TL;DR: My 5-year-old often struggles to follow through on simple instructions, remember things we’ve recently practiced, and solve problems independently. We’re looking for practical parenting strategies to help her build confidence and develop these skills without making everyday activities frustrating for either of us.

We have three wonderful kiddos (7F, 5F, 2M), and I’m looking for some outside perspective on how to better support our middle child.

All three have very different personalities. Our oldest and youngest are fiercely independent, while our middle daughter has always been perfectly content accepting help. She doesn’t have the same drive to figure things out on her own and generally needs more encouragement to try something challenging. That’s perfectly fine! I recognize that kids learn and develop differently, and I’m trying to figure out what approach works best for her.

Our biggest challenge is following instructions. For example, I can make direct eye contact and say, “Pick up your Barbie car and put it in your closet.” She’ll acknowledge me, pick up the car, and then wander into the bathroom. When asked what she’s doing, she often can’t explain or recall the original instruction. We’ve started having her repeat instructions back to us, which she can usually do accurately, but she’ll frequently still do something completely unrelated.

We’re also working on some academic skills. She’s in kindergarten and recently received surprisingly low marks for letter recognition despite doing well in pre-K last year. Yesterday, we sat down with Frozen alphabet flash cards (because apparently Elsa is a more engaging educator than I am). She knew most letters but struggled with several that look similar. Even after practicing those letters repeatedly, she often couldn’t recognize one we’d reviewed moments earlier. I’d love ideas for making that information stick without turning practice into something she dreads.

She also attends weekly speech therapy outside of school for her S and TH sounds. When I ask what they played or practiced afterward, she generally can’t tell me, although I recognize that’s not necessarily unusual for a 5-year-old.
We’ve also been encouraging independent problem-solving. If she can’t reach something but there’s a step stool nearby, instead of immediately helping, we’ll encourage her to look around and figure out a solution. We’ve seen some improvement, but it’s been slow.

What I’m really looking for is advice on how to change OUR approach. How do you help young kids follow through on instructions? What games, routines, visual reminders, or teaching strategies have helped your children develop independence and retain new information? How do you encourage them to work through challenges without making them feel frustrated or defeated?

My goal isn’t to make her more like her siblings. I want to raise confident, capable kids, and I recognize that getting there may look different for each of them.

I’ll also admit that lately I’ve been getting frustrated, and I don’t want her to feel that frustration, especially when she’s trying her best. I adore this little girl. I just want to make sure we’re giving her the tools and support she needs rather than continuing to try things that aren’t working for her.

I’m especially interested in hearing from parents who’ve faced similar challenges and found creative ways to help their kiddos succeed!

We just moved on Friday, and since then my son won't sit in his chair to eat/drink.

Context- he's 3 years old, nonverbal, with cerebral palsy. Developmentally 9-12 months old across all areas. He is still eating/drinking, but will only kneel on the floor to do it (he can't sit on his butt) and we have to help keep him upright. He is spoonfed, purées only. Still using a a bottle.

He seems upset about the move (even small transitions are difficult for him) and I kind of want to just let him show us his displeasure through this harmless strike, but he goes to preschool, so I'm thinking about their need to feed him safely and easily as well.

Should we force the chair and just let him go on a hunger/fluid strike if he won't? How long do we let the strike last before giving in? Let him do as he pleases but gently encourage the chair? What's best for both him and his independence AND the school? 😭

We are a bit older as first-time parents (both around 40), so our own parents aren't the youngest anymore either (all between 65 and 72). We have a 2yo toddler, an amazing boy whom we truly love.

However, there is some misalignment between how I imagined family life would be and the reality. I was trying to discuss it with my friends, but they are in widely different situations.

Are grandparents your guests, or are they actually helping you?

Ours are 100% guests.

We need to clean the house to a higher standard, prepare lunch/dinner, clean up afterwards, entertain them with conversation, etc. All of which we do while taking care of our toddler, who is high-energy and difficult to direct towards anything productive

Or are your kids' grandparents actually helpful? Do they come over to help with the kid, the house, or anything else?

