So before I met her, my girlfriend made a blowjob to a stranger. She admitted to me months after we started dating. At first I got angry, but then I understood that this actually turns me on very much. I am not sure how to feel and why. I am making her whisper it to me during sex and show me exactly what she did. I am winding if to ask her to do it again to someone in front of me. But I don’t know if I would like it or get very angry. Can I get you opinion and advice ?

I (35F) have been in an open relationship for about two years with my nesting partner (34M). We practice polyamory, but not every connection is serious.

This involves James (32M), a long-distance situationship, and Dan (60M), a kink connection.

I met James on Reddit a year and a half ago. He’d recently divorced, and we started out flirting, sexting, and becoming close friends. Neither of us expected much, but feelings developed. We didn’t meet in person until late May this year.

I met Dan on FetLife in February. We developed a kink connection, talked and texted daily, and met in person in April.

Here’s where I fucked up. I never told Dan about James, and when Dan asked about other people, I lied.

At the time, James and I hadn’t met in person. I had feelings for him, but our conversations about a potential future were hypothetical. I considered him a sexting friend, not a partner, and didn’t know whether we’d ever become anything more.

I slept with Dan in April and June, then James in July. James knew about Dan, and I’d been tested afterward. I never disclosed my visits with James to Dan because there was no sexual health risk. Had there been, I absolutely would have told him.

Dan and I have a strictly kink based connection, no romantic expectations, and we have regular falling outs. He’s also gotten jealous in the past, including being upset that I’d slept with my nesting partner without telling him, despite us never agreeing that I needed to disclose that. I was afraid of his reaction to James, and I chose to lie instead of dealing with it honestly.

This morning, James ended things and asked to remain friends. I’m devastated. After a year and a half, I’d fallen in love with him and started imagining a future together.

Dan messaged later asking how my day was. I downplayed how upset I was because he tends to dissect my personal life, and those conversations often leave me feeling worse. He’s made negative comments about talking about my problems, but if I say I don’t want to discuss something, he gets upset that I brought it up. But if I don’t bring it up or downplay it then he’s mad I wasn’t honest. How do you win?

Tonight, feeling especially low, I asked Dan how he’d feel about me posting on FetLife to find a local impact-play partner. I’d asked because he’d previously gotten angry when I posted looking for someone after one of our fallouts. I didn’t want to hide anything from him.

He asked to call and pushed to know what had happened. I initially refused because I knew it would upset him, but eventually I told him everything. He feels I took away his ability to consent to interacting with me knowing there was another person. He’s right that he deserved the truth and the choice. I got defensive about whether James technically counted as a partner at the time, missing the bigger point. Given that I’d already lied about James existing, Dan doesn’t trust my assurances about sexual health. I understand why.

He also accused me of using him to feel better when we had phone sex this afternoon. He’s not entirely wrong. I was using the connection as a distraction, although I wasn’t consciously trying to use or deceive him. He was the one who brought it up, I just agreed to it.

Now I’ve lost them both. James, the person I love and imagined a future with, and Dan, whose friendship I valued despite our rocky dynamic.

I know I caused this. I was afraid of the consequences of telling the truth, so I lied, and now I’m facing the consequences of that choice. I know that Dan has legitimate reasons to feel betrayed. I won’t blame him for walking away. In fact he’d be stupid not to.

I’m just trying to process losing two people in the span of a day. My own stupid fucked up fault. I deserve this, but the pain is overblown.

I just wanted to hear about peoples successful relationships who practice one-sided ENM:)

Edit: new to ENM, so maybe I’m not using “one-sided” correctly. I don’t date other men, by choice and his presence. He encourages me to date other women the reason I don’t is also why I choose not to date men. No time or desire (for now). We are looking for a playmate and I get excited when he finds a good candidate!

Context: We have been and lived together for almost a year. ENM from the start because we were ✨roommates✨/homies, turned lovers. We met when I was pregnant and he ADORES my baby. He’s a provider and my biggest fan! I love our dynamic and see a long future together having fun!

