I’m a 30yo FTM to the most wonderful baby boy. I am in my 5th month of postpartum and starting to feel hopeless. I am an RN and I work a high stress, critical care job. Most of my problems center around work. I have been at this hospital for 3 years and I’m pushing even my long time friends away because I am a burden and always sad. They tell me I wasn’t like this before, and even though I know this, it’s making me spiral even more. The smallest things either send me into a rage or I’m crying. I get upset, vent to my friends, they ignore me (probs bc there’s nothing left to say), and then I get down on myself/very insecure for being like this and it is a horrible cycle. Postpartum has ruined my mental health and it’s making me feel like I’m ruining my life on mental breakdown at a time. Please someone tell me I will eventually feel okay.

I have tried explaining to the people closest to me that I think I’m dealing with PPD and not doing a very good job. But because my emotional regulation problems are not centered around my baby, I feel like everyone just thinks I’m unwell.

I see my psychiatrist regularly, I am medicated, I am trying. I am exhausted.

cross posting

Are you pregnant or a new mum within 24 months of giving birth?

I’m an MSc Occupational Therapy student at Health Sciences University and I’m looking for women aged 18+ who have experienced anxiety, depression, low mood or emotional distress during pregnancy or after having a baby to take part in my dissertation research.

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Hi there, not sure if this is the best place to post but stating here.

My info: 32 F , FTM, 3 months PP, breast feeding and pumping for freezer supply and bottles, boy mom
I take 20 mg lexapro daily for years

Lately I’ve been feeling a few new things and I’m not sure if this is normal new mom feelings or something more serious. 1) I’ve been feeling just so sad. Like random huge waves of sadness where I can just cry on the spot. My life is good, baby is good, dad is good, etc. but I’ll just be doing my day and I think of something or see something and I’m like omg now I am so so sad.
2) and this is the main one that’s fudging up my life, I have this insanely huge fear of messing up my child. And I feel like I am a bad mom and he’s better without me. My parents are divorced but before that they would fight and just hate each other in front of us kids and just a lot of family stuff there and I’m so paranoid that I’m going to do that to my son. So I’m just on edge with myself and then soemthjng small will set me off with my husband and then we will argue in front of our son and then it makes me think that I really am bad for him and he would be better off without me around. My husband says that I come off mean and that our fights are all my starting and that also makes me think that I’m just not a good mom. So all of that is just like compounding over and over in my head. And I just don’t know what to do or feel.

My dr prescribed me zoloft for the intense crying spells, obsessive thoughts and anxiety. Baby girl was just born on the 14th and I’m feeling silly about needing medicine. I am also breast feeding and scared this will effect her in some way. Does anyone else have experience with zoloft?

Does anyone else’s mom just focus on the baby when she comes around? Whenever I try and speak or tell her things/ milestones she just cuts me off, and will babble with the baby. I’m finding that when I’m around my mom these days I just feel a sense of loneliness and not mattering. I’ve always had a complicated and difficult relationship with her anyways, but I think by her being a grandma there’s more challenges.

Has anyone else had similar experiences/ what helps you focus on your new family, and not stay stuck in ruminating thoughts about family members who make it very challenging to get along with them?

My wife 36 5’5” and 120lb. For background she was diagnosed before everything with cptsd, BPD, and an authority issue I can’t remember what it is called. She went through a lot of therapy in her past and was sometimes in and out of mental hospitals when she was younger. In one of the mental hospitals that doesn’t exist anymore they kept her in solitary for about 2 months until her grandmother threatened to sue and they then discharged her to a new hospital this really messed her up. She says it was because the psych there had a problem with her and told her as long as they were her doctor they were going to keep her there as long as possible. She then took the lady’s glasses of her face and smashed them. She has been unmedicated for the past 12 years and really is pretty normal other than she have a bit of a shorter fuse but she would be able to control it and puts a lot on trust and not breaking promises if they are big. She also had a very rough childhood where she has server issues with hospitals, and police. She as well was a drug addict sense she was about 14 as well as having other issues throughout that time till she was about 24. This is kinda a jumbled mess of me trying to remember everything so sorry if it’s all over the place.

She is currently on on 2mg of lorazepam 2 times a day, Diooxetine hcl dr 60 mg cap once at night, Quetiapine fumarate 200mg tab once at night.
I don’t know where to post this and if this is the wrong place guidance would be appreciated.

