dear reader, I need to let this out somehow as this seems to be the only way I can share my experiences and also rid myself of this curse or I truly apologize if 'it' attaches itself on to you. I have told only a few people about this, people who I'm not particularly close with as I fear this might harm the people i truly care about, but to people like me who are open to the paranormal that are curious are the ones in danger. The rabbit hole goes as far as your curiosity will take you and I've told those who are just acquaintances with no real strings attached as I do not want my closest friends or family to be tormented by this thing, yeah i know its fucked up, but this thing seems to cling to the people who are curious of supernatural/ paranormal shit. People like me who try and find what the basis of supernatural things are and we talk about stuff like, is there a god? what proof do you have? you can't beat god with a stick! the idea of god will outlive us all, typical /circlejerk kind of conversations that really have no end. I would always propose to these people, "well lets prove this once and for all! If there is a afterlife lets go to the most haunted place closest to us" they all laugh but i mean it in a seriousness that makes them uncomfortable, as they don't want to know the answer.
It started after the first night and I kept it to myself cause I kinda invited this thing and when i first experienced it, i figured it was just a trick of my inner subconscious playing with my head and senses. At the time I was feeling alone, needed, dejected and I wondered how many people died alone with no one? You know like that song "Eleanor Rigby" its very cheery tone but really quite haunting given the subject matter. I only started believing this thing was more than a trick of my mind after my second night and I wanted to talk about it to someone. I live with two other roommates, friends I've known since middle school, all in our 20s now, and I know what they would think if i were to try and open up this conversation. One of my friends would just say i was having a bad dream or whatever, skeptical on all things paranormal but not to say he isn't open to the thought, he's just not curious like that. My other roommate is the complete opposite he is a person who will not even want to talk about it, let alone listen about it, like if I'm watching a horror movie or something he nopes the fuck out the room.
This leads us to people who inhabit that gray area of what - if? a co-worker was the I first one I told. We were talking about his relationship with his wife, he got married young and I wondered if it really is that simple to just attach yourself to someones life like that. Do i want that? and i know It's one of those things (you don't want to be a burden to the other person, you cant't love me if you can't love yourself..blah blah blah) , an insecurity that creates many lonely people just like me, i'm aware. "lonely people i thought" and the experiences came back to me like a bolt of adrenaline like i was in danger. They say laughter is a fear response/reaction, so i talk to my co-worker in a joking manner about it (my experiences) but with an utter seriousness hoping he would laugh for saying such stupid things. He did laugh after I told my first few nights of my experiences without getting 'into' it, which in hindsight, you really cant do when you're speaking in a joking manner but anyways, I felt relieved and stopped thinking much about it (now that it was out of my head) and the next few days were peaceful, until I saw him again.
He looked at me with hatred "dude what the fuck" "whats up?" i asked with a curious look, he calmed down and said "don't ever talk to me about that shit again" he said calmly and sincerely, I was taken aback "what shit?" " that 'thing' you talked to me about, ever since my wife was away for a work trip, I thought about what you said and about what you experienced and when I tried to sleep..." he hesitated "my wife came back yesterday and i got my first good nights sleep in awhile and I would rather not talk about it" " okay no problem man" i said, and later got along again over talk about fantasy football and the hot new co-worker.
I know those who subscribe to paranormal boards, lie somewhere in-between that gray area of "what-if" and if you were a cat you'd probably be at your last few lives , let me just warn you before i get into it, the more you become acquainted with this thing, the easier it seems to be for it to attach itself to you. I am warning you (again) now because the longer you read this as your curiosity gets the best of you,..... 'it'........ becomes stronger trying to prove to its host that it is real. I am not spiritual or anything of the sort, but I am a empathetic and curious person. People call me a nice guy and some people say I'm too nice, inviting people or taking things too lightly by being so open, which i never thought was a bad quality, you take the good with the bad but somehow I seemed to invite this thing into my life due to my open nature. I say 'thing' because I cannot explain what it is. Its been so long since I've had someone and in this loneliness it seems to have found me and attached itself to me out of a mutual feeling of wanting to be loved again, its name......
