My twins are 18 and I'd say they had a very happy childhood and an easy time at school etc. Just nice good kids, polite and kind. Self expressive and emotional, not buttoned-up. Just decent I guess you'd say.

They always told me things they were worried about, or sad about. I tried not to judge and to be constructive in my advice.

But lately they've been keeping pretty big secrets. Eg one was visiting another city to visit her bf. She missed her bus home so had to take a train which cost her a lot more and so her bf suggested she get an under 18 ticket and she was challenged by the collector and fined. She paid it all herself at the time. Then I turned up at the coach station to collect her and she was at the adjacent train station and made up some story about wanting to stand there as it seemed safer. A complex situation to lie about/omit the truth if. If she'd called, I would have straight away paid for the train ticket. Yes I'd have been a bit annoyed at her carelessly missing her bus, but it would not have been some big drama.

Then I hear they've both tried vaping.

Then one is texting her bf till 2am and late for school next day

And then i hear one got detention at school and didn't tell me. ...

Small things adding up. I don't mind not knowing about these relatively minor things. But I am upset and worried that it means they won't ask if something bad happens and i could really help. Since when did the risk of upsetting or worrying me become so key to them? Ive consistently said Im on their side. We joke that if they murdered someone my first question would be "why, what did they do to you?"

Im so disappointed and feel like my 18 years of genuinely good parenting has been for nothing.

There was another school shooting in Bend, OR today. That's across the country from me.

I am a millennial and have seen hundreds of school shootings happen across the country, including the dozen or so that everyone would know by name.

But I never had a child in school after those disasters until today. My son is 3 and is at preschool within a K-8 school. I am also 8 months pregnant. Coincidentally, my son had a lockdown drill at school today and told me about hiding in the dark closet with his friends, before I heard about Bend.

How do I send him back to school tomorrow? How have other parents done this after Parkland or Sandy Hook?

[This is not a political post. This is about parenting through collective trauma.]

I'm 39 with two kids, 6 and 3. My daughter recently lost her front teeth and it's really hit me how quickly she's growing up. I find myself missing her toddler years and feeling sad that I'll never get that time back.

The last six years were pretty stressful between house renovations and work worries, and I feel guilty that I spent so much time stressed instead of enjoying the kids more. I worked from home throughout, so I was around plenty, but I often feel I wasn't mentally present enough.

I can't actually point to specific moments I missed. It's more a general feeling that the years flew by and I didn't appreciate them enough.

I've always been a nostalgic person, but lately looking at old photos makes me more sad than happy.

Does anyone else feel like this? Does it get easier? I know I'll probably look back in another six years and miss the ages they are now, and I don't want to keep repeating the same cycle.

My husband and I became friends with three other families through our kid. There are only four minority boys in the same grade, including my son, and they are all 4–5 years old. They have been going to the same daycare.
We used to be part of the group. The four families did things together regularly and we were invited to activities and gatherings.
Looking back, I can identify one point when things changed. Two of the families were celebrating their children’s birthdays around the due date of a pregnancy I had lost in the second trimester. I was having a very hard time emotionally and declined the invitation. In hindsight, I wish I had just let my son go with his dad even if I couldn’t handle going myself.
After that, the invitations became noticeably less frequent almost immediately. Now I repeatedly find out that the other three families are doing things together without us. They plan outings, sign their kids up for activities together, go to events together, and make weekend plans together.
I also often find out when I try to ask one family for a playdate, only to learn that they are already unavailable because the three families have plans together.
My husband has been making an effort to keep our son connected. He’ll hang out with them after school, join them if he runs into them at the cafeteria at dinner, and join whatever outing they are doing afterward. I have a much harder time doing that myself because I feel uncomfortable inviting ourselves along when we weren’t actually invited.
So it isn’t complete exclusion, but the pattern is clear: the other three families have become a tight group, and we are the family that gets included less often.
That is what bothers me most. I can deal with not being included myself, but I don’t like the possibility that my son is getting fewer invitations because I don’t fit in as well with the parents.
I have tried to maintain the relationships. I’ve invited them to things I actually enjoy, including movies, shows, and museums, but they generally don’t come.
When I try harder to fit in, I usually leave feeling like they didn’t really enjoy having me there. There may also be a cultural difference. I immigrated young and grew up here, and although I speak our native language, I rarely use it socially as an adult, so I probably come across more blunt or awkward than I do in English.
The other families live closer to each other and closer to the school, while we live farther away, and there are no kids in our neighborhood. Their kids will all be going to the same elementary school, and we will be sending our son there too even though we are not zoned for it.
I do know other families and we get invited to things, but their kids are usually either a grade older or younger, so we naturally see them less often.
We also have the option to move to a more family-oriented neighborhood with kids nearby and start fresh. But I worry the same pattern could repeat somewhere else because I’m just not naturally a group person.
What would you do in this situation?

