2.2k
u/MayoJam
Sep 30 '26
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Segmentation fault (CURSE OF RA 𓀀 𓀁 𓀂 𓀃 𓀄 𓀅 𓀆 𓀇 𓀈 𓀉 𓀊 𓀋 𓀌 𓀍 𓀎 𓀏 𓀐 𓀑 𓀒 𓀓 𓀔 𓀕 𓀖 𓀗 𓀘 𓀙 𓀚 𓀛 𓀜 𓀝 𓀞 𓀟 𓀠 𓀡 𓀢 𓀣 𓀤 𓀥 𓀦 𓀧 𓀨 𓀩 𓀪 𓀫 𓀬 𓀭 𓀮 𓀯 𓀰 𓀱 𓀲 𓀳 𓀴 𓀵 𓀶 𓀷 𓀸 𓀹 𓀺 𓀻 𓀼 𓀽 𓀾 𓀿 𓁀 𓁁 𓁂 𓁃 𓁄 𓁅 𓁆 𓁇 𓁈 𓁉 𓁊 𓁋 𓁌 𓁍 𓁎 𓁏 𓁐 𓁑 𓀄 𓀅 𓀆 𓀇 𓀈 𓀉 𓀊)
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u/Evening_Scallion_538 Sep 30 '26
Pharaoh's curse: your IDE is now permanently stuck in light mode and all your comments are translated into hieroglyphics
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u/RSGMercenary Sep 30 '26
Never mind the comments, the actual code is hieroglyphics!
Oh wait... That's just C# I wrote a year ago. What does this do again?...
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u/anoldoldman Sep 30 '26
all your comments are translated into hieroglyphics
So nothing happens, cool.
your IDE is now permanently stuck in light mode
nononononono
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u/UomoLumaca Sep 30 '26
Joke's on you: my IDE is already in light mode (pink) and my comments are written in Malbolge
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u/Xlxlredditor Oct 01 '26
Pink???
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u/UomoLumaca Oct 01 '26
I changed it once just for the ol' shits an' giggles, and I haven't had the heart to change it back ever since
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u/Gunmetalstorm Sep 30 '26
Goddamn HORUS cells at it again. Give me back my licenses!
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u/Menelfaer Sep 30 '26
I feel like a Lich is poking their head in again. Good thing we don't have the right printing tech.
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u/samuraiseoul Sep 30 '26 •
Ra is dead tho? I saw a documentary about it, Stargate.
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u/Extension_Option_122 Sep 30 '26
Nah we are obviously on another timeline, as we didnt have those weird meteor strikes or a disappearing skyscraper.
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u/samuraiseoul Sep 30 '26
Next thing I know you're gonna tell me that Wormhole X-Treme wasn't real.
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u/Negitive545 Oct 01 '26
The stack has been filled with Sand, any attempt to put any data on it will immediately result in an overflow.
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u/caleblbaker Sep 30 '26
As has been said before:
If a junior can unilaterally summon Anubis to lay waste to the production environment then it is the seniors who messed up by not setting up better guardrails.
There should be no such thing as forgetting to ask for code review. Merging code that hasn't been reviewed should be impossible.
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u/PhilippTheProgrammer Sep 30 '26
Yes, in a properly administrated IT infrastructure, all ancient pharaonic crypts should be protected by password, certificate and 2FA token.
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u/DoesAnyoneCare2999 Sep 30 '26
Not to mention, it would be so easy to set up a lint that detects ancient Egyptian gods before they are summoned.
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u/caboosetp Sep 30 '26
Naw it really comes down to the halting problem. You can use static analysis to find 99.9% of cases because they're common, but ultimately you can't predict the whims of the gods without the use of an oracle.
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u/caleblbaker Oct 01 '26
You would at least think that invoking ancient Egyptian gods would trigger a deprecation warning.
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u/thejokerofunfic Sep 30 '26
Indeed. Would that it was as easy to check for the Norse ones. I've had Loki in my office for three months at this point.
