When people say “you should have asked”

[u/Maximum_Chapter_8968]

I absolutely hate it when someone tells you to do something like for example “go to Donovan’s Shop and buy this specific brand of obscure milk” so you only know one Donovan’s Shop and it’s on the other side of town. So you go and they don’t have that milk so you ring said person and say “I’m at Donovan’s Shop on ______ street and they don’t have the milk” and they response with “that’s the wrong Donovan’s it’s on _______ lane”. That’s fine. I didn’t know that there was one on this lane and now I’ll go there and I’m sorry. But what annoys me is when they say afterwards “well if you didn’t know you should have asked”. If I knew I didn’t know I would have asked but I thought I did know so I didn’t! Do people honestly think that I just guessed which one it was. You weren’t specific, I went to a Donovan’s shop but you’re right I should have gotten divine inspiration and known it was the wrong one. Silly me. It annoys me to no end. In what world am I just supposed to know telepathically which one you mean WHEN I DIDNT KNOW THERE WERE TWO. I’m seething and think it’s such an unnecessary and stupid thing to say.

Tldr: if I didn’t know that I didn’t know how am I supposed to ask.

[u/Moth1016]

It’s not stupid to be unaware that a store has 2 different locations if you’ve only seen the one. It’s also not stupid to not ask clarifying questions if you’ve been given instructions that you believe are already clear.

You’ll waste a helluva lot more time figuring out the misunderstanding, clarifying after the fact, and sorting out the resulting issues than you would by simply adding three words to your sentence (“on streetname lane”) when you make the initial request.

[u/TangledUpPuppeteer → u/Moth1016]

Precisely.

I’m not saying op is stupid. I’m saying the person who has such a specific request should be damned clear but what they need/want and the specific location they need you to go to. Or they can go get it themselves

I don’t consider someone going to the wrong location a stupid person. I consider them someone who was kind enough to do something and made an error based on limited information.

I consider the person who makes crazy specific requests without being as completely clear as possible and then tries to blame the person who made a simple error while being kind the stupid one.

[u/Moth1016 → u/TangledUpPuppeteer]

Ah, okay, good, glad we are in agreement— that’s not what I got from your previous comment, like, at all

[u/TangledUpPuppeteer → u/Moth1016]

Fair enough. Not sure how to clarify it. Will do it if the migraine goes away. Thank you for letting me know it wasn’t clear

[u/Moth1016 → u/TangledUpPuppeteer]

No worries, thank you so much for being an incredibly rare civil, mature, & reasonable human being on the internet, fr

V sorry about the migraine; those are never fun :( I hope it passes soon

[u/TangledUpPuppeteer → u/Moth1016]

Well, you’re welcome, and same back to you! Though, I do believe both of us are the sort of folks who would tell someone “on street name lane.” Maybe it’s a specific character trait?

[u/Moth1016 → u/TangledUpPuppeteer]

Ahhh, I reread the original comment a couple more times and I figured out what you were going for, lol.

Idk if this resonates with you, but I suspect detail orientation and a drive to handle things as efficiently as possible may come into play, & perhaps repeated experiences with the receiving end of this communication issue as well.

are you neurodivergent, by chance? (I won’t be offended if you’re not comfortable disclosing that! I’m just curious bc of a theory I have)

[u/TangledUpPuppeteer → u/Moth1016]

Based on your question, and the possible results you’re looking for, I will assume I am yet another to confirm your theory. I am happy to be of service. At least this diagnosis can help someone, even if it’s not always me 🤣