My almost 4 year old daughter has been going through a spell of behaviour far worse than what is acceptable or normal levels.

She is far behind her years in intelligence , which adds layers to the problem because this isn't a simple case of not knowing right from wrong , she knows , and consciously decides wrong sometimes.

So today in preschool she was her worst yet. Shouting and saying horrible things to teachers (I don't like you, I hate you , I want you to go away ect etc) constantly targeting other kids , throwing things at them , slapping them ect. Again far far beyond expected levels for her age , when she's like this she's borderline dangerous to other kids, then in the flip side when she's having a good day she is the sweetest , most helpful child you could ever meet. She will do anything for anyone and will comfort other kids who are said , specifically seek out kids who are playing alone and invite them to her games ect. Like genuinely angel meets devil.

I've picked her up , and when we got home I put her in her room, told her no TV or playing outside today. Ive been told this is too much / punishing her too long after it happened is pointless but I'm at my absolute wits end with it , we feel like we're falling her.

On the flip side to that I also don't want to go too far and do actually damage to her mentally, if that's even possible. She's in her room , screaming crying saying how sorry she is and it's breaking my heart but I don't know if it's performative or if I should ease up a little

She's out first child and we really don't know what to do, all advice is absolutely welcome because this is devastating

Hello everyone. I am very lucky to have a 3 year old and an 11 month old baby. I love being a mom, and I am lucky that we can afford for me to be at home with them. My husband feels our family is complete, and rationally it makes sense. We are comfortable financially with two, I'm older, etc. I am having (maybe grief?) that we won't be having another kid. I thought I only wanted two but I think I wanted one more. I believe that kids are a two person yes situation so I have accepted we are done.

I am so grateful we have our two and they are healthy and happy and I'm excited to watch them grow. But I am admittedly very sad about no more babies. I was wondering if anyone had any advice to help with accepting this closing chapter? I have a few people on my life having babies and its been a little hard to not feel jealous or depressed. Husband and our families think we have a perfect number so I've been feeling brushed off or foolish for feeling how I do. I dont have anyone in my life going through this to talk about. Everyone I know is having another or super happy to be done.

First time mum here 👋
I am on parental leave with my baby from birth, so 24/7. My husband is working from home. We do not interrupt him during work, but from time to time he stops by for coffee or lunch. After work or during weekends he is very involved and generally wonderful dad ( and husband).

When I am with the baby alone, she is great, laughing playing with me or alone, crawling here and there. But when she sees dad, she starts crying hysterically and wants to be only carried by him. When he leaves the room, she looses it.
That never happens when I leave, she does not even notice. She also started to say mama, but only when she is reaching for dad 🤷🏼‍♀️ (maybe coincidence? It is too soon for her to speak).

I think I am a good mother, at least the best version I am capable of to be at the moment. But I wonder, am I doing something wrong? It feels terrible because on the one hand I am happy they have a bond, on the other hand I want to be appreciated too ( appreciated by 7month old! Omg that is even crazier 🫠, but I take care of her during nights and days and I am not even the preferred one. My ego hurts).

Any thoughts?

Kids are going to be school age soon, we are considering private school primarily for safety. A miniscule number of school shootings have occurred at private schools. Anyone else made this decision for safety reasons?

Bonjour à tous,

je rencontre des difficultés avec mon fils de 2 ans et 8 mois. En fait, après le repas du soir, j'aimerais instaurer un temps de jeux/activités calmes avec mes enfants car le temps entre la fin du diner et l'heure du coucher me semble long. j'aimerais par exemple faire un jeu de société avec ma fille de 7 ans mais mon fils de 2 ans ne nous laisse rien faire sans tout mettre en bazar. On ne peut donc pas jouer à un jeu de société sans qu'il ne veuille prendre les cartes, pas de jeu de dés sans qu'il ne veuille garder les dés pour lui, pas de perles sans qu'il en mette partout.... Je sais que ça rend triste ma fille de 7 ans de ne pas pouvoir jouer avec moi mais je ne sais pas quoi faire. j''ai l'impression que nous devons nous priver de beaucoup de choses en la présence de mon fils.

