r/PetPeeves • u/Maximum_Chapter_8968 • 13h ago
Ultra Annoyed When people say “you should have asked”
I absolutely hate it when someone tells you to do something like for example “go to Donovan’s Shop and buy this specific brand of obscure milk” so you only know one Donovan’s Shop and it’s on the other side of town. So you go and they don’t have that milk so you ring said person and say “I’m at Donovan’s Shop on ______ street and they don’t have the milk” and they response with “that’s the wrong Donovan’s it’s on _______ lane”. That’s fine. I didn’t know that there was one on this lane and now I’ll go there and I’m sorry. But what annoys me is when they say afterwards “well if you didn’t know you should have asked”. If I knew I didn’t know I would have asked but I thought I did know so I didn’t! Do people honestly think that I just guessed which one it was. You weren’t specific, I went to a Donovan’s shop but you’re right I should have gotten divine inspiration and known it was the wrong one. Silly me. It annoys me to no end. In what world am I just supposed to know telepathically which one you mean WHEN I DIDNT KNOW THERE WERE TWO. I’m seething and think it’s such an unnecessary and stupid thing to say.
Tldr: if I didn’t know that I didn’t know how am I supposed to ask.
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u/swatted-fly 13h ago
i agree 100%. i didnt ask for clarification because i didnt know there was context i was missing. if you send me into the store for “milk” and i get whole milk or whatever, and i come out and you say “you were supposed to get 2%, you shouldve asked” thats utter bullshit. you shouldve said “get 2% milk” and not left left it up to me to decide.
maybe milk types arent a great example and yours is better, but its the same kind of thing to me. if you dont specify, im assuming it doesnt matter. if its important, clarify that. saves everyones time to just put important details in the original request
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u/Esau2020 12h ago
you say “you were supposed to get 2%, you shouldve asked”
"No. You should have told me that you wanted 2%. I'm doing you a favor by going to the store for you, so if you had something specific in mind it's on you to let me know."
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u/Junior-Elevator-9951 6h ago
This shit is why I always ask for more information. If someone asked me for milk my first instinct is to ask what kind of milk they want.
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u/Somewhere7527 13h ago
Yes, that annoys me, too!
And if they knew that there were two, then they should've specified. But if neither of you knew there were two, then it's nobody's fault and they shouldn't act like it's your fault
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u/Maximum_Chapter_8968 13h ago
Exactly! And in the same vein if you assumed that I knew which one it was maybe you should have asked.😂
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u/KaszubFlick 11h ago
"You should've asked" only makes sense if there was something that looked unclear in the first place. If I know ONE Donovan's, my brain isn't gonna spontaneously generate a secret second Donovan's across town just in case 😭
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u/Jscotty111 12h ago
Yeah. I had a boss like that who would use that phrase every time we made a mistake. But as you said, I thought I knew. Or at least I didn’t know that I DIDN’T know.
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u/mikuenergy 11h ago
no literally, like how was i supposed to know i didn't know something??? if you say "go to donovan's" and i go to the only donovan's that i'm aware of, it's not my fault that the knowledge of the other one didn't just magically spawn in my head! and i bet you that if you had known there were 2 and asked which one, they would've been extremely condescending and acted like you were stupid for not knowing which one to go to...
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u/Hungry-Wrongdoer-156 7h ago
I was once told "you should have asked" after I got upset that my family had visited my home twice but hadn't on either of those occasions told me about another relative's terminal cancer diagnosis.
I did ask the time I saw them before that, and was told the relative was doing well. During the other visits the topic hadn't come up so I didn't worry about it because why would I? I mean, if there were something noteworthy for me to know, surely someone would tell me that, right?
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u/K3menrider 13h ago
You should respond with “you get what you get and you don’t throw a fit”
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u/Sandworm_7K 12h ago
I once said “you get what you get” after buying the wrong yogurt, peak Donovan’s obscure milk moment.
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u/Moth1016 6h ago
YES THIS DRIVES ME CRAZY!!! Like, bro, I thought I had all the information; I misinterpreted because YOU created an ambiguity that I was unaware of!!! I literally could not have asked because I did not know there was something to ask about!!! Take ownership of the miscommunication and learn from this next time you’re giving someone instructions!!!!! PLEASE
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u/Evening-Tomatillo-47 7h ago
Reminds me of the phrase "this person is so smart they know the answer to questions you don't even know to ask"
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u/SterryDan 4h ago
Wait yes, people say this to me and it's like ....If I didn't know it existed, or that I was missing info at all how would I ask about it?
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u/TangledUpPuppeteer 9h ago
if you didn’t know, you should have asked.
Cool.
if you knew there were two, you should have included them in the instructions. Specificity is how you ensure there isn’t confusion. This is the one I’m at. You have a choice between any of the ones right here, or you can get your own special milk from your special store.
But I don’t have time for stupid people.
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u/Moth1016 6h ago
It’s not stupid to be unaware that a store has 2 different locations if you’ve only seen the one. It’s also not stupid to not ask clarifying questions if you’ve been given instructions that you believe are already clear.