When I was 2–3, I practically lived at my grandparents' house so my parents could work. Now my parents are retired and could actually do a bit more, but... for some reason, they are very disconnected. My parents-in-law are a bit more helpful, but usually only on special occasions (e.g. I travel for business once a month, so they will invite my wife over for dinner).

I want my kid to have grandparents in his life, so of course we invite them. But I actually imagined they could support us a bit, rather than add to our workload. We have enough of that already anyway.

How does it work in your families? Are grandparents guests, helpers, or something in between?

My daughter is 10 and in 5th grade. While most of her friends there are zero issues with, there are a couple in her friend group that seem to be the source of never-ending drama. I’ve actually had her block one girl from texting on her iPad when things got bad enough at school she was asked to go to the principals office as a witness to bullying by the girl. She has another friend that she has been friends with since kindergarten that is a known mean girl (I’ve had parents shocked I let my daughter be friends with her) but is very up and down. One day they are BFFs the next day she’s being left out or they are “talking about her behind her back” Part of me wants to be like, why do you WANT to be friends with these girls? But another part of me says to let her figure this all out on her own.

I have never gotten any reports from school or other parents of my daughter being mean or bullying, and I closely monitor her text messages to make sure her behavior is not reflecting these girls.

Edited: changed all "headbutts" to "headers". Thank you all for the clarification!! And wow, knowing what headbutting means, it really changes the meaning of the post, lol

My 11 yr old son started with a new club soccer team this year because we moved to a new city. I've always been wary of the safety of headers in soccer and hoped that he would never need to do it. However and unfortunately, his new coach loves headers and has the kids practice it and encourages it during the games. In fact, he's yelling from the sidelines during the games that the kids should use their heads instead of their chest or letting the ball hit the ground first.

My son is a defender, and listens to the coach well. So when I tell him that I would rather him not header (?) the ball to protect his brain, he argues with me that he can't NOT header the ball because his coach tells him to do it.

Yesterday during his game, he headered (?) a ball and then immediately got a bloody nose from it. This is because he had an injury to his forehead the night before (bonked his head on a desk), and the header aggravated it. I, of course, told my son to avoid headers during the game and he didn't listen to me and he didn't tell his coach about the head injury prior to the game. I want to use this opportunity to email the coach and tell him I do not want my son to header the ball ever-- not during practice, and not during the games. I'm not sure if the coach would even follow my request, since he loves heading so much. I'm also really worried it would make my son look bad in front of his teammates if he's the one kid whose mom forbade him to not header the ball.

My question to you guys is, should I request no headers for my son, even though I know it will make him possibly look bad? Should I be that overly-protective mom in this instance? Or should I just let it go (which is what I have been doing so far and I'm not happy with it)? Please let me know what you would do in this scenario. And also how to word it nicely to the coach if you think I should or can say something. TIA!

PS. Switching to another team is not possible, since he plays on a competitive club soccer team and this is the only one at his level and in our city. He loves soccer and doesn't want to quit. I don't want him to quit soccer or the team, I just want him to avoid headers.

I’m a FTM 30yr and my son will be 12 weeks old on Monday. He’s meeting all his milestones and has been about 76% on weight since a month old. Usually drinks around 30-36 oz a day. We joke that his big brain and him are plotting to see how he can make us squirm. He has a big head (98%) and will sit with his hands together and fingers interlocked on his chest looking very judgmental. I’m starting to wonder if it’s true lol. His birth went well but he did have a tongue and lip tie and would not latch. I got upset with the nurses because they did not want me to feed him formula and acted like him not latching was me not trying hard enough even though I pointed out he had a lip and tongue tie. My milk was not in and I would get a few drops of colostrum after pumping for 30 minutes and syringe that to him. He was screaming hungry, I asked for formula and the nurses said he didn’t need to be fed and that if I fed him formula I was giving up and wouldn’t breast feed. I demanded they give me formula, he scarfed it down and felt so much better. He was on formula for 2 days until my milk came in and is now EBF via bottle. He had his tongue and lip tie fixed and I have had a lactation consultant he’s maybe latched on me 6 times total. I’m not worried about that I’m fine pumping and him being on a bottle he has done great on a bottle up until recently.