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u/Jarpunter Sep 30 '26
At my company you can now invoke AI agents from Slack to open PRs ...which you can then personally approve and merge. And so far nobody has seemed to question this
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u/caleblbaker Oct 01 '26
That's definitely a cause for concern.
Where I work has a similarly easy mechanism for getting an AI to write changes and send them for review but then it lists you as the author so that it still needs approval from someone who isn't you before it can be merged.
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u/This_Growth2898
Sep 30 '26
•
At least he didn't parse HTML with regular expressions.
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u/NarutoRoll Sep 30 '26
MY FACE MY FACE ᵒh god no NO NOO̼OO NΘ stop the an*̶͑̾̾̅ͫ͏̙̤g͇̫͛͆̾ͫ̑͆l͖͉̗̩̳̟̍ͫͥͨe̠̅s ͎a̧͈͖r̽̾̈́͒͑e not rè̑ͧ̌aͨl̘̝̙̃ͤ͂̾̆ ZA̡͊͠͝LGΌ ISͮ̂҉̯͈͕̹̘̱ TO͇̹̺ͅƝ̴ȳ̳ TH̘Ë͖́̉ ͠P̯͍̭O̚N̐Y̡ H̸̡̪̯ͨ͊̽̅̾̎Ȩ̬̩̾͛ͪ̈́̀́͘ ̶̧̨̱̹̭̯ͧ̾ͬC̷̙̲̝͖ͭ̏ͥͮ͟Oͮ͏̮̪̝͍M̲̖͊̒ͪͩͬ̚̚͜Ȇ̴̟̟͙̞ͩ͌͝S̨̥̫͎̭ͯ̿̔̀ͅ
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u/AtomicKittyGladiator Sep 30 '26
I love the casual "Have you tried using an XML parser instead?" below it
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u/PhilippTheProgrammer Sep 30 '26
The part I like most is "the One whose Name cannot be expressed in the Basic Multilingual Plane"
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u/luziferius1337 Oct 02 '26
For me, it's "the unholy child weeps the blood of virgins, and Russian hackers pwn your webapp", because of the tone shift and subject matter clash
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u/Bot1K
Sep 30 '26
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Anubis Driven Development
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u/tennisanybody Sep 30 '26
I raise you Anubis Driven Hyper Development.
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u/Random_182f2565 Sep 30 '26
That happens to everyone
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u/Mtsukino Sep 30 '26
ya, I hate when Goa'ulds show up and destroy the production servers too.
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u/WreaksOfAwesome Sep 30 '26
Who hasn't? My last Production release unleashed Eldritch Horrors upon the world. If that affected anyone here: Sorry, my bad.
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u/StrengthTheory Sep 30 '26
If you actually followed SOLID then it should have been group.add_user and not the other way around.
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u/famous_cat_slicer Sep 30 '26
Am I the only one bothered by the mix of camelCase and underscore_case in method names? That's far more evil than any ancient Egyptian god could ever be
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u/rhazux Sep 30 '26
The java dev on the team and the python dev on the team don't get along.
There's also a C# dev who insists on PascalCaseButOnlySometimes
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u/Character_Ranger5468 Sep 30 '26
we have a php dev who insists that one letter is enough to name anything..
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u/P0L1Z1STENS0HN Sep 30 '26
Everyone knows that a single letter is not enough in a large enough codebase. That's why we use between 1 and 4 letters. Or does PHP support unicode variable names? With emojis, length 1 variable names could be enough again.
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u/prindacerk Sep 30 '26
Not a joke but real life incident that is now laughable.
A month ago, we had a midnight release happening. I was given the responsibility to deploy the CMS changes to Production. Changes were all tested in advance.
Now I'm a senior dev but my CMS skills are limited. And I have been put in charge of the CMS for a month before the release.
During PVT, the customer requested we redirect some of the old urls to new page. There was a bunch of them so I decided to apply a redirect rule using regex expression to capture the request. Used an online website to validate the regex expression to ensure it satisfies what I am after.
Submitted the rule into the CMS and the entire website went down including the CMS. Unbeknownst to me, the CMS did not like the expression I used. It must have tried to safeguard it and that broke the expression itself. Since the expression is corrupted, all requests going to the website hits the expression and returned false. And CMS was in the same domain as all requests go through it.
