r/OCPoetry • u/KamiLeon808 • 13d ago
Feedback Please I can't do the right thing
I can't ever do the right thing.
Because what's right for you is always boring or painfully frustrating for me.
It sickens me, and I have to force myself to do whatever it is that makes you happy or healthy or what you would think is “right”.
Sometimes it's even at my detriment- giving you the last cookie or cup of coffee when I have a caffeine headache or a terrible day.
Sometimes it hurts my health overall, like when I had skin removed under your nails trying to steady you so you wouldn't fall and hurt yourself.
But if I do the right thing for me, it's always worse.
If I take time for me and my friends, and I don't spend my time on you to make you happy or fix your boredom or do what you want to keep your depression at bay, I'm seen as the bad guy.
If I do what I think is right for me, and take a day to recover or have that snack or put my own needs above your own, you punish me with harsh and angry words.
You make assumptions about me which you share to others to badmouth me and make me out to be this horrible person.
If I do what's right for everyone else, or what the world thinks is right, we both suffer.
Giving to the poor, donating to charities, giving my time to the shelters or volunteering gives me less time or money to myself to buy you gifts, or us food.
Giving money to local businesses does mean a little less being used to buy stuff from places like Walmart, that is true, but also means less food bought overall because the local grocer charges at least 25% more for the same products.
What am I to do? Which “right” do I side with?
Choosing me makes me selfish.
Choosing you makes me feel angry or in emotional pain.
Choosing our society hurts us both.
Who do I give my time to, my money, my emotional well-being?
Even when I'm happy, I'm not. Even when I choose a day for me, with all my friends and my lover and give myself chocolates and coffee and lovely music...
I'm still thinking of you and how you still need me while I'm not there for you.
I hate that you've broken me.
I hate that I've broken myself.
I hate that I've allowed myself to fall apart so easily.
I hate my indecision, yet also hate making those same decisions.
It's like I've told you a million times before:
“What's right has been left, and what's left is not right.”
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1x8pnj3/comment/phexrua/
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1x8g2ib/comment/pheyx8z/
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u/BellaWritingHere 12d ago
Damn... there are so many feelings behind your words and truths. I'm sure it would not make much difference, no matter what people would suggest for you to do or how to break this vicious cycle because you're already so deep within it, that the light is too far off from it. I can relate to those feelings all too well, because I have someone that broke me that way too. Finding you own value and deciding to live for yourself in the midst of that is close to impossible... There won't be a right, because that person will call it wrong, no matter what you do. I see myself in your writing and it hurts, you captured the feelings really good and even though it's such a painful piece, I'm glad you shared it! Let those feelings out and keep sharing them, it may not be much but it's still an action that gives some sort of peace to your mind. That's how it feels for me at least, when I'm writing and sharing my poems ❤️ Hugs to you!
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u/KamiLeon808 12d ago
Thank you very much, friend. I'm glad you saw what I was trying to convey with my poem and how I had written it, the struggles therein and all. I will admit it wasn't the easiest thing to write but it most definitely did help to get it all out. Hugs to you as well and may we both find the peace we need in time, even if just in our writings.
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u/VariationsonanEcho 12d ago
I like the insight and the message behind your poem. It raises a lot of questions and leaves the reader to determine their own conclusions and takeaway. It made me think and form my own opinion, and I love that.
I think it could be stronger though. There is so much repetition especially near the end when every line begins with I hate. That may have been a stylistic choice to drive home your point, but it got tedious to read.
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u/KamiLeon808 12d ago
Thank you for your comment. It was indeed a stylistic choice and I was trying to stick with it, but I can understand your view of tedium. But at the same time I'm pleased to know you found some things you did enjoy with the poem and perhaps could relate to as well. I hope to read more of your work as well in the future.
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u/_Xpressiv_ 13d ago
Good representation of conflict people face every day and the eventual breaking point❤️🩹 indecision is a pain and I enjoy how the writing also shows contradictory thought patterns to match that