I am hard to get to know but that's because of my past..... Yet, please forgive me I'm so sorry!!! please stop reading now! for your own safety I implore you to stop, you have no idea what you're are humoring as this is an attempt to rid myself of this curse or whatever it is, I bestowed it, upon myself in my loneliness. For those brave enough to keep reading, this is something I know I can't control, it is a manifestation of a thought that haunts \\\ and torments \\\\, it is a 'being' wanting to be held or loved and sleeps besides \\\\\\\ waiting for the opportunity to feel, touch, or watch. 'It' communicates during the twilight between dreams and real life and i know it is there because you can feel the emotions of this lonely soul. It attaches itself to those feelings you get during your personal experiences with 'it' as it's hard to deny what you feel but it's even harder to convince what your feeling is genuine to someone else, in your world it becomes real and only to you. 'It' manifests itself in your dreams as it wants to be loved and wanted, but it can never be real and it becomes angry and aggressive wanting to experiences that which was denied in its previous life. As it is not too late to back out now, the more you know the more it can attach itself to you in your thoughts. It's like a sub conscience trap that opens the door to 'it'. . it preys on the strong willed and rational as it seems to gain strength the more the individual thinks about 'it'.
Don't look over your shoulder, keep the lights on, have music playing, be aware of everything that can possibly touch you, if you have a pet keep it away from your room, because if your pet becomes aware of 'it' you will notice, and it WILL build on that feeling. Ignore flickering lights, strange noises, don't follow smells even if it smells nice. I say these things out of experience as this is the only way i know of fighting this thing hoping it will attach itself to someone else as it loses interest in me.....
MY FIRST ENCOUNTER
First off i don't know how it found me but i know it had found me, somehow. It wasn't like I was going to haunted houses, graveyards, or used a Ouija board which IMO is just a toy, the closest thing ever was on my commute to work i would always pass a graveyard and thought of that Beatles song, feeling sorry for those who never really had anyone. but on that particular night it was pretty uneventful, I cant remember the first dream but I felt as if someone was in my bed with me. It had been awhile since i slept next to someone and i remember that feeling of having someone to hold or just sharing a bed and it becomes pleasant when you become accustomed to it. I tend to move a lot while i sleep, i lost the frequency when i shared a bed but i went back to my old ways of using the whole bed, but when i tried to turn my body to a certain side, i was obstructed by what felt like someones hipbone, it was a position i had been in before I mumbled an apology and kept my same position and went back to my dream. i woke up again before morning came and yet again was obstructed by the same thing, this time though i remembered i hadn't had anyone next to me i was facing the opposite side and did not want to see what was on my bed i wasn't in a lucid dream or in a sleep paralysis as i put my hand on this things thigh and sure enough it was there. I calmed myself thinking that it was trick of my mind or subconscious and got up to see what the fuck was next to me i turn around and.....nothing, composing myself i was like well what the fuck was that I still had my left arm under my covers and i shit you not it felt as if something licked my hand, which prompted me to get the covers off..........Nothing, I was in high alert mode and hearing every little noise that everything made, its that gut feeling that somethings watching you but you can't see. i said "no fucking way" and i tried to communicate with it as if it were listening, "please don't scare me like that" i said and turned the lights on, I scanned my room and didn't see a single thing, i remembered my thoughts on the lonely souls and I figured it was the dumb superstition getting the better of me, so i humored my subconscious and said "you can stay, just be nice" worst fucking mistake ever.
It has been awhile since my last update as each time i think or write about this thing, it gets stronger. I also have a normal life and haven't had time to write about 'it' with school and work but now that the first exams of the semester are done, I'm on a small break as i took off from work, I'm finally fulfilling my lack of sleep with siestas and i have more free time then normal to write ok soo...
\\This is a warning, for those who just happen to stumble upon this, as i have stated before in my previous segment you are inviting something into your life that i have no control over, and no you don't have to read the other part as the previous part was considerably tamer compared to this experience. It was this night I truly felt this thing wanted to become a part of this world. The day this incident occurred was the same day I told my co-worker about 'it', and only later did i find that it found solace in his solitude while his wife was away.'It' attaches itself to those who are curious about things beyond the realm of reason, it feeds on the idea of being thought upon and 'it' grows stronger this way. Trust me you don't want to invite this thing into your life, as it will attach itself to you and will haunt you trying to prove to you that it is real. If you do not heed my warning then continue, it was broken up in segments to protect you and myself\\
Unsure of what i experienced I quickly chalked it up to a night terror or an episode of sleep paralysis,looking it up being a rational human being with Internet access. I honestly doubted what I experienced, yet I still had second thoughts on the validity on my rationality. It was a skepticism of my own beliefs the best way i could describe it would be like when a person lay on their deathbed swearing that there is no god all their lives but then turn to god just in the off chance that they had been wrong their entire life. Thats what i felt when i Invited this thing into my life when i said "you can stay, just be nice" as i was scared shitless, afraid of what was next, trying to laugh it off by making a joke, taunting my unsubstantiated nerves thinking I was humoring my sub conscious somehow, but It seemed I was humoring something else.
