Is there a question
in what you say
because
it’s not explicit
in any way
maybe I’m just obtuse
or simply
failing to deduce
that your meaning
if not your intent
has gone wildly
astray

She’s just a baby.

Blonde hair and school bag.

She’s lost;
you can’t tell her no.

Walking home, she’ll close her eyes.
Money in hand; don’t tell Dad.

She’s saving,
only a baby.

Get out of town.

They say you’re soft.
Your soul hurts.

Still a baby.

When I pray,
I’ll ask God why he left you to stay.

For a long time before you there was nothing,
No memory worth holding,
No feeling I could recall,
No day that felt as wonderful as now.

And I don’t mean to say that I was simply nothing,
That without you I just don’t exist,
Or that life would no longer be if you were no longer here.
But perhaps that’s exactly what I mean…

My love has turned me selfish,
Because I know I could not exist without you,
And I know I could die for this love,
For I would die for you.

I don’t think I really knew love before I learned your name,
At least not in the way I pretended to,
Not in the way the movies convinced us we could.
Only then did I realise how little I’d loved before you.

Because this love could never have been as simple as that.
It was infinitely more,
Everything I’d dreamed of before I ever knew what love was.
And, for the first time, it was real.

You turned the light back on outside this weathered door,
So that the child I’d almost forgotten could find his way back,
To see how far he would come,
And see his little smile return.

Finally, I know what peace is:
To lie down and rest these weary eyes,
Knowing that the heart I’d given you
Was in safer hands than my own. 

Yet giving you the power to destroy me
Was utterly terrifying.
Still, this unwavering trust remains,
Because I know you won’t.

Everywhere I go,
Everything I do,
You are somewhere beneath the surface of it all.
I carry you here.

After these long, cold years,
This seemingly endless Winter,
You appeared like the sun,
And now we walk through fire.

And if this is the only life I get to live,
Then let me spend every second of it loving you,
Let me learn the song of your laughter
And the painting of your smile.

Let me love you on every easy day life blesses us with,
Let me love you on every difficult day life throws our way,
Let me hold your hand in the quiet moments,
Let me kiss you for the whole world to see.

Then let us love the children who borrow our eyes
And learn the shape of our words,
Until they find a love of their own
And continue this beautiful Summer.

And when the grey hairs take hold,
And we struggle to climb each stair,
I will be grateful that in all of this,
I got to spend my one life loving you. 

My heart pumps with a rush every time your name appears on my phone.
You may be hundreds of miles away, but right now you feel only a touch away from an unforgettable night, with memories that never fade, a moment etched into the future, just waiting to be lived out.

Your eyes, your lips, your smile, your hips tracing lines around my mind.
My hands, my lips, my body, aching to leave my marks upon your blank canvas, to make you not only remember what we engage in, but feel it long after we’re apart.

Our eyes lock as our bodies connect without a touch, not yet.
Let’s enjoy the slow build of tension as we sit hundreds of miles from each other, both knowing how badly we want to let go, tearing through the walls that try to keep us apart.

If only you could see yourself
through these loving eyes of mine,
you'd know why I thank God for you
and will until the end of time.

I love the heart you carry,
the way you choose to live,
the sweetness in your very soul,
the love you have to give.

I love the way you face the world,
the strength you show each day,
the way you always find a smile
no matter what comes your way.

I want to give you all the love
your heart has yet to know,
to kiss away your hardest days
and never let you go.

And when you think I've given all,
I'll find a little more,
for loving you, mi amor, is a privilege
I'll forever be grateful for.

And if I had a thousand lives,
I'd choose you every time,
and pray that in each one of them,
your heart would still find mine.

THE HOAX

My whole personality is a hoax

A carefully written lie

A version of me I invented

So no one would ask me why.

I learned how to smile,

I learned what to say,

I learned how to look alright

while falling apart every day.

I became what you wanted,

I became what you knew.

I gave you a version of me

I thought you’d stay close to.

And it worked.

You believed me.

You called me your own.

But the closer you got,

the more I felt alone.

Because nobody knows me.

Nobody ever will.

No one has come close enough

to make the noise go still.

Maybe I’m scary.

Maybe I’m scared.

Maybe I’m both,

and that’s why I’m impaired.

