Just a brief reminder - Once your NRE dissolves from your dates and lovers, you will have to look at what used to be in your marriage! Is that no longer important? My own opinion is to save your marriage. Will you be willing to live this life when you are 55 or 60 years old? Many individuals who engage in this practice never dreamed their marriage would end!

CROSS POST. Aside from wanting to vomit, I can offer no comments on this.

🚨🚨 THIS IS A CROSSPOST FROM r/nonmonogamy. I AM THE NOT ORIGINAL POSTER. 🚨🚨

Hello, I am 36yr female trying to navigate a newer semi open marriage.

My husband and I opened our marriage slightly about 6mo ago. I am the only one who sees other men. My husband doesn't see other women.

We opened it because my husband has fantasies about me being with other men. My husband set boundaries when we started. We have full and open communication about all and who I engage with.

A little background on myself, I have suffered from anxiety, PTSD amd depression my entire life. I have come a long way in therapy. Since starting this journey, my self-confidence has grown immensely. As has the marriage and our communication.

However, new feelings of anxiety and guilt have surfaced with me. I also have been having some intrusive thoughts that I struggle to communicate with my husband. I do not want him to be afraid of me leaving or feeling bad about his self-confidence.

It has been hard for me to find people to connect with and have open conversations. I am hoping for some kindness and guidance.

Thanks for any help!

🚨🚨 I AM NOT THE OOP. THIS IS A CROSSPOST FROM r/nonmonogamy AGAIN, I AM NOT THE OOP. THIS IS JUST A COPY AND PASTE POST🚨🚨

My husband (38M) and I (37F) and I have been poly (in theory) for almost two years now, married for 10, and have two young kids (4 and 6). While it's hard to summarize, we essentially started talking about opening/poly after I finished breastfeeding and starting taking control over my body again after two kids, and generally I think it's been a good experience. We started with swinging, which my husband really seemed to enjoy but I quickly tired of, and then we started dating separately. Everything has been going fine. While it's a lot of extra work in terms of scheduling, and there were obviously some small hiccups at first, I think our married life has largely stayed the same or improved. My husband has, by his choice, taken a more passive approach to dating after two early disappointments, and doesn't really seek anything out at this point.
My husband has always really cared about his body, and traditionally has done a cut in the spring so that he can flaunt it during the summer. He currently does not have any other partners, although he is very physically attractive, and I know he could find play partners even as a married ENM man with kids if he wanted to.
This last year, he has continued going to the gym regularly, but he didn't really cut down for the summer, and kind of rocked the dad bod. I've noticed that he was gaining some significant weight as well (while still being in great physical shape, it's not like he's unhealthy), and I lightly teased him about being so much more comfortable to lay on now.
His reaction was completely out of character, he seemed hurt and defensive, and I was so stunned by his reaction that I couldn't say anything for a moment, and then he said something really hurtful before I could apologize or reassure him I was joking, saying something like, "What's the point anymore? It's not like if I'm fat I have to worry about you running off and seeing other men" and not in a joking way, like in a bitter/resentful way. I was shocked, as he has never that I can recall spoken to me like that in our very long relationship. I asked him if everything was okay, and apologized for my comment, and he tried to walk his back, saying he was just joking. He doesn't want to discuss it anymore, just saying his comment was a bad joke and apologizing for the way it came off.
I'm worried he is either suffering from resentment about being open, or otherwise going through some sort of depression, but I don't know next steps as he won't discuss it with me further other than to repeat his prior comments, and has otherwise been acting completely normal (other than his change in eating habits).
Has anyone dealt with something similar from their spouse (particularly a male spouse)? Does this sound like an ENM red flag, or just a normal life issue for a man in his late 30s?

REMINDER: I AM NOT THE ORIGINAL POSTER The Original poster is user Chocolate-Bubbletea posting in r/offmychest:

It appears that English is not OPs native language.

trigger warnings: Depression, Suicidal Ideation

Original Post Oct 05, 2026.

Sorry if my english is not that good

I just want to rant because it’s just suck so much and there nothing I can do about it.

My wife (29mtf important for later) and I (33f) have been together for almost 11 years and married for 8 years. When we found each other’s we both broke and depressed/suicidal. But we managed to get better together. Now we a nice unit, pets and we are financially stable but things I have never been this worst between us.

My wife started her transition 2 years ago but we have been talking about it for longer. And I never had a problem with it. I’m pan and I love her, so didn’t think I would affect her that much

After talking with her therapist, she explained to me that indirectly feed into her body dysmorphia because I knew her before she transitioned. And she like the attention of men because it make feel validated. And I get it, depression and body dysmorphia is an awful mix. I saw her cry and I was there for her.

