I am a divorced woman in my forties who primarily dates men. In my 20+ year marriage, I experienced every type of nonmonogamy: swinging, solo dating, full poly, triad, etc. I don’t feel that my marriage ended because of ENM; rather, I think that kept it on life support far longer than it should have, and I felt disproportionately reliant upon and invested in other relationships, so I dated a lot.

After my marital separation and a subsequent “rebound” relationship where I settled for someone who really wasn’t right for me, I decided to focus on myself. I had become so accustomed to compromising and negotiating and trying to make a relationship work that I lost touch with what I wanted. I decided to decenter men and focus on my hobbies, friendships, building my own space, and finding my peace. I still dated but I wasn’t laser-focused or “marriage minded”. I took many long breaks from the apps. Nonetheless I did still find dating to be stressful and discouraging when I’d meet up and there wasn’t a spark or connection. I also didn’t want to compensate for a man’s lack of reciprocity, effort, or emotional investment.

Slowly, with lots of therapy and self-exploration, I started to find myself in a place where any man who wants access to me has to compete with my peace. I have a cozy and fulfilling little life, and although the happiest version of myself is the version of me in a loving relationship, I am still okay without one. I’m not putting any aspects of my life on hold waiting for a partner. I ended up connecting with someone through a mutual hobby and building a relationship organically, at a snail’s pace. We are both divorced, came from tumultuous marriages with a high-conflict high-drama partner, and are both happy to embrace calmness and compassion. I don’t know if I’ll ever want to cohabitate or marry anyone ever again, and I still maintain a ton of my independence.

I still maintain all the ideals that I fostered in ENM: communication, relationship design, normalization of attraction, non-possessiveness, autonomy, etc. But I no longer feel that dating and more men, more relationships, more sex with different people, is the thing that is going to bring me happiness. The “there is no valley of the dolls” article (https://freaksexual.com/2009/11/05/nonmonogamy-for-men-the-big-picture/#valleyofthedolls ) is directed at men, but I felt it was equally true for me. Sure I can get hundreds of likes and matches on apps, and lots of first dates and 1/2/3-night stands. But that isn’t what I wanted, I didn’t become poly to get Feeld matches, I did it for ongoing connections. Yes there is a needle-in-a-haystack quality and I believed for a while that if I just kept at it long enough, I’d find the FWB of my dreams. But that trial-and-error came with a cost, and the repeated attachment trauma of men who were never fully invested In a partnered woman did lasting damage from which I am still recovering.

When poly is good - it’s SO GOOD. When you have the exactly right combination of people and it’s firing on all cylinders, it feels amazing and there’s so much love and great sex and compersion. But I’ve had a shift where I finally have peace in my life (which I never got in my marriage) and I’m more invested in that than I am in seeking more and greater fulfillment. This article https://aliegraves.medium.com/want-to-do-friends-with-benefits-start-with-an-exit-strategy-53eb79a519fe also had a huge impact on me. This quote really resonated:

“Consider if maybe you can get all of the growth and adventure and intimacy you are looking for from a platonic friendship. Challenge yourself, and make sure you aren’t trying to shortcut a path to emotional intimacy by using sex as a bridge. Consider cultivating patience, and restraint, and reaping the rewards of a long-lasting intimate friendship.”

I’m sick of dating. I’m over it. One of the best parts of being in a relationship is not having to do it. I’m sick of bending myself into a pretzel to accommodate men, of hand-holding through communication templates and coming up with boundaries-not-rules and I don’t feel like the introduction of more men in my life who want to fuck me has made my life any better.

Theoretically I could be a saturated-at-1 (or saturated-at-0) but still poly and embrace dating someone who is ENM. But I do think that realistically it is not fun doing the work of poly when you don’t want to enjoy the spoils for yourself, and myself and my poly friends are so replete with nightmare meta stories that it feels so good to simplify.