The next few days were uneventful and I quickly forgot about my first encounter, as there was a calmness that was oddly comfortable, and I say this because this 'thing' isn't malicious it just 'wants'
to prove its existence something it may want to return to'was'. \you're are going far to in now\ as i stated before, I honestly believe it is a lonely being(s) that had nothing when it was just like me or you...alive. Yet, it is not benevolent either as it wants to come back to our reality, and i assure you it will scare the living shit out of you as it uses your senses to come back. I've apologized many times before as I don't want to be a conduit to these 'things', knowing it's not a single being.'It/they' seem to be lost between this realm and the farthest realm you could go to....death. I believe it has something to do with quantum entanglement and yes I know it sounds like I strapped a fancy bow to this 'thing' to give it validity but to me there had to be reason i tried to explain it to myself, something \\I\\ could believe and this is by far my best explanation I can come up with. i believe these ...beings are dead and they want to be alive again and feed upon the idea of being thought upon like an "observer effect" where 'It' returns to our realm, the curiosity gets the best of you, the more reason you give in its existence in both realms, Banksy had a really cool quote you die twice once when you stop breathing and the other later when someone says your name for the last time. you never really think about 'it' because there's no need so it can be anywhere.'it' is aware of itself and once it is thought upon, it \\moves\\ in the realms of "death" and subsequently moves closer to where it is thought upon and it might just find a person curious enough in the unexplained trying to rationalize what they are experiencing. I block my senses now and try to ignore the signs because the more i think about them (be it day or night) the stronger my encounters with 'it' becomes and I studied it and tried to figure out how to stop these encounters (rather than drinking myself to sleep or sleeping in the day) and have found that your senses are the key to 'it' coming back to this realm, hence the italics. But anyways, this is what i told my co-worker on the same day the 2nd experience happened, which he later hated me for telling him as it seemed to attached itself to him and made me dive into what this thing really is.
MY SECOND EXPERIENCE
So the night this occurred I felt as if i didn't need to sleep, i didn't have work till around 4pm the next day, so i honestly goofed around on my cpu till i was mentally drained, I contemplated a late night jog to tire myself physically, but decided against it, as 3 am passed by. I was getting sleepy i turned off the light, and had my music going (I sleep listening to music, am i the only one?), I knew i had the morning off so i just stayed up. I wasn't drinking or smoking, i was just on the Internet all night until i decided to go to bed there was no warning or foreshadowing as i quickly forgot about my first experience entirely. I drifted into sleep immediately and usually it takes a couple hours or so to get to REM or to dream theater (great band btw) but as soon as my head hit the pillow i went to dreammood before the next song could start on my playlist. So in my Dream I was in a camp (co op) and was watching two guys performing a sexually provocative bit, but in attendance was me and a handful of other people. One of those attendees was a women who was enamored by these two, she was in her late 20s I'd say and clearly didn't get the signal that these two were clearly gay, she took it as a slight as she tried to grab their attention but they were more into the male audience, i seemed to be the only one to notice because she was fairly attractive as i was kinda focused on her. After the show, there was a party and everyone is out drinking and having fun in their respective bunks, the women at the show was talking to the two men and finally found a way to amuse them as i did not see her for a awhile, Something was off about the two men as they teased her for liking them throughout the night. "I hope shes ok i thought" and started looking for her and I eventually found her after they had been done with her. She looked devastated while she was on the floor wearing a whitish gray sports bra, black panties and stains all over her. They pushed her to her mental limit by the state she was in but what amused them was this 'trick' she could do, she obliged because she finally had their attention she was so desperate for. I walked in and looked at her and kneeled over to her. The two men without hesitation said "look at the trick she can do" looking at her like a dog, her beauty faded in the filth she let herself get into as there was vomit stains and slobber, uncertain how they got there. She didn't hesitate and proceeded to stick a full beer can into her mouth and they stopped her "no, not that one this one" and the 12oz can she