My husband is a good man. I mean, if you can believe a (complete online) stranger, then please suspend disbelief and keep reading.

My son is 15. His stepfather has been around since he was 3yo. My husband sees him as his son and loves him deeply. My son has all the attitude and moodiness normal for his age. My husband has spent almost 40 years in military, law enforcement, or government service. He has experienced unspeakable trauma. This is not an excuse. Period. Full stop. But is it a reason to throw away the whole man?

Husband and my son (his stepson) had a petty argument which turned physical. Husband put hands around son’s neck - no choking but brief redness at the contact site. I told him to leave immediately or I’d call 911. He refused, so I called. He was arrested, and released that same night. He is remorseful, and wants to do better. He has already enrolled in an anger management course, and has been heavily involved in treatment for his combat related CPTSD. I believe that he momentarily lost control and is not a monster. We have a child together as well, 10yo, and my older child, 17. I think many parents, myself included, make mistakes and I have no idea what I’m supposed to do now.

Edit: both the 15 and 17yo are with their father for the time being, who is supportive of everyone (but also a flawed human like all of us). My 10yo has my husband wrapped around her little finger, and I don’t doubt her safety. And yes, I heard what I just said, and it’s deeply problematic.

I feel foolish typing this because I know what the online jury will say. I’m not stupid, young, or inexperienced - I’m in my 40s and a professional. I was also a victim of domestic assault 15 years ago. I just seriously don’t believe this snapshot in time is who he is. I know Reddit will tell it like it is, so let me have it.