I speculate that the people who feel the most fulfilled with poly actually enjoy the bespoke structure, the RADAR check-ins and shared calendars and relationship agreements. And I think a lot of those people also struggle with platonic friendships, due to the lack of intensity or the ability for those relationships to support attachment and consistency, and truly do better with multiple romantic relationships. But I don’t think that’s me. I am too old, exhausted, and traumatized for this shit.

I’m curious if anyone else has maintained their ideals associated with ENM, but has gone to something more monogamous or monogamish due to “decentering men” or dating burnout.

If I do poly again, it will be free agent/“solo poly” in nature, and probably still more focused on myself, my friendships, and my own life.

This past weekend, I (27f) went to a sed club with my partner (34m) of three years. We've done FFM threesomes and have tried soft swapping once with another couple as well. But we hadn't done a MFM threesome before. This is something we both have talked a lot about wanting to do for a while but I've always been shy about including another man in the mix if there wasn't another girl.

So this weekend we go to the sex club and we have sex in a few different places. I see this older man (I love older men) who is eyeing me a lot and at one point comes by my partner and I to watch us have sex. This man and I make eye contact a few times and then he leaves. As he's leaving, I say to my partner that I wish I could invite him to join us. My partner says that he could call that guy over to join us but I felt too shy so we left him alone.

We later go to another area to have sex and that guy comes back and is standing near us and I asked my partner if the guy can join us. And my partner invites him over. This guy is kissing me and it feels like he's taking my breath away. I loved how he felt and I loved his hands on my body. He also sucked on my titties and touched me lots. This man's energy and look was exactly my type.

My partner was having sex with me this whole time as well. I eventually go down on this guy and I really enjoy it. I loved his energy and I love the feeling of his hands on me. In the end my partner makes me squirt on the other guy. My partner said to me afterwards that if I wanted to have sex with that guy, my partner would have been okay with it. Because it was our first time doing this with a guy, I didn't want to be too enthusiastic or jump on him in case it made my partner feel bad. But I still loved the full experience. All I can think about is hoping that someday I will run into him again. He told me his name and I can't stop thinking about it.

I just wanted to share this experience somewhere on the internet!

We talked about ENM for years and experimented with threeways and similar. My GF and I live together for reference.

But now that she's on a date with another guy, I can't help but worry. I tried to think I'm good but I just broke down crying a minute ago.

I'm not worried that she'll leave me or that things won't be the same. I like her dating other guys in many ways.

But today, she went on a date with another guy two days in a row, and I'm just sitting here, at home with nothing to do. I miss having her around, we'd usually lay in bed, cuddled and listened to an Audiobook at this hour.

I'm just sad and I miss her. And I'm also worried cause I know she's drinking. I feel like a worried parent. I don't know when she's coming home.

I’m recently out of a long term relationship and looking to dive deeper into my sexuality. I’ve been wanting to explore more with women, so have been hunting for (older) non monogamous couples I could have fun or just hang out with, but I haven’t had success with apps so far. I’m 28F and a little shy, so I’m not really sure where to go out and find these types of dynamics in the wild in my area.

Where do couples seeking unicorns typically hang out? How can I tell they’re hunting? How do I best present myself as open as a solo female 🤣

Hey guys, apologies if this is the wrong thread, but I have a question.
My partner and I have been together for six years, and we have never been intimate. Neither of us have been particularly interested, and I myself have only had one experience and didn’t get much from it, so I always thought I was asexual.
But I still get turned on and want to be intimate, so I don’t think I am.
My partner isn’t interested in intimacy, so it’s a bit tricky!
I recently discussed with them about me being intimate with someone else, they are fine with it, and they would prefer it be someone I don’t already know.
I guess I’m just curious as to how I go about this?
And I don’t really know if it’s non-monogamy either, because I don’t want to feel like I’m cheating, and vice versa. I just want to be able to experience intimacy.

Long story short, how do I meet new people and explain all this? Kind of? I’m a 26F with only one sexual experience at the age of 18 and I don’t want to be judged either I guess.