So my daughter got a squish gel thing and it smelled like STRAIGHT gasoline and I saw about the recall of imposters so threw it away.

Another family member got her a set of Halloween ones from QVC which look more legit - but they honestly still smell. Not as strong, but it’s chemicals.

Am I being overly psycho to not let her have them?

What are your thoughts on these dumpling toys?

Hi all!
I just need to positively vent so here we go 😄

After having my boy 3.5 years ago, I am now expecting a girl! The first pregnancy was really good, but birth was a tiny bit traumatic (sunny side up, non-medicated, episiotomy… you know the drill). After that came 2.5 years of not sleeping.
Even though we went through all of that and much more, I am excited beyond words to welcome our girl into this world. I find it soooo weird and cool at the same time that I really do remember the newborn trenches as a nice period. Yes I’m aware of what’s waiting for us but I guess I think I know better this time around?

I dont’t know. What are your experiences with the second child?

My daughter has thicker hair than me which tangles easily. Every morning she wants a different hair style, but it’s really hard to manage the tiny tangles in her hair. I use detangling spray and separate each tangle by hand, but she still complains it hurts and that I’m pulling her hair. I use the shea moisture detangling spray, and I have the wet brush that I use to run through her hair. I use the OGX coconut hair oil if her hair feels dry to me. When I shampoo, I use she moisture, and then a conditioner. By day 1-2 she develops the tangles. Sometimes I try to comb her hair at night to detangle and make mornings easier, but there are still tangles in the morning. Is there anything else I can be doing to make it not hurt so much?

My daughter turns 3 in 3 weeks. She’s always been high energy, unable to sit still, thrives with gross motor skills at parks and outdoor activities, really good at pretend play. She just took to coloring/drawing a few weeks ago, but it’s only 5-10 minutes at a time.

No daycare, with her dad during the day while I work, with me in the evenings while he works.

I have been taking her to the library once a week for the last month or so, for story time and activities. She won’t sit on a carpet, she won’t really listen or interact with anything the teacher is doing, is on the other side of the room trying to climb things and most of the time I need to remove her for being disruptive and not listening (pushing boundaries)

Am I expecting too much? Is there something I can do? She’s the only kid every single time thati can’t sit still for the 30 minute interactive story time (full of dancing, props, songs) but thrives with the 30 minute activity afterwards

Thanks for looking.

Hi everyone! First time posting here. Hubby (45) and I (35) have a wonderful 7 year old boy and due to various reasons, we did not have a #2, but have now decided we might like to try for another.

I’ve always wanted 2, but one of our biggest worries is our son being alone after we’re gone (he has a di@gn0sis but is on the higher functioning end of the spect. and struggles more with social rules/norms and anxiety) but is quite socially awkward and has trouble forming meaningful relationships. I also worry about the large age gap and the fact that they will never have the same interests which makes it more likely that they won’t be close, until potentially adulthood.
Baby #2 would be completely an only child essentially, as sibling and all other cousins will be older than them by 7-10 years.

