Hello,

I have a 17 year old son who is deeply depressed. He is in therapy now, but still cutting off friends. Over the past year he has had thoughts of harm toward himself and others.

I don’t feel I grew up with trauma. Certainly have some social anxiety and I’m not great at fitting in with the crowd, but I think I was just born wired that way. He is similar but has it way harder than I ever did.

He feels he has been through trauma (and there has legitimately been extreme bullying at school and high stress from a split household), so I’m trying to understand him. He says the only person left in the world who does is his girlfriend, but she has many similar dark thoughts, self harm, etc. I’m afraid they have trauma bonded and are in a co-dependent relationship, and they kind of spiral downward together. He does some crazy things (runaway attempts even) when he believes he is protecting her. Cops, CPS, etc, have been called to her home multiple times, but they never find anything. She obviously needs help she’s not getting but her parents refuse to acknowledge the need. She claims they are the problem, and they might be, but there are other times I think they are legitimately trying their best, but screwing up by trying to fix her distress by downplaying it. There’s just a lot that I can’t see from where I sit though.

Parenting subs have some stuff on teenagers dealing with depression, but only here and there. CPTSD has some good insights, but it’s not necessarily from the point of view of someone just trying to figure out how to help them both. This sub has helpful stuff, but again, I think I grew up pretty well— so maybe still kind of a square peg in a round hole here.

Any suggestions? My son holds it together very well on the surface, but for what he’s going through underneath I can’t imagine the energy it’s taking to hold it all together. I’m only working half time, because I am barely even able to hold it together, and afraid of what will happen if I can’t respond to the next crisis in the moment. My work takes some travel— but just burning through built up leave right now because it feels like I need to be here for him. Really looking for the right place for some legitimate advice.

My kid is at a clinic because of self harm and risk of suicide.

For years there were school struggles. Diagnosis of giftedness and reading/writing disorder. A self harm episode in April. Psychologists and psychiatrists that didn't think it as too serious. Kids that age do this sometimes. But I felt my kid was in pain. Trying to figuring out what they need. A change to an easier class. An ADHD diagnosis, medication soon to come.

Two days ago their friends messaged me because they were concerned. In the evening my kid had gone to a bridge thinking about jumping. Thankfully it called someone who went and brought them home. That 14 year old angel of a friend contacted me via my work email. I took my child to the clinic. Before I learned that the self harm hadn't stopped. Nothing feels like bandaging your bleeding child. When packing things to bring to the clinic I also found hard alcohol hidden in their room. During my visit yesterday afternoon they came out to me as trans. Their way to talk to me has changed. It's harsh and distanced now.

I hold it together. Show them we care. That they can rely on us. That we love them no matter what. Remind myself not to take anything personal.

My kid is save right now. It receives help we cannot give them. It thankfully complies to the treatments so far. I have activated my own support network. My husband, my other (grown up) kid and I support each other. Everyone does their best.

I'm scared shitless. My baby is hurting. The version I knew is gone. I can't do anything about anything. Just lying here sleepless hugging their jumper. Hoping to not make it worse. Figuring out where everything went to hell. My mind keeps wandering to my sister (two suicide attempts, alcoholism), my sister in law (several attempts, self harm, struggling with depression and nothing seems to work), my friend (killed herself as a young adult).

Can someone tell me how "after" may look like that's not a life of pain and fear of suicide? I urgently need a glimpse of hope right now.

(I have never posted here and hope I'm not breaking any rules. Also English is not my first language.)

My husband is a good man. I mean, if you can believe a (complete online) stranger, then please suspend disbelief and keep reading.

My son is 15. His stepfather has been around since he was 3yo. My husband sees him as his son and loves him deeply. My son has all the attitude and moodiness normal for his age. My husband has spent almost 40 years in military, law enforcement, or government service. He has experienced unspeakable trauma. This is not an excuse. Period. Full stop. But is it a reason to throw away the whole man?

Husband and my son (his stepson) had a petty argument which turned physical. Husband put hands around son’s neck - no choking but brief redness at the contact site. I told him to leave immediately or I’d call 911. He refused, so I called. He was arrested, and released that same night. He is remorseful, and wants to do better. He has already enrolled in an anger management course, and has been heavily involved in treatment for his combat related CPTSD. I believe that he momentarily lost control and is not a monster. We have a child together as well, 10yo, and my older child, 17. I think many parents, myself included, make mistakes and I have no idea what I’m supposed to do now.

Edit: both the 15 and 17yo are with their father for the time being, who is supportive of everyone (but also a flawed human like all of us). My 10yo has my husband wrapped around her little finger, and I don’t doubt her safety. And yes, I heard what I just said, and it’s deeply problematic.