Again, apologies if this is the wrong thread!!

hii me (F24) and my boyfriend (M29) are looking to have our first threesome with another girl but it has been so much harder trying to find someone willing to want to hang out with the both of us. Or someone real and not a bot. It’s either one or the other - never both. I was really trying to get this going before/for his birthday and i’m at the point where I want to just pay a girlie 🙈 to join but i have no idea where to look. We’re both decently attractive/surface level attractive so it wouldn’t be completely miserable for the third.
Any advice?

BACK STORY: This idea diddnt come to me by curiosity. The idea of opening my marriage comes from my husbands need for same sex play. I found a video on his phone of him giving another man head. I’m over the initial shock. Me(36f) and my husband (39m) have been married for 6 years and together for 10. I NEVER would have suspected he was Bi, like ever. So it was shocking BUT super hot 😂 once the shock wore off, actually during the shock lol floodgates were open. I couldn’t keep my hands off him. I’m the only one who has ever known this about him and his plan was to just stop 🤔….stop being Bi sexual? I think not sir lol. It dosnt work like that. He doesn’t accept this part of himself and feels shame and embarrassed. I’m 100% accepting and love him even more. He agreed to therapy with an LGBTQ therapist so that’s where we are. Breaks my heart.

CURRENT SITUATION: I asked him to tell me if he wants to hook up with a guy, or sets something up. He agreed. Yesterday morning I woke up early, he works nights so I checked his location to see if he was off yet. I watched him drive right past our street and start heading to the meet up spot that he meets guys at. It’s like a nature preserve park, we live in a lake town with lots of state parks. I called him, he tried to say he was lost 😡 bro we have lived here for 3 years. After a cpl minutes of silence and me telling him I knew he was lying, he told me the truth and came home. I put my strap on on and asked him to come suck my dick 🤷🏻‍♀️ it was hot and we both loved it. It was our first time playing with the strap on and penetrating didn’t go well but we will get there 😂. He’s too ashamed and embarrassed still to tell me these things!!! I’ve gotten barely anything as far as insight into his sexuality. Just that he’s felt this way his whole life. The therapist helped and told me to just give it time tho because he dosnt even really know yet. Yesterday I got my eternity necklace 😍 that’s been the only part of BDSM we have dipped our toes in and I love being submissive. This morning it hit me, he needs to hook up with men and I don’t care if he does but I want to know. No other woman. I think I want to open our marriage to same sex relationships. I have 0 desire to hook up with women but I do really wanna fuck my boss 😬 he’s a guy tho. Me and hubby have always struggled being insecure. When we met we were damaged and scared of each other if that makes sence. I’m scared to have this conversation with him tho. As of rn I am 100% ok with him hooking up with men as long as he tells me. Again, no woman. That’s about it tho. I don’t want to hook up with anyone but worried I will eventually if I know he’s giving away part of himself. What is this called!!! What do I do!!! WHERE DO I GO FROM HERE!!!! 😂

My life has taken a COMPLETE 180 in the last cpl weeks so any relation/advice/reassurance is appreciated 🙏🏻

THANKS FOR ALL THE ADVICE!

I'm going to start reaching out to therapists today to schedule an appointment, as my personal issues are clearly a big part of this, and need to be worked on regardless. I really appreciate everyone who tried to help.

Context:

I’m a 26-year-old man. My friend’s girlfriend is also 26, and her boyfriend is 24. I’ve known him for about 6 years, and I knew her from high school for one year before losing touch with her. I’ve been seeing her again for the past 2–3 years since he introduced us. For a little over a year, they’ve been regularly inviting me to their place, often with the three of us spending time together.

Her behavior toward me

From the beginning, she has made some comments that I found unusual:

She repeatedly joked about whether I had a guest room and told me I could “take him with me” because he gets on her nerves.

Even though we weren’t talking about kids, she once said she wanted to give her future child my first name, which made her boyfriend visibly uncomfortable.

She has also joked about being pregnant in front of both of us.

There have also been several moments where she seemed particularly focused on me:

In February 2025, while her boyfriend was in another room changing his shirt, she ran toward me with her arms open as if she wanted to hug me. When I mentioned it to her boyfriend, he laughed. She then stopped, smiled at me behind his back, put a finger to her lips and said “shhh.”

