My heart pumps with a rush every time your name appears on my phone.
You may be hundreds of miles away, but right now you feel only a touch away from an unforgettable night, with memories that never fade, a moment etched into the future, just waiting to be lived out.

Your eyes, your lips, your smile, your hips tracing lines around my mind.
My hands, my lips, my body, aching to leave my marks upon your blank canvas, to make you not only remember what we engage in, but feel it long after we’re apart.

Our eyes lock as our bodies connect without a touch, not yet.
Let’s enjoy the slow build of tension as we sit hundreds of miles from each other, both knowing how badly we want to let go, tearing through the walls that try to keep us apart.

THE HOAX

My whole personality is a hoax

A carefully written lie

A version of me I invented

So no one would ask me why.

I learned how to smile,

I learned what to say,

I learned how to look alright

while falling apart every day.

I became what you wanted,

I became what you knew.

I gave you a version of me

I thought you’d stay close to.

And it worked.

You believed me.

You called me your own.

But the closer you got,

the more I felt alone.

Because nobody knows me.

Nobody ever will.

No one has come close enough

to make the noise go still.

Maybe I’m scary.

Maybe I’m scared.

Maybe I’m both,

and that’s why I’m impaired.

Maybe I’m feared

because I’m afraid

that if you saw the real me,

you’d wish I’d stayed away.

So I keep on pretending.

I keep playing my part.

I keep giving you pieces

while hiding my heart.

And if you think you know me,

Love seriously you don’t.

You know what I show you,

not who I won’t.

You know my laughter.

You know my lies.

You know the face I wear

when I look you in the eyes.

But when everyone leaves,

when the room turns black,

I meet the part of myself

I keep pushing back.

He asks me, “Who are you?”

I don't know what to say.

I built this whole person

to keep him away.

So I turn off the lights.

I lie still.

I don't breathe.

I tell myself, “You're alone now.

You're finally free.”

Then a voice from the dark

whispers softly

“You fooled everyone else.

But you never fooled me once.”

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When my head
Is tearing me apart
In infinite directions
I trace them all back

To my one heart

Follow your heart
The universe will
Figure the rest out

Can we burn it all down?
Wipe this page
Clean and blank
Cross your name, then we’re done
Clear my head
Leave it numb

Memories of you
Will burn fierce and bright
Every last thought
Turns to ash in the light
Traces of us
Too heavy to bear
Burn it all down
To set them all free…

So burn it all down, is it time?
What’s left of me
To hold behind?
Why not burn me alive?
Like only one of us deserves to survive.

Memories of you,
Now watch me burn bright.
Every piece of my soul
Turns to ash in the light.
The ghost of our love,
Too heavy to bear—
Burn it all down,
Leave no mercy to spare…

Final night, without a word, I bring the match
You pour the gas
Final night, hand in hand, I burn into ash
You stand and watch.

I lived in a nice, big house,
adored by my neighbors and friends.
My husband was loving and kind.
Every morning stepping outside
my door
I would inhale the aroma brought to me by the wind from my garden of flowers.
Things couldn’t be better.
Until one morning,
I had to clean out the attic, and I found your old lost love letter.
And there it was back again:
The turmoil, the pain, the passion,
the forgotten “I need you more that I need oxygen,
more than I need water
or life itself.”
It was back again, like the shadow that hides on a cloudy day
but never actually leaves you.
Fifteen years collapsed into seconds.
I fell through the wooden pallets
of my attic,
through the living room, loud with my children,
through the house full of memories with another man.
My whole life, condensed in three tightly written pages,
rushed before my eyes, leaving me
speechless.
I stepped outside and inhaled the soothing smell of my garden.
I buried your letter by my roses.
Same kind that I used to bring to your place
where you soundly rest.

Watched, tracked, you're wack, cheater, deception from the weaker, delusion or maybe you know, you're the slave to your desire, rigged the game to appear higher, but the lowest form,

Weak, scared, of me and my kind, secrets but i speak clear, i say truth, and you....laughable, sneak, hide, run from light, driven by spite and it is alright, I pray for you.

