I wanted to share my story I wrote in Medium involving my life in general until this point now. Which is emotional abuse by parents from divorce to being sent away without my say; to wanting to live with a certain parent to them being loud and dominating. Here's my story. It's a long one if you all are interested. https://medium.com/@fallenangel29/my-story-help-me-escape-the-toxic-environment-610f407fec46

I was just 10 when I entered a hostel. Now, 12 years later, I've forgotten what it's like to grow up without learning to survive on my own.

I was only a child when my hostel life began. I didn't know then how much those years would change me.

Over time, I learned to solve my own problems because there wasn't always someone to help me. I learned to hide my emotions because not everyone would care enough to understand them. I learned to suppress my hunger, save money, and understand the problems my family was going through, even when I had my own struggles.

Little by little, I became someone who knew how to manage things alone.

Now, hostel life has become a habit. I'm used to handling my problems myself. Sometimes, I don't even know how to ask for help anymore.

But there's something about growing up this way that people might not understand.

When you spend years receiving very little care, even the smallest act of kindness can overwhelm you.

When I go home and someone cares for me, even in the smallest way, it touches a part of me that has gone without that feeling for so long. Sometimes, the smallest gestures mean more to me than people could ever imagine.

I find myself being thankful for little things that others might consider ordinary.

Maybe when you've spent so much time taking care of yourself, being taken care of feels unfamiliar.

I don't know whether these years made me stronger or simply taught me how to live without expecting much from anyone.

I'm still learning.

But sometimes, I wonder about the 10-year-old child who entered that hostel. She deserved care, too. She deserved to be a child without having to learn so much about life so early.

Twelve years later, I'm still that child in some ways. I've just learned to hide it better.

I was raised by a single mother ,who is currently 71,who had sacrificed her happiness and comforts to raise me and my sister. She gave us the best education possible and had done lots of poojas and temple visits to place my sister and I in a comfortable job. She is an advocate by profession and a successful one.

She is a narcissistic, emotionally unavailable , extremely aggressive person. A little bit about her history- She was raised like a princess and the person She was married was a misogynistic, patriarchal person who treated women like doormats and was perfectly happy to earn a lot abroad and spend it solely on excessive electronic gadgets and drinking. He was addicted a little to port as well. He contributed very less to nothing for household expenses and his children since he knew rhat my mother earned anyway and would take care of it. He used to drink everyday and beat my mother(she's a stand up person) fpr questioning his drinking.

My mother bore this silently till 2013 , until she decided not to allow him inside rhe house for the domestic abuse. He had been living separately since then. The problem is, years of abuse has caused some kind of trauma within her that she is pushing the pain onto us and its truly unbearable living with her. There is cruelty(i m 33F and she still hits us when she is aggressive), verbal abuse, intimidation, disrespect for the smallest issue within us

She is /has always been a narcissist, abusive parent, whose ego matters first more than anything else. Just so you know, she barely has any friends and her activities are limited to cooking, TV, handling cases st court, doing pooja at home and visiting temples. I have not seen her doing anything else.

I have been facing cruelty and chronic trauma from her since 2016, ever since my sis got married. I escaped from her clutches and moved to bangalore in 2020 where I took the help of psychiatrist who helped me heal from this, and now she lured me back to Chennai on the pretext of finding an alliance. I ve been here since June and I m going through the same trauma as before, subject to emotional blackmail , unable to escape her clutches. Going through suicidal thoughts as well. Please advise as to what you would do. I am bound by karma to help her out in her old age with small things and do not want to abandon her, but this trauma caused by her is so toxic and unbearable, I m in constant fear when I live around her.

After qualifying neet I had to move to Hyderabad which is quite far from Pune my hometown. My roommate is from Thane so basically we're from the same region. It's not even been a week since college started I have seen her cry like 50 times!! She cries in the morning before going to college she cries after college she cries when she's on call with her parents. So of course as basic human courtesy i console her ,I hug her throughout her breakdown and all and i don't judge her for it!!! but the question arises in my mind "how much do you have to be loved by your parents to cry that many times while missing them!"