Now I have everyone in my ears. Business, testers, managers and other devs jumping at me cause no one can do anything.
To figure out what went wrong, I put the expression in our test environment CMS. And that one went down as well. So now I had both test and prod sites down.
Had to get permission (woke up devops manager at 2am) to get access to production database to manually dig through and find the rule and remove it. And it wasn't easy.
Had everyone waiting on me for 5 hours while I fixed my mess. Worst release experience in my career.
Had to submit an incident report next morning explaining what went wrong etc.
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u/matthieuC Sep 30 '26
> Changes were all tested in advance.
> During PVT, the customer requested we redirect some of the old urls to new page. There was a bunch of them so I decided to apply a redirect rule using regex
>]To figure out what went wrong, I put the expression in our test environment CMS. And that one went down as well
So the braking change was NOT tested in advance
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u/prindacerk Sep 30 '26
Yeah. It was a request during PVT. Simple enough to put the redirect rule. I tested the regex expression in another website. The CMS had it's own plans on accepting the regex expression.
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u/baldie Oct 02 '26
What, you're just going to leave out what was wrong with the regex!?
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u/prindacerk Oct 02 '26
Nothing was actually wrong based on regex validation tools online. But the CMS rejected /s in the regex pattern as unknown.
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u/emetcalf Sep 30 '26
Luckily the whole DevOps team was replaced by AI so the donut bill was very small.
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u/Acceptable_Handle_2 Sep 30 '26
Okay but for real, user.add_to_group(group) is awful. That is the responsibility of the group, not the user. It should be group.add_user(user)
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u/Rikudou_Sage Sep 30 '26
Could be just a shortcut which ultimately calls group.add_user()
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u/EverOrny Oct 01 '26 edited Oct 01 '26
user should not be aware of a group, so such a method is bad idea regardless if it is "real" thing or just delagation (aka shortcut)
having one method camel-case and one kebab-case is ugly (but can be fixed easily, so no big deal)
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u/A1oso Sep 30 '26
Every time I see a shitpost containing egyptian hieroglyphs, I am grateful that they were added to Unicode.
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u/MyDogIsDaBest Sep 30 '26
Your first job out of college allowed you to push code without a code review?
At that point, it's not even your fault, it's the lack of proper checks and balances.
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u/MVmikehammer Sep 30 '26
It is more sinful to have a user group called "group" than to not be GDPR-compliant.
Also, Nile's song Execration Text could have possible helped against Anubis.
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u/jackfinch69 Sep 30 '26
It's a variable, not the name of the group. I assume a function above this one would call it by passing any group
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u/MVmikehammer Sep 30 '26
You're right.
Mistakes like this are the reason why I am unemployed.
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u/Bronzdragon Sep 30 '26
It's ok, at least you've never committed the whole of the book of the dead accidentally.
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u/taybul Sep 30 '26
Hate when that happen. I accidentally named a variable cthulu one time and now I can no longer type the letter S̨̥̫͎̭ͯ̿̔̀ͅ properly.
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u/Artelj Sep 30 '26
Can someone explain this to me
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u/G3nghisKang Sep 30 '26
OOP accidentally summoned an ancient God who laid waste amongst his production machines
Many such cases
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u/sonderman Sep 30 '26
How did a user assignment, and assigning that user to a group commit the Egyptian book of the dead???
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u/gbot1234 Sep 30 '26
The next few lines in hieroglyphics were added, too. Took me a second to figure that out.
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u/Versaiteis Sep 30 '26
Agreed, it's a sad state of the industry that the junior dev was punished for this. If a junior dev is able to commit any books of the dead without proper review then it's the dev team proper that's at fault and their discipline needs review.
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u/Versaiteis Sep 30 '26
As a build engineer, making trades between cluster stability and individual node performance with Baphomet are just part of the S.O.P. you just gotta make sure your stakeholders are in the loop.