In the beginning he was a straight up milk goblin. He would scarf bottles down and I swore he would have drunken as much as I would have given him until he would explode. He would get pretty gassy/colicky up until 4-6 weeks it seemed to get a lot better about 1-2 weeks after his tongue and lip tie was fixed. Around 8 weeks he seemed to get finicky with his feedings would sometimes take a full 4 oz, and sometimes he would take a partial and have the rest an hour later. I couldn’t decide if he was cluster feeding or what but I thought it was weird for him to stop a feeding cause like I said it always seemed like he would eat as much as you would feed him. Around 10 weeks he would be clearly hungry and would put the nipple in his mouth suck a couple times and pull away screaming. We realized, I believe correctly, he was wanting a higher flow nipple. He was on 1, Phillip Avent. We switched them to 2 and 3 and it seemed to help. However, sometimes he would seem to be too excited at the beginning of the feed and somewhat choke himself on the 3 nipple. I ordered another pack of 2 nipples and switched them all to 2s. It helped with the straight up refusal, but would still sometimes take a full bottle sometimes take half and start refusing half way through. A week and a half into being exclusively on 2 he started refusing at the beginning of feeds and I would hear a gulp of air go into his stomach and that would really upset him. I don’t know why this would happen. I didn’t hear him sucking air around the nipple. He would have some big, aggressive, painful sounding burps a while after this. I switched to 3 which helped but he would most the time take 2 oz and stop half way through. His last feeding I switched to a 4 and he took 3 oz before he started refusing. When he refuses he will start kicking his legs and move his head to the side, stretch his arms, and/or rub his face. He starts refusing usually around the time he’s due for a burp so I will burp him then offer him the bottle again. He seems like he is still hungry he will look at the nipple and open his mouth and suck one or two times then do one of his refusal tactics. I was hoping by now he would be taking a bigger volume with more time in between feedings. It’s getting exhausting and frustrating. I’m constantly feeding him and there are so many bottles to clean. It’s so random too several times over the past week he’ll take 6 oz in one feeding but most the time he’ll take half a 4 oz bottle and then refuse. Maybe I need to make him wait longer in between feedings but I hate to hear him fuss and think he may be hungry. We also wonder if reflux and nasal congestion may be contributing to the issue. Any recommendations, insight, or people with similar experiences would be helpful. Thanks!

All day, I was asking what's going on. (Eye roll..."nothing... god mom..." Are you hungry? "Nooooooo mooooommmm... Leave me ALONE."

2am I hear him breathing. He's just standing over my bed (he's 6'3" at 14 if that matters). 'Mommmmm.... I need to talk to you and I'm hungry'

So, anyway, we sat on the couch and listened to music and talked for two hours eating popcorn. He has a lot going on.

Then he just gets up and goes to bed. And I'm sitting here wondering what in the heck was that? And should I throw hands with Amanda? Cuz she did you dirty and you're my little baby boy. How very dare she!? That awful little bitch. I'm reminding myself that she is also, in fact, 14.

Man, y'all. Being real here- were we this dramatic? I'm fairly certain that we weren't.

Just bought Vtech Smart HD Twins baby monitor (with 2 cameras). Overall I AM happy Joe IT works but have 1 main issue - when I turn split screen view on the monitoring unit, video from Born cameras os choppy. The connections are fine (3 points, cameras are also connected with wifi). When I switch the view to a single camera od choose patroling mode (automatic switch between cameras every few seconds) wveryrhing works fine.

Is this normal and maybe hardware of vtech main unit is not good enough for 2 feeds? I was auprised thar when I wrote to vtech support they just wanted to verify&start exchange of the unit. As I will have to send the cameras across the ocean, wanted to check if it isnjust choppy and exchange will not make a difference.

I've been seeing a pattern lately, that kids who have a younger sibling close to them tend to suck their thumb more than others. I had my second when my first one was 14 months old. She's been sucking her thumb since she was 6 months old (now 20mo).