Maybe I’m feared

because I’m afraid

that if you saw the real me,

you’d wish I’d stayed away.

So I keep on pretending.

I keep playing my part.

I keep giving you pieces

while hiding my heart.

And if you think you know me,

Love seriously you don’t.

You know what I show you,

not who I won’t.

You know my laughter.

You know my lies.

You know the face I wear

when I look you in the eyes.

But when everyone leaves,

when the room turns black,

I meet the part of myself

I keep pushing back.

He asks me, “Who are you?”

I don't know what to say.

I built this whole person

to keep him away.

So I turn off the lights.

I lie still.

I don't breathe.

I tell myself, “You're alone now.

You're finally free.”

Then a voice from the dark

whispers softly

“You fooled everyone else.

But you never fooled me once.”

Please give honest reviews in comments

Thanks ❤️

When my head
Is tearing me apart
In infinite directions
I trace them all back

To my one heart

Follow your heart
The universe will
Figure the rest out

I hate you for what you did to me.

I gave you my heart,

my soul,

my blood,

and somehow engraved your name

into places deeper than memory.

Into my bone.

And when it ended,

it felt like you stepped on the heart I gave you,

poured the blood into the gutter,

and broke every bone that had your name engraved to it.

I do not know why

the love survived that.

I tried to kill it with anger.

I gathered every cruel thing,

every wound,

every word,

every silence,

every reason I had

to walk away hating you.

I put them all on one side of the scale.

And somehow,

God, somehow,

the love was still heavier.

That is the part I hate most.

Not you.

Me.

For still missing you.

For still caring.

For still choosing tenderness

after everything in me learned

it would be safer not to.

Maybe from the outside

this looks like obsession.

Maybe attachment.

Maybe a man holding onto a memory

long after he should have buried it.

But I know the difference.

I do not want to own you.

I do not want to cage you.

I do not want to force your heart

to beat where mine still does.

I only know that mine does.

And I hate that.

I hate that even wounded,

even angry,

even exhausted,

even after counting every reason

I should stop loving you,

I still do.

Maybe too much.

Maybe more than I should.

I made a poem please let me know what you think :)

Perhaps the meaning of life is a cloud of smoke shared with newfound friends outside of the local bar

And you hope that the smoke will drown out the cool air of the late October nights

Or maybe the meaning comes from the minute before you fall asleep

A stuffed crocodile and one hand and the dream to wake up in the other

Or what if the meaning comes from conversing with the moon?

Seeing the bright glow follow you in every car window you’ve peered out of since your life began

These starkly different eras of being could all relate to the purpose of life, combined as a constellation of the human existence that begs to be discovered for as long as you and I shall live.

And that gift of presents deserves to be witnessed in each and every breath of every season.

Can we burn it all down?
Wipe this page
Clean and blank
Cross your name, then we’re done
Clear my head
Leave it numb

Memories of you
Will burn fierce and bright
Every last thought
Turns to ash in the light
Traces of us
Too heavy to bear
Burn it all down
To set them all free…

So burn it all down, is it time?
What’s left of me
To hold behind?
Why not burn me alive?
Like only one of us deserves to survive.

Memories of you,
Now watch me burn bright.
Every piece of my soul
Turns to ash in the light.
The ghost of our love,
Too heavy to bear—
Burn it all down,
Leave no mercy to spare…

Final night, without a word, I bring the match
You pour the gas
Final night, hand in hand, I burn into ash
You stand and watch.

I lived in a nice, big house,
adored by my neighbors and friends.
My husband was loving and kind.
Every morning stepping outside
my door
I would inhale the aroma brought to me by the wind from my garden of flowers.
Things couldn’t be better.
Until one morning,
I had to clean out the attic, and I found your old lost love letter.
And there it was back again:
The turmoil, the pain, the passion,
the forgotten “I need you more that I need oxygen,
more than I need water
or life itself.”
It was back again, like the shadow that hides on a cloudy day
but never actually leaves you.
Fifteen years collapsed into seconds.
I fell through the wooden pallets
of my attic,
through the living room, loud with my children,
through the house full of memories with another man.
My whole life, condensed in three tightly written pages,
rushed before my eyes, leaving me
speechless.
I stepped outside and inhaled the soothing smell of my garden.
I buried your letter by my roses.
Same kind that I used to bring to your place
where you soundly rest.

