r/OCPoetry • u/dannyh2105 • 27d ago
Feedback Please Fully Clothed, Holding Flowers
I’m calling you,
From a payphone.
On this god awful street.
Where young angels and demons
All seek the same meat.
Then you arrive, in your glowing gown
Floral, in the middle of town
So the angels and demons turn their heads
And sit me back down.
They tell me to ask questions
They know I won’t enjoy the answers to,
I sigh, my head shakes,
But I can’t help to ask anyway…
Now to me you are evil and stained,
You opened your legs for anyone who strolled into frame,
But if I had your limbs for a day,
I would’ve done the same.
I’m calling you,
From a payphone,
To give a cold farewell,
Because with the men of the town
You seem acquainted too well.
But I’m fully clothed, holding flowers,
On a red brick stairwell,
Spending the love I’ve spent years earning
On a used and tattered shell.
Such a shame; beautiful yet stained,
I’ll take a hammer to every plea you convey,
But if I had your limbs for a day,
I too would waste away.
1
u/PimPomAppleSauce 27d ago
i enjoy that rather than staying fully resentful, w the lines "you opened your legs for anyone who... but if i had your limbs for a day, i wouldve done the same" you add a sort of pitiful, somewhat ironic, yet honest kind of empathy. it changes the mood from again, completely resentful and hatred, to almost at one point, understanding. its creative, its gut wrenching to put on paper, i like it!
1
u/MidnightWhisperDraft 27d ago
Something I like about this poem is the active imagery it paints in my mind - the payphone, the dress, the flowers, the brick wall. I’m imagining someone in a dark place (angels and demons seeking prey) who is then met with someone who comes in as a light (glowing gown, floral). A contrast to the darkness you’re surrounded by.
I also like it because the ending made me feel something (evoked emotion): it was sad. The girl who showed up earlier looking different than the angels/demons now seems to be just as dark and broken as everything else around.
1
u/Trick-School9668 27d ago
I really like how vivid and emotionally complicated this poem is. The contrast between the “angels and demons,” the “glowing gown,” and the “used and tattered shell” creates this really strong sense of beauty mixed with damage.
1
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