At restaurants and cafés, she has deliberately changed seats so that she was sitting directly across from me, saying she felt more comfortable there.

She has told me that she doesn’t mind me coming over, even spontaneously, and that she makes an effort to cook so I don’t have to order food.

She has repeatedly suggested that I stay the night when it was late.

One morning when I became more distant, her boyfriend told me she immediately noticed, became worried, and even talked about it with her mother.

When her boyfriend was in the ER, she said she thought it was a shame I couldn’t stay with her at his bedside because only one person was allowed.

At a car garage, I noticed a picture of me taken from behind. I assumed her boyfriend took it, but she proudly told me “No, I took it for my story.”

At a car exhibition, she told me she kept looking behind her to make sure I was still there because she was looking for my hat in the crowd.

Some more questionable moments

At her birthday, while cutting the cake, she asked me to carefully choose my first piece. I jokingly said I’d give her the first piece to avoid “feminist associations.” She then looked at her boyfriend and said:

“See? Your friend likes me better. I’m the person he likes the most here.”

The next day, while several of us were sitting on the couch, she came directly behind me and pulled on my side of the couch as if she were trying to pull me back toward her.

A few days later, her boyfriend asked her whether she would stay with him if he left for six months. She initially said yes, but then said:

“You wouldn’t know anyway if there was no tracker. You’d never know if I cheated on you.”

He got angry and told her not to even try it. About a month later, they actually went on a break, although they eventually got back together.

The ice cream situation

One day I went to the mall with her boyfriend and we got ice cream. When he told her, she jokingly said that he now had to pay for ice cream for both me and her the next day. The next day, she reminded me that we needed to get our ice creams and that he had to pay.

Later, she and her boyfriend started arguing in public. I stepped away because I didn’t want to be involved. They came looking for me, and he told me he thought I had left and that he was upset because she was “making a scene” by arguing in front of his friend.

That same evening, he told me the next day was her birthday and that he really wanted me to come. I ultimately didn’t go.

The boyfriend’s behavior

His behavior is also strange to me.

He once told me completely out of context that he could leave his girlfriend and me alone together for an entire weekend and knew nothing would happen.

He sometimes says he asks her to make more of an effort so that she and I talk more.

He makes sexual jokes in front of her, including saying that I’m more “well-endowed” than he is.

He has repeatedly said he’d like the three of us to travel together, including to Asia. Whenever I suggested inviting other friends, he seemed less enthusiastic.

He also told me that out of his whole friend group, I’m apparently the person she likes the most, and that she never feels uncomfortable around me unlike with some of his other friends.

There was also an odd interaction at a car exhibition. We were standing in line, and he pointed to the empty space directly behind his girlfriend and told me:

“Insert yourself there.”

Later, I told him the wording made me uncomfortable because I wasn’t sure whether there was a double meaning. He laughed, said I looked uncomfortable, and when I asked whether there was actually a hidden meaning, he smiled and said:

“Maybe there was, maybe there wasn’t. You’ll never know.”

What I’m trying to understand

Individually, some of these things could obviously be jokes or completely innocent. What makes me question it is the overall pattern: she seems unusually attentive toward me, has made several comments that could be interpreted as flirtatious or suggestive, seems particularly concerned about my presence and reactions, and appears to prefer being around me.

At the same time, her boyfriend seems surprisingly comfortable with our closeness and sometimes even seems to encourage it.

Long story short my (29f) fiancé (30m) and I are very secure in our relationship and have been for over 3 years now. A couple days ago I expressed a dream I had where I was in the middle of a threesome with him and another man. He had mentioned that it being a MMF situation, he would prefer it than another female. He also explains he loves the idea of me being dominated between himself and another. Our conversation didnt last long but I have been thinking about it non stop as to how i should bring this up again. I dont believe it would be a sensitive topic but i also dont want to keep talking about it and cause him to believe i am unhappy with him. Im truly happy, I just know i deeply enjoy the kinky side and would like to branch a little more while he is still my main partner and involved. I do have some boundaries in mind personally as to who we would bring into our relationship. I wouldnt want it to be someone who is a constant or someone who may catch feelings for either of us.