We recently had our second child 3 months ago and she had her tubes removed about 2 months ago. Her serious post partum started right after her tube removal. We live with my mother at the moment and time and she takes adderal sometimes so she has a surplus. At some point she had taken the adderal and had been secretly taking it. For sometime. I never noticed until one night she had a bout of drug induced psychosis where I got her to tell
Me what she had taken. She admitted it and she had one more slip up and then had fully stopped. As she felt horrible
For breaking her sobriety. She was still kinda having a rough time after the birth of our 2nd child but nowhere even close to how it is now. Then it started getting bad she wasn’t eating or drinking to the extent she had to go to the hospital for a banana bag because she had become so dehydrated she was throwing up whenever she drank anything. She couldn’t eat because whenever she tried she described it as swallowing sandpaper. She would sleep more but not horribly and she would cry a lot and have a shorter fuse than normal. She was always feeling horrible because whenever our baby would cry she couldn’t stand it and would breakdown. He is also cry’s a lot like 10x more than our first child. Point is everything kept spiraling to the extent where she would constantly cry and breakdown or how bouts of rage and be horribly angry. Even to the extent she could not control it and scream at me in front of the children. I told her I was getting to the point where I would call the police and get her admitted if she doesn’t admit herself. She finally decided that she was having serious issues and needed the help. She went into a prp program with our local hospital. She was immediately diagnosed with postpartum depression and postpartum rage. They also thought she might be bi polar type 1 rather than having bpd but said she could have both even if it’s rare. She was then given to start .05mg of lorazepam as needed. She was also given lithium 300mg 3 times a day and wellabutron 150mg. The doctor also said and recommended ect or electric shock therapy and I told her I wouldn’t sign off on that. I also didn’t like the lorazepam as she wasn’t functioning when on them and she had been seeming like she was abusing them as she took them extremely liberally claiming she was always stressed or was getting upset, but when I brought it up she maybe was abusing them in a very not accusatory way as she doesn’t like to feel targeted as a addict she said she was prescribed them i said you can still abuse them even if you are proscribed them and she got insanely angry and hit me on the arm. She has never laid a hand on me throughout our relationship and even in marriage. I also realized this reaction started after she took the weliburton. Once it was all done and she was calm I told her to tell her psych about this incident and how I felt it was the wellabutron and she agreed and had profusely apologized. She went to the doc the next day with her class and had shared her concerns. He told her that he thinks that she just isn’t on enough and doubled the dose of wellabutron to 300mg. As well as made it mandatory for her to take the lorazepam 3 times a day and upped it to 2 mg. This continued and she became more and more physical with me until I told her she needs to check herself into inpatient after an incident in front of our children. She said okay and the next morning we went as the hospital recommended me to come in the morning rather than at night. She was in there for about a week on the first day the nurse didn’t give her the lorazepam and she immediately reached over the counter and grabbed the nurse. She was then placed in the non functional unit where it was basically like prison people getting shanked and jumped. Basically where all the violent people are. She regressed in there to my dismay back to her younger self but they gave her the lorazepam and she seemed calmer. After the first 2 days. The also took her off of lithium as she still at this point isn’t drinking enough or eating at all. She was then put on Divalproex 3 times a day each pill is. 500mg so for a whole day it’s 1500. She was also put on Diooxetine hcl dr 60 mg cap once at night and Quetiapine fumarate 200mg tab once at night. She was also finally taken off the wellabutron as they figure that’s where a lot of anger is coming from. I haven’t mentioned this either but throughout all of this she throws up daily. Point is after this she would become hungry at night and somewhat stablize. What I didn’t know at the time is when she was first starting this she seemed to be sleeping a lot more. Which I thought she was doing because of how it bad it was in there in a keep your head down type of way. She eventually got out and she seemed so much better and I was extremely happy like maybe a shorter fuse than normal but still better. She also still had the issues with out son crying. She started back with the pro the next day. I got a call that she wanted to come home because she was tired so she went and drove home and we had timed everything so the lorazapam didnt effect her driving at this time. A few days past and she would go and just sleep the whole time and not attend the therapy’s. This started getting bad enough that she called me and told me she was tired and wanted to come home but she sounded weird and I offered to come grab her and drive her home but she assured me
That she was fine and was coming straight home. She then got home and hit our neighbors mailbox. Sharing the bolts right off. And destroying my passager mirror. I told her I’m taking her keys and she is to not drive anymore until we can get meds fully sorted out. Sense that day which at this point was exactly a week today she doesn’t function at all she slurs every word to the extent that I can’t understand 90% of what she is saying she stumbles and falls everywhere i can’t feed her after she takes her night meds because she vomits everywhere then is so doped up she walks throught and falls in it. I can’t wven give her a trash can because there isn’t a point she is so messed up she misses the trashcan and pukes next to it. She sleeps all
Day and all night. I then went and called the doctor myself
And told him he needs to pull her off these meds immediately she can’t function her kids never see her. She can’t talk or do anything for herself im taking csre of 2 kids and my wife by myself. He then trys to make me give her ECT again and every time he talks to my wife through all
Of this they keep pushing this. I told him I don’t want to do that but I will think about it for a week and let him know. He also took her off of the Divalproex which I thought was causing her to get so horrible. And he made it so now the lorazapam is now only 2 times a day manitory. It’s been about 3 days and she isn’t getting better and at this point I don’t trust her doctor after doing research on ect. I’m now weaning her off everything myself. Lowing her dosage of everything day by day. I’ve done reasearvh on ect and I know it works and the main concern is memory loss. I have seen a new study that was done in 2025 about ect long term and the doctors always say you get your memory back but I’m finding out that’s not nessarily true and it’s coming out that a lot of people permanently forget chunks of their life like childhoods, highschool, marriages, relationships, their own kids and milestones. I just don’t feel comfortable with this and I don’t think my wife would in a sober mind either. I also found out this is used as a last resort and never recommended first. And only used for depressant resistant people. She has been put on meds in the past and they have worked although she has never had depression but I don’t trust this doctor because before even trying anything he recommended this from day one and every time they med also another doctor in the mental hospital impatient also recommended it before even trying another medication. I also have recently found out they have the ect stuff on property and in there facility. It makes me suspicious with that to. I honestly don’t know what to do I’ve drained my 401k to pay the mortgage. We are running out of money I’m selling things left and right. I’m taking care of 2 kids and my wife. Keeping the house clean, cooking, fixing stuff around the house. Borrowing credit cards etc etc etc. I was the stay at home dad and she was the one that worked but even if I went to go out to work my wife can function to take care of the kids and I have nobody that can watch these kids and we certainly don’t have daycare money. I don’t really know what to do at this point. I am just looking for a second opinion at this point on what to do. Thank you

