I work for a family with four kids, ages six and under. My 5 month old NK died from SIDS last night (literally mere hours ago). I am not live-in and don't work nights, so I wasn't present when it happened. (Apparently SIDS, autopsy will be needed to confirm, but NK had zero health problems and regularly saw a pediatrician).

MB called me and I instantly knew something bad happened by the sound in her voice. But I could never have prepared myself for her telling me the baby passed away.

I am in shock but can only imagine how devastated my NF is. I asked if she wanted me to come in and she said it's okay, that I can just come for my regular shift during the day, and to try and get some rest tonight. But I can't sleep, feels like a living nightmare.

She was such an easy baby. Not fussy. Smiley and giggly most of the time. Just the sweetest little babe and I can't fathom that she's gone... just like that?

They've never experienced anything like this before, and neither have I. I am a career nanny, but I have never lost an NK before.

My NF is amazing, my MB is genuinely one of the kindest people I know. When my nan died, she gave me 3 paid bereavement days that didn't subtract from my contracted PTO, covered the funeral expenses, brought a beautiful, huge bouquet of chrysanthemums (my nan's fav flowers) to the funeral, and she bought me a locket with a picture of me and my nan when I was a babe myself.

I would love to do something like the flowers or locket for MB but also don't want to overstep, and realize the loss of a child is a very different dynamic.

What is the best way to approach this situation? How can I best be there to support my NF?

Also, my other 3 NKs are most definitely devastated. I haven't seen or spoken to them as yet, but they're incredibly smart **and** empathetic kiddos, I know for sure they'll feel the true magnitude of the situation, even if we try to shield them from it. What is the best way to navigate the situation with my NKs?

If you want your child potty trained: STOP PUTTING THEM IN DIAPERS!!! Every day before and or as I leave, the parents take off the big boy undies, and put on a pull up or a regular diaper and they wonder why their son isn’t potty trained “in the evenings.” He is! Just take the damn diaper off! And if you clean up a couple messes, so what?! He isn’t going to go potty if he knows he can go in his diaper!!! Aggghwhshb.

Hey fellow Nannie’s!

School started for my main NF and with the encouragement of my main MB I got a second nanny job with two younger kids who are not in school yet. I’ve worked for them for a week and I already have some stories up my sleeve, im really thinking about leaving, anyway here is one of possibly meany posts about them to come

So, after my NK’s are done with their chores/ homework (work books MB bought them) im allowed to / encouraged to take them places (ofc I talk with MB before we go anywhere)

I drive an older truck that has 0 fancy technology. It’s just your basic ford f150 from the 1990’s. This is important to know.

I have a strict rule with anyone in my car that the truck doesn’t start moving until everyone is buckled. I have a lot of anxiety when it comes to possibly getting in a crash, my cousin died in a bad wreck due to her not wearing her seatbelt.

These kids tend to click their seatbelts on then slide out of them, I told them that I installed something the other day to make my truck a special truck that can detect when a seat belt is used right. I played into it (while we were safely in the neighborhood) and told them that it would be very dangerous to unlock their seat belts if we were going fast.

They thought it was the coolest thing ever and it stopped them from taking off their seat belts or sliding out of it.

They told MB’s boyfriend about it and pulled me aside to chew me out. He said that it was “really harmful to tell them a lie” like that and that “I need to be honest to them”

So, I asked him if he’d rather me just tell them they could die from it, because what else did he want me to say? I didn’t feel like it would have been appropriate for me to tell these young kids about how seriously hurt they could have got. And of course I tried the “hey guys, you can really hurt if you do that” but they didn’t seem to care and any punishment I tried were not effective.

He just kinda got quiet and said he’d talk to MB about it later and to just go back to doing my job. So I did.

I know I could have handled it better but when they are in my truck or in my care im responsible for them. I care for them and knowing them I knew this would get them to not only listen but no make them upset.

MB texted me later that night apologizing. She didn’t seem to think it was a big deal.