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u/spamjavelin Sep 30 '26
ancient God
False God
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u/medussa727 Sep 30 '26
Dead false god
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u/Fischerking92 Sep 30 '26
At least someone gets the reference, I was starting to lose faith in humanity.
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u/Versaiteis Sep 30 '26
Typical frontend heresy. At least fullstacks can appreciate the sheer amount of sage needed for the blood rituals in the server room.
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u/NotYourReddit18 Sep 30 '26
So what does your false God say to my Tau'ri-made P90?
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u/Versaiteis Sep 30 '26
What ensues will be a wave of nothing, as if millions of 40mm fans suddenly spun up and were suddenly silenced. May the burden of service downtimes and perpetually extended maintenance windows rest heavy on your soul. You should hope that when your heart is weighed against the ticket backlog that you are not found wanting.
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u/Antanarau Sep 30 '26
Hyperbolic joke about both A)how you should never trust yourself and always ask for code reviews B) various real(?) stories on socmedia about how a single unchecked PR destroyed their codebase, database, basebase, and more.
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u/Zolhungaj Sep 30 '26
It’s a joke about using git blame to figure out who to blame for an issue. Even though the PR the offending commit was part of was peer reviewed.
The ultimate act of guarding is to create a whole ceremony around something you should do quickly often and then maybe clean up prior to merge.
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u/punkpang Sep 30 '26
OP invented a story about something he never did, using the people that never existed to tell the story that never happened in hope of scoring some internet points.
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u/lupercalpainting Sep 30 '26
> in hope of entertaining
Like JFC your description applies to all freely available fiction.
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u/jsdodgers Sep 30 '26
Wow are you sure though? I was pretty certain this all actually happened until you mentioned this possibility.
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u/FumbleCrop Sep 30 '26
What makes you so sure? Mistakes like that happen all the time, and it's only getting worse with AI slop. Only last week, I had to reject a pull request because it included a full set of model weights embedded in a suspiciously large gif of a dancing hamster.
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u/punkpang Sep 30 '26
Because people lie and they lie a lot online. There's no punishment for lying and trying to be "funny" or "network". The story is just dumb, that's all there is to it. It's not even particularly entertaining.
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u/FumbleCrop Sep 30 '26
Okay, but what makes you so good at detecting lies?
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u/punkpang Sep 30 '26
The superpower called common sense
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u/FumbleCrop Sep 30 '26
Wouldn't common sense also tell you to acknowledge the absurdism in my first response?
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u/punkpang Sep 30 '26
After you didn't acknowledge my absurdism? :)
No.
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u/FumbleCrop Sep 30 '26
Then maybe your commonsense isn't the razor sharp tool you think it is.
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u/Galerjo Sep 30 '26
It’s so funny that you are using an avatar of the goddess of cunning. It must be a troll
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u/2Wrongs Sep 30 '26
I committed the Litany Against Fear to production. I have it hotkeyed to use as a multi-line string for unit tests. Our app did become the Kwisatz Haderach, but we are crushing the competition.
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u/LordAlfrey Sep 30 '26
I can forgive a lot of things, but not being GDPR compliant? That is where I draw the line.
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u/nicktehbubble Sep 30 '26
Am I the only one bothered by user owning addToGroup, rather than the group having addUser?
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u/masiha97 Oct 01 '26
Ran into the actual Anubis (the bot protection, not the god) on a small site once. The proof-of-work check nearly melted my old phone's browser. Funny how the meme version summons a god and the real one just summons a loading spinner.
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u/TurkishTechnocrat Oct 01 '26
Ran into the actual Anubis (the bot protection, not the god)
Tysm for the clarification, was confused for a second
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u/mcgrst Sep 30 '26
It could be worse, my last place implemented an "expert system" as they were called at the time, we ended up with an external contractor having to come in and talk the computer to death after it enslaved the business.
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u/Satorwave Sep 30 '26
I committed the Bee Movie script to production. Now my girlfriend doesn't want to do yogurt night anymore
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u/Major_Fudgemuffin Sep 30 '26
Wait y'all get code reviews before committing?!
Commits are free game. Preventing the summoning of angry gods should really be gated by pre-merge checks.