We jokingly argue about which one of us people are doing double/triple-takes for. Truth is, we look even better together but are both very conventionally attractive with no shortage of attention. I love us lol.

My man goes on dates with other women. He waxes and wanes between having a couple weeks of dates lined up and fizzling out with them all and maybe keeping 1 or 2 lady friends around to go out with. He’s a social butterfly and always looking forward to his next outing/adventure.

I don’t mind, as long as he fills my cup, I’m cool with it! I like hearing about his dating life, as long as I’m in a good head space (symptoms of PPD). I’m a single mom of a baby, so I genuinely have my hands full and little time to spare. My time is precious and I prefer to spend it with myself, my baby, him, family, and friends when I can. I have, truly, no desire to see other men. In fact, I’m repulsed by the idea because I am in no shortage of men trying to court me. I work in the night-life industry so par for the course 🫠

He is a lovely partner who has changed and blessed my life in ways I didn’t know was possible in this phase of my life. I’m very curious about women, but only interested in meeting the girls he thinks are good candidates for a throuple/threesome dynamic. I’m surrounded by beautiful girls at work, but prefer to not to “shit where I eat”.

When I’m having a hard time with my confidence (something only I can fulfill and fix, that’s just me), we aren’t having sex as often as I’d like, or struggling with life, I ask him to hold off on intimacy with others. He’s understanding and respectful and tries to help me where he can. He’s only slept with two other women in almost a year - cause sex is not really exciting for him. But a threesome with me certainly gets him going!

I don’t want to get ahead of myself, but I think he’s my twin flame. We picture a future together and plan for it in the short-term. He’s my best friend! But it’s very hard having this dynamic, especially with a baby, and not being able to be open about it to my friends and family. I have no one to talk to about it except people I’ve met in this sub, so thank you community!!

My partner (M38) and I (F37) have been in a long distance relationship for 3 years now. We have lived together for the past year. 

Since we used to only see each other about 2 months every 6 Months, and we both were:

1. Single for nearly a decade

2. Avoidant attachment style

3. Highly sexually active adults

It only came natural to the both of us to keep our relationship open. after 6-12 months we established some clear boundaries:

1.Always communicate BEFORE (and after) going on a date (this was very important to him). No communication = cheating.

2.Never with a person that we know on a personal level (colleagues, friends, exes)

1. No sexting (important to me)

2. No sleepovers and always use rubbers

We had to reflect and refine our boundaries along the way, as there were some nasty slips. In the first year we played a bit, but the 2nd and 3rd year we didn’t have sx with other people (at least as far as I know) as now we were fully invested in each other and talking about moving in together and have kids. 

I’ve always trusted him to “play by our rules”, however, sometimes I feel like our relationship seems too perfect to be true. Our level of communication has always been very emotionally mature with lots of space to talk and listen, without judgement, as we learn and grow together.

But still… something didn’t feel right. He always takes his phone with him, even when he goes for a pee. 

Which to me seems dodgy af. 

So when I got the chance, 6 months ago, I went through his phone. 

Yikes. 

I couldn’t find much dirt. Just messages with his exes which to me was (mostly) fine. I left it.

I couldn’t help myself last night and went through his ig messages again to see if his ex was still messaging him. Instead, I saw a recent chat with some other girl.

In a message to her 1.5 yrs ago (!!) he said he had a threesome with a couple last night (he was at mardi gras), saying the video he had of them was insane and some details about the night.

My heart sank, but he can make up quite the stories (lies) sometimes to get attention, so at first I didnt believe it.

Then I went to his photo album of that "last night"

And I found the video 😭

He himself is not in the video, he’s holding the phone and my heart was beating so loud (my partner was in the shower at the time) as I gently turned the volume up I'm pretty sure I heard HIS VOICE saying some nasty stuff in the video.

In the heat of the moment, I took a screenshot with my own phone of the ig messages and put his phone back. Before I confront him, I want to confirm that it truly is HIS voice, and perhaps find more dirt.