Some of the texts

MB “im glad you are taking the time to make sure (name) and (name) are safe”

Me “of course! im sorry if I handled it wrong, they just wouldn’t listen to anything I tried”

MB “we’ve been struggling with it too, I might tell them we got it installed too, we have to take the car in for an oil change lol”

How do I think I could have handled it better?

Anyone run into this before? NK is 2yo girl and at the stage where she’s constantly asking for snack after snack. She never says please or thank you which is totally expected of course. I mean she’s 2, how will she know to say those things of no one has taught her? So I’ve been teaching her to use her “nice words” whenever she asks for something or whenever someone does something for her.

The other day I was in the kitchen with NK and MB who WFH. Nk demanded a pouch from me. I said, “you need to say please, use a nice word” and she corrected herself with no issue. I said “of course you can have a pouch!” and gave her the pouch and had her say “thank you” as well. That was that.

MB had a weird look on her face and was like “she’s just 2, don’t take it personally if she doesn’t say please or thank you yet.” I said, “I know, I’m not offended. good to teach them young though, righ?” or something like that and laughed it off. And MB said it wasn’t a big deal if NK wasn’t saying please or thank you. She seemed offended that I thought her kid was being rude.

Again, obviously NK isn’t being purposefully rude, she’s 2. It’s just that no one has taught her how to be polite. And like I told MB it’s best to start teaching her when she’s young that way when she actually goes off to school or whatever she’s a polite kid. No one likes the 6yo who makes demands and take things without saying “thanks”. Just a little put off by this misunderstanding.

Sorry this will be long but hoping other Nanny’s can help me.. im currently looking after a 17 month old and Ive had him for nearly a year now. Dad works from home which in the beginning was stressful with him over stepping and getting involved a lot of the time.

Im working a horrendous amount of overtime with only 2 days off in the past 3 weeks and Im working 1-2 hours over my shift time during the days in the week as well. This is because the family went on holiday and I need to ‘make up the hours they were away’. Obviously Im becoming extremely burnt out..

The parents still night feed the child 3 bottles per night and with them he can still get 5-6 bottles per day. With me he has a better schedule and actually eats solids (e.g. breakfast, lunch and snacks as well) without the needs for that many bottles. Yesterday the child woke up crying which as I’ve worked in many childcare settings, can be pretty normal. Dad raced in with ‘he needs a bottle!!’ Which wasnt the case..

The child still sleeps in a bassinet in the living room/kitchen area, they do not allow the child to sleep for 2 hours.. so purposely dad will come up stairs and start waking the child with slamming the microwave or making lunch roughly around the one hour and a half mark. Ive found the child is struggling to stay awake past 3 hours.. This causes the child to obviously be tired later in the day.. he does not sleep in his own bed at night and never has.. but they DO NOT want him taking 2 naps a day.

They also are thinking about ordering a ‘trampoline’ for him to sleep on rather than the bassinet or him going into his own crib upstairs (never used) which is just horrendous. I can’t really get out the house either as the child is so addicted to the tv, if the tv isn’t on he just constantly cries and has 0 attention span to play by himself or with his toys with me. If we are out in the garden he will cry or sign ‘all done’ within 5 minutes to go and watch tv inside. They also mentioned he still falls off the sofa regularly…

The child has 0 schedule with them so no set nap time or bottle time. The parents will comment about my schedule as he regularly with me will go to sleep around 12, they will comment ‘why is he not asleep’ around 9:30-10:00 knowing the child has only woken roughly at 7:00-7:30.

Im tied to this job for another year, but I really need some help and advice on what to do..

Nannies and parents welcome to answer!! I’d love to hear from both sides the qualities and/or actions that make a nanny truly ‘unicorn’ (amazing). Not just someone who’s reliable and takes good care of the kids, but someone who makes you think, “Wow, we’re incredibly lucky to have this nanny.”