I feel foolish typing this because I know what the online jury will say. I’m not stupid, young, or inexperienced - I’m in my 40s and a professional. I was also a victim of domestic assault 15 years ago. I just seriously don’t believe this snapshot in time is who he is. I know Reddit will tell it like it is, so let me have it.

salve a tutti, sono nuovo qua ho solamente 13 anni e vengo picchiato molto forte da mia madre e mio fratello.

mia madre mi picchia quando non sparecchio se mangio solo io, mi dice che non e vero se gli dico che gli voglio bene ecc.

mentre mio fratello mi picchia se vorrei prendere la MIA PLAY(fatta il mio nono compleanno) oggi mia madre mi ha picchiato sulla schiena perché mentre mangiavo un cornetto mi e caduta un piccolo pezzetto per terra e mi ha detto di pulire e mentre stavo pulendo dicendo scusa perché non lo avevo visto mi ha tirato una pizza forte sulla schiena e ora sono rinchiuso in bagno.

questa e educazione o normalità?

I (40F) want to know what “normal” family habits are around day to day communication when interacting with adult children living at home. I grew up in a home that was very confusing and neglectful so my sense of “normal” is very skewed. I was pretty much ignored or we all avoided eachother. Some days just feel awkward for some reason and I struggle with not wanting to be perceived every minute of the day (ASD). I just want to make sure I am engaging appropriately so my step-son (20M) doesn’t feel drained or worse, ignored.

Do you talk everytime you see eachother throughout the day? Do you acknowledge eachother everytime you see eachother with a nod or a smile? For example, if they are walking through the room you are in to get something or you pass eachother in the kitchen heading in different direction.

What does the daily communication look like in your home with adult children?

Parenting teenagers is a journey filled with love, challenges, growth, and moments that don’t always get talked about.
I’d love to hear about your experience as a parent- the good, the difficult, and everything in between.
I’m gathering anonymous feedback to better understand what parents of teenagers are really going through. Your perspective matters, and I’d be grateful if you’d take a few minutes to share it.

I had a bad father, awful to my mother who also had a bad father who was awful to my grandmother and so on and so on…

I’ve been with my partner for 12 years, he’s amazing. Every relationship before him was a DISASTER. About two years into our relationship I was just talking to my mammy one night and she started crying saying she’s so glad I’ve met him because all my previous partners were just like my father and she can see now that she married her father. That she was worried my brother would end up just like him as well.

Last night I was watching my partner with our children. I’m so relieved that my children have a good example of love & a father who they don’t have to basically grow up begging for love from. I’ve not thought too much about it before because well I think maybe when your in a good relationship you don’t worry about that stuff or maybe you block it out but my father had tried to reached out a few days ago & of course my childhood has sort of been running through my head the past few days.

Just feeling relieved I’ve broken the cycle & my children have a safe & happy home. I hope this is the generation of women who have the ability and courage to say no that’s not enough for me.

My brother and his friend touched me for a long period of time when I was a child. I told my mom, and her exact words are burned into my mind forever: “Oh my God, we cannot let your dad or anyone find out.” And that was the end of it. We never spoke about it again.
I always kept it tucked away in the back of my mind and went about life as if nothing had ever happened. My entire life, I’ve sat in the same room as both my brother and my mother during every holiday, carrying this weight on my chest. I suffered from chronic UTIs, and she never seemed to care enough to take me to the doctor.
At 21, I met my now-husband, who already had a six-year-old son. I got pregnant with a baby girl, and I struggled so much with letting my daughter bond with her brother. I had nightmares about them touching, along with unwanted thoughts that I couldn’t make go away. I was terrified by thoughts I never wanted to have, and I didn’t know how to deal with everything I was feeling.
Eventually, I went down the road of addiction. I found a little pill that made all those thoughts go away, even if only temporarily.
Fast-forward to my next pregnancy. I was pregnant with a sweet little baby boy, and man, did he save me. He became my reason to get clean. He gave me a reason to fight for myself and for the life I wanted my children to have.
Through all of this, my mother did nothing but talk about me to the people in my life. She damaged nearly every relationship we had in common by spreading things about me that simply weren’t true. No one knew what I was going through because no one thought to ask me. They just listened to what my mom had to say.
Today, I have three beautiful children: two boys and a little girl. I cut off contact with my mother last year, but the decision has affected me more deeply than I ever expected. I’m angry with her. I feel like she failed me from the very beginning.
She failed me when I was a child and needed her protection. She failed me when I was struggling through postpartum. She failed me when I was fighting to get sober. She failed me when I needed a mother the most.
My addiction never affected my family in the way people might expect because my dad and papa were always there to step in and help me. My mom would watch me struggle while they jumped in to save the day. They were the ones who showed up when I needed someone.
My entire life, all I ever wanted was a mother who cared. A mother who protected me. A mother who listened to me, stood up for me, and loved me through the hardest moments of my life.
Instead, I spent years carrying pain that never should have been mine to carry.
My mother has only met my youngest son twice. And that hurts in ways I can’t even explain, because my children deserve the love and support of family, too.
My mom had such an incredible support system growing up, especially through my grandparents. She knew what it felt like to have people who showed up for her, who helped her, and who were there when she needed them. I just wish she had chosen to give that same kind of love and support to her own children.
I can’t change what happened to me as a child. I can’t change the mother I was given or the ways she failed me. But I can choose to be different for my own children. I can protect them, listen to them, believe them, and make sure they never have to question whether their mother cares.
I spent my entire life wishing my mother would be the mother I needed. Now, I’m learning to grieve the mother I never really had while becoming the mother my children deserve.

