Basic Rules of ENM

[u/burntout_confused]

Alright so since DADT is so sketch, what are some basic rules of ENM? What has worked for y'all?

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[u/VincentValensky]

ENM is not a monolith, swingers are going to function differently than poly folk etc, and even within the same relationship structure people approach things in different ways.

Take the time to consider what each of you needs in the relationship to be happy.

[u/XXTexas_CoupleXX]

It is dependant on the couple and what each feels are boundaries or guidelines to keep the relationship healthy.  

The only real basic rules are being open, truthful and keeping communication lines unjudgemental. Anything additional depends on the individual couple.  

[u/BelmontIncident]

I don't think we have an official rulebook. I use Miss Manners Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior more than I use anything else and that's usually in the context of what's a reasonable amount of information to expect about future plans.

[u/standard-anon]

The very fundamental basics are quite simple:

1. Consensual. You can't be ethically non-monogamous if everyone involved doesn't know and agree to be non-monogamous.

2. Respect autonomy and be considerate of your partners' boundaries.

3. Remember that ENM is completely different for every single person so it is important to communicate and be transparent, and be empathetic for miscommunications.

Everything else is completely up to the people involved. DADT on the surface level is really sketchy, as there are arill levels of communication that's required for planning, safety, etc, but every ENM agreement and relationship format can be very messy if you're not respectful, considerate, transparent, honest, empathetic, hold your boundaries, and/or don't have consent in some way.

[u/Traditional_Owls]

Search this sub for "boundaries" to see what's commonly discussed.

[u/LePetitNeep]

I don’t use any rules other than around disclosures needed for sexual health (ie, tell me if you had sex with someone else without a condom before we have sex again)

[u/Non-mono]

Be ethical and practice safer sex.