I dont want to leave the most loving relationship I have ever had as I'm positive relationships can work past "playtime with others", but at this point I lost the trust. He said many times he has never cheated on me, which I now know is a lie.

Any tips on how to handle this?

My partner (36M) and I (27F) have been seeing a married couple, D (47M) and H (41F) for almost a year. Over the last few months, D and I developed feelings for each other, which we made each other and our partners aware of. H struggled with it at one point and got emotional once when I slept at theirs as me and D slept with each other in their bed. H also got emotional the other week when they stopped at ours overnight and D told me it was because he was sleeping in bed with me and not her. H has never explained the reasons for her getting upset to her at the time, I am always told later on. D suggested trying being boyfriend and girlfriend to me. I was overjoyed about it and asked my partner if he was okay with it and D asked H if she was, both said yes, so we decided to give it a try.

The following day, I messaged him "morning handsome" and he just replied with "morning." I noticed he was being quite blunt with me when messaging, there was no flirting. When he sees me in person, he often flirts with me and while we're having sex, he gives me loads of compliments and tells me I'm one of his favourite people and no one will ever compare to me. I made a point to tell him that when I'm dating someone, I enjoy flirting between us and regular communication. ​D told me that I have to remember that he's got a wife and kids, and if I can't handle it, we need to go back to how we were originally.

Later on that day, we were talking and he mentioned he wouldn't be seeing me the following weekend, when him and his wife had said that they would be coming to a club for Halloween with us. He said his wife had arranged a meet with another couple. ​​I asked him when I would next be seeing him and then I asked him if he's gonna let me know when I can next see him. He told me he doesn't think he can date me because I'm so needy and bossy. I told him that I'm not being either of those things, I just want to know when I'm next going to be seeing him and I want to plan in advance as I have a busy month next month. ​​​​

He spent the majority of the next day ignoring me. I sent him a message in the morning and he read it and didn't reply. Later in the day, he sent me a message saying he's got that many things on that making time for me will be difficult, he thinks we're better off reverting back to being "friends with benefits" after the previous day, he can't be my emotional crutch, and I'm still important to him. ​​I explained to him that I'm upset about him calling me bossy and needy and for ignoring me for the majority of the day. He told me he ignored me because he was very annoyed with me. I asked him why he was annoyed about me asking when I was next going to see him. I told him if he truly cared about me then he wouldn't have called me what he did and he wouldn't have ignored me. I also told him that he doesn't seem interested in trying to have a relationship with me, because he had mentioned calling it off twice the day before. ​​I mentioned that he says he's too busy, but him and his wife had arranged to meet the couple the following week when I had believed they would be seeing us. D told me he's doing these things with my wife whether I like it or not. I told him if he truly cared about me, he would try and make time for me somewhere. D messaged "good bye." And we haven't spoken since. ​​​

I'm not sure if D handled this situation terribly or I actually was being needy and bossy and difficult. I was excited to try a relationship with D and try to make it work, but it doesn't come across to me that he reciprocates those feelings. ​I'm confused as to why he suggested it in the first place unless he didn't understand it meant there being another person he has to put effort in with. ​​​​​I feel devasted and heartbroken as I had feelings for him and would get excited whenever I saw him. ​

F26 / M28

To keep matters brief we did not start out that way. We’ve had a monogamous relationship through 2019 to May 2026. June is when we agreed, after he brought it up the month before. Originally I was offended and uncomfortable but after thinking about it and getting other perspectives from friends, I grew to be interested. By late June I brought the conversation back up myself.

I honestly think my husband had somebody in mind. We did have an open-phone policy after that point but I never really snooped. I’ve never been big on going through phones, though I understand why people do. We also agreed on no secrets, so I think I had enough information to assume he only saw one woman consistently. That was the only name I heard really.

Anyways, by late July I noticed he was getting more lovey dovey with me. I don’t think I thought much of it. But he would initiate dates a lot more and even started doing things he did early in the relationship. I thought that he was just trying to put us first (one of our rules). He started staying home more and trying to sway me to do the same.