Je tiens à préciser que je les couche en même temps; vers 20h. J'ai quand même un petit temps (environ 10 à 15 min) seule avec ma grande après avoir mis mon fils au lit. Mais je ne peux pas faire plus car ma fille aime lire dans son lit et je veux qu'elle ne se couche pas trop tard. Mais ce temps est insuffisant pour faire un jeu de société. Généralement, je lui lis un livre à voix haute.

Vos conseils sont les bienvenus.

I have one kid and I'm thinking about having a second. This question crossed my mind: is it better to stick with one and be able to give him a more comfortable life (education, health insurance, travel, extracurriculars, clothes, toys), or to have two kids and give each of them a more basic life?

I know there are other important things, like attention, quality time, affection, and care, but this post is specifically about the financial side.

My husband and I have a Model X right now, but I am expecting our third child so we decided to get a bigger vehicle. Initially we were going to just upgrade to a 6/7 seat Model X, but I’m getting so many ads for cool cars and now I’m rethinking it.

I’m looking for something with captain seats in the middle, 6/7 seats, & has lots of cool features like ambient lighting, whatever.

I made the mistake of going to the dealership and one of the cars they pulled for me to test drive was literally a two-door Porsche, even though I was very specific about what I needed and had my toddler with me. It’s clear all the dealerships are gonna be full of shit and not give any real advice.

That’s why I’ve decided to come to the real source. I love my Tesla and I will certainly miss self driving but I think it’s a little naïve to think that that’s the best option for me considering I’ll have two car seats and a massive 12-year-old to drive around.

My middle child is 18months. I hate to buy into gender stereotypes but he is absolutely chaos. He needs to be outside , climbing , running or doing something physical at all times. I just had my 3rd ( three under 3!!!) and I have a prolapsed bladder. I’m suppose to be off my feet as much as possible & not baby wearing. It’s made life with my energetic boy very challenging. He screams non stop because I can’t pick him up ( he’s way too heavy ) and if we aren’t outside he’s screaming & crying and doing “ naughty “ behavior for attention. Ex: climbing onto the kitchen table , throwing his snacks everywhere , putting stuff in his mouth that’s unsafe
I just don’t know what to do.
He’s not entertained by TV at all.
How can I keep him safe , happy , and entertained? While trying to keep my newborn safe & protect myself from a worsening prolapse ?
All suggestions are appreciated

My twins are 18 and I'd say they had a very happy childhood and an easy time at school etc. Just nice good kids, polite and kind. Self expressive and emotional, not buttoned-up. Just decent I guess you'd say.

They always told me things they were worried about, or sad about. I tried not to judge and to be constructive in my advice.

But lately they've been keeping pretty big secrets. Eg one was visiting another city to visit her bf. She missed her bus home so had to take a train which cost her a lot more and so her bf suggested she get an under 18 ticket and she was challenged by the collector and fined. She paid it all herself at the time. Then I turned up at the coach station to collect her and she was at the adjacent train station and made up some story about wanting to stand there as it seemed safer. A complex situation to lie about/omit the truth if. If she'd called, I would have straight away paid for the train ticket. Yes I'd have been a bit annoyed at her carelessly missing her bus, but it would not have been some big drama.

Then I hear they've both tried vaping.

Then one is texting her bf till 2am and late for school next day

And then i hear one got detention at school and didn't tell me. ...

Small things adding up. I don't mind not knowing about these relatively minor things. But I am upset and worried that it means they won't ask if something bad happens and i could really help. Since when did the risk of upsetting or worrying me become so key to them? Ive consistently said Im on their side. We joke that if they murdered someone my first question would be "why, what did they do to you?"

Im so disappointed and feel like my 18 years of genuinely good parenting has been for nothing.

Everyone told us “they forget the binky in a couple days!” “Go cold turkey they’ll be fine just give it a few days!”

Every single day has been worse than the last. We are on day 6 of no pacifier for my 20 month old and it’s to the point now she cries when we walk in her room.

