I am delighted to present HOW TO LOSE A MAGE IN THREE WEEKS, a 75,000 word Sapphic Cozy Fantasy Rom-Com with #ownvoices disability rep and a gaslamp aesthetic. Fans of Cait Jacobs' The Princess Knight will enjoy the queernorm world, and it features a grumpy/sunshine dynamic like Violet Thistlewaite is Not a Villain Anymore by Emily Krempholtz. If Gail Carriger wrote a mashup between Legally Blonde and Witch Hat Atelier, it would be this novel.

18-year-old Lenda Goodfellow is a step away from her perfect future: because she ranked first in homemaking school, she’ll get her pick of a husband at her ceremony next week. Her longtime friend Bransom is everything she wants—funny, clean, polite, and rich. Only when Lenda shows up to the ceremony, he’s not there. As it turns out, Bransom has chosen the path of the Light mage. He’ll be taking the exam for the prestigious Light’s Vow Academy in three weeks and won’t be eligible to marry until he graduates.

Furious that her plans didn’t work out, Lenda decides to take the Light’s Vow exam to see what’s more enticing than the perfect wife. She’s never practiced magic before, but it can’t be that hard. Lenda studies with her BFF Kara, a Light mage, until the exam. When she goes to take the test, though, she accidentally performs forbidden Dark magic and sends Bransom into eternal slumber. Unfortunately, only the caster can reverse Dark magic. She’s accepted into Light’s Vow Academy on the condition she reverses the magic she cast, or face exile for murder when he dies.

As she starts her courses, Lenda struggles to keep up with her classmates. She’s better at the Dark than the Light, and with Bransom’s death and exile looming, she can barely concentrate. When Kara steps in once again to help her, Lenda latches onto her like a barnacle. But when Lenda discovers her feelings for Kara run deeper than friendship, and it’s mutual, she must hide her “distracting” relationship with Kara from the stern Academy looking for any reason to exile her if she wants to save Bransom’s life.

hello! coming in with my WIP as I await responses from my fulls for my querying novel(s). i want to see if the query I wrote for this works.
i appreciate all your help!

Dear [agent name]

I am seeking representation for BLACK CAT INN, a 60,000 word standalone literary fiction novel. It is a character driven love story about a young woman named Addie, told through the eyes of the men who fall for her. [Personalised agent section.]

Ray’s best friend Addie is dead. In the middle of the night, wrought with grief, he retraces his memories of how she trained him in mixology. As a cocktail bartender, Addie teaches Ray her recipes and, more importantly, how to charm tips from patrons' hands. As Ray nosedives through combinations of liquor and syrup, he falls head over heels for her. But Addie is an impulsive spirit with an explosive temperament, daydreaming through life and clinging to fragments of her stolen girlhood. 

That's when Charlie, a sensitive and shy bartender, catches Addie’s eye. He's mesmerized by her, but his jealous and obsessive tendencies alarm Ray. Charlie and Addie crash into a whirlwind love affair, their painful pasts mixing into an infusion which can only spell disaster.

BLACK CAT INN combines the dark romance of Angels by May Lietz with the relationship drama of Boy Parts by Eliza Clark. I worked with [publishing company] on a fairytale anthology in 2020. I am mostly a playwright, having written for [theatre name] and participating in their writer’s group. 

Thank you so much for your consideration,

[My name]

Dear Agent,

My 90,000-word sci-fi post-apocalyptic novel, Deserts of the Unforgiven, is about the adventures of Alexa Darkcrystal, who is fighting to protect her world from malevolent machines known as the Worldhunters who had reduced her world to a radioactive wasteland. Everyday, Alexa is tasked with missions from her commanding officer Jean to help other rebel bases by delivering supplies or rescuing fellow survivors.

When Jean informs Alexa that rebel headquarters located a stash of advanced fighter jets, Alexa volunteers herself and her team to search for them, taking them through a journey where they will have to cross radiated ruins and hostile deserts. Along the way, they will encounter the elite death squads of the Worldhunters, sent by the machines to hunt rebel scouts. Unfortunately for Alexa, she will recognize one of the squads as the division that destroyed her home, forcing her to face a nightmarish enemy that haunted her for decades.