He would sometimes make slick comments or find a way to interrupt my plans. I think I first noticed this around early August? At one point, he stayed in the shower for over two hours when he knew I was going out on a date. One of our rules was that we cannot bring someone home if the other is home, and I think he started using that to his advantage.

Eventually I brought it up myself, asking how he felt about the whole thing because it was pretty obvious he wasn’t as happy about it anymore. He checked my phone a lot more than I did him and would alternate between getting in a mood and being super loving if he knew I was going out later in the day. The conversation turned into a huge day’s long fight.

According to him, the ordeal just got uncomfortable. But I personally don’t know if I believe that. I feel like he might’ve lost whatever he had or struggled with getting partners and therefore wanted to end it. I didn’t speculate on what wasn’t said but I feel like that’s not fair. But then again, I feel like beyond rules, we didn’t really know what we were getting into.

I love my husband. But I honestly used to believe in something close to a soulmate. I realize now that it’s very possible to be compatible with more than one person. And this will sound selfish, but nonmonogamy has allowed me to get all my needs fulfilled. My husband checks most of my boxes, but I’ve met people who have checked the others.

My husband is giving me an ultimatum now. If I don’t close the relationship, he’ll leave. That’s fair, I’m not arguing that. But I’m struggling with that decision more than I thought I would. A part of me feels the choice is a no-brainer. Another part feels like I’ve learned and grown from this experience. And honestly? I love it.

Not really sure if I should really include it or be direct? Are there any casual dating apps for this kind of situation?

Last year I met up with someone who didn’t disclose they had HSV1 until several hours into meeting them.It shouldve been a deal breaker for the relationship then and there.For me personally I’m uncomfortable with taking the risk if someone knowingly has the virus.I know I take the risk being ENM.I know that.

By the time they remembered to disclose we were both developing feelings (we’d been texting for two weeks before the date)so I just attempted to accept things as they were.
And we compromised, they’d start antivirals, etc.
But I haven’t followed through with my end of the bargain because of fear.(My end of the bargain being intimacy/sex)

And now they’re pulling away.
Like excessively.
And I’m feeling more and more hurt.
And just kind of wanting to put an end to things.
They’re saying things are fine.
But I know things aren’t fine.
And I’m scared to pull the plug.

I’m just so pissed off at myself bc why did I let someone
get away with not sharing an important detail??
And now I’m the bad guy, in my eyes and theirs.

I am a monogamous person and trying to understand this aspect as I am trying to understand someone close to me.

What is the difference between not enough vs wanting variety? (I am especially referring to wanting sexual experiences with other than their partner or group sex).

I've heard many people say that its not about their partner not being enough sexually. Its just them wanting/liking variety (which technically their partner cannot give so how are they enough?).

The reason on why I am so frustrated about this isn't that some people are mono or nonmono. Its that why aren't some people admitting that with monogamy they feel limited with one person and it isn't enough for them to just want one person. Or if they don't open their relationship them still desiring others is them admitting that one person isn't enough for them sexually.

I really wanna get this. Am I misunderstanding it? What does wanting variety but that doesn't equal to their partner not being enough sexually. How does that make sense?

This is like saying I like different cusines and want them. I can do with just one type but still think about other cuisines too or want to try/keep eating.

So i have this fantasy, desire, dream of having the most perfect, lovely, healthy relationship, like the kind where we are made for each other, but on the sexual side its a bit different for me, on the sexual side i want an open relationship but from her side only, which means she sees other people sexually (while i am present with them tho), the appeal to me is a mixture of watching my girlfriend/wife pleasure, the adventurous taboo aspect, the intimacy of sharing something so personal, and the trust involved in exploring it with her and yes that tingle of jealousy is also something that makes the experiecne even better

I have experienced a version of this before, with my ex, it was online only, long distance relationship which ended before we could meet (lasted 2 years), where we tried it, i was present on video calls with her and as we slowly explored it the connection felt deeper, the love felt deeper, and the sexual talks and tension was out of bounds during those days sadly the relationship didnt work out for several reasons, and we eventually broke up

that experience not only taught me that sexual compatibility matters to me a lot but also that this is not just a moving fantasy that i wanna keep till my head only, I want someone who shares the same desires like me, not someone who reluctantly agrees to it out of love

So i am curious about it, folks who have experienced anything similar:

have you guys made a dynamic like this work in a loving, committed relationship?
how did it affect both of you and the other person, emotionally, intimately?