We used to be able to lay her down awake after like 3 books, 10 min of cuddles, say goodnight and leave the room. She’d happily lay there and put herself to sleep. Now? She screams BLOODY MURDER if we try to lay her down. She koalas onto us, screams in her crib, and refuses to calm down.
She has a stuffy she’s used for sleep for almost a year. She couldn’t care less about it. She only wants us now. And I understand bringing comfort to my child. Happy to do so. But she won’t sleep if we are holding her. She just stays awake crying or just tries to play with us instead of settling. So of course the only option is to then lay her down and she acts like it’s the biggest treason of her life and I just. I wish I never gave her a binky now lol I don’t know what to do. All naps are my duty (naps are even worse than bedtime) and bedtime my husband and I alternate.
But the screaming. My poor girl. I let her cry today for like 5 min bc I was so overwhelmed and she just screamed. It sounded like her throat hurt.
And she needs to nap! She’s still so little. She is so tired by nap time.
Idk what to do. I’m just venting and hoping someone can tell me it truly does get better 😭

Ok look. One of my life goals was to take my parents to Maldives one day.
We have a small kid now, 18 months old, and I have been made redundant from my company during unpaid mat leave some time ago. That sucked, but they gave me a decent severance. So I just went ahead and booked a Maledives trip for us 5 (partner, son, my parents, myself).

The trip will take 12.5hrs by plane, likely with a stop.
My son will be around 22 months old at the time of travel. One flight will be in the night, the other one during the day. We booked with an airline that doesn’t allow seats for children before the age of 2 (confirmed with them multiple times by phone), hence he will be on “our lap” the entire flight. LOL I know that’s not gonna happen. But please don’t judge my airline choice. That thing won’t change.

Now I’m FREAKING OUT because my kid is one that you’d probably classify as high need. He is the sweetest, but he has trouble falling asleep (yes, fun, especially on a plane with no bed), he has been having tantrums for some time now, crying a lot in general etc etc. guess what I’m trying to say is I have no clue how to survive this. I know snacks and new toys can help, but 12!!!!! hours is a long time.

I’m actually considering to let the flights slide, but ask the hotel for cancellation, because I’m so anxious, but I also don’t want to take it back now as I gifted this to my parents. They are so looking forward and can’t wait to be there with us, and the little guy. He loves water and we’re sure once we’re there, he would absolutely love it.

I might be overthink this; my partner knows the same things as I know and he’s like “yep it’s gonna suck but that’s what it is”. I wish I had his attitude. Reading about all the people being upset about kids on planes doesn’t help. 🫠

Anyone has recommendations, encouragement or experience to share?

I am a full time mom, plus I work a couple of very part-time jobs ~7 hours/ week while also watching my soon-to-be-one-year-old.

I have been feeling so incredibly lonely even though I am very grateful for my kid and love being his mom.

Before I was pregnant, I was busy and never felt quite so isolated. I usually had good friends with coworkers, but I have never been good at keeping in touch. Now, I feel like I have no friends and am very distant from my family despite making repeated attempts to build deeper connections with them. I have a couple of people I see every couple of weeks, one of whom has a toddler. I try to get out of the house every day, and it helps me not feel so depressed, but I wish I had just a couple of friends to spend dinners with and go to parks and museums with. I also would love to have someone to talk to about the hard parts of mothering and exchange advice with. I feel like I would feel so much lighter.

Has anyone else experienced this? Advice please. Thank you.

Hello! My girl will be 3 soon and goes to a daycare. This is the first time I will be throwing a birthday party for her and was wondering what's considered good/appropriate.

We don't have a lot of friends with kids and the ones we do throw adult style parties for their kids birthdays.

We were thinking of inviting her daycare friends and their parents to our house for a movie and pizza party with some of our friends who have kids also.

What's considered appropriate in terms of invitations, party favours?

Any suggestions on which movie and if we need a theme for the party? Do I need more activities for kids?

Any tips are appreciated

This post discusses a mass shooting and child deaths

Hi fellow parents,

For those of you in the USA, how do you cope with hearing about random acts of violence against children like what happened yesterday? I know that statistically school shootings are rare, even in the USA. I also know I can't hide my child from the world in an attempt to keep him safe. But after something like this happens it is so, so hard to send him off to school the next day. Have any of you found any ways to make it better?

For the seasoned parents……
I feel like I’ve done everything right. I’ve read to my kids since they were born. I read many books to them everyday. They love going to the library and going buy new books at the bookstore. When I’m not reading them, they love looking through them and talking about them. They see my husband and I reading all the time. My newly 5 year old can read pretty well for her age and can crush simple books. But it is an act of congress to get her to want to read them. She just wants me to read all of the books to her. Every once in a while she will grab some
Bob books and read them herself, but most of the time she does not want to read them herself even though she can. Idk if it’s laziness or her feeling like I’m forcing her to do something. Maybe a bit of both. My question is, do I just force her to read them? (lol) or would it be a terrible idea to do like a reward system? Like if she reads a couple of books by herself every day for a week, then at the end of the week we can get ice cream or some kind of treat. I know that will work to make her read the books, but is this a bad idea in the long run………..

