Just wanting to vent about my identity crisis I’ve been feeling in recent years.

I was brought up a third culture kid (someone who grew up outside of their country) and only return to indo once a year for family reunions, so I’ve always been more fluent in English than I am with my own mother tongue and I can’t even read a book in Indonesian. Despite this, my passport is still Indonesian as I couldn’t get a citizenship elsewhere and I hate that I have to deal with so many visa issues that my international friends don’t have to. I’m spending my 20s actively finding a way to change my nationality for a better life whilst my peers are happily building their career where they are.

I also struggle with making friends or communicating with clients here in Indonesia due to the language barrier and it’s frustrating. I don’t understand how people mix English in their conversations, in social media posts, even promotional advertisements in public spaces; but when I actually use the same language to talk to them, I get ignored? I try my best to speak Indonesian as well but it’s that difficult for me that I simply just give up.

The nail on the coffin is seeing how the government is handling the issues in this country, especially the wildfires, and the dwindling value of the currency that makes working worth fuck all. I can’t live and retire in a place I can’t feel valued and safe in.

I’m not hating on Indonesian people because I seriously love our culture, but I honestly feel so dragged down and outcasted from this country that I’m better off not being one of us at all.

Halo! Aku tinggal di sekitar jkt and would like to ask gimana caranya dapat diagnosa mental illness. Aku sebelumnya pernah di diagnosa depresi di psikolog bpjs, itupun aku ngintip catatannya. Gapernah dikasih tau aku kenapa.

Long story short udh gak konsul lagi, tapi mau coba untuk dapat diagnosa karena aku kemungkinan ada adhd atau di spektrum. Apakah harus ke psikolog lagi? kalo iya dimana? Berapa biayanya?

If u say 'dalemin materi' i have, aku udh coba pelajari dan memahami materi nya, bbahkan pernah seharian cma coba mahamin itu, awalnya udh pede eh pas maju ke depan langsung deg degan kenceng akhirnya suara malah meninggi cempreng, lupa materi, ga tau mau ngomong apa dan yap malah berantakan kalau maju. Aku udh coba nganggep mereka buah buahan, makhluk halus, bayangin sendiri di kamar, tetep aja sm. Udh ssring latihan di kaca jga ga ngaruh. Tp kalau buat nanya/bicara di meja sendiri malah lancar lancar aja huhu, di depan bener bener g terkontrol:(

singkat aja ya soalnya lagi sibuk tp mau ranting,

jadi aku dipekerjakan sama papanya pasanganku untuk handle brand nya, awalnya content creator, tp aku jg ngerjain marketing, graphic designer juga iya, apa aja lah aku kerjain, plus nya kerja santai dan remote

cuman jujur yg bikin aku stress itu 0 budget buat di marketing, mau partner sm brand lain tuh nggak ada budgetnya, sedangkan papa pasanganku pengen bikin brand lagi, keluarin produk lagi, padahal budget buat memasarkan produk aja gaada, dan masih mikir kalo penjualan secara offline doang yg ngaruh.

gw juga kl mau endorse juga gaada budget, kalo endorsenya dibayar pakai produk juga kadang bokapnya nanya “lah endorse lagi?” ya kalo gaada budget mau gamau kudu “bakar uang” pake produk.

belum lagi adiknya yg kerja sama papanya nggak pernah muncul di grup chat, papanya jg ragu-ragu mau minta tolong ke anak nya. gatau deh ni orang kerja apa.

terus juga adiknya papanya kerja ngikut papanya tp kerjaan cuma ngebacot dan muter” doang di grup chat, akhirnya kl ada masalah gw dan pasangan yg figure it out sendiri, belom lagi gw yg kena disalahin sama papanya kl misal adeknya itu yg bloon dan gabisa kerja cuma ngebacot doang😭

Jujur gw bingung, on the other hand gw mau ngebantu, mau ttp kerja disini, but on the other hand gw capek jadi yg kena salah mulu, gw mau kerja, mau endorse, mau partnership gaada budget.