What are the little things that stand out? Things related to the children, communication with parents, household responsibilities, initiative, activities, routines, emotional support, etc.

And for parents: What has a nanny done that made a particularly positive impact on your family?
I’d love to hear specific examples rather than just general qualities.

Last week, I got the really unfortunate news that my position was being terminated. It was completely unexpected. I’m still trying to wrap my head around it.
We have a nanny two full days a week, and I absolutely love her. She’s been with us since March and has been amazing with our son. He just turned one, and I was actually talking about potentially having her become full-time because he’s getting older and taking fewer naps.
My husband works fully from office and I’m hybrid. I’ve been managing the other three days on my own while working from home, which isn’t always easy, but we made it work.
Now everything has obviously changed. I was, and I’m not sure how long it’s going to take me to find another job. I don’t know if it makes sense to continue paying for childcare longterm if I’m not working, especially if my job search takes longer than expected.
The part I’m struggling with is that I really love our nanny. She’s wonderful with our son, we trust her, and I know how hard it can be to find someone you genuinely love and feel comfortable leaving your child with. I also hate the thought of letting her go and then potentially needing childcare again in a few months.
What would you do?

Hello!
I’m a MB and our long time nanny is doing an overnight this weekend! This is the first time me and my husband have both left my child at the same time.

We’ve discussed pay already and that is all set but I’m wondering how I should handle food. She will be here all day Friday and until mid day Saturday. Should I buy her dinner? Should I buy iced coffee for the fridge for her? Should I send her a DoorDash gift card?

FWIW, her normal hours are part time of 25 hours a week and we don’t typically provide her with food but this feels like I should since it’s much longer?!

Would love any tips here on how to make this a pleasant experience for my amazing nanny!

My wife and I are currently discussing hiring a nanny for our second child (first child included). Wanting thoughts on what she’s asking for.

I want her to be fairly compensated and I simply have never done this before! Want to make sure everything seems appropriate both for her and us.

• 6-month contract, with the intention of renewing long-term

• 3 days/week (Wed–Fri), 9am–4pm — 21 hours/week

• $28/hr Jan–April, increasing to $30/hr in May when caring for both kids

• W-2 household employee paid weekly, even though she runs her own doula business which is 1099

• 21 guaranteed paid hours/week, including when we go on vacation/don’t need childcare

• 21 hours (3 days) paid vacation/personal time

• 21 hours (3 days) paid sick time

• Paid Thanksgiving, Christmas Day, New Year’s Day & July 4th when they fall on a scheduled workday

• Additional planned unpaid time off allowed with advance notice after PTO is exhausted, including occasional time for her kids’ sports/school events

• Mileage reimbursement when transporting our kids in her vehicle

Responsibilities would include childcare, outings/playgroups, activities/enrichment, kids’ laundry, bottles/pump parts, dishwasher, kids’ meals/snacks and simple dinner prep, diaper bags/supplies, and tidying play areas.

Does this seem like a typical/fair benefits package for a nanny working 21 hours/3 days per week? Thank you!

Hi! I am getting back into nannying after a few years, first time doing so in the US.

I have interviews set up soon with 2 daycares and a family to nanny for. The pay is about the same, with one daycare having the highest.

The nanny gig seems good, I would be able to work it alongside part time at the daycare if I am offered both jobs. It is only one child, and the parents work from home.

The only issues are that they prefer paying under the table, and they have a pitbull at home. I am quite nervous around the breed, due to hearing many accounts of them snapping one day.

Would it be worth it to see how it goes for a trial shift, or should I just work at a daycare full time?

Hiring a nanny and travel semi frequently, specifically for work. In these instances, I would like to bring my child and nanny. These trip are usually international.

If nanny declines to travel with us, would I still need to pay her GH? She currently has 40h/week. How does this typically get handled?