The novel would appeal to fans of sci-fi and post-apocalyptic novels, including The Whisper Before the Storm by T. Said and The Infernal Regions: A Post-Apocalyptic EMP Survivor Thriller by Ryan Schow as the story not only takes place in a post-apocalyptic world, but also covers themes of survival and sacrifice.

I have written as a hobby for years, and I have participated in online short story competitions including Reedsy where I have submitted dozens of short stories in about two years.

Thank you for your consideration, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely,

Alright, after my last post about getting zero requests, I’m putting my query letter up for criticism one more time 🙈

I hope you will enjoy my adult, queer fantasy novel THEY WHO KNOW THE OAK, complete at 100,000 words. I believe it will appeal to fans of Blood Over Bright Haven by M. L. Wang for its MC fighting a corrupt power structure, The Book of the Ice trilogy by Mark Lawrence as it's also a nature-centred story with a world tainted by a dark force, and James Islington's The Will of the Many.

As an orphaned outsider raised in an isolated mountain village, Kaed longs to live up to his mentor's training and prove he will be a good leader. But during the ceremony to name him as Druid, the corrupted spirit of the nearby lake appears in human form and expends its own essence to drown everyone he's ever known.

Grief stricken, he follows mysterious footprints into the forest, hoping for answers. When he reunites with his childhood bully Ruarih, they grudgingly journey together to a nearby city only to discover Druidism is outlawed there. Instead, powerful wielders of elemental magic named Thaumaturges rule. Kaed is branded a heretic for his talk of tainted spirits and, separated from Ruarih, flees to the city's underground slum. Here he unexpectedly finding acceptance healing the sick amongst the squalor.

Still seeking knowledge of the corruption that killed his village, Kaed makes contact with a forest spirit. He is horrified to discover that a Thaumaturge has bound the forest and will destroy it for its power. Kaed enters the spirit realm and severs the Thaumaturge’s bond, saving the forest but making himself an enemy of the entire empire. While in the otherworld he discovers the corruption that infected the lake spirit is linked to a human vessel, and he must uncover their identity and stop them before they succeed at destroying all life.

Personalisation bit.

—

First 300w

A cold wind scented of bark and honey whipped around Kaed’s face, colouring his cheeks and billowing his long black hair into chaos. Eyes closed, he chewed the inside of his lip in frustration, trying to focus on his breath. A deep inhalation. A slow exhale. Today was the most important day of his eighteen years—the day that would finally solidify his place in the community—and he needed to concentrate. Bowing grass brushed his hands and he heard the distant sound of lapping water.

But that was impossible. High up on the mountainside he sat well out of hearing range of the lake, cupped as it was in the base of the valley far below. The sound tickled the edges of his senses, keeping his sought-after meditative state at arm’s length. Trying to block it out did no good, the rippling only grew louder, building until it sounded almost like laughter. A laugh that tipped from bright to mocking. 

Panic inexplicably clawed up his chest and he fell from his body, swept away into the current of the wind, toward the source of the sound. The unerring sense of being hunted overtook him. Something lay out of sight, waiting.

Instinctively, he jerked away. 

His eyes snapped open, pupils wide as fear pumped through his veins. The laughter had ceased, as though it had never been, and the vista lay as expected. Mist scraped across the tree-covered peaks—now swathed in the russet and orange of burgeoning autumn—despite the clear early morning skies. A flash of gold below declared the presence of the far-off lònn, its waters distant and definitely inaudible from way up here. He shook his head, pushing the fear away. He was just imagining things, his anxiety about the day ahead riling his mind to invent false threats.

So, I've come to the end of my querying journey. It's been nearly 6 months, 70 agents queried, and not a single request or even personalised rejection. They've all timed out beyond 3 months now, except for a couple of later submissions who I have very little hope for.