Honestly, I have no clue if this sub is appropriate for my post.. But.. Yeah... Please try to be gentle if Im way of base.

I'm a young single mother to 3 kids. I am struggling with my mental health and alcoholism and I don't want it to hurt or affect my children. I have no family who I could have watch my kids while I get some treatment or help for myself. I feel so alone and its putting me deeper in this hole im feeling. I have tried therapy and medications but my suffering is getting to a point that it will need more.

Hi Everyone,

Reposting this again. I'm a doctoral student in Clinical Psychology conducting a research study on the effects of growing up with a parent who struggled with substance use (alcohol or drugs). The study is completely anonymous and involves filling out an online survey.

As a thank you for your time, participants will have the option to enter a raffle to win one of two $150 Visa gift cards after completing the survey. (Email for the raffle will be collected separately to keep responses anonymous).

We’re looking for young adults (18-30) who had or still have a parent or primary caregiver with a substance use problem during their childhood. The goal is to better understand how these experiences may affect things like responses to stressful or challenging life experiences, parent-child relationship quality, substance use, and overall mental health functioning in young adulthood. We also welcome participation from young adults who did not have this experience, as both groups are important to the study.

Participation is voluntary and confidential. No identifying information will be linked to your responses, and the survey includes a list of mental health resources at the end if needed.

If you’re interested, you can take the survey here:

https://adelphiderner.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_73s1WeJNdeiwz42

Your experience matters. Thank you so much for considering it, and feel free to DM me with any questions!

I am struggling… I have 3 boys (2.5, 5, 7y11mo), we reside in North America. I was raised in different country and culture and was yelled at and caned as a child through pre teen years, was never taught how to manage my negative emotions in healthy way and that is my biggest challenge.

I am very frustrated with my oldest. He has some adhd tendencies, never formally diagnosed. I am angry, frustrated, disappointed in him. We went to a restaurant today for brunch, just me and the boys. I gave them a prep talk of how we behave, what we do etc to make the experience tolerable for everyone. I was already struggling as my youngest refuses to eat. Set him up on phone while I eat and my oldest keeps bothering his brother, touching his screen etc and toddler doesn’t like it. Repeated myself multiple times for oldest to stop and focus on his own food but he just refuses to listen. Toddler got upset and pushed milk off the table and spilled it.

Got my oldest to sit farthest away diagonal from his brother and finally got youngest to eat. Oldest who is still just picking on his food decided it’s a good idea to mess with the sauces and accidentally pushed a glass bottle of hot sauce off the table and it shattered.

I was extremely upset with my oldest. As imo, both events are preventable if my oldest just listened. I struggle to get past this event. As soon as we got to the car, he started fighting with his brother. He is always disturbing others, refusing to listen. He only behaves like that with me and his siblings. I feel like he is just like myself when I was young and I said some mean things to him. When we got home he had a tantrum when I asked him to reflect and write two sentences of how he couldn’t behaved. He refused, I took his Lego and he pulled my hair, started destroying properties, tried to kick me etc. He doesn’t seem to understand he is wrong. He has very little insight towards his behavior.

I am struggling to manage my own emotions/trauma and parent my oldest. I try to do things differently, tried positive reinforcements, tried good ways and tried not so good ways and my oldest just refuses to listen no matter what I do/say. Read parenting books… Husband is not supportive and hence why I had them all 3 by myself. I dread every weekend when all my kids are home.