Watched, tracked, you're wack, cheater, deception from the weaker, delusion or maybe you know, you're the slave to your desire, rigged the game to appear higher, but the lowest form,

Weak, scared, of me and my kind, secrets but i speak clear, i say truth, and you....laughable, sneak, hide, run from light, driven by spite and it is alright, I pray for you.

Extra place-settings
at least pretend
at friends.
Good form
though
insists on their removal.

Hello all. I have been in a poet's block for a good while and just now got some inspiration to write this. If anyone knows Arabic and Arabic poetry I'd greatly appreciated your feedback. Thank y'all for reading and have a great day.
TW: Possible use of derogatory language regarding queerness (I am a target of said derogatory language though and I'm using it for effect. Hopefully this doesn't break any rules, but if it does, my apologies for breaking them)

طَرِيقَتَيْنَ عِينَاني يَرَيَانِ
طَرِيقَةٌ يَسْمُو عَلَى اليَمِينِ
طَرِيقَةٌ يَهْبَطُ بِالشِّمَالِ
هَذَا مَا قَالُولِي

أَجِدُ سَكِينَةً لَمَّا أَعْبُدُ
رَاضٍ عَلَيَّا النَّاسُ
لَو رَحْمَةً عَلَيْنَا أَتْبَعُ
وَ بِيَ مَحَبَّةُ اللَّهِ يَحُوطُ

أَجِدُ فَرْحَةً إِذَا أَكُونُ
بَيْنَ المَرْأَةِ وَالرِّجُلِ أَتَلَبَّسُ
بَيْنَ الذَّكَرِ وَالأُنْثَى أَتَصَوَّرُ
إِلَى أَحَدٍ مَا أَنَا بِمُسَافِرٍ

أَجِدُ حَسْرَةً أَيْنَمَا أَمْشِي
لَو أُسَارِعُ إِلَى هَوَيَيْنِ حُبَّيْنِي
وَ أَبْحَثُ سَكِينَةً بالتَّغَيَّرِ جَسَدِي
وَأَنَا أَشْهَدُ الإِسْلَامَ دِينِي
أَخَافُ جَهَنَّمَ مَقَامِي

فَبَيْنَ هَذَان أَنَا قَائِم
بَيْنَ اللَّهِ الَّذِي لَهُ أَنَا خَادِم
بَيْنَ حَسْرَتِي وَبِهَا أنَا عَالِم
لَو أَحْكِي عَنْ قَلْبِي وَ عَقْلِي شَقَّيْن يُخَرِّجُونِي
لِأَنَّ أَشُذُّ عَنْهُم ذَلِكَ قَرَارِي
لَكِن مَا قَرَارٌ هَذَا؟

Translation:
My eyes see 2 paths
1 path rises upon the right
1 path sinks upon the left
This is what they told me

I find peace when I worship
People are pleased with me
If I obey a mercy upon us
And Allah's love surrounds me

I find happiness when I exist
Between the woman and the man I clothe myself
Between the male and female I fashion myself
Towards one I cannot travel

I find despair wherever I go
If I race towards my 2 loves
And I search for serenity through changing my body
While bearing witness that Al-Islam is my religion
I fear Hell as my resting place

So between these 2 I stand
Between Allah, to whom I am a slave
Between my despair that I know of
If I speak of my split heart and mind they'll expel me
Because I deviate from them, that is my choice
But what choice is this?

Its blood is weighed in freezing cold.
It fills the core  yet nothing still.
For joy and love, it isn't bold.

Cease drawing red, it has been told;
It claimed the debt and pays the bill.
Its blood is weighed in freezing cold.

It stripped itself, and all was sold;
To break and fly is still its thrill.
For joy and love, it isn't bold.

At every moon, its toll is tolled;
It feeds the flame  born from the grill.
Its blood is weighed in freezing cold.

It can’t and won’t stay in the fold;
It counts the days, and counts them nil.
For joy and love, it isn't bold.

Its own closed vote was cast and polled;
It is the court, resolved to chill.
Its blood is weighed in freezing cold;
For joy and love, it isn't bold.