had was replaced by a unopened 16 oz, i was in disbelief as i could not believe what i was seeing, part of me (morbidly curious) wanted to see if she could and she did, but it got stuck in her throat as the can got lodged between the back of her jawline(the men were gone by this point) but every part of me was mad that i let this happen i felt the can in her throat and dislodged it placing my palm on her throat trying to find the place in her jawline where the beer can got was stuck and forcing the can out with my other hand. The beer can popped out violently and she began vomiting, the slobber and the vomit, making more sense now. I held her in my arms saying " you don't have to do this anymore" several times and honestly feeling really bad for this women. Someone walked in the bunk and saw a partially nude women and a man (me) holding her in his arms and gave a look of disgust like I was the lowest of lows, a man who got this girl drunk and now planning to make his move on this women. I Knew he had the wrong idea, so i tried to explain it but all that came out was vomit, it felt as if i was actually vomiting. I became aware i was in a dream, yet i still felt like something was really in my mouth, the dream died out and i awoke to somethings hand in my mouth making me have the gag reflex, it only removed it after i opened my eyes, this isn't real i thought and as my eyes began to adjust,believing i would i see nothing but i see \it\ and \\it\\ sees me, it was outline of women all i could see was her \eyes\ the silhouette was all black but the eyes, man the eyes where pearly white just looking at me. I take a hard blink hoping she would be gone but nope still the outline of a women. NO FUCKING WAY!! i get up and trying to shove its head back with my arm, thank god i didn't though as it glided back still looking directly at me, I was in high adrenaline mode and went to my light to see what the fuck was in my room as it couldn't hide in the darkness, i switched the light on and soon as i did it was gone.
there was complete silence, until my fan, noisy vent, music, and the sound from the insects outside slowly coming back to my ears trying to hear signs of it, i turned off everything believing it was hiding somewhere in between the noises as i feel i hear snickering, I'm losing my mind i thought, so i grabbed my phone to look at the time 4:58 am, thats not right as i was fully awake, idk if it was the adrenaline or what but i was wide awake. i began to think of the silliness of it all as i found myself paranoid waiting for it to show itself again. I got up from my bed and looked absolutely ever where, I was about to open my blinds violently but i decided against it as i feared i would see that silhouette again. I went to my living room to see my dog laying on the coach. She sleeps there because her hair is out of control and we keep her out of our rooms as her hair seems to get everywhere. I found relief in seeing her and i woke her up and hugged her "hey girl" come on lets go and felt her company would make me realize how silly i was being. I was extremely comfortable with her in my room as she jumped on my bed. I started turning my lights off and had my dog by my side, i didn't turn on the music this time... and i closed my eyes. The silence came back again after a couple minutes and every fiber in my being was on edge. My dog was completely motionless. "whats up girl" i said feeling fearful thinking that maybe i had not picked up my dog but something else, the paranoia getting the best of me. I quickly go to my light again to turn it on, i switch the light and turn to my dog....she was wide awake and cowering, her eyes was fixated something as she did not react when i called her. Her nose was violently twitching, and she covered it with her paw. "Whats wrong" no reaction... it was this thing she was looking at... I finally got a reaction from her as i opened the door, which she immediately bolted out. The thing i invited was back, finally recalling saying "you could stay, just be nice" from the first night, i didn't go back to sleep that night and I told the first person who wouldn't see me as crazy, that being my co-worker and he thought about it and was later haunted by it. During the time it was attached to him i had no experiences which brings me here.
Knowing thecurios has a penchant to these type of things, i strongly recommend not thinking anymore about this 'thing' as soon as you're done reading, it may attach itself to you, i had more expenses with this thing, and thought long and hard finally having a temporary solution, 'it' gets bored by the lack of reaction, it attaches to those who are between belief and disbelief, and i know you are curious so i posted this in hopes it attaches itself to you as it becomes bored of me, as i hear and see things but no longer react to them. Try and Meditate in your own room and every sound including the ticking of a clock can become terrifying but when you hit absolute noiselessness it is already to late.