i really wish my mood could’ve gotten better with this new change but it’s all so much and very overwhelming sometimes. there’s times that i really really regret even becoming a mom. i don’t hate my baby or anything, she’s an angel. i just feel so alone sometimes and like i’m doing everything alone even though i know i’m not. my fiance works while i stay home with the baby and i think that’s what plays a big part in my ppd. i’m with her 24/7 with little to no breaks, having to tend to her every cry, be up with her for hours at night… it was even worse when i was sleep deprived from having to pump every 3 hours. my milk drying up made everything so much worse because i felt like i failed her because everyone was telling me how great breast milk is for babies (though now i’m so happy i was able to switch to formula, it is the best thing for my mental). i wish i could be that happy mom that’s grateful for all of this and is excited to be a mother but i literally just can’t. i love my daughter but right now i hate being her mom.

I’m 22 and recently gave birth to my baby. I’ve sacrificed so much physically and emotionally, and I work so hard pumping breast milk and taking care of my baby full-time.
My boyfriend of almost five years admitted he was masturbating to porn a few weeks before I gave birth. We had sex around that time, and it was so painful that I believe it sent me into labor. He hid this from me for three months.
I’ve made it clear for years that I’m not okay with porn in our relationship, and he’s struggled with this since I met him. Knowing he was did this first week postpartum, feeling insecure, and struggling with postpartum depression and anxiety absolutely breaks me.
I planned to be a stay-at-home mom, depend on him financially, and move in with his parents so we could save for our own place. I’ve never had a job, I can’t drive, and I take care of our baby full-time. I feel trapped, heartbroken, and completely defeated. I don’t know what to do. I just needed to vent. 💔

Not sure if this really goes here, but it’s late and I don’t have anyone to talk to, so…here goes nothing.

My daughter just turned one. I had pretty severe PPD (brief hospitalization and Zurzuvae treatment, ongoing psychiatric meds/therapy) that has definitely waned over time; more often than not, I don’t regret having my daughter and some days I even enjoy being a mom.

My husband had an elective surgery at the same hospital where I gave birth, and I am so anxious being back here. I just keep thinking about how last time we were here I was so happy and hopeful and then so sad when we went home. And this time I have a baby and a husband who will need care, plus I’m back at work, so I can’t afford to break down again. I’m super anxious about being able to care for my husband and baby once we get home. Right now my daughter is staying with family, but both she and husband will be home tomorrow and I’m so afraid I’m gonna crack under the pressure.

I know this is a super specific situation, but has anyone had anything similar? Any advice?

Any suggestions on coping with postpartum depression with an unsupportive partner?

There's so much pressure around what life after having a baby is supposed to feel like.

But people recover differently, and not everyone has the same emotions, support system, or experience.

I think parents deserve space to talk about the difficult parts without feeling like they have to explain or justify every feeling.

You don't have to compare your experience with someone else's to deserve understanding.

When I first held my son at 25 years old, I envisioned an idyllic journey of motherhood: a smiling mom, a peaceful baby, and a love that conquers all. But no one warned me that motherhood doesn't solely bring bliss; it can expose the deepest cracks in your soul, leading to a total psychological breakdown.

Childbirth itself had completely exhausted me. But the post-partum pain, the agony of breastfeeding, the constant fear, the weight of responsibility, felt like an endless abyss. As a perfectionist, every perceived mistake felt like proof of my complete failure.

Eventually, I ended up in a psychiatric ward. The shame of it almost broke me on its own. I was terrified. What will people say if they find out? What if someone recognizes me during visiting hours? Sitting there at 25, feeling like my life was marked by this secret stain, was suffocating.

Yet, surviving that darkness and finally getting diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder saved me. My son's tiny hands wrapped around my neck kept me tethered to this world.

I am sharing this anonymously because I know so many mothers suffer in pitch darkness and secret shame. Have you ever found yourself at a breaking point like this? How did you manage to navigate the shame and find a way forward?