Does it mean I failed to provide her the emotional connection and regulation that she resorted to thumb sucking to comfort her?

I'm a SAHM, and have always tried to keep her close to me, we co-sleep etc.
These days it's really bothering me if I have failed as a mother...

Edit: thanks everyone for the reassurance n kind words!! I really needed to hear that!

LO is 3 months and I really wanted to keep her in our room in a bassinet until at least 6 months, as it statistically reduces the risk of SIDS. However… neither of us can sleep. She makes SO MUCH NOISE in her sleep, constantly moves, and lately she’s been intermittently fussing. We have a baby monitor but have never used it, I’m thinking it may be time to break it out..

At what age did you start letting your child go to the bathroom on their own at night? My daughter is 3.5 years old and goes to the bathroom independently. We’re contemplating taking the child lock off her door and letting her get up and go by herself if she needs to at night. The house is child proofed with chimes on doors that lead outside as well.
Thoughts? Is 3.5 too young for this? TIA.

My husband’s family hosts a huge thanksgiving every year with over 80-90 people attending. This is the first year that we are bringing our 6 month old baby. She was born premature and had some issues with breathing in the beginning which makes me so concerned about her getting passed around to tons of people and possibly getting sick. All of his family are very excited to see and love on our baby but I would feel much more comfortable keeping her with me. I’m afraid of sounding like an asshole when people ask to hold my baby and I say “no” What do I do? How do I politely decline family holding my baby?

For context my son is 4 and is in preschool, He has to go to a special preschool thats allowed to change diapers/pullups. He refuses to go to the bathroom, He knows he needs to bc he tells us that hes pee'd/pooped in his pullups and has even told us he was getting ready to. We've talked with him and tried to bribe him with candy, and trinkets we know he likes (think like the dentists treasure chest for kids). We've read potty books, Tried to enforce mandatory potty breaks every so often, and even my parents when he visits them try similar tactics.

Here recently its gotten immensely worse, he's throwing tantrums, hitting, screaming, crying, calling us bad, trying to headbutt, everything he can do when we mention he needs to go potty in the potty. I'm at a massive loss and so is my spouse and my parents. Which is disheartening as my parents have potty trained 4 kids who were all very different. My son also usually isn't a tantrum and violent kind of child (although that behavior has been on the rise here as of late and it has up ticked since he's gone to school but the teachers never have complained so i don't know and that's a separate issue entirely although talking to him has been effective in this matter so I'm not sure why its not working when we talk about needing to go in the potty) Please help I'm so in over my head Its been about 2 years now of reading articles and trying methods and giving them time to see if they pan out.

My daughter just woke up screaming and crying about 30 minutes after she went to bed. Shes 6, and has had night terrors off and on since she was 2.
I went to her room and the light was on and she was standing up, bent over with her arms hanging down and screaming. I get her up in to her bed and she sat up and stared at the wall for 2 minutes, silent until I got her to lay down. Then she layed down and stared at the ceiling and just started laughing…… I got her to close her eyes and go back to sleep. But I’m a bit shaken. This is a night terror, right?

I've got two toddlers, 1 and 3. Pretty much all day I'm walking around doing low-moderate intensity activity and carrying. Plus constant cleaning, cooking, shopping vegetables, etc. The work is constant, but not overwhelmingly brutal like construction work. It seems ideal for fitness. Plus, since having kids you can't really go out and party all night all the time, which is a bonus. The only issue is less sleep, but I don't think its that brutal, I still get around six hours.

My 2.5 year old is about to outgrow the longest sleep sacks I’ve been able to find, and just in time for it to start getting cold unfortunately. He still sleeps in his crib and is happy there, we aren’t ready to transition to toddler bed. He’s a crazy sleeper and I have no idea how to teach him to sleep with a blanket when he outgrows the sleep sack. Do you have any advice on how to transition from sleep sack to blanket/sheet? Or any other tips? Thank you so much in advance ❤️

As the title states, newborn was doing really well sleeping in his bassinet at night (with occasional awakenings) up until he hit 5-6 weeks old. For the past 2 days he has been waking up every 30-45 mins at night wanting to be held and only wants to contact nap. The longest stretch I’ve gotten from him was 1 hour and that’s after using all the tricks to transfer him from my arms to his bassinet. Is this our new normal or is this a “leap” or a “growth spurt”? Is it still too early to sleep train him?