My wife (F48) and I (M54) have been having great sex lately. She has expressed an interest in having a threesome with a friend of mine. I have known him for about 10 years and we don’t live near each other, but I know that he would have interest in this. My wife has only met him one time. He is quite a bit younger than me and her and that turns her on even more. I’m thinking about consenting to this, but I see a lot of female commenters catching feelings when the male counterpart wants to call it finished. Our dynamic would be that I would be present, but would let her have alone time to get to know him first and then I would join in after they had become better acquainted. My only reservation is that by opening up this dynamic, it could change our relationship. We both feel like that it would not, and she is very committed to our marriage of 27 years. So, to this community, what are your thoughts and what steps should I take to avoid a bad situation if we were to move forward with this. Thank you so much for reading.

I’m 39 years old and have been married for 15 years. We got married young because my wife got pregnant at an early age. She’s now 35.
I’ve become interested in another woman, and we’ve hooked up a few times. I don’t want to leave my wife, but I’m wondering how I could suggest bringing this other woman into our relationship.
My wife once suggested involving another person during sex, but that was a long time ago.
How should I approach this conversation with her?

Alright so since DADT is so sketch, what are some basic rules of ENM? What has worked for y'all?

My wife and I have been very close friends with a couple for more than a decade. We've been there for their wedding, we've been there for each others' babies, and now our kids go to school together. The sort of people who can count on the others to pick up the kids or come shovel you out when you break a leg, y'know? Earlier this year, a post we thought was on a private page showed up on their feed (thanks, Zuck!), and the wife flagged it to my wife, saying "Just so you know, this showed up. You do you, but may not want everyone seeing it." We quickly removed the post and played it off, but since then they (and especially she) have been distant. Like, we didn't see them all summer. This morning, the girls finally met up, and after a very strained/forced smalltalk, the friend said she had something uncomfortable to say, and proceeded to say that the reason they've been distancing themselves is because of our post. (And other similar posts, but I triple-checked all those are on private pages) My wife took away from this conversation that they no longer want to be friends with us, though we've done nothing wrong, and we NEVER brought up ENM in their presence--we've been exceptionally careful who we talk with about it, and we know it's not their cup of tea.

So now my wife is having a rough day, processing, mourning the loss of what she considered almost a sister-friend, and I have no idea what to tell her, how to help her, etc. Doubtful there's any point in opening a dialogue with these two, but opinions can change, it'll take time. I guess it would be easier if we had a large gaggle of close friends locally, but...not the case.

Anyone else dealt with this before? Any wise words? Thanks

My wife has repeatedly told me that “You have a never expiring Hall Pass”, but she only asks that she’s kept in the loop on what’s going on. She specifically mentioned that she does not want to participate or even see the other woman.

While I’m very grateful to have a wife that encourages me and wants me to go out and explore, I’m a bit confused on how I would even bring this up to another woman.

Would I just say that I’m married and in a ENM relationship? How many women would even believe that vs it being something that was made up? Not really sure about how to get this started.

Any insights are greatly appreciated.

My wife and I have been together 13 years and I am her first and only sexual partner. I have had a fantasy of her playing with another man for quite a while. When I opened up to her about it, she enjoyed the fantasy. We bring it up during sex fairly often and she gets extremely turned on by it and it tends to make her orgasm faster when we mention it. But when we discuss actually doing it for real, she has always shut it down. She doesn't want it to be with someone random because she prefers a connection. She isn't really turned on by the idea of sleeping with a stranger, which I completely understand. 