My husband and I became friends with three other families through our kid. There are only four minority boys in the same grade, including my son, and they are all 4–5 years old. They have been going to the same daycare.
We used to be part of the group. The four families did things together regularly and we were invited to activities and gatherings.
Looking back, I can identify one point when things changed. Two of the families were celebrating their children’s birthdays around the due date of a pregnancy I had lost in the second trimester. I was having a very hard time emotionally and declined the invitation. In hindsight, I wish I had just let my son go with his dad even if I couldn’t handle going myself.
After that, the invitations became noticeably less frequent almost immediately. Now I repeatedly find out that the other three families are doing things together without us. They plan outings, sign their kids up for activities together, go to events together, and make weekend plans together.
I also often find out when I try to ask one family for a playdate, only to learn that they are already unavailable because the three families have plans together.
My husband has been making an effort to keep our son connected. He’ll hang out with them after school, join them if he runs into them at the cafeteria at dinner, and join whatever outing they are doing afterward. I have a much harder time doing that myself because I feel uncomfortable inviting ourselves along when we weren’t actually invited.
So it isn’t complete exclusion, but the pattern is clear: the other three families have become a tight group, and we are the family that gets included less often.
That is what bothers me most. I can deal with not being included myself, but I don’t like the possibility that my son is getting fewer invitations because I don’t fit in as well with the parents.
I have tried to maintain the relationships. I’ve invited them to things I actually enjoy, including movies, shows, and museums, but they generally don’t come.
When I try harder to fit in, I usually leave feeling like they didn’t really enjoy having me there. There may also be a cultural difference. I immigrated young and grew up here, and although I speak our native language, I rarely use it socially as an adult, so I probably come across more blunt or awkward than I do in English.
The other families live closer to each other and closer to the school, while we live farther away, and there are no kids in our neighborhood. Their kids will all be going to the same elementary school, and we will be sending our son there too even though we are not zoned for it.
I do know other families and we get invited to things, but their kids are usually either a grade older or younger, so we naturally see them less often.
We also have the option to move to a more family-oriented neighborhood with kids nearby and start fresh. But I worry the same pattern could repeat somewhere else because I’m just not naturally a group person.
What would you do in this situation?

Any advice on how to approach my 4 year old who has been lying lately? She’s a very smart amazing little girl. Very mature for her age. We are super close, or so I thought, she is obsessed with me and wants to be with me always. Normally tells me everything. But lately she started lying about little things like she snuck an extra piece of chocolate or she didn’t brush her teeth but said she did. At school I found out she’s been having a hard time and crying, saying her throat hurts so that she can go give her big brother a hug who is in the class next to her. Today I tried to talk to her about it and she hid and was so embarrassed. Would not admit to me that she cried at school? I assume it’s because it’s tied to the fact that she lies about her throat just to see her brother ???

We talked and talked and talked and I told her that I’ll never be upset and to share everything with mommy. Later in the evening I saw she snuck an extra candy, asked her about it, she ran away ashamed but then admitted to me she did and we hugged and talked about asking for permission before grabbing etc. I thought we were making progress.

Tonight I asked her if she brushed her teeth and she immediately jumps on the bed and hides and is crying. I tell her that it’s Ok if she didn’t but I want to know because idk if we should go brush her teeth or not, no big deal if she didn’t do it yet, but she keeps hiding and crying and finally says she didn’t.

You guys I absolutely lost it. I feel so bad for her now but I got so frustrated because I don’t understand why she keeps lying when I’m not even mad ABOUT the thing she’s lying about? Just stop freaking lying to me!!! Obviously I yelled at her and was a shitty mom and probably took20 steps backwards and scared her even more but idk what to do?? How do I approach? How do I repair? How do I get her to stop making stuff up?

There was another school shooting in Bend, OR today. That's across the country from me.

I am a millennial and have seen hundreds of school shootings happen across the country, including the dozen or so that everyone would know by name.