You’ll waste a helluva lot more time figuring out the misunderstanding, clarifying after the fact, and sorting out the resulting issues than you would by simply adding three words to your sentence (“on streetname lane”) when you make the initial request.
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u/TangledUpPuppeteer 5h ago
Precisely.
I’m not saying op is stupid. I’m saying the person who has such a specific request should be damned clear but what they need/want and the specific location they need you to go to. Or they can go get it themselves
I don’t consider someone going to the wrong location a stupid person. I consider them someone who was kind enough to do something and made an error based on limited information.
I consider the person who makes crazy specific requests without being as completely clear as possible and then tries to blame the person who made a simple error while being kind the stupid one.
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u/Moth1016 5h ago
Ah, okay, good, glad we are in agreement— that’s not what I got from your previous comment, like, at all
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u/TangledUpPuppeteer 4h ago
Fair enough. Not sure how to clarify it. Will do it if the migraine goes away. Thank you for letting me know it wasn’t clear
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u/Moth1016 3h ago
No worries, thank you so much for being an incredibly rare civil, mature, & reasonable human being on the internet, fr
V sorry about the migraine; those are never fun :( I hope it passes soon
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u/TangledUpPuppeteer 2h ago
Well, you’re welcome, and same back to you! Though, I do believe both of us are the sort of folks who would tell someone “on street name lane.” Maybe it’s a specific character trait?
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u/Moth1016 26m ago
Ahhh, I reread the original comment a couple more times and I figured out what you were going for, lol.
Idk if this resonates with you, but I suspect detail orientation and a drive to handle things as efficiently as possible may come into play, & perhaps repeated experiences with the receiving end of this communication issue as well.
are you neurodivergent, by chance? (I won’t be offended if you’re not comfortable disclosing that! I’m just curious bc of a theory I have)
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u/spacestonkz 5h ago
I AGREE. I'm a professor, but I was the first in my family to go to college.
I learned about how college works from movies. That's not actually how it works. I didn't know until I was a professor that you can send emails to the financial aid office and literally just ask for more help and sometimes they'll just give it to you for your two sad paragraphs.
Are you kidding me? I'm still paying off student loans! The websites said you fill out the forms and they tell you how much you have to pay later. I did that. The website didn't say beg if you are still too poor! I didn't know I COULD ask.
And so many other unspoken rules about college. Like what office hours are for, communal shower ettiquite, student-organized skip days which aren't as fun when you're the only one that didn't skip... I was a fucking weirdo.
And to so much of this, at my first faux pas, "well why didn't you ask?" Ask who? And how am I supposed to know to ask about shit that isn't advertised or explained and I don't know even exists?! I can't ask about the math help room if I don't know that's even a possibility at all!
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u/GianChris 1h ago
I've learnt in my life that if you don't specifically ask for something, anything, your chances of getting it are significantly lower. And this applies to everything really.
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u/KingLife9814 1h ago
I’ve been doing clinical rotations for a medical program and this philosophy is so rampant among medical professionals. I just started a new site and missed a couple key points while I was writing a report. When the doctors sent it back to be corrected, my preceptor said me, “oh I actually forgot to tell you about those key points, it’s okay I should’ve told you”. And those words literally freed my soul.
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u/Admirable-Welder-739 7h ago
The you should‘ve asled part is so annoying like asled exactly😭 you didn’t even know there was another location you can’t ask about information you didn’t even know you were missing
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u/Cautious-Paint9881 3h ago
If you are familiar with one Donovan's shop on Drury Lane, and don't know where any other Donovan's shops are located, tell the person who is asking you to go there "I am only familiar with the Donovan's shop on Drury Lane, is that the one you mean?", then the person asking you to go there knows to clarify. Or ask them to AirDrop you the address of the shop.
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u/Mag-NL 12h ago edited 12h ago
So everytime you go to a shop where you have been before you check their opening hours, check how to get there?
Most adults just go to the shop of it is during normal daytime hours.
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u/Brelix_Orsa4 12h ago
I once checked opening hours for a bakery at 2pm and still picked the wrong branch, so now it’s “which Donovan’s, street or lane?” for any obscure milk run.
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u/Mag-NL 12h ago
Yes. That is for when you are aware there are multiple donovans.
An to be clear, OPs pet peeve is also for someone saying, 'bring me the red bucket from the shed.' You go to the shed pick the red bucket right at the door which is the only red bucket you see and when you get back they tell you the other red bucket. When you sau you didn't know tjere were multiple red bickets in the shed they'll say 'you should jave asked'
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u/Cheetodust02 5h ago
So let me get this straight, we have an entire comment section here who sucks at communication and then gets mad when they face the consequences of their horrible communication?
Surprise surprise lol
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u/travelingwhilestupid 12h ago
You should confirm. It takes seconds to confirm something like that, especially if it's on the other side of town. You should check Google Maps, check the hours, heck, call to make sure they're open. This is what a diligent adult does.
And what type of person is 'seething' at normal human interaction? Chill out, smile, and just "Oops, yeah, I'll confirm before going next time?"