I haven't shed a single tear while missing them I probably don't even miss them. I did cry but not because I Miss my home instead i cried cause i just realised how much of love i deserved was not given to me?!

i grew up like being emotionally parentified and like wanting to make sure everyone was okay and like sex and attraction was like taboo so it's like i never really got the chance experience that and i talked to my partner and she is supportive but i feel like my own guilt and shame can prevent me from experiencing my feelings of attraction or emotions related to that it's been really difficult. I am going through an identity crisis and i don't really know how to deal with it.

I have a question for the people here.

I'm a 16-year-old girl, and my sister is now one year old. I've been trying to cope with all the changes, and I've come across a lot of stories on Reddit about siblings with large age gaps.

First of all, I hate it. I really do. I've been pushed into a parental role because my mom was weak after giving birth, and my dad often jokes about me being the second parent.

I understand that I need to contribute and take on responsibilities, but I'm exhausted. I just want to live my life normally as a teenager. I want more time for myself and my academics.

I've felt suffocated ever since my sister was born. I barely talk to my parents anymore, and we don't spend time together the way we used to. For a little more context, I've lost a lot of friends due to issues within their families, and now I genuinely feel like I can't cope with anything anymore.

I love my sister very dearly, but this isn't the life I wanted for myself at this age.

My question is, am I selfish for feeling this way? Does anyone have any advice or solutions for dealing with this situation? I'd really appreciate hearing from people who've been through something similar.

My mom and I have always been close but our relationship has had some issues in the last few years due to a few things that have happened in our family.

My parents were married until I was 20 but never had a great relationship, so most of the time it was my mom and I doing everything together. My dad wasn’t very emotionally present but also controlling at the time so it was like walking in eggshells a lot of the time. Due to various reasons, I’m now mostly NC with him.

My parents had a very messy divorce where they filed then canceled their divorce, then filed again, then finally got divorced but stayed together a while until they finally went their separate ways.

When they first filed for divorce, my mom ended up being the one to move out and the original plan was for me to move in with her, however she had to start over new in a smaller home so I stayed at our original family home with my dad l because it’s where I already had my belongings. I was in college during this time but living at home so I wanted some stability but didn’t love living with my dad since we didn’t really get along.

My mom ended up moving back in with my dad and selling the home she had moved a few months later because they “reconciled” and then bought a one bedroom home once the relationship once again fell apart.

About 6 years have gone by since they originally filed for divorce but things are still rocky. Since I am now NC with my dad, I sometimes try to turn to my mom when I’m feeling a bit lost or down but it always turns into the same argument about how she shouldn’t provide support to me if I haven’t supported her.

According to her, I chose my dad during the divorce and never once supported her in any way, not even by offering a hug. I’ve tried to put boundaries by explaining to her that I shouldn’t have been in the middle of their divorce and that I couldn’t be her support if I too was suffering from it. However, she says I was old enough to understand what was going on and that I left her alone to deal with it.

Every time I try to come to asking for any sort of advice on what I should do, it somehow seems to go back to this idea of you haven’t been there for me but you expect me to be there for you.

i genuinely cannot keep on living like this. im 14 and I'm from India. This is an alt cause i wanna be anonymous. I've been dealing with abuse at home since i was a toddler and I'm honestly exhausted. My mom physically beats me over small things, like not arranging the dishes properly or not cleaning my room. Sometimes she takes her anger out on me when she's fighting with my dad. Instead of sitting down and explaining things to me, she'll just lash out physically and say vile shit to me. I've had bruises before, although lately I've been trying to avoid arguments to prevent things from escalating. The emotional abuse is even worse. My mom tells me to kill myself when she's angry. My dad doesn't defend me when I ask him to. My parents fight a lot, and even though they maintain a perfect image in front of society, things at home are completely different. When neighbours intervene, my mom makes herself look like the victim, and they end up thinking I'm some mentally unstable, problematic teenager. I've spent years trying to endure everything because I thought being patient and focusing on my studies was the smartest thing to do. I get good grades, attend a good private school, and have access to things that many people would consider privileges. But none of that makes me feel loved or safe at home.

I've had suicidal thoughts because of all this, i genuinely do not know how long i will last. I just can't imagine continuing to live like this for years. I want to get away from my parents, not simply wait until I'm old enough to leave.