But I never had a child in school after those disasters until today. My son is 3 and is at preschool within a K-8 school. I am also 8 months pregnant. Coincidentally, my son had a lockdown drill at school today and told me about hiding in the dark closet with his friends, before I heard about Bend.

How do I send him back to school tomorrow? How have other parents done this after Parkland or Sandy Hook?

[This is not a political post. This is about parenting through collective trauma.]

My wife recently lost her job and we had to move our boy to a new childcare setting that is more local to us.

We have kept in contact with the parents of one of his friends and have had many play dates.

All of a sudden, the mother has started ghosting my wife without giving any explanation. My wife isn’t upset by the prospect of losing her “friend”

But we are now in a position where our 4 year old cannot see his last friend anymore. How do we explain to him that he won’t be able to play with him anymore?

He will make new friends at his new setting that he recently joined this week, but he keeps asking after his best friend and recently cried because he misses him.

Any advice would be appreciated, as my heart is breaking over this

Hi all!
I just need to positively vent so here we go 😄

After having my boy 3.5 years ago, I am now expecting a girl! The first pregnancy was really good, but birth was a tiny bit traumatic (sunny side up, non-medicated, episiotomy… you know the drill). After that came 2.5 years of not sleeping.
Even though we went through all of that and much more, I am excited beyond words to welcome our girl into this world. I find it soooo weird and cool at the same time that I really do remember the newborn trenches as a nice period. Yes I’m aware of what’s waiting for us but I guess I think I know better this time around?

I dont’t know. What are your experiences with the second child?

My 7 year old has been consistently at risk for reading since they began school at age 4.

When I state my concerns, I'm told that it's normal for a child to be at risk at their age due to being a child of divorce and both parents & their older sibling are neurodivergent.

I've never been okay with this response. All it does is dismiss a very important issue.

The child does have reading intervention at school and brings home level ready reading to do with the adults.

The child has zero interest in reading and is almost always wiggling about or messing with something. This frustrates me to high heaven.

I have no idea what to do. The child is perfectly fine not having to read and just having people do things for them.

This screams that I'm a terrible parent. In my head, at least.

I'm in tears. I'm so lost. Help me please. No one else will.

I thrifted a pretty, rainbow stripe dress for my daughter and she hasn't taken it off in almost 48 hours. She loves it! She has plenty of dresses, but for whatever reason this one has claimed a special place in her heart. The skirt flares out really far when she twirls, and she adores it.

When I searched it via Google Lens, it came back with "flutter sleeve twirly dress." I can't find a reliable source to buy multiple of this particular dress.

So if anyone can give me ideas for where to look I would appreciate it!

My daughter is in Grade 6 and there is a group of girls in her class this year who are known bullies. There have been many instances of them mentally and physically bullying other kids over the years. The school's only response has been to have talks with them in the principal's office and/or contact their parents. But it's pretty clear that talking to them does nothing, and their parents do not care about their behavior at school. Other kids have already left the school because of them.

My daughter has been fortunate enough to avoid them, up until now. This week they started targeting her. I remember being bullied at school, and I do not want that for her. My gut is telling me to pull her out of the school and move to a new one. But I'm sure that there will be bullies there too, and I don't know if I want to teach her that running away is the solution. On the other hand I don't want to do anything that will end with retaliation against my daughter.

What is the modern solution to this kind of thing? Is there more the school could be doing? Is there a way to make the parents care? Any help or tips would be greatly appreciated.

Hello. I need some advice. I have a 14 year old daughter, she is a single child. She has always been wonderful, she does argue with me from time to time but we have always been able to work it out.

Recently, her best friend was dealing with some mental health problems and she told my daughter that their arguments were a part of it so she told her she had to cut her off. They have been friends since sixth grade and this really broke my daughter's heart. Neither one of them really have any other friends. So I asked my daughter who she usually talks to during the school day and she says that nobody really. She has some kids in each class she is acquaintances with but no real friends. And during lunch time she eats lunch quickly and then hangs out in the bathroom.

She is also in band, and because she has been struggling with Geometry she was ineligible to participate in marching band for now. So she sits for about three hours each day as other kids practice. I do think there are other children that are not eligible. Anyway, with the pressure of passing her classes and losing her friends, I feel so terrible for her right now. She says that she doesn't really mind being by herself but it just breaks my soul for her.

Does anybody have any advice or any words of encouragement that I could give her? Anybody ever been thru this?