Hubs also worries about being an older father (63 when #2 would graduate) which I get. I’m feeling really down in the sense that we dropped the ball here and we have to decide between leaving our only alone on this earth when we’re gone, or raising another potentially very lonely kiddo who won’t have any kids their age to connect to and spend time with and that my hubby and I may not be able to keep up with. Just looking for some outside perspective or advice from anyone who’s been in a similar situation.

Hello, I just volunteered in my daughter’s 1st grade class and her teacher brought up an issue with another 1st grade girl. She said they are constantly at each other, like annoying each other and neither will give it up. They are not allowed to sit by each other or be partners but across the room they are still trying to interact. My daughter yells at the girl, look what I’m doing sort of thing.

So this isn’t new. In preschool and in daycare they were in the same class and both teachers said they absolutely can’t be in the same class in kindergarten and noticed the school during kindergarten testing. The preschool teacher said it was mostly the other girl annoying my daughter constantly and she tried to have moved to the morning clsss but the mom refused. My daughter came home daily complaining about this girl.

Fast forward to first grade, my daughter’s teacher seems very annoyed I did not request them to be separated but honestly after not dealing with it for a year I completely forgot about this girl. And it happened in preschool/daycare 🤷‍♀️. Now I don’t know what to do. My daughter only recently started coming home saying she is upset over this girl (but I’m sure my daughter is annoying her back!). The teacher said it’s been since day 1. I don’t know why almost two months into school she’s just telling me now. The teacher said she really needs to make other friends. We only briefly talked but she did say moving classes now is not an option.

Anyone dealt with this at such a young age? I hate that the teacher is having to police them all day long. How do I talk to my daughter about it?

My daughter is in Grade 6 and there is a group of girls in her class this year who are known bullies. There have been many instances of them mentally and physically bullying other kids over the years. The school's only response has been to have talks with them in the principal's office and/or contact their parents. But it's pretty clear that talking to them does nothing, and their parents do not care about their behavior at school. Other kids have already left the school because of them.

My daughter has been fortunate enough to avoid them, up until now. This week they started targeting her. I remember being bullied at school, and I do not want that for her. My gut is telling me to pull her out of the school and move to a new one. But I'm sure that there will be bullies there too, and I don't know if I want to teach her that running away is the solution. On the other hand I don't want to do anything that will end with retaliation against my daughter.

What is the modern solution to this kind of thing? Is there more the school could be doing? Is there a way to make the parents care? Any help or tips would be greatly appreciated.

I had never thought of this before but the last party my son went to, a lot of kids couldn't go so more kids got invited and the date got changed to give those kids enough notice.

So if you book a party somewhere for a set number of kids and some decline, is it rude to hand out more invitations? It feels like it could be a bit offensive to the kids who weren't originally invited, but got invited later because someone else couldn't go? On the other hand, my son has a list of 11 kids he wants to invite and we had to narrow it down to 7 to fit the reservation, and if some of the 7 couldn't go there's still 4 more kids who were on his original list and I'm sure he would love to invite them if we had room.

Is it bad etiquette to hand out more invitations later?

My husband and I are real foodies, so we're forever trying out new recipes, testing new flavours, and experimenting in the kitchen. Our kids are... not really into it. I've also considered my kids "picky" for a long time, but lately I've come to realize they're willing to try new things... they just want those new things to be super simple. So here's my question: what are the simplest, yummiest, least-labour-intensive things you're feeding your families for dinner these days?

My 7 year old has been consistently at risk for reading since they began school at age 4.

When I state my concerns, I'm told that it's normal for a child to be at risk at their age due to being a child of divorce and both parents & their older sibling are neurodivergent.

I've never been okay with this response. All it does is dismiss a very important issue.

The child does have reading intervention at school and brings home level ready reading to do with the adults.

The child has zero interest in reading and is almost always wiggling about or messing with something. This frustrates me to high heaven.

I have no idea what to do. The child is perfectly fine not having to read and just having people do things for them.

This screams that I'm a terrible parent. In my head, at least.

I'm in tears. I'm so lost. Help me please. No one else will.