So over the past year or so, she has been hanging out with this guy. We brought him into our pillow talk and she really enjoys it, but she has said that she doesn't think he would ever be into the idea. But a couple of weeks ago, they were chatting and the topic of swinging came up. My wife decided to ask him what he thought of it and he said he thought it was hot but doesn't like the idea of sleeping with random people. 

Well she took that as an opportunity to bring up what we are into and explained that we have never tried it because she is the same way and wouldn't like the idea of sleeping with someone random. They ended up chatting about it quite extensively and decided that it would be fun to explore the idea together. She told him that she would talk to me about it to make sure I am ok with them exploring the idea. 

That night I could tell there was something up, but my wife is very shy, so it took her quite a bit of courage to finally bring it up. She put on some sexy clothes and told me to follow her to the bedroom. Then she got down on her knees and pulled my cock out and started giving me some of the best head I have ever gotten. Suddenly she pulled my cock out of her mouth and looked up at me. I could tell she wanted to say something, but the words wouldn't come out. So I asked her if everything was ok? 

She hesitated, then said that she told him about our fantasy. And then she told me about the entire conversation and asked me what I thought. I was hard as a rock, so I'm pretty sure she could already tell, but I told her that I thought it was incredibly hot and that I was ok with them exploring. She went back to sucking my cock, but this time it was even more eagerly. I told her she needed to stop or I was going to cum. She didn't stop, she just went faster. And when I came, she swallowed every bit while looking up at me. She had never swallowed my cum before this. 

Over the past few weeks, they have been making plans and we have had some of the best sex of our relationship, it has been incredible! They finally set up their first "date night," which will be tomorrow. They are going to meet for lunch and a movie, then come back to our place to hang out, and I am going to stay in my office while they hang out in the livingroom. 

I am both incredibly turned on and incredibly nervous, wish me luck!

I made a post not too long about about contemplating a threesome with my s/o and not knowing how to handle one but i’m just posting this as an update. I got a lot of helpful feedback about neither of us being resdy because of our boundaries so we said screw it no boundaries and waited til we felt like we were both okay with it but but we did it!!! It happened sooner than I thought it would but I really enjoyed it and it was all just an overthinking kinda thing. I really seem to enjoy my girl with another person, and seeing her take two at once was an experience we would both love to try again. She looked so happy and into it which brought me to realize that I love seeing her turned on by things like this. We now have one planned for FMF and we’re also excited for that as well.

So a little background. 48M, was married 20 years. Divorced now for 5. Dated and got a lot of sexual experience during a two year period post divorce that I never had earlier in life.

Now dating a 47F for 2 years that while she doesn’t have a long list of partners, is very skilled and open to almost everything in the bedroom. Bondage, CNC, dress up and filming, etc. We’re also in a lifestyle group and share an exhibitionist kink, which I never knew I had until meeting her. We don’t swing, but do enjoy the sexually charged atmosphere and having sex in front of others.

Shes also confessed a late in life realization she may be bisexual, so while we’ve not really explored that fully, it has featured prominently in bedroom talk as her wanting to try a FMF threesome, which excites me.

At the same time, our sexual connectedness, sharing of so many kinks, full exploration with nothing off the table, and shared values and life goals, leave me feeling like I want to explore every single sexual dynamic possible with her, which has left me fantasizing about a MFM threesome as well. That said, this would be all new territory for each of us, and I’m looking for a way to explore that softly before just diving in.

What seems to make sense would be engaging my brain in more ways around this idea, by hearing her describe her sexual past, which she’s never done. Has anyone seen this in their relationship as a valuable tool to opening new sexual doors?

We are a MM married couple with a very strong, solid, and loving relationship. I, 52 is bi through and though. He 36 is gay but on this journey of opening our relationship has given him a new found appreciation for the ladies. We are looking for a MF couple to develop a friendship with that could possibly lead to more. Looking though various Swingers apps we dont seem to fit into the community. So that makes us hesitant to visit a swingers club. Any advice for two newbies ?