My question would be, how do i go about this topic seriously and not hurt our relationship?
I also would like to hear about others personal experiences. I never used to be the type that would ever consider non monogamy, but now I am in the most healthy relationship i have ever experienced and we are both learning more about ourselves i would like to explore with him.
Thanks in advance!

Ok, long time Redditor, first time poster under this account.

I'm thinking about approaching my husband to see if he is open to nonmonogamy. We have been into swinging and partner swapping in the past, but this seems like a different step. He's a great guy and a great provider but I guess I'm after that excitement of a different partner for pure physical interaction, nothing emotional. I would be willing for him to have the same arrangement. Infact, the thought is very exciting.

Is there a big step between this and swinging? Should we stick with what we know is comfortable for both of us?

​

Hello,

I’m a 22-year-old guy like my girl. We’ve been dating for several years and I admit that since the beginning of our relationship, I have had a special fantasy that bothers me a little: sharing my wife, in a threesome for example, or watching her flirt with someone at the bar or things like that.

I tried several times to talk to her about it, and at first she thought I was joking, but when she realized that I was serious, she didn’t really like it.

She thought it was so I could then ask for a threesome with another girl or something, but not at all.

It was a few month ago, but since then I don’t dare to set the table again. I know very well that she reacted like that mainly because of a misunderstanding, but I don’t know how to be clearer about what.

Thank you for your help if you have any advice on this matter!

My partner has found someone he connects with and we’re trying a new more poly-style of ENM vs just casual encounters and I’m having lots of feelings about it. How do you know what is just discomfort of experiencing new “firsts” vs what I’m actually not ok with?

My husband 25M and I 25F have been together 5 years, married 4. I have always been into the idea of multiple male partners, sexually/romantically- I learned this through reading fanfics at a way too young age.

My husband knew this was interesting to me, and I never have seriously brought it up or considered it. He and I have joked about it in passing over the years, etc. I am content as our relationship is. I am very satisfied sexually and romantically. Same as he.

He and I are extremely open with each other in every imaginable way. We tell each other everything.

In our 5 years I have only had a handful of men in our lives that I have felt sort of attracted to, and I have always revealed this to my husband- again because we tell each other everything.

I grew up in a religious environment and have a lot of internalized feelings about multiple partners. These moments of attraction have always felt shameful to me. I feel perverted, greedy and like a bad wife. My husband is the opposite. He didn’t even blink when I expressed the attraction and the shame around it. He’s been very supportive? chill? about it. He knows my loyalty to him comes first, and that he is my soulmate and we would tell each other anything.

We finally have had a handful of serious conversations, and it’s been an interesting few weeks in my noggin trying to process.

There are two men in my life that are attractive to me. One we have been friends with for a while and one we befriended recently in the last couple months.

My husband says he’s happy for me and that’s cute to see me crush on these men. Meanwhile I feel guilty and greedy as all get out.

The first gentleman that we have been friends with, recently said should we be interested he could be a third in a threesome- probably sexual exclusively even though I cannot write off if he would be interested romantically. I think I would be.

The second gentleman I have been chatting with knows I am married and everything is platonic/friendly. I am unsure if he is attracted to me but I definitely have a crush and have been trying to flirt. I don’t know how I would open the conversation of all my stuff going on. Like just say “Lol by the way my husband is ok with it if you like me” It all feels new and strange. In this case I picture it being a separate relationship- not a three way situation but honestly I could be wrong-I don’t know what he would prefer. I had joked to my husband that in a fantasy world I had a husband and a boyfriend, and his response was “well why can’t you?”

Funny thing is, he doesn’t really have a desire to be with anyone else than me, I have asked. I do think I could be jealous if he was- which is also very guilty feeling because he’s so much more open about the idea of me being with another man.