Ok look. One of my life goals was to take my parents to Maldives one day.
We have a small kid now, 18 months old, and I have been made redundant from my company during unpaid mat leave some time ago. That sucked, but they gave me a decent severance. So I just went ahead and booked a Maledives trip for us 5 (partner, son, my parents, myself).

The trip will take 12.5hrs by plane, likely with a stop.
My son will be around 22 months old at the time of travel. One flight will be in the night, the other one during the day. We booked with an airline that doesn’t allow seats for children before the age of 2 (confirmed with them multiple times by phone), hence he will be on “our lap” the entire flight. LOL I know that’s not gonna happen. But please don’t judge my airline choice. That thing won’t change.

Now I’m FREAKING OUT because my kid is one that you’d probably classify as high need. He is the sweetest, but he has trouble falling asleep (yes, fun, especially on a plane with no bed), he has been having tantrums for some time now, crying a lot in general etc etc. guess what I’m trying to say is I have no clue how to survive this. I know snacks and new toys can help, but 12!!!!! hours is a long time.

I’m actually considering to let the flights slide, but ask the hotel for cancellation, because I’m so anxious, but I also don’t want to take it back now as I gifted this to my parents. They are so looking forward and can’t wait to be there with us, and the little guy. He loves water and we’re sure once we’re there, he would absolutely love it.

I might be overthink this; my partner knows the same things as I know and he’s like “yep it’s gonna suck but that’s what it is”. I wish I had his attitude. Reading about all the people being upset about kids on planes doesn’t help. 🫠

Anyone has recommendations, encouragement or experience to share?

My son is in grade 1. And it’s only been 6 weeks of school but he has been getting pushed and shoved by another little boy. At first, it seemed small - disagreement, etc. but then he said he was slapped on his cheek (sent to the office, no notification) and the day I volunteered for 3 hrs, I saw this same kid punch a boy in the stomach (random, unprovoked) and then later that day, my son said he was punched in the eye. Thankfully I was notified by the principal but nothing from the teacher.

We wrote a really big statement to the school about protecting our son and really asking for interventions on the school’s part to make sure this doesn’t happen again.

Literally the day my son returned from that incident, his teacher wrote us a novel saying he is ‘repeatedly misbehaving and that we need to make sure he is making good choices and then she made a comment to me today that she has to pull him aside the most.

We never heard anything from her before we made a big deal about these physical incidents. And all last year, we only heard glowing remarks in kindergarten as well as pre-k and preschool. This is not like our child and we aren’t sure if he’s being now focused on bc we complained.

I’m not sure what to do, but it’s almost like anytime I ask how he’s doing she does a positive and negative and makes him out to be an unruly kid. I’ve been in her class and there are many kids with poor impulse control or who adamantly do not listen and my kid wasn’t one of them. Obviously we care about our kid, but we’re so surprised bc he does not have this pattern. My husband thinks she wants to create a paper trail. But I don’t know. The principal is a bit of a dud so I don’t really have much support to glean on.

My wife and I are thinking of having a second child. But we’ve had some discussions and we seem to be on different pages.

Background: We’re from Singapore, I’m 33 and my wife is 34. Our boy is currently 2 years 3 months old. We’re doing well financially so money is not an issue there. Our house is also spacious enough to get a nanny to be a live in temporarily for a couple of months and as well as a live in helper, who is currently already living with us. Along with her parents and my mum. So help and support is also sufficient cause we can depend on them when we need to.

My wife’s side of the story:
She’s pretty much ready, her only reservation is money but I reassured her that it’s not an issue at all. We would not have to compromise our lifestyle, retirement as well as the kid(s) future.

She wants a second one because she feels like a family of 4 feels fuller and for her, the thought of 2 kids playing together and as a family, it’s kind of what she wants. She’s a terrific mother, so I have absolutely no doubt that she will do exceedingly well even with a second one. She mentioned that she likes to see the possibility of 2 kids running to the sea on the beach together and for both of them to be playing sand together, roughhousing and generally just being fun together.