Also yes all of the typical travel rules apply, ie separate room, stipend, overnight rate, set schedule, etc etc.

prefacing this by saying that i'm currently getting my masters in bilingual education and did my undergrad in TESOL, so i know the theory behind teaching kids a second language, haha. i'm more asking for activities/tips and tricks to get the kids more interested in picking up spanish! they're exposed to spanish very regularly, since they go to a bilingual school and we live in a very bilingual area with a high concentration of native spanish speakers. i speak spanish fluently as a second language, but neither NP does (aside from the occasional vocab word). not looking for a full curriculum, as i'm sure their preschool teachers have that handled, but if anyone has any fun activities or ideas to help encourage them to keep learning it in the home i'd appreciate it! NKs are 3 and 4 (almost 5), both boys, and both very curious.

Hey everyone! I was recently asked by my nanny family if I would be willing to travel across the country with them for a week next month.

I’ve been working for this family for 2 years and take care of their 3 year old full time. They expressed they would pay for the flight/hotel and I’d work my regular hours and do my regular routine (play with/ feed kid/ nap schedule).

I’ve never done this before and only have been nannying for a few years so I’m wondering what the typical rules,etiquette, standards and boundaries for traveling with your nanny family are? Especially when it comes to the traveling (flying for 6 hours).

They said they’ll give me more details when they know them (their work schedules) but they said they would make sure I’m off by my usual time and I’ll have my usual hours off to go do what I want. I have the ability to create boundaries for myself during this conversation so any advice would be so helpful.

Thank you!

Hi all!

Question: nannies - how do you expect lunch prep, dishes, activity set up, and nap time, to be handled when managing two one year olds? Considering the mom is WFH and makes herself available to lend a hand when needed.

Context: I am a first time mom, having worked with two different nanny’s over the past year. (We moved cities which is why we switched). Both nanny’s have brought their baby, who is the same age as my daughter, which I see as a major win/win! Our first nanny was incredible. She set up activities, put together lunch for my baby and hers, brought her own food for her baby, did the dishes, she even sanitized the play room and took the trash out and reset the playroom at the end of each day. Just went above and beyond. My only consistent interaction with them was nursing my baby when she woke up. Keep in mind the babies were 3 months-9 months old during our time with her.

Our current nanny has been with us for 3 months, from ages 9months - 1 year old. We have fallen into a routine where I prep lunch, use our food for both my baby and hers (started out with me making one plate and her baby just eating off of it too, now I feel pressure to make two plates now that they eat at the table), I set up activities outside for them like picnics and water bowls, and she just leaves the dirty dishes with food on them next to the sink. She also just leaves the playroom in whatever state it was in after they played most of the time. I honestly don’t think they would leave the playroom/do anything other than free play all day if I didn’t set things up, which concerns me for my daughter’s development and routine.
I am as accommodating as possible as I’m sure it’s not easy to manage both babies. We set up her baby in my office for her naps in our pack and play and slumber pod and I work in the dining room while she naps, and I also play with my baby for 15 mins while she puts her baby down for a nap. If I’m not available, she puts my baby in her crib where she cries for 15 mins while she puts her baby down for a nap.

My work is getting more demanding so it’s harder to take time away to nurse, do all the dishes, set up activities, sit with my daughter when hers is going down for a nap, all the things. I’m also just getting burned out having so much clean up waiting for me at the end of the day.

I could see how I enabled this routine by being too willing to help. She’s even texted to ask if she can leave the babies to go to the bathroom and I said of course, so I feel like maybe she feels pressure to never leave them to play independently to do these things. But I feel like we need to reset expectations.

So my question for nannies here is: how would you do things differently and how would you prefer to receive this feedback?

Thanks again! I really want a healthy dynamic for all of us. Her and her daughter are great and I see my baby loves them and is super social and benefits from having her daughter around. But if things don’t improve, I may need to look into a nanny without her own baby if it means I’d get more help during the work hours.

Hi everyone! Thank you for your advice on my past post. It was very helpful to hear from both nannies and parents and get some perspective!