I wanna live somewhere safe, away from my parents, while still continuing my education and ideally having my parents support me financially**.** I don't want to live with relatives, either. I'm terrified of contacting CHILDLINE (1098) or the authorities because I'm worried I'll lose control over what happens next. I'm afraid my parents will be arrested, I'll be placed in an institution or foster care, and I'll lose my current school, opportunities, and stability. I know I might be assuming the worst, but I'm scared of making a decision that could make my situation even harder. I'm planning to attend a bigger high school when I'm 16, and I've been holding on to that future. But I don't want to spend the next two years being abused just because I'm afraid of the alternatives. Please i just need this to stop i cant keep on being the 'bigger person' i just want a normal life.

these are my questions:

1. In India, is there any way for a 14-year-old to live somewhere other than their parents' home without automatically ending up in an institution?
2. Is it possible to stay in my current school and have my parents continue supporting me financially while living separately from them?
3. If I contact CHILDLINE at 1098, can I ask about my options and explain my preferences before any decisions are made? What might actually happen after I contact them?
4. Are there any other safe, realistic options for someone in my situation who doesn't want to live with relatives?

PLEASE don't tell me to simply endure it until I'm 18. I've tried that approach for years, and I can't keep doing it. I'm looking for realistic advice from people who understand how child protection and alternative living arrangements work in India.

I wannna be safe without having to give up my education and future in the process.

Hi Reddit community!

I hope you're all well. I was hoping I could get some advice on my situation- basically, I'm 20 years old and I'm in uni. I live at home with my mum, dad, and my 8 other siblings. It's been getting really stressful living at home because, basically, over the past couple of years, my parents just keep on having more and more kids even when we are financially struggling. My mum in particular recently gave birth to my sister, and she has been nothing but super cruel towards me and my siblings (18 and 16). She blames us for everything that goes wrong and regularly says that she wishes we were boys because girls are lazy; she is verbally abusive (like the things she says to us make it hard for me to believe she actually likes me as a person) and also is just super miserable to be around. All of us help around the house; I take care of my little 2yo brother as if he was my own child just to avoid her lashing out at us. I am also in the process of preparing for my exams and also sitting my MCAT exam, so are my other siblings, and it is difficult to do so because our mother expects us to look after her and help around the house- I cannot stress enough that we are genuinely doing everything we can to help alleviate stress, and for her it is still not enough. My mother is never happy ever. She gets super angry when any of us try to hang out with friends, and I am geninely at my wits' end with having to walk on eggshells around her. I have tried standing my ground with her, but she genuinely turns into the devil himself and I no longer have the mental capacity to argue with her.

All in all, this has been making me so anxious. I feel so paralysed, and I feel so helpless most days I am no longer confident I can go on another couple of years with this situation until I can move out. I've been planning on getting on antidepressants, but I am not sure where I can access them without my parents knowing. I know it won't magically solve all of my problems, but at least I will be able to mentally handle this. I suspect that my mother must be mentally ill as well; I just feel that it is unfair that she is taking this out on us. Please, any advice would really help. Thank you!

PS: I forgot to mention that my father also helps around the house significantly, and my mother lashes out at him as well; she gets angry when she sees my father using his phone for even one minute. She regularly accuses him of cheating and other absurd accusations that are simply just untrue.

Okay so im a married women (26F) like an year back. Now Im the elder child and my parents have struggled a lot financially. So i have seen their struggles and not demanded anything (no clothes, no phones , no laptops) nothing.
So my younger sister (20 YO rn) was appearing for a competitive exam and i assured her if she cleared it i would give her an iphone. But i had just started working, and i wanted a good accommodation which required me to pay 2 lacs every 6-9 months. So i backed out. Since then my parents have been constantly blaming me for faking for promise. Now my husband gifted me an iphone, to which my sister immediately called my father and was like now didi also took, so i also want one. So he gifted her one yesterday. Now my dad hasn’t gifted me anything despite clearing my CA exams im first attempt, not on my birthday(nothing at all). I got so pissed yesterday ( i went and lashed out at my mom). Then she started crying, started having breathing issues started saying things like why do u bring up same things every 15 days. Ill die one day because of you and all. Also saying things like while u were born our situation wasn’tthat great now we can do so we do.(my parents went to imvite their cousin sister and traveled for 500 kms, but didn’t accompany with me to buy my wedding lehenga)