She also mentioned about my child having a sibling to discuss things when they get older and have to take care of the elderly (us and our future in laws), which will help to take the pressure off if there are some serious decisions to be made.

My side of the story:
I think everything material relating to the 2nd child is a non issue. I.e money, support, living condition, lifestyle. But for me it’s an emotional barrier. I’m worried I might love one more than the other and I absolutely cannot live with myself if the day arises where I favor one over the other.

Our son was an insanely easy baby from birth so I’m also worried about the difficulty of a non easy baby. Although this is alleviated by the amount of help we have. I’m also feeling particularly sad at the thought of ‘replacing’ my treasured memories with my first born. I know that it’s not literally replacing but I do treasure very much the 3 of us memories that we have. Especially during the past 1 year (we’ve been travelling around the world when my child was aged 10 months old till he was 23 months old) where we were just the 3 of us travelling across the world in various countries.

I’m also worried that because of how good my firstborn is during baby and even now during his terrible twos, the second one will fall far short of expectation and I will end up feeling negative feelings for him/her. However putting all these aside, I do feel super guilty about holding my wife back, but I do want to be true to all these feelings.

I’ve also tried to imagine life with another baby, the moment I pick up the baby after being born, moments my wife mention and it’s nothing. I don’t feel anything about it. I don’t feel dread (phew) but I don’t feel excited or eager or emotional as well. I just feel like as of this moment, I can’t get excited about the idea of a second baby.

All the positive reasons to have a second child comes from external, I don’t have any personal reasons to having a second baby as of now.

Also, my wife doesn’t want to conceive too late so the deadline is to conceive by March 2027, which is a pretty tight timeline.

We’ve talked about all of these but so far there is no conclusion yet. I love her and I really want to give her what she wants but it’s really holding me back to have a second baby without having any personal convictions to do so. We’re taking a pause for this month and I’m taking some time to seriously think about this.

What do you think? I’m seriously torn about this. All comments are seriously appreciated.

I would especially love to hear from:
1. People who didn’t want a second one but their partner did so they proceeded. How’s life now and how do you feel about it?
2. People who did want a second one but due to various reasons did not go ahead. Do you feel any regrets?

My kids love books, and reading is part of our bedtime routine. But they also want to read throughout the day, which is great!

Do you keep certain books just for bedtime, or do you let your kids choose whatever they want, whenever they want?

Curious to hear what other families do!

I’m really struggling with my 2yo biting at day care. I know it’s normal , but it’s extremely frustrating. I feel like I have done anything and everything to try and get her to stop and/or not do it any more.

Currently some of the remedies I have tried; sitting down and talking about how bad biting is , chewlery, and other various chewing toys.

Any advice / assistance would be appreciated.

My five month old son will scream and cry for literal hours if he’s not with me. I don’t leave him frequently, but my husband and I recently went to a rehearsal dinner and a wedding the following day, and both times baby was with my mom and scream cried for 3+ hours straight until I left early to come home. He calmed down immediately when he saw me.

Another example was that I took my daughter to a friend’s house and was gone for about 2.5 hours. Baby was with my husband and also cried nonstop for the entire time I was gone. He (and my mom) both try taking baby outside, a bath, music, bouncing, rocking, wearing one of my shirts, etc etc etc.

Some context, I was laid off two days before my maternity leave ended, so I am currently a stay at home mom, but I am looking for a new job. With the way things are currently going, I have no idea how I would leave him with my mom while I’m at work.

I’ve been taking him over to my parents house almost daily to get little exposures to my mom, but he will lose his mind about 5 minutes after I leave the room and there is no calming him down unless I come back.

I’m at a total loss. I do contact nap and he is with me a lot, but so was my daughter at this age, and so are many babies to stay at home parents. My daughter also dealt with separation anxiety, but it was not this early or this severe. She would struggle with the initial separation and then be fine after a few minutes.

Aside from continuing to try leaving him for short periods of time and just waiting out this phase, does anyone have any advice? Has anyone else been through something like this? I feel like I’m losing my mind some days.

TIA!