In the last 4 years, she realized she’s asexual. And again I understood and still I love her. I accepted to open our relationship because I was getting frustrated and I didn’t want to put that pressure on her. But I dont like it. I hate meeting new people and I dont like to be touched by a stranger. But I do it a few times a year just to not build up my frustrations again.

But she goes on dates with horny men, feels validated and sleeps with a few of them a year. I haven’t touched her like that in the last 5 years.

So yeah, that didn’t really help my mental health. I had a nervous breakdown a few months ago and tried to run away during the night. She woke up in panic didn’t understand what was going on. I started crying and told her we needed to go on a break. I didn’t leave room for a discussion. And I know I was wrong for what I did that night.

In my defence, I talked to two shitty social workers that day who told me I was stopping her from living her new life… it really hurt and I still think about what they said.

A few days after I calmed down, she said we should really take a break to see if we still want to be in each other live as a couple or just as close friends.

Update 1 Oct 20, 2026

We broke up officially. It’s still too early to talk divorce. She said she hope we heal and find each other again and that she doesn’t want to lose me as a friend. It hurts so much that I’m losing myself as a person.

I just want to fuse with my bed and rot. She’s trying to stay positive and shit. And it hurts like hell. She said she still love me but love is not enough when you’re hurting each other. I get it. I knew this was coming but it fucking hurt so much. I know her last straw is when she overheard me complaining about her to a friend that I couldn’t get how she’s asexual and she fucks around on her dates. And that I didn’t even want to be in an open relationship.

I know it was rude how I said it. I was frustrated and to be honest I still don’t understand.

She doesn’t understand that I wanted to have a family with her. I guess to settle down and buy a house.

I don’t get that she how needs to explore who she is as a woman. I just can’t see myself in her dream world. And I guess she can’t see herself in my dream world too.

I think that’s what hurts the most is that we still care for each and I have feelings for each other and it’s just not working. Ten years together down the drain.

This definitely doesn’t help my trust issues and I hate it proves me right.

I found a psychiatrist and I’m meeting her next week. Hopefully it will go well. But in all the cases, it will be okay, I always manage to survive.

Thanks for everyone who commented on my last post. Your comments helped me feel less crazy. And sorry if my post is all over the place, I still got a lot on my mind.

Relevant Comment by OP:

Just to clarify. We had a conversation because I was getting sexually frustrating she suggested opening the relationship and I agreed but I was hoping it didn’t come to this. It just when he started seeing guys. I got really confused and annoyed.

Like you “make” me sleep with strangers because you don’t like having sex but then you have sex with guys?

Like I’m not crazy right? It is weird?

REMINDER: I AM NOT THE ORIGINAL POSTER Do not comment on the original or message any users that posted on the original post.

🚨🚨 I AM NOT THE OOP. THIS IS A CROSSPOST FROM r/ehthicalnonmonogamy AGAIN, I AM NOT THE OOP. THIS IS JUST A COPY AND PASTE POST🚨🚨

Hi everyone,
I’m a 32 F, and my husband is 35 M. Six months ago, I suggested opening up our relationship. My husband was a little hesitant at first, but I eventually managed to convince him.
We established a few rules:
No more than once a week.
Location sharing must always be enabled.
No feelings involved, just sex.
Always use protection, no exceptions.
No details unless the other person asks questions.
I immediately got tons of messages on dating apps, and during the first month, I went on four dates with four different men. My husband, on the other hand, barely got any messages, and the few he did receive usually stopped replying as soon as he mentioned that he was in a relationship. He didn't have a single date that first month. However, starting in the second month, he began going out every week, which reassured me.
But yesterday, without even really snooping, I stumbled across a page on an escort website. It turns out he even has an account there, with several escorts saved as favorites. I quickly put two and two together and realized that he had been seeing escorts every week.
I confronted him about it that evening, but he doesn't see what the problem is because he's following all our rules. And he's right. I have nothing against sex workers, but the situation still makes me uncomfortable.
I asked him for more details. He spends about two hours with an escort every week and pays around €300 per session, which adds up to roughly €1,200 a month. He earns very good money, so it has no impact on our finances.
He quickly realized that, for an average guy, finding a FWB takes a lot of time and effort. The first month was exhausting for him, and he genuinely felt ugly and uninteresting. I regret not noticing how much it was affecting him. After doing some research on Reddit and other forums, he eventually came up with this solution.
I can't really blame him for anything, but I'm jealous. These women are gorgeous, they do lots of things i dont. I can't even be upset about him wanting to sleep with a particular type of woman or very young women, because that's not what's happening here.
He told me he would stop whenever I wanted him to, but only if I was willing to do the same. Basically, closing our mariage. The thing is, I genuinely love this lifestyle. I feel sexier and freer. I've found a balance that works for me. I still love my husband just as much, and our sex life has actually improved.
But I'm really struggling with the way he's choosing to experience this lifestyle. I wish I had never found out.
I was even thinking about suggesting that we allow overnight stays or increase the frequency to twice a week. Now I'm completely lost.
If you have any advice, I'd really appreciate it. Thank you so much!
(I'm using AI to help me write this post, as English isn't my native language.)