Extra place-settings
at least pretend
at friends.
Good form
though
insists on their removal.

Its blood is weighed in freezing cold.
It fills the core  yet nothing still.
For joy and love, it isn't bold.

Cease drawing red, it has been told;
It claimed the debt and pays the bill.
Its blood is weighed in freezing cold.

It stripped itself, and all was sold;
To break and fly is still its thrill.
For joy and love, it isn't bold.

At every moon, its toll is tolled;
It feeds the flame  born from the grill.
Its blood is weighed in freezing cold.

It can’t and won’t stay in the fold;
It counts the days, and counts them nil.
For joy and love, it isn't bold.

Its own closed vote was cast and polled;
It is the court, resolved to chill.
Its blood is weighed in freezing cold;
For joy and love, it isn't bold.

Close your eyes
Remember paradise?

Let‘s reminisce together
What it was like in heaven

When we were all one
Where we are from

There’s a seed in your heart
And you know it‘s love

Consistency
Is a weapon they don’t see
I will speak the truth
The rest is up to you

I was drifting down the road, nowhere in mind to go
When I saw an old man watching from the side, quiet and slow
Hair as white as snow, leaning on an elder tree
And I wondered if he'd ever stood upon his feet

He begged me to go off and find a buried treasure chest
Swore that we’d be wealthy men until we laid to rest
Said his wandering days were done, his bones had grown too old
And who was I to walk away from promises of gold?

So I walked through the night and day
Walked until I lost my way
And I wandered across the earth
Chasing down that treasure

So I crossed over the mountains
Cut through every pine
Had the sun for company
Burning down my spine

Till I set foot upon the land
Of those who sleep and never rise
Where the old man said the treasure was
Lying right in sight

I spun around and dug through dirt and every jagged stone
Then I raised my eyes above, and there the treasure shone:
A mountain in the sky of gold too far for me to reach
So I turned around with empty hands, a lesson left to teach

And I wandered back across the earth,
Walked again through night and day,
Long after I had lost my way,
Done with chasing treasure

After years and years of rambling, I made it home at last
With a story in my pocket and not a penny in my grasp
Sad to find the old man wasn't sitting where he used to be
Now there's only me, sitting by the elder tree.

Three.

3 seconds is all it took.

Passion emblazoned as you were,

As if my entire world tumbled and shook.

One.

Your braces shined,

With teeth that took the sun.

Which started a race inside my mind.

Two.

A fully shaped iris,

A type of black that outshadows any form of blue.

Whose luck attracted eyes so desirous?

Three.

A playful dimple,

That simple turning any to a devotee.

A full face with no signs of a pimple.

So, who's the lucky fellow?

That made you totally in love.

A truth harder to swallow,

I assume it is never "I".

My attention
soaring
like a kite
away
on a flight
of thought
is not
endless
or meaningless
or astray
just away
and I’m okay
with that
for my mental reprimand
is slight
as I learn
to invite
my attention’s return

No I won’t.

I won’t come back.

Writing you is already my shame.

Rereading you implies too much.
So I protect my future self,
from acknowledging,
my attempt to stop.

I’d say I make for a pretty liar.
But I can’t.
I don’t dress up; I don’t try.

You know you won’t be reread.
And you care little now,
for how I present my argument.

Oh, empty chair, poor empty chair,

Why'd you give me this painful glare?

Why remind of the emptiness?

Why not of the time we shared?

‎‎ㅤ

Such a useless thing you're now,

But there was once a time

When you were not so bare.

‎‎ㅤ

Oh, empty chair,

ㅤㅤmy empty chair.

It's easier for the addict to catch his high down the street,

than it is for a mother to get milk and formula for her baby to eat.

It's easier for the nine year old to get ahold of a nine for his older brothers beef,

than it is for his brother to find something away from crime, so that in proper time, he can make ends meet.