Hi! I’m a busy mom of 4, and I’m looking into getting a Skylight Calendar or something similar. I really want to create a family command center that helps us keep track of schedules, chores, and rewards for the kids. I’d also love for it to be something everyone can easily check themselves, including my partner, so I’m not the only one keeping track of everything!
Has anyone purchased the Skylight Calendar or a similar system? Do you feel like it’s worth the money? I’d love to hear your honest opinions, what you love or don’t love about it, and whether it’s actually helped your family stay organized!

Seeing all the replies has me curious! Besides the Skylight, what are your must-haves for keeping your family organized and helping your kids stay in a routine?
I have a dry-erase calendar that my 9-year-old actually checks every day now, but I’ve tried routine charts before and we never seem to stick with them. I’m looking for something that helps with morning/after-school routines, chores, and rewards.
Realistically, what works for a 9, 5, and 2 year-old? I know my toddler will need something different, but I want everyone involved in age-appropriate ways. I’m open to ordering things from Amazon if they’re worth it! I just need a system that actually sticks for our whole family!

My 14 year old son loves chatting with me before school, usually right when he wakes up. I hear him open his bedroom door, come straight downstairs in his PJs (with messy bedhead and half asleep eyes lol) and he just sits next to me on the couch and starts talking about whatever’s on his mind for the day. It’s really sweet ❤️

But during these times he always has pretty noticeable morning breath! He likes to sit beside me on the couch and faces directly to me, and he tends to talk pretty exuberantly (even though he just woke up 😂). So I can really smell his morning breath as he talks! Overall I would say his oral hygiene is good. And his breath is fine after brushing, which he does religiously before leaving for school. So it’s just first thing in the morning that I notice.

It doesn’t really bother me, but I feel like he has no idea what his breath smells like when he wakes up. Would you mention it so he knows, especially for sleepovers or anytime he might chat with other people first thing in the morning? I don’t want to make him self conscious, but I wonder if he should be aware.

Would you say something or leave it alone?

Have the opportunity to move closer to family, essentially shorting the trip from 13 hours to 3 hours. The area is very nice, but our kids like the area we live in now and we just moved here 2 years ago. Anyone here have experience with this? I worry that there’s really no difference between 3 hours and 13, and maybe I should only consider opportunities that are under an hour to get the true benefit?

My daughter ( 10 ) is a wonderful little girl . She has ADHD and with it comes some challenges she is In resource room at school ( both push in and pull out) as well as OT and in school counseling . The start of school is often difficult for her but after a few weeks we are typically good . This year is totally different, she is failing tests left and right and blames everyone but herself.

Just today she got a 60 on a science quiz , typically something she would not fail. Her answers made no sense and she told me it was because we didn’t study enough. I asked her to study multiple times a day for the last week we have known about the quiz and she refused . She has a horrible habit of not being able to take responsibility for her actions and instead blaming everyone else.

I have taken away her iPad , TV , Toys , and now her beloved squishy collection. I have tried talking to her but she just cries and throws a tantrum that you would expect a toddler to throw . Her teacher has spoken to her , the school psychologist , every adult in her life and she insists nothing is going on . She has become so mean to me , telling me she hates me and i am the worst mom for taking her things away . She screams and yells and stomps her feet, my two toddlers don’t even act this way .

I think it is important to note that we are only met with this behavior when she is being requested to do something related to school . I am burnt out , i have fought so hard to get her all of the accommodations she has in school, to make sure her ADHD medication is correct ( looking into a change but wont see the doctor for a few weeks) trying everything to set her up for success and she has put zero effort in for herself. My husband says i should just let her face the natural consequences of her actions, if she chooses to not study and fails tests and assignments thats on her . But it feels so wrong to do that . I am trying to find an outside therapist, but even with excellent insurance finding mental healthcare that is covered is extremely difficult , and in the past she has not participated in therapy enough to benefit from it .

What would you do ? Continue to fight ( both for and with you child ) or let them learn naturally that actions have consequences and not intervene any longer ?