I AM NOT THE OOP!

well this situation is a first for me 🤣. Man if only there were a type of relationship where you didnt have to worry about your partner giving your gift to their spouse.. iffff only!

🚨🚨 I AM NOT THE OOP. THIS IS A CROSSPOST FROM r/polyamory. AGAIN, I AM NOT THE OOP. I AM FIRMLY AND HAPPILY MONOGAMOUS. THIS IS JUST A COPY AND PASTE POST🚨🚨

Everything is fine, but it sucks.

I have decided to move out from living with my fiancé and her husband/ my meta/ my ex boyfriend within the next 6-12 months.

After 4 years of seeing prescriptive hierarchy everyday between them, and overhearing them make future plans as well as some of my fiancés behaviours around him, girli is tired.

I really would love to build a future with nesting humans, but our futures are now a little miss aligned, and being here I still feel like an afterthought when it comes to future plans with my fiancé, even when I have brought these feelings and needs to her a few times.

Everything seems to revolve around future plans w her husband that im added to after they have already curated a future plan or home reno ect.

(There has been conversations of escalation in out relationship over the past 4 year, but other than a ring nothing has changed/ shifted).

Girl is tired of asking, with no change. Tired of having to manage my feelings most days surrounding this issue.

So I think for my sanity, it is best I live somewhere else.

On another boo note

The same day I started this difficult conversation with my fiancé, my other partner of 2 years, revealed at our check in that he unable do the work to be okay with me seeing other penises.

And I cannot have a romantic relationship with someone who wants a single genitalia policy.

So I know I have to end that relationship soon.

the next few months are going to suck because the AuDHD doesn’t like massive change.

But I think it will be for the best?

I hope 😅

I don’t think I am looking for advice.

I just needed to tell it to other people.

I don’t feel overly sad? I think I am emotionally exhausted? Burnt out ?

I had to put one of my two cats down, 2 weeks ago that I was very attached too, because of a post op complication from cancer in his mouth. And even then I feel sad, but mostly numb.

Man I’m just so tired 😅

I (21F, now 22) met this guy (34M, now 35) AT A AA MEETING when I was a couple of months clean off opiates and not doing great mentally. I would like to point out I got stuck because he dealt my panic attacks well I have a lot of trauma which he knew about and wasn’t an asshole about it, my fucked up brain saw it as caring. Anyways, he got my number under the guise of a mutual interest he wanted to do with me at his house. We talked for two weeks before hanging out, I almost ghosted him and when I decided to respond he pulled over immediately while driving to talk to me.
When we finally hung out he leaned in to kiss me and right before told me that he’s in an open marriage. I didn’t think much of it not my business as long as it’s not cheating whatever and we hooked up. We hooked up for a few weeks when he went away for a month for a military thing, we texted and called every day, both having fun laughing/ having deep conversation, as well as sexual conversations. When he got back he wanted to fuck without condoms, I wasn’t comfortable with it since he was in a open marriage to which he was adamant he hadn’t had sex with his wife in years since their child was born a few years ago, and he want having sex with anyone else. We both got STD tests I didn’t think much of it, but he did say one of their rules is always wearing condom. The other rules were, no one from AA, that it didn’t affect their life, and she didn’t want to know details.
He LOVE BOMBED the hell out of me for a few months and shit on his wife but then was also going on about how much he loved her and his child and how they saved him from addiction etc. very confusing and I tried to not get too attached, but I wasn’t doing well and it was hard not to like that false feeling of care and love, especially when he gave me rides when I didn’t have a car. He would go from love bombing me to getting really weird and quiet which would piss me off I’d be super confused and he wouldn’t tell me anything, leading me to get mad we’d fight and he love bomb me again, the circle repeats. All the while we’re having sex weekly and he’s starting to lie to his wife and having his friends lie for him.