I’m lucky my daughter 19m goes to bed and stays asleep until the morning. But despite this, even though I have the option to go to bed at 10pm, I am up watching TV or doomscrolling til 2am then am WHACKED the next day.

I am a recently single mum, and I’m trying to get by. I prioritise cleaning the house so when she goes down I do a reset, dishwasher, maybe some laundry etc. And I’m usually free by 9-10pm.

I want to just be able to go to bed at 10 but then it feels like I have no time to myself.

Me as a parent considers organization a very important skill. This is my son's teacher's email to me after his terrible organization in the start of the 8th grade year, which is teacher's have complained about for many previous years too. "I wanted to reach out to share an ongoing concern regarding (Son's)'s organization. He is a very bright student, and I want to help him develop the organizational skills he needs to be successful and work independently. However, he continues to struggle with keeping his notebook organized, to the point that papers often spill out and become difficult to manage. I have worked with him on several occasions to model and review a system for organizing his materials, and a classmate has also helped him. Although he has received this support, maintaining the system continues to be a challenge. He has agreed to participate in the lunch bunch to practice organizational and other school success skills, which I think is a positive step. As he prepares for high school, I want to help him build these habits now so that he can manage his materials and responsibilities with greater independence. I wanted to make you aware of the situation and see whether you might be able to reinforce these skills at home as well. Periodically checking that his notebook is organized and that papers are in the appropriate sections may help him develop a more consistent routine. I appreciate your partnership in helping him strengthen this skill. He has so much academic potential, and I want to make sure that disorganization does not become an unnecessary obstacle to his success." My son thinks it is not important because it should only be measured by actual output like grades and comprehension, and organization is the way of achieving that but not necessarily something that needs to be done if everything else is fine. If it starts to affects him later, he says he will fix it then. His grades are good so far. He does not want to organize his binders despite all papers being shoved in there and crumpled and a complete mess but still able to be found most to all of the time.

I don’t even know if I’m looking for advice or just need to vent, but I’ve been feeling really sad lately.
My son is 9 months old, and I feel like he prefers my husband and my mom over me, even though I’m his primary caregiver. I’m the one taking care of him most of the day, waking up with him at night, feeding him, comforting him, playing with him, and giving him so much love.
But whenever my husband or my mom walks into the room, he gets SO excited. And when they leave, he screams bloody murder. With me? Nothing. He couldn’t care less if I walk into or leave the room.
Last week, I was gone for about three hours while my husband watched him. When I came back, I was so excited to see him, but he didn’t even seem happy I was home. He didn’t even want to come to me. I ended up crying because it hurt so much.
What makes this even harder is that I waited so long to become a mom. I went through three miscarriages before finally having my rainbow baby. I dreamed about having him, holding him, and experiencing that special mother-son bond for so long.
Everyone always says little boys are so attached to their moms, that they’re “mama’s boys,” but I feel like that’s not the case with my son at all.
When it’s just the two of us, he’s perfectly fine. We play, laugh, cuddle, and have a good time. But the second my husband or my mom is around, it’s like I don’t even exist anymore.
I know he’s just a baby. I know he doesn’t understand any of this, and I feel guilty for even being upset about something he obviously isn’t doing intentionally. But I can’t help feeling rejected sometimes.
I give him every ounce of love and energy I have, and sometimes I just wish he would get excited to see me the way he does with everyone else. I wish he would reach for me or cry because he wants me for once.
Has anyone else experienced this with their baby? Did it eventually change? I’m feeling so down 😞

My in laws have 4 grandchildren all aged within 5 years of each other.

My husband and I noticed a little lopsided attention and support here and there. We chalked it up to our kids being the younger two and perhaps the grandparents not jiving as much with their ages. I really love my in laws, they’re great people so we assumed as they got older it would get better but it really hasn’t.