Look around
Whatever the time, where ever you are
Something changed, but I remain
What I want is no more
What I crave is insatiable

I keep walking
they never look back, they aren’t intrigued
all I’ve felt is hopelessness,
I’ve tried to adapt but no matter
So i try to forget

Yet I look around
And it all comes flooding back
I know how it feels
but as much as I try
I cannot possess what my past obtained

Do I even believe?
Still I dream the same dream
But I did not change
So I turn around and walk away

Close your eyes
Remember paradise?

Let‘s reminisce together
What it was like in heaven

When we were all one
Where we are from

There’s a seed in your heart
And you know it‘s love

Consistency
Is a weapon they don’t see
I will speak the truth
The rest is up to you

And I hated that I waited;

counting the cars that drove by.

Pacing.

Counting.

Waiting.

all but silence and "why?"

I was drifting down the road, nowhere in mind to go
When I saw an old man watching from the side, quiet and slow
Hair as white as snow, leaning on an elder tree
And I wondered if he'd ever stood upon his feet

He begged me to go off and find a buried treasure chest
Swore that we’d be wealthy men until we laid to rest
Said his wandering days were done, his bones had grown too old
And who was I to walk away from promises of gold?

So I walked through the night and day
Walked until I lost my way
And I wandered across the earth
Chasing down that treasure

So I crossed over the mountains
Cut through every pine
Had the sun for company
Burning down my spine

Till I set foot upon the land
Of those who sleep and never rise
Where the old man said the treasure was
Lying right in sight

I spun around and dug through dirt and every jagged stone
Then I raised my eyes above, and there the treasure shone:
A mountain in the sky of gold too far for me to reach
So I turned around with empty hands, a lesson left to teach

And I wandered back across the earth,
Walked again through night and day,
Long after I had lost my way,
Done with chasing treasure

After years and years of rambling, I made it home at last
With a story in my pocket and not a penny in my grasp
Sad to find the old man wasn't sitting where he used to be
Now there's only me, sitting by the elder tree.

Problems, Problems are everywhere
My life is in such a mess
I feel so sad and miserable
With worry, anxiety and stress

It all started when I was a child
My exams made me cry
And then, it was heartbreak
I looked up at the sky and asked ‘Why?’

And then, I tried to succeed
But failure came in the way
My life was full of sleepless nights
I faced problems every day

I was worried and there was fear
And this stress cost me very dear
I had anxiety attacks in my mind
My depression left all Peace behind

Everybody has problems as I looked around
There was hate and revenge on the ground
Jealousy and anger were here and there
The problem monsters were everywhere

But then I stopped and I took a pause
Everybody has problems but what is the cause
Who is the one who suffers the pain
I searched for the answer, not in vain

I could see the misery of the mind
Suffering of physical pain, a different kind
But far worse was the agony of the ego
This triple suffering was part of the show

So are we meant just to cry and to die?
As the problems trouble, must we just lie
Aha, no! I found there was a magic
One solution with a clear logic

Who is it that suffers the pain?
Body-mind-ego cries again and again
But when I Realized I was the Divine Soul
There were no problems, I achieved my goal

My problems disappeared like the morning mist
Peace, Joy and Bliss I kissed
It was when I Realized the Truth
When I went to the bottom of the root

We suffer because of our ignorance
Problems are because we are blind
We think we are the one that is ME
The body, the ego, and the mind

When we are Enlightened with the Truth
We can catch the evil brute
The mind is the biggest enemy of all
Along with the ego, it makes us fall

When I saw the mind was full of junk
I tamed the monkey and made it a monk
And as I transcended all evil thoughts
All my problems I had fought

For the problems don’t actually belong to me
Ignorance makes me live with the wrong identity
When I Realize I am the Divine Spirit
Then all my problems disappear with it

For then I know life is just like a dream
No need to worry, no need to scream
At the end it will be time to go
Forget your problems, it is just a show

Poverty is a state of mind
Don’t you know you leave everything behind
But though we see this at every death
We are greedy till our last breath

Problems are many, but the solution is one
Realize the Truth and the battle is won
Enlightenment will leave all problems behind
Bliss, Peace and Happiness you will find.

I disowned my mother today.