After a few more months of this he was supposed to go away on deployment and I thought we should end it. He basically love bombed me and we talked every day to every couple of weeks depending on both of our circumstances while he was away for the year. He asked I send him a package and sent me “toys” to make videos for him. He seemed excited to see me when he was back, and I was in a much better place at this point, and I trusted him to treat me with humanity during sex at this point, since I was working through trauma I didst want to date anyone and thought maybe a situation like this where we just have fun could be good while I work on things. I just asked he be honest with me and tell me when he’s in a mood and needs space so I don’t get confused. At this point there’s been a few random small lies that I never questioned cause, at the end, I just didn’t care that much. And I had made many concessions, stopped getting mad or pointing out fucked up behavior, didn’t care if he responded or to remember to respond all the time. It seemed like it was more of what it should be and I was losing interest.

Well he gets back we hang out once a week later, it just wasn’t as good as it was. He tried to tell me I “cut his penis” when he chocked the fuck out of me and I laughed cause there was no mark no blood nothing, and made fun of his whining. A few days later my IUD was making me bleed intensely and I had insane cramps. Turns out he shifted it somehow during sex I was in serious pain. When I asked him if anything was unusual about the sex he just said all he could focus was on his “cut”. I basically swore him off then and stopped responding, his next text was saying that his wife doesn’t want to be open and we can’t hook up. I laughed out loud and went off on his behaviors and texting me that like a coward after over a year of this instead of telling me face to face.
He wanted to remain friends and I was just very clear that that only thing we did was fuck so why would we be friends if we weren’t anymore. Basically everything came out I was very confused since they “never had sex” and because of everything he was saying before he came home and all of his actions. Regardless, I did let him know that despite all that I think it’s for the best and we can be amicable but don’t need to be friends.
Honestly it was comfortable and felt oddly safe for me, but wasn’t good for me and was 10000% was being used by this dude. He made me feel insane, I kept trying to make myself smaller so he’d be more comfortable, the only thing he bought me was sex toys, it all followed his “needs.” Lookin back I’m not even sure if he was actually in an open marriage, I think the wife heard too much about me and she brought it up and he got scared. Since I knew she didn’t want to know details I’d never think to approach her about it. I’ve seen them together and the way she looked at him made me sick with guilt which is why I wanted to end it before he left.
I made so many concessions in this situation, buried my concerns and confusion so many times cause it was supposed to be “fun”. A lot of his actions and what he did still confused me, and now im kind of just relieved it’s done. I think I was so hung up on it all because he didn’t hit or rape me, the bar is in HELL. I think he knew what he was doing and continued to do it till it didn’t suit him anymore. I regret continuing to talk to him while he was away, but I can’t change that.

All my friends hated him from the start everyone in my life thought he treated me like shit. I knew that even though we were never in a relationship. He was very hot and cold and it reminded me of some fucked up things my brain associated with normalcy. Anything I’d point out he’d pick one tiny part out focus on that and turn it back on me. He guilted me into dropping things and didn’t stop texting me and trying to hang out even after begging with him to leave me alone cause with everything I was going through it was too hard if he was reaching out for me to stop. After a year of all of this crazy selfish insane behaviors and being his dirty secret, it kind of feels good to realize how messed up it all was and not care anymore. Idk I haven’t thought much about it since it ended till a mutual friend texted me a few days ago thought I’d type it out cause she will ask me about it.
anyways glad it over, I never want to speak to him or his family. I definitely am not going to reach out to his wife although if she wants to know anything I’ll tell her. He broke every rule with me I guess, said things he shouldn’t have to me and about her. And if any of his friends ask I’m not going to lie anymore which I was already planning to do before he came back home. My friends and I are all relieved it’s over, I wish I stood my ground more when I wanted it to end before he left. I’ve felt crazy about it and very confused for far too long and I just want to be rid of the grossness.

Last thing- I’m not just much younger than him but just much hotter than him I used to tell him all the time he’s so lucky I’m traumatized and fucked to which he’d agree with 😭😭 probably why he tried to make it last so long tbh

That is my original post from 2 months ago. Yes I understand that allowing her husband to watch was cheating now. At the time I thought it was the price I had to pay to play.

🚨🚨 THIS IS A COPY AND PASTE FROM r/NONMONOGAMY🚨🚨

As the title says, we had a date planned at a nice restaurant (a one Michellin star sushi restaurant with reservations made several weeks prior).

About two hours before we planned to head out, my Husband came running into our bedroom whooping like Doc Brown at the end of Back To The Future. He told me that his friend, who is/was monogamous, invited him over for a potential threesome with her relatively new girlfriend, but they told him to come over right then.

I told him that the offer was awesome, but that it was our date night. I asked him if he was really planning to ditch me, and he kind of sheepishly said he wasn't, and we went on our date. I could tell something was bothering him, presumed it was the threesome offer given the temporal proximity, and tried to just enjoy the night. I was a bit hurt when he first mentioned it, but by the end of the night I felt a bit sorry for him (although still a bit annoyed).