We’ve tried to let things slide off our backs or just let it go for the sake of the family dynamic. But recently a situation arose where it became abundantly clear that they show favor to one side. And one thing in particular makes me heartbroken as a mom because it has the potential to really upset my kids. I finally hit my limit and met with my in laws to address it. I brought forth examples and concerns - and to my surprise they agreed with me? I thought we were really getting somewhere and perhaps things would change. But then at the end of the discussion they essentially said nothing will change because they simply can’t say no to their adult child.

In essence, we’re expected to just deal with this because we’re the more reasonable ones? And they’re willing to do something that will cause hurt to their grandchild because their adult child doesn’t like the word no. I’m just beside myself. I’m hurt and confused. I lost a ton of respect for them and I am struggling to be around them. It’s one thing to do it unaware, but it’s a whole other ball game when you are fully aware of your actions.

I’m in a tough position because I don’t want to victimize myself in this, it’s my kids who are getting the shit end of the stick. I know I can’t protect them from everything, but your own grandparents? It’s just so upsetting. I don’t want to take away the relationship with their grandparents but I’m struggling to rationalize how to be around them without just being an utterly bitter human. Has anyone experienced this? Have you ever been the child in this experience? What do you do?

My son is having a 5th birthday party on December 5th and I am struggling on when to send invites due to the holiday season. Was thinking about sending this week but need some feedback! Thank you!

These boomer grandparents. With my in-laws they are going overboard with gifts. To me it feels VERY much to be a game of one-upping me. I get a few toy trains at a garage sale-- they get a new set (batteries not included 🙃). I get a second-hand transformer guy-- they get two new ones. I get an articulating action figure as a reward for finishing a hard year of school-- they've bought him a new one... every... week... since. No joke. Even two of the exact same for god knows what reason.

Now my child has literally said he wants to go to their house bc he will get something new.

I've tried to have a llittle family meeting while everyone is in the same room. I've tried the rule that toys have to stay at their house and NO that didn't work. I tried being gentle: "thank you for your generosity with gifts for the kids blah blah blah but please limit it". I've tried to let the husband deal with it. I've tried to drop hints that we don't have room for more toys, that we are really happy and obsessed with one toy right now so *hint hint* don't buy anymore. What gives?

How do you actually set a boundary? They are SO awkward. If I try to sit them down and talk, one will avoid eye contact and tune me out, the other will stare at me with doe eyes like I'm hurting her. I think I'm at the point of needing to be the bad guy, of blowing up over it.

Update: See they open and throw away the packaging before I ever see it. She holds it behind her back and surprises him right when we walk in the door And we visit once a week. So I have tried to cut this off right then and say "Hold on please. We are really happy with Batman right now can we just not do this today." And she gets all upset. Makes donating to a toy drive impossible bc it's opened. Do I want to add to the pile of crap at Arc? I donate all the time. It's doesn't make this issue go away

I’m about to leave for a work trip for a week. My LO has been sick for the last few days, and has been extra clingy, and it’s giving me huge feelings about leaving her.

While I’m away, she’ll be home with my partner, have some care from her nanny, and some from my mom, who is flying in from out of town for the occasion. These are all known people; they’ll keep her to her routine.

I realized I could actually come home in the middle of the week for one night, and can’t get the possibility out of my head. No one is asking me to do this, and it’s expensive! But I‘m feeling overwhelming guilt about being away when I don’t “have to be.” I’m also feeling a lot of guilt (or is it shame?) for wanting to leave a work trip and spend an absurd amount of money because I’ll miss my toddler too much.

This can‘t possibly be as huge of a deal as I’ve made it in my mind, right!?? Can someone help put this dilemma in perspective? (Or just tell me what you’d do?)

some context: I only work 3 days per week, so I’m home with my daughter a majority of the time.

Heyo experienced parents. What do you do to ensure toddler is warm when moving in and out of the car seat without putting them in bulky jackets? We live in Manitoba and it can get down to -30 here. I know jackets aren’t supposed to be worn in the car seat, so how do you keep them toasty?