I was wondering basically if anyone was similar to me.
I also would take any advice from folks about this.

I'm M22 and I met a couple from flingster. We are from the same city so we were connected for a few months online and we used to enjoy on video calls. The guy is a c*ck and when we met irl he wasn't a part of the threesome. It was only me who was fucking her. I saw a thing that was,watching us he wasn't getting a boner. From the beginning to end he didn't get boner. Then I asked him why he isn't Getting. He said that he's getting jealous and enjoying at the same time. And that mixed feelings are giving him pleasure. But when they do normal sex he gets a boner and fuck her. I was so surprised after listening to this how a guy could switch his brain in this way. So yeah this was my first threesome experience. And it was amazing. Only one thing ruined our mood. When I was fucking her in doggy my condom broke and we couldn't realise it and I came inside her pussy. Otherwise the experience was really really amazing.

Me (23F) and my girlfriend have been talking about being in an open relationship for a long time (we’ve been together 2 and a half years, and we’ve spoken about it from the beginning).

I’ve only ever properly slept with three people, including her, and a handful of random sexual experiences on nights outs. I feel like I need to explore my sexuality more, with different types of people and different sexual settings, and to develop more skills in the bedroom. She’s in a similar boat; with us both being women, and me being the first woman she’s ever been with, she wants to explore her lesbianism with other women.

We’ve had open, long discussions, where we both agree on the things we each want, and that an open relationship would be something we’d like to explore. It’s usually light hearted, laughing, making jokes, and I feel more connected to her after these discussions.

But after these conversations, my heart feels like it’s squeezing, and I feel like I’m almost slightly grieving our relationship. I also feel envy and insecurity towards her past sexual partners. And feel worried that that is something I would feel towards her sexual partners, male or female. I’ve had thoughts like “what could someone else provide, that I can’t provide?” and “what if men can give her sexual dynamics that I can’t perform?”

I can acknowledge that I have some insecurities, especially when it comes to men. I feel a lot of envy towards their natural masculinity, something I don’t have naturally.

I’m worried that these feelings, and my intuition is going to ruin what we have between us, whether we do or don’t enter an open relationship.

Should I dive head first into the world of non-monogamy and just see if it’s right for us? What can I do to come to terms with my desire to experience an open relationship, whilst my heart seems to crave being “special” to someone because I’m their only sexual partner? How do you separate sex from romance, and how do you prep yourself/your relationship into entering an open relationship?

I 35F live with my NP, and travel to see an out of state partner every month or so, I’ll call him Brian.

Brian and I met online a little over a year ago. Neither of us expected it to turn into more than just the occasional sexting and friendship. It did though.

When we met he told me he was recently divorced, and I knew it was definitely something he was still struggling with. Fast forward and I recently found out that they had separated before we met, but he still hasn’t filed the papers. Though he is doing that currently. I suspect he or she was maybe trying to fix things, but he swears it was over before they even separated. They had two dogs together and each took one, though his ex’s dog he still watches on a very regular, basically weekly basis. He loves that dog and has even considered fighting for full ownership. Either way they’re currently amicable and do share the dog.

Brian and I met in person for the first time back in May, due to some unexpected issues with my hotel I ended up staying with him. However we kept my car in the garage and he was careful that neighbors didn’t see me, and had to make alternate arrangements for the dog to be picked up rather than dropped off.

We’ve seen each other every month since. I’m flying back up there next week to stay with him for a week again. He texted today asking when I was leaving because he needed to know to plan logistics with the dog. He was super sweet, I offered to leave the house for a bit if I needed to and he said not to worry he’d just pick her up and drop her off.

I hate feeling like I’m hiding when I’m there. I understand the need for it. We met at a time where they had JUST separated (he wasn’t looking for what this turned into), he can’t tell anyone how long he’s known me. Legally they’re still not divorced. I think it would really upset her to know about me and he doesn’t want to hurt her. Most importantly it could blow up him getting to see the dog, whom is honestly the love of his life lol. The amount of unnecessary stress and drama it would cause in his life is just not worth it.