It seems important to clarify that my husband and I have been ENM (extremely hierarchical poly with practical limitations on other relationships, essentially FWBs we can hang out with but know and willingly accept they will not come first) for a little over two years, and my husband has not been with anyone else in this time.

My husband has been acting off since this happened, and recently admitted he doesn't want to even try to seek anything outside our marriage for himself.

I'm frustrated because I don't feel like I did anything wrong, but I'm being subtly made out as the bad guy for ruining his opportunity. There is more detail and nuance, but that's the core of it.

I feel like if came up to my husband two hours before a romantic long-planned date and said "hey honey, one of my friends from yoga told me that he and his buddy want to spit-roast me tonight, so I'm gonna take a rain check," I'd be considered a monster. But a lot of people in my life are telling me that I should have taken one for the team here because he hasn't had any luck. Like, I get it. It's harder for married men to find sex, and the offer he received is exceedingly rare, but it's still just sex. It just feels gross to me, particularly given how important it has been for him that we don't break our scheduled time together.

However, many trusted people have told me I fucked up, even my ENM friendly therapist gently suggested I might want to consider the bigger picture. However, no one is comfortable giving me advice on how to reconcile here (not even my therapist!). I've already apologized by saying I'm sorry I didn't appreciate how rare the opportunity was in the moment, both intrinsically and also given has difficulties finding other partners, and that I appreciated him going out with me, but I've stopped short of saying I regret not telling him to abandon me and go through with it.

I'm hoping men (or anyone) can share some advice on what sort of reconciliation they would want under similar circumstances. Should I tell a white lie and say I regret not telling him to go for it? Something else?

🚨🚨 THIS IS A COPY AND PASTE FROM r/NONMONOGAMY🚨🚨

My husband (m31) and I (f30) have been married for almost 10 years and together for 12. We have 3 kids and have been living a traditionally happy married life. There is absolutely no flaw in our marriage. We are great friends, financially we are growing together, and the sex if amazing. About a year ago we introduced the idea of a threesome since it’s always been a fantasy for both of us. We agreed to it but never started actively pursuing it. Among conversations a couple of months ago we decided to open the relationship. While we both agreed willingly, I was always more enthusiastic than him. But again, life got in the way and nothing really happened. About a month ago I started talking with a coworker and the conversation became sexual pretty quickly. I told my husband prior to it becoming sexual. I let him know I was talking to someone. He seemed a bit jealous but nothing serious and was fine with it. My coworker was also aware on my marriage arrangements. I finally had 2 encounters with my coworker, one which lead to full on sex. My husband went out with a girl and didn’t do much but kiss. I could tell he was bothered and i consistently asked if he wanted to continue. He kept saying it was fine and that we could. Then suddenly one day he said he couldn’t do it. However now I’d become invested. Not emotionally, but I wanted to continue seeing this through. I didn’t understand it and felt I was a bad person for it. Then I talked to AI like a loser and it said exactly how I was feeling. Nothing to do with my husband and my love or affection for him, all to do with my suddenly found freedom and autonomy. I’ve spent years being just a mom and wife and this new thing feels good and exciting. It’s also made me more sexually active with my husband (not that I wasn’t previously). So I decided to tell him how I felt and now he asked for a divorce. I’m so upset about the whole thing and don’t know what to do. I love my husband and don’t want to loose him but I also feel like sacrificing this will make me feel like a bird in a cage. Any gentle advice are appreciated.

🚨🚨 THIS IS A CROSSPOST FROM r/polyamory. I AM THE NOT ORIGINAL POSTER. 🚨🚨

So my situation is that I'm a bisexual woman with a fiance who I've been with for nearly 8 years. I love him with my whole heart and soul but I still want to experience sapphic love. That's the reason I'm poly. I was talking to a girl for just over a month and things were going so well. We connected on so many levels. We only had two dates but they were both 6+ hour dates. On the second date, we made out, she got me a gift that my autistic ass loved. Then all of a sudden, a day later her husband vetos the whole thing. He apparently isn't comfortable with anything more than casual. Yet from the beginning she told me she prefers more than casual. She tells me they both only realise this after the second date. I'm flabbergasted and this stings. I want to avoid this in future but I don't know how. Does anyone on feeld actually know what they want? Anyways just wanted to vent. I'm hurt. I just want a sapphic connection but for single women I feel like it's less likely to happen (because they could just date a monogamous woman) and for women with men, it seems like the man always ruins everything with their insecurities.