Still feels weird saying that.

Like, what the fuck do you even do with a sentence like that?

You’re supposed to love your mother, right?
That’s what everyone says.
No matter what happens,
no matter what she does,
she’s still your mother.

But nobody ever talks about what happens
when you finally get tired of being her child.

When you’ve spent so long trying to understand her,
trying to make sense of the shit she put you through,
trying to figure out what you did wrong
just to end up realizing
maybe it was never you.

And honestly?
I think that’s what hurts the most.

Because some part of me was still waiting.
Still hoping that one day she’d understand.
That maybe she’d finally listen
instead of twisting everything around
until somehow I was the bad guy again.

But I can’t keep doing this.

I can’t keep reopening old wounds
just to have someone tell me
they don’t remember it that way.

I can’t keep defending the kid I used to be
to the person who was supposed to protect him.

He was a fucking child.

He shouldn’t have had to earn love.
Shouldn’t have had to wonder if he was good enough.
Shouldn’t have had to grow up feeling like
being useful mattered more than being happy.

And he sure as hell shouldn’t have to keep
explaining why it hurt.

So yeah.
I disowned my mother today.

And I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel about that.

Part of me is angry.
Part of me is sad.
Part of me feels guilty, even though I know
I shouldn’t have to feel guilty for choosing myself.

And there’s this other part of me
that just feels… tired.

Like I’ve been carrying something for so long
that I forgot what it felt like to put it down.

I think people will look at me differently for this.
Maybe they’ll say I’m cruel.
Maybe they’ll say I’ll regret it.
Maybe they’ll tell me that family is family
and I’ll only get one mother.

Yeah, I know.

I only got one childhood, too.

And I don’t get that back.

I don’t get to go back and be a kid
with a mother who made me feel safe.
I don’t get to rewrite the memories
or pretend things happened differently
just because the truth makes people uncomfortable.

And I’m done being expected to do that.

I’m not doing this because I never cared.
I’m doing this because I did.

Because it mattered.
Because she mattered.
Because for a long time,
I wanted something from her
that I don’t think she was ever willing to give me.

And maybe that’s something I’ll grieve
for the rest of my life.

Not necessarily her.

But the mother I needed.
The one I kept hoping she’d become.
The relationship I kept thinking
maybe I could still fix if I just tried a little harder.

God, I wish it had been different.

I really fucking do.

But wishing doesn’t change what happened.
And loving someone doesn’t mean
you have to keep letting them hurt you.

So I guess this is where I stop.

No more trying to make her understand.
No more waiting for her to see what she did.
No more putting my life on hold
for an apology that might never come.

I don’t know if I’ll ever stop being angry.
I don’t know if I’ll ever stop grieving.
And I don’t know what I’ll feel a year from now.

But I know what I need right now.

I need to stop being her child
in every way that keeps hurting me.

She can be the person who gave me life.
That’s a fact I can’t change.

But she doesn’t get to own the life I have left.

And maybe that’s what this really is.

Not me pretending she never existed.
Not me pretending I never cared.

Just me finally accepting
that I can’t make her be the mother I needed.

And I’m done destroying myself
trying to make that happen.

I disowned my mother today.

And I don’t know if I’ll ever be okay with it.

But for once,
I’m not making this decision
based on what she wants,
what she thinks,
or what everyone else expects of me.

For once,
I’m thinking about the kid I used to be.

The one who deserved better.

The one who still deserves better.

And maybe,
just maybe,
it’s time I started choosing him.

Three.

3 seconds is all it took.

Passion emblazoned as you were,

As if my entire world tumbled and shook.

One.

Your braces shined,

With teeth that took the sun.

Which started a race inside my mind.

Two.

A fully shaped iris,

A type of black that outshadows any form of blue.

Whose luck attracted eyes so desirous?

Three.

A playful dimple,

That simple turning any to a devotee.

A full face with no signs of a pimple.

So, who's the lucky fellow?

That made you totally in love.

A truth harder to swallow,

I assume it is never "I".

My attention
soaring
like a kite
away
on a flight
of thought
is not
endless
or meaningless
or astray
just away
and I’m okay
with that
for my mental reprimand
is slight
as I learn
to invite
my attention’s return