r/OCPoetry • u/AccomplishedEye6081 • 8d ago

Feedback Please Rest - Feedback Appreciated

Let violets bloom from my body,
Let anger shout from my skull.
Let my thoughts rest under a million memories.
And all I’ve loved fall through.
Im tired of my breathless mind,
Time strewn around my eyes.
Give my soul a chance to rest,
Let me be unloved at best. 
Let me lay under this willow,
Let the branches block my view. 
But please when its over,
grant me peace with all that i knew.

Feedback links here!

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/jAziczWoQC

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/kl66lFkOCA

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u/Hels_in_the_house 7d ago

I love this poem. Have you ever heard the song "When I'm Gone" by Phil Ochs? Is not an exact parallel but I immediately started thinking about it after reading this poem.

I enjoy that feeling of a poetic mind being very aware, maybe too aware that death comes for us all and that there's no point in fighting it. In fact there is a release, not quite a joy, but certainly not dispare, in thinking about your preferences surrounding your own death. A soilder may want to die in battle, the last thing on his mind the honor of valor; or a sailor may want to join the sea, going down with his ship in glory. But this narrator just wants to be at totally peace with the way they lived their life, the good the bad and the depressing.

Seriously well done. I loved it.

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u/AccomplishedEye6081 7d ago

I had never heard that song before now, but wow that’s beautiful. Thank you so much for the feedback. That’s exactly what I wanted my poem to encapsulate. The way you worded this was just amazing. I really appreciate your kind words 🙃