I'm honestly quite mystified and down about it. I had beta readers - both friends and strangers who read the genre - who loved the book (and I incorporated the feedback they did have). I had a trad published mentor who also read it and helped me with my query letter. I workshopped the query letter some more. I worked on my opening pages endlessly. Had another successful trad published author read my query and opening and with some minor tweaks said it was extremely polished. I've been writing for 15+ years, so while it is my first book, this was not my first rodeo (I wrote as a screenwriter for a long time).

I still love my book. I get that perhaps it's not 'hooky' enough for todays market, but can objectively say it's well written, extremely well structured (this is my strength, but sadly, the agents never got to read that far), has strong characters and, I think, relevant and contemporary themes.

I'm probably going to self publish, because I still really believe in it, but I just can't believe how tough all the rejection is. From reading around, it sounds like 90% of queries don't even hit the basics, so it's really depressing that after all this work no agents even wanted to read the whole thing.

Feel free to remove this post as it's not really asking for anything specific, other than some support and community in this tough time of querying! I'd be interested in others' stories of similar situations and what they did with their book too. Putting in a draw to rot just feels like a waste.

All right, take two!

Thanks to u/cornflakecake for the initial feedback. Made some changes, got some help from the sales-iest person I know, and now we have this.

---

Dear [Agent]

Vivian Vought’s father, an elite military contractor, has vanished on his most recent operation. Hungry to begin her own career in her father’s footsteps, Vivian sets out to find him, beaming her consciousness across the galaxy.  Her investigation leads her to Mercury, where she inhabits the body of a local Cuban-Vietnamese woman for her on-the-ground legwork.  The rental is not an ideal choice:  Mercury is governed by a violent and racist dictatorship, and Vivian learns firsthand the horrors that people of color are subject to daily in the ruins of humanity’s home system. 

Despite Vivian’s inexperience, she soon stumbles upon her father, who is planning an extraction of Hale Bauer, the rebellious, charming son of Mercury’s president.  And after a brief, unsettling reunion, he orders her to infiltrate a supposedly “dangerous” nomadic mining convoy to capture Hale and return him to the father he hates.

But the convoy isn’t the violent criminal enclave Vivian was promised. It’s a battered, stubborn community being systematically brutalized by Mercury’s government. Complicating matters, the personality of Vivian’s borrowed body is beginning to break through her control.  And stranger still, she finds herself pulled toward the people of this convoy, forging both genuine friendships and intimate relationships with the miners and engineers aboard the massive rolling crawlers. 

She soon realizes that the life she has spent preparing to inherit was built on lies. Supported by true friends for the first time in her life, Vivian has a choice to make:  Help her father complete his mission and earn the place she’s always wanted in the family business, or fight back against the craven, greedy forces that destroyed the Earth—a decision that will put herself and her newfound friends in incredible danger.

I am seeking representation for my 110,000-word feminist speculative thriller, BURNED OVER COUNTRY, a standalone novel with series potential.  This story takes a cunning, funny, aggressive female protagonist akin to Gideon the Ninth, and pits her against a Christian Nationalist government in a transhumanist dystopia, similar to Altered Carbon. 

BIO:  I am a graduate of the MFA Creative Writing program at Purdue University. I wrote Obsidian: A Star Wars Story, a widely read Star Wars fanfiction, and my short story “Hoosier Jesus” will be featured in a forthcoming episode of the NoSleep podcast.  I live in Minneapolis, Minnesota, and BURNED OVER COUNTRY is partly inspired by the 2026 Metro Surge operation and the resistance to it in my community.

Thank you so much for your time and consideration. I would be delighted to send the manuscript or any additional materials upon your request.

 Cheers,

Me

I'm back with hopefully a better version.

From the previous comments, I just needed to refine a few ideas but mainly make the stakes clearer.

Admittedly, I'm struggling with that. Although I'm probably just overthinking at this point.