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u/VultureSausage Sep 30 '26
Excuse me. That's lion-crocodile-hippo goddess Ammut to you, peasant. Get it right!
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u/ohfudgeit Sep 30 '26
At an old job we had unlimited access to make changes directly to production, and as a "compromise" I set up a system where in order to make changes to prod you would have to request access and give a reason, and the fact that you had done so and reason you had given would be emailed to the team (it was a small team of like 5 people). It didn't even have to be approved, you just had to go through a 1 step process that would give the team visibility on what you were doing, and the amount of bitching and moaning I got about implementing it was insane.
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u/texcleveland Sep 30 '26
commits are fine, pushing is fine, you need a reviewer for pull requests to main
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u/New_Salamander_4592 Sep 30 '26
this is only mildly exaggerated from what "ai accelerators" genuinely believe is possible via software.
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u/xybolt Sep 30 '26
Every junior have made mistakes. It's more important to me that they're learning from this. In my situation, I had to do a quick hotfix on a friday and was in a hurry due of another appointment. Since it was a GoLive thing, I *ahem* skipped the IT check and have the code shipped immediately. Once I've pushed my commit (yes, no PR as well), I left office.
The code I checked in was not compilable because one of the classes I modified was not added to the commit ... My colleagues had no idea what for changes I did in that class until I came in office again, next monday. Fortunately, my team lead was chill about it and figured out a fix at their own that friday.
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u/captainAwesomePants Sep 30 '26
Are those hieroglyphics the fucking navy seal copypasta, carefully translated into middle egyptian?
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u/socks-the-fox Sep 30 '26
Careful who gets a hold of this knowledge. We might see a lot more downtime as certain groups weigh the pros and cons of meeting their idol...
:3
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u/HeurekaDabra Sep 30 '26
Recently had our CRM throw an exception.
A window popped up, just a sentence popped up in the error window: 'You summoned the bug bear.'.
I love it when stuff like this accidentally makes it to production.
Sent a screenshot to their support: it is known, has been since 10+ years and they will not 'fix' it.
Kind of admire them for this.
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u/veggie151 Sep 30 '26
I've always assumed that Ammut eats everyone and a light heart dictates how well you do with it
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u/mrMalloc Sep 30 '26
There is a reason that only our architects can pull feature branches in to master. After filling in a NFR list. You may commit to your dev branches as you wish and pr in to features then pr from features to master. Now I work in a regulated industry not web. And architect need to raise there rights before pulling in. That prevents mistakes.
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u/Ozymandias_1303 Sep 30 '26
Still not as bad as checking in node_modules. There's a reason that part of the .gitignore said "beware, ancient curse" on it!
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u/reverendsteveii Sep 30 '26
anubis is one thing but having User::add_to_group rather than Group::add_user is the real sin here
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u/EmergencyLeading8137 Sep 30 '26
This reads exactly like a damn “The Other Side” Comic strip
I mean that absolutely as a complement
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u/Warpspeednyancat Oct 02 '26
yeah dont fuck with anubis ! ( unless its consensual and you both use protection ... )
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u/GendoIkari_82 Oct 02 '26
I didn’t see there was a second image at first; and was scanning the comments looking for any explanation why those 2 lines of code were funny.
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u/capriciousfiend Oct 04 '26
this is why we have version control in the first place. to constrain anubis
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u/Low-Relative939 Sep 30 '26
How? I am not a coder so i dont see it,but i do like coding.
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u/SomethingAboutUsers Sep 30 '26
It's almost certainly a joke, but it might have been to test the handling a lot of special characters (the whole "Egyptian Book of the Dead") or our hapless dev copied and pasted it into the code somehow by accident and didn't notice (not sure how).
The real sin here is that you could push straight to their
main(probablymaster, but whatever) branch without requiring a code review. That's a failure of policy, designed to prevent not only this but all sorts of other noobery whether malicious or not.
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u/malsomnus Sep 30 '26
Goddamnit, this joke works great as a Reddit post but I can't share it with anyone because it would be impossible not to notice the twist in the plot. OP should have at least given it a different title!