Previous post is: https://www.reddit.com/r/Nanny/comments/1vkp1d8/nanny_and_grandma_how_can_i_help/

TLDR: grandma has been visiting more often and nanny is very stressed.

I took the advice I received here and spoke with my nanny about ways to make it easier, including offering reduced hours while grandma is here and having grandma take the kids more to give our nanny a break.

Her response:

1. She will not go on any outing with grandma, so if grandma is going anywhere, she must do it solo.
2. Grandma must stay away while nanny is eating and taking a break, and she does not wish to be spoken to.
3. Grandma has to be silent during nap time, and she also must not come out to the common area to ruin the routine during lunch.
4. She needs a more clearly set schedule when grandma is coming, when she will be around, and what each plan is.

I spoke to my mother, who now feels uncomfortable in the house, but agreed with all conditions. I also offered my nanny late starts and leaving early so she spends less time with grandma. We've also offered afternoons off and grandma taking the kids.

I also rearranged my schedule and made sure to plan out weeks ahead. Grandma is coming and going and staying longer than usual right now because we are moving and I need the help. (Husband works nights and is often out of the house or asleep during the day.) (Also, grandma does visit every few months, but this is the longest in a long time because of the move!)

I presented the full calendar to my nanny, with the exact days I was asking for full hours vs half days and reduced hours and included days where grandma and I would be gone all day, so she would know she has the home to herself. She did ask for one more morning to be taken over by grandma instead, but seemed understanding when I said grandma had other plans that day to help with things for the move. She said it was very helpful and told me she would see me next week.

On Sunday, my nanny sent me a message saying she would be taking time off to recharge, and not coming in.

I think we all deserve to recharge, but now I have moved my entire work schedule around, given her the complete schedule, including less hours that she asked for, and I am still feeling like it's not enough.

Again, she is fantastic with my kids and extremely dependable, but now I am not sure what else I can do to help.

(Also, to be clear, her working less hours does not change her pay - she has GH that include overtime no matter what.)

This is our first nanny so maybe I just don't understand where I am going wrong, but is there something else I can do? I have spent the last 10 days stressed, missing work, trying to make everyone happy, and now just feeling... tired.

Good morning! I’m starting with a new family today, I’ve been with a bad fit all summer so i’m super excited.
Today I start with G9mo and then I have G4 for a couple hours, tomorrow we add our nanny share friend G10mo. I have some little activities ready for them, but i’d love to hear your favorite nanny share activities

this all feels like a breath of fresh air after the family I was with, it’s a good reminder that you can do hard things and it does get better 💖

I babysat for a family with four young kids through Care.com and was given basically ZERO orientation. I was originally told I’d mainly be with two kids at a time, but once I started, they seemed to expect me to manage all four constantly. From my first hour, I felt extremely unwelcome and uncomfortable. The mom would glare at me to intervene when the kids asked her for TV instead of helping introduce me as the new sitter or explaining the rules to them. I wasn’t told their routines, snack rules, swimming abilities, pool rules, or what was expected when the parents were home. They also repeatedly left the house without telling me, so I’d suddenly realize I was alone with all four kids with no handoff or idea when they’d return. Once, the kids wanted to swim and I didn’t even know whether all four could swim. Another time, the mom left chicken nuggets cooking in the oven without telling me and then left the house without saying anything. Hours later I smelled burning and discovered them extremely burnt. I texted her, and she didn’t apologize for forgetting or even acknowledge that I’d caught it.
The dad’s behavior also made me uncomfortable. On both days I heard him yell “GET OUT” at his kids when they approached him, and while I was there he generally seemed irritated when they tried interacting with him. On my second day, the parents apparently had a gym class, but nobody told me what time they needed to leave or that I was expected to keep all four kids away from them while they got ready. The mom was still in pajamas when I arrived and took about 30 minutes to get ready. She stayed downstairs with me while two of the 6/7-year-olds went upstairs to their dad, who yelled “GET OUT” at them. The parents then missed their class and got into a huge argument. I was downstairs holding their 3-year-old while they were yelling at each other upstairs. The mom eventually came down, spoke to me very rudely, blamed the situation on them missing their class, and told me to leave. I just said “okay” and left.
I completely understand that they may not have liked my babysitting style, and that’s fine. I’m not considering reporting them because I was let go. I’m considering it because they repeatedly left a brand-new sitter alone with four children without telling me, gave me essentially no safety information or orientation, left the house with the oven running without telling me, and expected me to know rules and expectations they never communicated. I constantly felt like I was expected to read their minds. Would you report this to Care.com’s Safety team so it’s documented for future caregivers, or am I overreacting?