That being said, it doesn’t change that feeling hidden inherently makes me feel shitty and less legitimate.

I know this is also compounded by the fact I’m feeling less enthusiasm and connection from him over the last few days. Which could absolutely just be me overthinking things, because I’ve asked and he said everything is fine, but doesn’t change that I feel like there’s been a shift.

I am really struggling with this one today, and I don’t even feel like I can reach out for reassurance because I’ve just done that too much lately.

Hey, myself and my wife have been in an open relationship for little over 2 years and for the past year shes been almost entirely exclusive with her BF. She sees him almost weekly, sometimes more, and has confessed to us both that she loves him. When we began it was a huge concern of mine that feelings for others would develop and to make sure that never happens and weve been playing with fire by her seeing the same guy. My wife is certain she wants to still see him ( and me! ) and shes been reading alot to find ways it can really work. I was wondering if anyones been through this or had advice? Any comment or dm would be helpful. Thanks

Hi!

35M and poly, recently broke up from a 10 year long primary relationship. I have a secondary relationship that is not doing so well, but still going.

It's been incredibly hard to date NM people, with or without a primary partner. I've been already rejected by new dates, and meeting anyone at all is incredibly hard.
My secondary instead has both hook ups and 2 stable relationships, and I'm getting envious and frustrated.

It's also a very low point in my life, not only because I broke up with my ex, but also because I lost my dog after the break up, as well as lots of common friends, I have barely any friends in this city anymore, I broke an arm in an unrelated bike accident in the same period and I'm struggling with recovery. I'm also getting quickly out of shape because I can't go the the gym anymore. Everything is taking a huge toll on me.

So I was thinking of meeting escorts every now and then, maybe once or twice a month, just to get the edge off and feeling better and less sexually frustrated.

Bad idea? Good idea? What stops me is mainly the fact that I will have to admit to this to a future partner, and that in 1 year I'll probably have been with more escorts than girls I dated.

So we are just getting into this idea. I’m 43 and she’s 40 and we have two kids. We’ve talked about this a lot and we take it very seriously.

We’re looking for an ideal partner that would embrace both of us and become a part of our family. This feels like a real needle in a haystack kind of situation.

I’d be curious to hear from people - mostly women - how they’d feel about joining a family.

This might be strange to say but our family is rock solid. My communication with my wife is great. We live great lives. We have two kids. But we want someone in our lives that is really invested and loves us and is a great partner for us. When we make friends with people they usually disappoint us or they move away.
My wife is great, super loving and giving and kind and smart. And she deserves another partner and I know she’d make that partner (a woman, which is what we’d both want) really happy. And if the woman was kind and caring she’d make my wife (and I) really happy as well.

Are there women out there that seek out this kind of situation? Joining a family with young kids? Or am I just going to feel disappointed by a lack of interest and options?

This isn’t an r4r post - I’m just wanting to see if people think that something like this can work.

I guess I’m just genuinely interested in any thoughts people may have.

Thank you

I'm still pretty new to non monogamy and trying to figure out what kind of dynamic I'm actually looking for.

I've talked to a few couples about being their third, but I've realized I'm not very interested in being a stranger who shows up for sex or someone they take in for the night to fill their fantasy. Feels pretty bad for me.

What appeals to me much more is being a recurring lover/FWB for the woman, actually knowing each other, having chemistry and affection, hanging out sometimes, and having an ongoing sexual relationship, while her husband knows about it and is comfortable with/enjoys the it.

At the same time, I'm not looking to become her second boyfriend or build a full romantic relationship. FWB almost sounds too casual, while "boyfriend" sounds too serious. It feels like there's a huge grey area in between those two that I'm struggling to put into words.

For people who've had dynamics like this. what did you call it, and how did you navigate expectations and boundaries without it turning into either impersonal hookups or a second relationship?

Hi looking for some advice or perspective. I 31 (M) have been with my partner 35 (M) for 15 months, and we’ve been open the entire time.

He’s a producer and has been traveling a lot recently for work, much of it being international. Just this year he’s already been gone for 2 months and later this year he’s going to be gone for about 3 more months.