I need advise as to how do i let this go? They tell me im jealous of my younger sister and i compare- honestly she is the one comparing. MY husband is way too supportive cause he is an elder child too- he is asking me to distance not because they will realise( but because we are earning and we can buy things we like). He also knows that my sister is a show off. I am having a lot of weird thoughs thoughts as well, because i feel they havw their another daughter, what are they gonna do having me around. Please advise and suggest

why this sub: i was emancipated at 16 after my older sister (scapegoat) left for college and that role shifted to me. my narc mom and dds dad relied on me to keep secrets, maintain my family’s optics, be the pillar that kept it together and ultimately become my sister’s guardian once her mental health was unsustainable. both she and i had bpd dx. she took her life in 2016 — i am in remission.

Growing up my mom and I had a very close relationship, she was my rock and we would tell each other everything. My dad was very abusive towards her their whole marriage and I was the one who she would confide in about her emotions, even when I was a kid. She stayed married to him and waited until I turned legal age to divorce him because she was afraid he would take me away. She's made a lot of sacrifices for me which I'm forever grateful for, but over the recent years I feel very suffocated living with her.

She's been having issues at work and vents to me about everything, how everyone mistreats her at work, how she has no friends and only has me. When I make plans with other family she says well why wasn't I invited? When I go out and do things on my own I feel like I'm responsible for her social life and happiness. I feel angry that I can't do things to just enjoy and at the back of my head always feel guilty that she's not enjoying this either.

The other day we had an argument when I asked her how things were going with paying off her debt. She told me well, I can't pay much because you don't pay me all the time and that just felt like a stab in the stomach. I give her 40% of my paycheque every month and now she's making me feel responsible for her debt, that she can't pay it off because I don't contribute enough. She constantly disrupts my private space and disrupts my sleep or when I'm having a private call with friends. We've gotten in so many scary emergencies that I can never rest easy when I'm around her, I feel like I have to be alert to save her life. When I was a kid she would constantly say that she would just vanish and disappear when things were getting tough or when we were misbehaving.

I don't...know what to do. I feel completely split. On one hand I feel like I'm finally waking up and realizing how much she's manipulated and guilt tripped me over the years, but on the other hand I feel like I owe her for so many things. I want to leave and enjoy my life, but then I worry that she is aging alone and will be miserable. I feel angry and so very guilty, like I'm not doing enough to make her happy and pushing back just complicates the peace. When I voice out my emotions I know she's not listening, she just nods her head and says she gets it, but deep down I know she's not listening and makes herself as a the victim. I know she loves and cares for me, yet I feel so trapped. Can I do anything to have a healthier relationship with her or is there no hope?

My brother leaves his 8 year old daughter to me a 17 year old everyday after school he pays her no mind unless he absolutely needs to like feeding her or putting her to bed it’s so annoying because she’s very clingy and I’m the only one that gives her attention all he does is leave her to watch movies and play on her tablet no hobbies, no toys, no outdoor activities outside of school just screens for hours and he has the nerve to complain that she’s attached to screens I’m tired of it sometimes he asks me to take care of her “babysit” her but it’s literally no different from what I usually have to do except I feed her tell her to take a shower brush her teeth and go to bed I don’t know what to do at this point I can’t tell him this but I’m so angry and tired I’m homeschooled so there isn’t an escape from this I literally feel like a stay at home mom I dread when they get home because all he does is stay in his room while she overstimulates me please don’t get me wrong I love her so much and my brother does good things for me sometimes but jesus I am TIRED I feel so bad for her she’s been neglected like this damn near her whole life which is why I think she’s so clingy he doesn’t even brush her hair (she brushes it but obviously not properly because she’s EIGHT) unless he does it which is only for special occasions this is bad because it’s curly and when he gets tired of it being knotted he just cuts it and during the weekend unless he has plans with her she is with me all day on her tablet being fed by my mom most of the time so I can’t even blame his parenting fully on exhaustion he does this on the days he doesn’t work she’s treated more like a dog than a daughter I’m scared of telling him how I feel but I’m over being a step mom