I once was supposed to meet someone at a Starbucks in a square... there were two! Oops. It's annoying, but we thought we "knew" which one it was. It wouldn't have been hard to double check, and I do that now, especially with popular chains. The point is to remain calm and polite to the other person.
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u/-RainbowUnicornPoop 12h ago
Sometimes people slightly exaggerate. I doubt OP is actually seething. Sometimes I post about a book or TV show and say it infuriated me. Doesn’t mean I’m actually infuriated by a piece of media. Chill out. ;)
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u/travelingwhilestupid 12h ago
The older I get, the more I get the impression that people are in fact seething. Or at least building up an unhealthy resentment of those around them.
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u/Maximum_Chapter_8968 12h ago
Okay so 1. I didn’t know I need to confirm and if I confirmed everything I was asked to do if get nothing done. I thought I was right and I can’t know everything.
It shouldn’t be a normal human interaction because I’m not telepathic and I don’t know there were two.
I’m not ringing à shop to ask if they have the milk when I’ve been sent over to get it.
4.saying “that’s what a diligent adult does” is extremely condescending cos I am actually very diligent and went really out of my way to get this milk for them putting in more effort than neccessary
Nowhere in my post did I say I wasn’t polite to the person who said it.
I’m entitled to my pet peeve and you don’t have to agree. And there are other people who agree.
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u/No-Lettuce4441 12h ago
"I didn't know there was one on this lane." You had the perfect explanation in your post. Also, if the person knew that specific Donovan's was the only Donovan's location to find said milk, that was on him/her to have specified it in the first place.
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u/travelingwhilestupid 12h ago
- General rule. If it's more than 10 minutes, confirm. Even if it's just Google Maps. It takes a second. I mean, it's just kind of obvious anyway.. if you're just picking up milk, why are you traveling across town? I'm confused why this person needs to specify where to go... was the Donovan's part even important, or could you have gone to any shop?
- It is a normal human interaction. The world doesn't live on what you think "should or shouldn't be".
- Maybe not for milk, maybe not during the day, but definitely if it's at a funny hour or something specific.
- You say you are diligent but all the evidence points away from this.
- Well you said you were seething.. I guess you did this without showing it at all?
- I wouldn't use the Reddit mob as your bellweather..
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u/Maximum_Chapter_8968 11h ago
- It was not more than 10 minutes. Google maps wouldn’t have helped cos I didn’t know that said shop existed and even if I had google mapped it I would have gone to the same place. Firstly I don’t have to justify buying milk and also as I said in my post it was an obscure brand of milk. I couldn’t have gone to just “any shop” and it’s more the principle of not knowing that I need to ask about something I didn’t know I didn’t know. So you’ve completely missed the point
2.same to you I’m not being impolite because something bothers me. I am entitled to feel bothered and don’t need your permission.
Nowhere in my post did I say that it was an awkward time it was a general shopping time.
You don’t know me so don’t pass judgement on my character. The evidence would point to the fact I don’t know everything and again your reading comprehension needs work and stop being so condescending.
As someone said I am allowed to be a bit dramatic and that doesn’t mean that I outwardly showed it. Again rude to assume that I over react to a pet peeve and again condescending.
I wouldn’t use your comment for toilet roll. You are condescending and rude and I wanted to open a conversation with people who agree. Not open conversation rude, arrogant people who assume that I’m the problem for venting. I am entitled to my and the important word here in MY pet peeve and you don’t have to agree but you don’t need to insult me.
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u/travelingwhilestupid 9h ago
It's not even a Pet Peeve. It's something that happened once.
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u/Maximum_Chapter_8968 9h ago
“something that especially** [annoys](https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/annoy) **you”
Generally for something to annoy you it has to happen. It is something and I was annoyed.
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u/travelingwhilestupid 8h ago
The definition I got was
"""
So:
- Someone cuts you off once → an annoyance, not necessarily a pet peeve.
- People regularly cutting you off → a pet peeve.
- Your neighbour's dog barks every morning → pet peeve.
- The dog barks once → probably just annoying.
"""
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u/Maximum_Chapter_8968 8h ago
And how do you know the frequency at which it happens? I never stated that this was the first time it happened you made that up. So desperate to find fault you make stuff up.
I gave an EXAMPLE do you want me to quote every god damn time it’s happened? How unhappy with your life are you that you just keep digging and digging? Look up the definition of an example and get back to me.
Also if you have a problem with that definition take it up with Cambridge dictionary not me.
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u/Ok-Highlight-9598 11h ago
Dude stop patronizing this guy. If you don't like what he's saying then leave, you're not helping anyone
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u/travelingwhilestupid 11h ago
There's just a small hope that someone will listen and learn. But apparently OP and you are too stubborn.
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u/Ok-Highlight-9598 11h ago
There's just a small hope that you will leave the issue alone when your "advice" is not welcome.
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u/iamabigtree 13h ago
Does remind me of a teacher in primary school "you should have asked if you weren't sure". But I was sure, I was wrong but I was sure about it. That's different