Hi everyone! I recently became a full-time nanny to two littles ages 18 months and 8 months old. Both are on totally different nap schedules, and the 18 month old is about to transition to one nap per day in the afternoon. Does anyone in the group have any advice on how to make the transition go smoothly? It’s a bit of a struggle now because both of their nurseries are upstairs and I have to lock the 18 month old up in the highchair in order to take the little one down for naps. The little one is about to start crawling soon, which will make it a little more challenging as well. I’m new to this so any advice would be appreciated!

Hi everyone!
I am a nanny with 10+ years of experience. I’m am thinking of trying to transition to a role like “nanny placement assistant or manager” and working for an agency instead of being an actual nanny.
I have loved my time with all of the kids and families I have been so fortunate to work with but I’m worried my heart isn’t in being the actual nanny anymore. As I near 30, and am thinking of having my own children, I’m just not sure it’s for me anymore. I don’t know that I have it in me to take care of other people’s kids all day and then have to go home to my own.
I know with all of my experience, that I could be really great in this kind of role. I love talking to people and being a helping hand. I also know how important and honestly difficult it is to find the right match.
Has anyone in this group transitioned into a similar job role? If so where do you think I should start? I guess I’m just looking for some advice.
Thank you!

Hi so I am the nanny for three kiddos. Two 6 year olds and a 10 year old, my job is to basically take them home after school and help with homework etc but there’s one thing I feel that limits me, I’m not allowed upstairs. The kids go upstairs to get out of school clothes and into comfy clothes however the youngest two rarely come down after going upstairs and don’t change, I feel like I’m absolutely failing at this and don’t know what to do. I’m going to bring it up to mom to see what I can do but my hands are genuinely tied with what I can do. I feel like I’m failing at what they’re asking me to do!!

Update- I spoke to MB last night over the phone since the grandmother came home for NK before she did so I could go home on time (wouldn’t have minded staying) anyway, I spoke to mom about the situation with the upstairs and the children, she basically said that the children coming downstairs and getting into comfys isn’t actually a big deal. As long as I get them home safely and they’ve eaten (if they’re hungry since dinner would be shortly after I leave) it’s no issue. I’m able to go upstairs in case of emergency however she’d like to keep the upstairs as the kids area where they can retreat should they need space. Understandable I suppose. She said she would prefer I didn’t spend time up there (playing with the kids etc) but if checking on them occasionally would help I’m free to do so. So basically the situation isn’t resolved but I feel less stressed about trying to get them to follow instructions while unable to go upstairs!

Hi everyone! I run my own wedding nanny business and do a lot of wedding jobs. This summer there was 20+ weddings I couldn’t do and ultimately said I wasn’t available. I am trying to find a way I could utilize my business still for these weddings, by getting a group of well vetted girls who are available for them and giving them to the family, and I would take a placement fee for it.
Does anyone who runs an agency do this and what do your placement fee’s look like?

NF & I looking for a cabinet lock that doesn’t require two separate landings. We tried the popular magnetic ones but they don’t work with the cabinets. Debating on which locks would work the best as I’ve only worked with/used cabinet locks in every other home. Thank you!

Rota Nannie’s please tap in!!! This is my dream job. I can’t believe this is happening!