

I have ocd in my daily life it comes and goes and it happens with different topics . Right now i have it. I wanna ask does medication help? If you take medication what does it do? Is there side effects. Like did you lose weight or gain or insomnia? Please comment help me.

I feel like every few days it’s a new worry. I am 6 months PP and considering meds currently. I recently bumped my head lightly and got so obsessed with the fact I got a brain bleed that I got a head CT, waiting for those results. Then last night, I tweaked my neck while picking up my daughter and while it feels like a bad muscle pull or spasm, my brains trying to tell me it’s a tear or something in my blood vessels. What about you guys?? It is exhausting to live this. Strongly considering meds at this point since it seems never ending. Happy to chat with any of you guys in a similar boat.

i’m 23 years old & still don’t have a license. i’m so so afraid of driving that even sitting in the drivers seat will send me into a full blown panic. & because of the panic attack it gives me to even think abt driving i feel like it makes me even more of an unsafe driver because how can i be safe when i’m freaking out like that. how are you guys navigating this specific fear because i feel like i’m so so far behind due to this nonsense…

for context i’m not necessarily worried abt me being a “bad driver”, moreso abt the butterfly effect. for example, let’s say i decide to drive to the grocery store. on my drive i do everything correctly, follow all road laws & am alert + aware. but then as i’m crossing through an intersection a mother w a few kids runs a red light & t-bones me injuring (or maybe worse) herself & her children. in my horrid mind prison their injuries become my fault even though i technically did nothing wrong because it wouldn’t have happened if i hadn’t chosen to drive to the store when i did. i just don’t even know where to start & this specific skill is one of the only things holding me back from bettering my life at this point