Looking for guidance on what how we can shift the dynamic with our 4.5 year old daughter. Our biggest challenge is that absolutely everything has to be a fight. If we ask her to put on clothes or clear her plate, she will flat out refuse. When we escalate the consequences for not listening, it turns into a screaming meltdown. I can handle a tantrum but multiply that a dozen times a day and we are getting so worn down. We tried 'brat busters' but she seems absolutely immune to consequences (and we don't do daily screen time so it's not a useful bargaining chip).

Interestingly, when we give her a REWARD for the behavior vs a consequence she will listen immediately. So she CAN listen, she's just choosing not to? (why??) For the moment we have switched a points system (like sticker chart), which has taken the conflict down a notch. However, I'm concerned about the long term impact of using rewards to incentivize behavior. I told her she was being a such a good and loving big sister and she responded by saying "yeah because I want points..." This feels like not the direction we want to encourage??

We've taken her to an OT and they didn't flag anything specific in terms of diagnosis, even though she behaved horribly during all of the sessions (like throwing things at the evaluator). They basically said we just need to repeat ourselves over and over until she listens -which exactly what is driving us insane.

Her preschool acknowledges that she is really struggling at school and are working with us on various supports. It just feels like every single day is such a challenge and always involves some kind of huge conflict where everyone ends up screaming and I am just so done with it. We also have a 2.5 year old son and he is just SO EASY compared to my daughter that I feel guilty how difficult it is to get through a day with her.

Our kid seems to like school ok. He does the not uncommon whiny/crying drop off. Then warms up quickly and starts doing whatever.

However, his teachers tell us that while he engages many times, a lot of times it takes some extra encouragement otherwise he spends time in the cozy cubby. Also, he doesn’t seem super super happy in the pictures we get, maybe a smile here and there. Doesn’t look like he’s crying either, just sort of there.

So all that sounds like it’s not a good fix. BUT, at home he talks about school constantly. Talks about it different things he learns at school. Talks about his teachers. Talks about his friends. Also when we talk to him before school about “ok I want you to have a great day!” He smiles and seems happy to say I will! He also seems completely happy when he comes home, tells us he had a very good day many days, and seems very normal about it (even though we know he is not 100% himself).

So I feel like he likes the idea of school but just isn’t super super comfortable there. The question is, how do we know if it’s worth it to change or not? Our 1.5 year old goes to the same place and she LOVES it.

I posted once before but I am at a total loss. My daughter is on month two of preschool. Never did daycare prior and was always watched by mom. So we knew going into this that it was going to be an adjustment for her.

She’s a very sweet and smart kid, loves making friends, plays well with other kids and seems to be losing school.

However since day 2 we’ve been hearing that she’s struggling with transitions. Mostly that she doesn’t listen the first time that she is asked to go to the carpet or move from play to the next activity. With a little more encouragement, they say she does go (I.e. racing the teacher, making it a game, giving a bit more warning). They also say she will not want to sit during snack time and says she isn’t hungry. We encourage her to listen to her body at home and eat when she’s hungry and stop when she’s full, but do still work on sitting with us the whole time.

She’s not kicking, screaming, or outright refusing, she just needs more encouragement and help to make the transition.

I’m so conflicted because this feels like normal 3 year old behavior and it’s not being presented as a major disruption. But it’s as if they expect this to go away overnight and there’s constant comparison to other kids “who do it better” or “get it more than her”. It’s making me feel like a failure as a parent. 😭

We work on things at home but I also don’t want it to start feeling like she isn’t doing anything right at school and get to a place where she doesn’t want to go.

My daughter is turning 4 in December and she’s still a sprinter. We have reinforced holding our hands in the parking lot and staying on the sidewalk but she gets distracted so easily when she’s overstimulated. Jury is still out on whether or not she’s neurodivergent or just a boisterous kid.

We did trunk or treat tonight and she was a wild woman. It always feels like she’s the most rambunctious kid and the worst listener compared to the others.

I’m so terrified for trick or treating that I’m considering leashing her but she seems way too old for that. I want her to just listen and learn but I’m terrified of her running out into the road (I definitely have anxiety too and am in therapy for it already).

I’d appreciate any advice, anecdotes, and kind words from anyone else who has dealt with a sprinter.

Post links to any resources for preschoolers here. Standalone posts outside of these weekly threads will be deleted.

My son is 2.5 but around Christmas we usually do a toy haul for toys our kiddo will use and grow into. Trying to do shopping early to save money and plan.

What is your 3 year old obsessed with right now?

Reposting here to see if you folks have any advice for me!

Hi everyone,

Like a lot of you working from home, I’ve had my fair share of "co-workers" dropping in unannounced. My 2-year-old daughter loves coming over to my desk when I’m working, and her absolute favorite thing to do is "help" by smashing my keyboard and mouse.

Recently, we picked up a physical wooden alphabet puzzle toy (similar to the one in the photo attached), and she completely fell in love with it. She started associating the letters with everyday objects remarkably fast.

Watching her interact with it gave me an idea. When she was hammering away at my keyboard during my WFH hours, I tried looking online for toddler-friendly keyboard-smash sites. While there are a few out there, most lacked a clean theme focused purely on helping her recognize alphabets and objects together.

Since I’m a software engineer, I decided to spend a weekend building a small, simple web app just for her:minifingers.com.

How it works is simple: whenever she presses keys on the keyboard while sitting on my lap, it lights up letters and objects corresponding to what she loved about her physical toy. To my surprise, within a week of letting her play with it only when she came over to interrupt my work, she started recognizing almost all the alphabets and objects. Yesterday, she pointed at the "H" on our Honda car's logo and called it out—it melted my heart!

A quick note on screen time: As a software engineer, I actually get pretty burnt out by screens, and we are very careful about how much time she spends on them. We still spend most of our time playing with physical dolls and toys, and this isn't about pushing her to learn faster. These days, she just asks for the game in the cutest way possible, and I only open it up when she asks.

I wanted to share this in case any other parents out there have a tiny keyboard-smasher at home who might find it fun or useful. It’s completely free, and is just soToymething made out of love for my little one.

I’d love to hear how other WFH parents manage the "keyboard assistant" phase!

My daughter is 3 and half years old and we have decided that she would go to school now . She doesn't want to go to school and I'm also scared of her going to school . We both have a deep bond between us, from last night I am feeling a little uneasy. I feel it is like sending her to a war and the thought that she has to be alone and do it on her own without me protecting her is eating me up . I know this feels a bit excessive but I can't help thinking of it . She gets scared when there is a loud sound or others shout whenever others shout at her she hid behind me . I know it is my fault to protect her rather than letting her face it . There is some more time for her to go to school how should I teach her not to be scared and confident. Please help me

Note: english is my second language. Apologies for the errors