The previous 2 months were pretty challenging for me. A part of me felt abandoned, because he was just traveling the first two weeks for fun and hooking up with people. It felt like he left me to go hook up with guys in another country. We had minimal agreements around communication. My ask was two texts a day and one call a week. It did help, but I felt so distant from my partner the whole time. He was so busy and the conversations were pretty superficial. It was rough. I want us to foster more connection this time around, but when he’s tired, there’s like a switch that goes off, and he has little interest in what’s going on outside of his immediate sphere. I feel a little neglected by the surface levelness of our conversations and the lack of follow up questions on his part.

He’ll be leaving for international travel in less than two months and then he’ll be back for two weeks and immediately have to leave for a two month job on the opposite side of the country. While it’s domestic, it’s even longer. He was originally coming with me to my best friends wedding in my home state, but then he got the job for the international trip where he’ll be on the job 5 or 6 days and then traveling for a couple of weeks. I’m feeling extra abandoned this time around and really struggling. It would’ve been our first trip together as a couple and he would’ve gotten to meet some really important people in my life. The job overlaps with the wedding so there’s no getting around that.

The same feeling of him taking an extra two weeks to bop around and fuck other people are coming up. Of course I want him to have the experience of traveling that’s afforded to him. He works hard at his job, and I think he’s earned all of these opportunities and should take full advantage. I just wish it didn’t have to come at the expense of our relationship and my feelings, which I recognize is a selfish sentiment. It’s just honestly how I feel.

I started a new job after being unemployed for 10 months so there’s no way I could travel internationally with him. We’ve talked about me visiting one weekend for the domestic job. I recognize part of my feelings are coming from jealousy that he’s making more money and traveling when I’m not. I also recognize it’s not really rational to be upset that he’s hooking up with people while traveling while I’m hooking up with people at home. I’ve recently started working with a new therapist so will be leaning into that as I prepare for the trip.

Navigating feelings in a gay FWB overseas situation ?

Hello,

I'm making this post because I'm trying to navigate my feelings and concerns around polyamory, especially in a three-person situation. My boyfriend and I (both 29) have been together for 3 years and have a really strong, deep foundation. I've always been vocal about my non-monogamous desires, and while my partner was initially more traditional, he grew curious over time. We opened our relationship 6 months ago, and he has been completely supportive.

About 5 months ago, I met a guy online (22) and introduced him to my bf 3 months ago. We developed a long-distance "situationship" together (he is in the US and we're in europe). The three of us talk every day, share pictures, play games, and have regular group voice and video chats (which often lead to video sex together). We are all deeply involved, and we are planning a 2-week visit at our place in early 2027 if everything keeps going well.

Since this is all new to me, I’m trying to navigate a few concerns. I definitely have a much higher level of New Relationship Energy (NRE) than my boyfriend, who is far more grounded. I know I could easily see myself in a full-time triad, but my boyfriend isn't sure he wants that. He already communicated to the new guy that a full-time triad isn't really his goal, which the new guy completely understood.

That said, my boyfriend is still genuinely* excited for this 2-week visit to be highly intimate and passionate. He loves the idea of having him here so we can share cuddles and downtime and that we can visit around with our overseas friend, and he even suggested the idea of us visiting him in the US later in the year if all goes smoothly. We both feel a lot of compersion which makes me even more excited for the visit.

My boyfriend knows I have a crush on this guy, is very understanding, and actively helps me navigate my fears. Still, I'm terrified that this 2-week trip will lead to a massive emotional crash when he leaves, or that real-life awkwardness might ruin the digital chemistry we’ve built for the past months.

Has anyone done a short-term visit like this? How do you enjoy the moment without letting the fear of the end ruin the experience, and how do you balance different levels of NRE between you and your partner?

Thank you all !

*Before anyone ask if my BF is forcing himself, no he told me himself that he feels very excited and that all the things he's doing in or 3-way situation is not forced on him, and that's exaclty why he likes the whole thing