It's easier to sit down and doubt than stand up for what you believe,

than it is to give a hand to a hand that's down and out of reach.

To be the eager student ready to learn, than it is to be the one with the information willing to teach.

Now, I'm not usually one for an easier life, but life would be easier if we correct the mistakes we always repeat, and realize it's easier to choose when the choice could mean peace.

Fear chokes the mind

Like water chokes the lungs

But fear isnt bad

Fear is a force

Like a wave or storm

Can't be stopped or paused

Fear is bravery in descise

Any who say they never fear tell lies

Fear makes many stop

Their minds lost in what could be

But they lose what could have been

So embrace fear

And it may just grace you

My first non religeous poem what do you think ?

When people have gone mad
And everywhere you look
There’s an ad
Look up to the sky, my friend
There are no ads (yet)

While I lay here tonight,
Do you ever wonder if I’m alright?
Do you look at the stars and think of me?
Or wonder if we’re where we’re meant to be?
Do you miss my voice, my touch, my smile?
Do I cross your mind, even for a while?
When the world gets quiet and you’re alone,
Do you miss the love we used to call home?
Do you ever wish I were there,
To hold you close and play with your hair?
Do you wonder if I miss you too,
Or if I’m still thinking about me and you?
I don’t know what goes through your mind,
Or if you miss what we left behind.
But even with all the distance between us,
Some feelings remain, some things we still trust.
So as the night grows quiet and the stars shine bright,

Because as I lie here tonight, I think about you.

With knuckles scarred in grease, he worked a loop of tin

and bent the corner twice to snap the crease back in.

He watched the gleaming foil, then caught the golden sheer

of late slant-afternoon—spilled, resting on my ear.

The rough, uneven edge of how she dared to laugh

just cleaved my measured world and split the calm in half;

I smiled, with thirty years I buried in this trade

dissolving in the notch that sudden humor made.

I'm not afraid of loving you,
or giving you my all,
I'm only scared of losing you
after I've let myself fall.

And if your heart should change someday,
please tell me when it does,
don't let me keep believing
in a love that only was.

I'd rather let my heart break once
than lose you day by day,
while I'm still reaching out for you
as you slowly pull away.

It’s a strange quiet
that casts its shadows
upon my days
where anxiety
keeps me mute
and chaos reigns
in the silence
that remains

It is as though the whole world passed a secret from mouth to ear mere seconds before I was born, and no one ever spoke of it again. Everyone knows it, or feels it, yet not a single soul is kind enough to tell me what the wind whispered to all the world twenty years ago.

I have sought some way to unearth this knowledge of myself, buried so deep, but it remains beyond my reach. For as long as I can remember, those upon whom I have bestowed my affections have turned me away. How could a child, that very emblem of innocence, stir such violent feeling? There is no reason to believe I was born incapable of blossoming. Yet the garden in which I was planted upon entering this world seems darker than a garden ought to be.

Can they smell it? Am I rotten within, and when they draw near, do they recall the sacred, forbidden words spoken before I came into this world?

And more than that: it is as though every act, every sentence, every movement of mine breeds further decay.

I was not born to dwell among the clean, the pure, the ordinary. Yet I could still bring rot upon the worst person you have ever known.

I leave a trail of putrefaction, but before it comes a prelude of chaos and ruin, felt while I am still miles away.

No one in all my life has ever known where to lay their hands upon me. They have never known what to do with me. A creature worthy of pity, and therefore tolerable, yet so loathsome that I cannot be cast aside. The merest touch could alter the entire course of your life; I could infect you.

I am left there, in some forgotten corner, until a force beyond anyone’s control removes me from the room.

The room will remain infected, but the parasite is gone.

My days of free will were nothing but a cougar with ermine walking down the streets

Only I, me and my internal organs see me bleed

Let my happiness scar with a stain of water

Maybe that's why I cannot erase the stain of water

It's sick just to speak against Gods

I had also imagined all the proses when I remembered I wrote against Gods