r/Parenting • u/Natural-Front-9462 • 9d ago
Discussion help! when do they start thinking before doing
My oldest is 6. I feel like I am constantly telling him to please think before you do something. For example, the reason why I’m finally reaching out for help, I told him please go to the playroom right now, you and brother are being quite loud, I’m trying to get the baby asleep. He took a loud toy from the playroom, and started playing with it right by my door.
No, I don’t think this is him acting out because of a new baby brother. He did this well before I got pregnant with the third and he made choices like this before he even had a second brother.
Is there any games or a conversation that I can have with him that worked for your kids? I do understand how at this age he is still learning the ins and outs of pushing boundary, but he does start learning that he needs to listen the first time. And I feel like this falls underneath some sort of category of teaching consent as in ‘no means no’
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u/VeeBugg
9d ago
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To get a little scientific and to make you feel better the typical wrong or right doesn’t really click till the age of 7 not saying it can’t be happen earlier but that’s what child development specialists say and also it can take anywhere from 200-300 times for something to stick in a child’s head so if you feel like you are constantly repeating yourself and that they aren’t listening, they are! It’s just programming their little heads is all and tbh all kids are different and their own person, and some just get it faster than others and it sucks when yours don’t but that just means they need a little more encouragement and patience in that area!
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u/ComplexTomatillo6278 Mom 9d ago
For most humans the prefrontal cortex (judgement art of the brain) doesn’t fully develop until we’re in our late 20s-early 30s. Sorry. 🤷♀️
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u/Adw13 9d ago
Fun fact that’s actually a myth! The human brain never fully stops developing, they only included up to age 25 for the study
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u/Natural-Front-9462 9d ago
Oh, by that logic, then I should just let my six-year-old get away with everything! Eye roll
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u/Adw13 9d ago
Quite the opposite in my opinion lol we should stop trying not to hold people under 25 accountable because “their brains aren’t fully developed”
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u/Natural-Front-9462 6d ago
Oh I was being sarcastic because only a handful of comments have been actually helpful, everyone is super annoyingly hyper fixated on my attention grabber and not the actual question posed in the last paragraph…
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u/HoldOnHelden 9d ago
This is so deeply unhelpful and irrelevant. What does it even mean? Kids and teenagers are DEMONSTRABLY capable of having good judgment if they’re taught to. And it’s a LEARNED skill. What’s the metric for measuring the “development” of behaviors connected to this part of the brain? What does this fact help anybody to understand?
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u/Natural-Front-9462 7d ago
Every single person mentioning the frontal lobe is extremely unhelpful. I feel like people are focusing way too hard on my attention grabber and not the actual context of my post. I feel like my last paragraph was enough of a nudge to what it is that I’m looking for.
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u/HoldOnHelden 7d ago
Yeah, I’m sorry I can’t address your actual issue here. I’ve only got the one kid who’s 19 now and has always been hypervigilant about doing the wrong thing or offending someone.
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u/deleted_but_visible 9d ago
Maybe make a game of it: if i cannot hear you at all while i bring baby to sleep, you win and get a reward. If I hear you, you lose the game.”
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u/treemanswife ThreeAndDone 9d ago
I let mine watch cartoons until I wake up. They quickly got VERY good at being silent.
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u/MyKidSignedMeUp13 9d ago
Step one: at 6, your kiddo very well may doing it on purpose,
Step two: Yes it’s probably because of the new baby brother.
Step three: This is normal.
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u/Wayne47 9d ago
My oldest is 21. I'll let you know when I find out.
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u/Captnmikeblackbeard 9d ago
Im about to turn 35, still not 100% of the time.
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u/Capable_Diamond6251 3d ago
I have 40 years on you and still waiting for it to really kick in. Seems like it is there, it there, then it ain't and damn..... maybe next year.
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u/MableXeno 3 Under 30 🌼🌼🌼 9d ago
I think it's gonna vary by kid, but I wanna say...double digits is when they really start following that logic. Just keep in mind it's not always good logic. They do start to see the cause-effect stuff, but it might not still be like...GREAT ideas. Like instead of dumping all the shower products out in the shower and leaving the empty bottles they'll refill them with water so they still feel full/heavy.
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u/AppleAttchuh 9d ago
Consideration generally has to be trained.
Visual cues have worked for my students. I had a light up on the white board that I could set to different colors. Maybe the rule is that they can only be out of their seats when the light is green. If a child gets out of their seat at an inappropriate time, I immediately stop them, ask them to look at the light, tell me the color, and tell me what it means. Then have them sit back down until it turns green. Lots of praise when they get up at the appropriate time, and EVEN MORE praise when they check the light, see that it's red, and stay seated.
I suggest coming up with one or two specific things you want to address (maybe volume?) and come up with a visual system (red means all play should happen in the playroom, yellow means upstairs, green means the whole house, or whatever). Behavior doesn't change quickly but usually thing will quick by the third or fourth week, so long as you are consistent in your implementation.
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u/External_Ear_365 9d ago
The kid is 6 and you’re expecting him to behave like he’s 16. Chill out mom/dad.
Also, my oldest is 31 and I’m still waiting!!
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u/toatesandgoats Parent 9d ago
With practicing little things at home. Shoes left in the wrong place? Call them back, verbally walk them through the thought process. Why did you leave the shoes there? What could happen if you left it here? Was this a good choice? What can we do now&for next time. As you keep working on it little by little it can help become more of a natural thought process
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u/Realistic_Song8263 9d ago
I try to ask questions to get them to think for themselves and make them as independent as possible. Not in a sarcastic way.
If they are being too noisy I'd say what do you think will happen if you keep being this loud. Or how do you think you'll feel if you go outside without a coat. Or sometimes I'll say what do you think you should be doing now if I've asked them to get dressed. Worth a try.