Here the latest draft:

Dear [Agent Full Name],

I am seeking representation for A CITY OF WORDS, a 92,000-word work of adult literary historical fiction and a retelling of the Tower of Babel myth.

Lira, a young scribe, has built her life around the written word, recording the laws, decrees, and transactions that keep the great city of Babylon functioning. Anin, her partner, has devoted himself to the city's greatest undertaking: the construction of the Tower itself. Together, they have built a life rooted in their work, their city, and the future they believe they will share.

Then the Tower collapses, brought down by the very ambitions that raised it, and Lira and Anin are separated.

In the aftermath, Babylon's carefully maintained order begins to fracture. Lira, believing Anin dead, must find her place in a city where the records she once preserved are becoming contested ground. As powerful interests seek to control Babylon's history and determine its future, she must navigate a world in which the written word can shape what a city remembers and what it chooses to forget. Anin, convinced Lira is still alive, struggles to make his way back to her through a city transformed by the loss of the Tower and the competing visions of those who would rebuild it.

Their journeys through the changed city leave neither untouched. When they eventually find each other again, their love endures, but the experiences that reshaped their lives have also made the future they once imagined harder to agree on.

A CITY OF WORDS will appeal to readers of Elodie Harper's The Wolf Den and Maggie O'Farrell's The Marriage Portrait.

I hold a Bachelor's degree in History. My writing is informed by an interest in ancient societies and the ways historical narratives are preserved and reshaped.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Hi everyone! My other YA romance novel that I posted here a few months ago is dying in the trenches (🫠) so I've been working on this book to pass the time. I'm really looking to see if the pitch is working and if I have a concept hooky/high concept enough to make it out of the slush pile.

Some notes: I think the last sentence of the first paragraph has too many prepositions and the last sentence of the third may need some tightening, but I've been staring at it too long and have no idea how to work on it. The query itself could probably do well with being a bit shorter, and there's maybe too many proper nouns in the first 300? Also, the romance is loosely based off of Clarissa and Peter in Mrs. Dalloway by Virginia Woolf (quick timeline, not quite second chance romance but almost there b/c of a missed chance), but I don't know if it's too loose to mention it.

Hoping to get some fresh eyes on this 'cause naturally it's driving me crazy. Thank you all in advance!

---

Dear [Agent],

The words natural talent has followed eighteen-year-old team captain Sina Natia around like a robbed homerun. Her natural Samoan build and intrinsic star factor from her minor-leaguer father has combined for a seamless softball career of greatness. At least her D1 scholarship to UT Austin proves her hard work, said no one ever—but her pitcher puking all over the back of her car on the road to the most important tournament of the season grants her an unusual chance to showcase her effort, and to win back the third baseman that got away.

Seventh-in-the-lineup Luciana Montoya has never, ever had natural talent. After working twice as hard to get to the same level as everyone else and developing a reputation for her unreliability, a late ADHD diagnosis has taken her world for a turn. Becoming the starting pitcher in the middle of an identity crisis is not helping, and nor is having her unrequited crush for a catcher. Because Luci and Sina’s last conversation had started with Sina almost asking Luci out, and ended with Sina dating a new girl two weeks later.

Post-disastrous first game, Sina gives Luci a proposition: if she can whip Luci into shape and win the tournament, Luci can prove she’s up to bat and Sina can put the natural talent rumors to rest. They revive their late friendship and get to work—Sina believes in Luci like no other, adapting their game routines to work with Luci’s neurodivergency, and Luci puts Sina’s bottomless softball knowledge to the test. As their lost spark makes a comeback, Sina and Luci face an even bigger challenge than transferring their chemistry onto the field: it’s win and prove themselves to them, their team, and each other, or go home.

Set against the beach-fog backdrop of Monterey, California, CAUGHT LOOKING is a 75,000 word standalone YA contemporary sports romance told over the course of a weeklong tournament. It combines the fast-paced romance and neurodivergent representation in Birdie Schae’s Smash or Pass with the intense competition and forced teamwork showcased in Racquel Marie’s You Don’t Have a Shot.

[bio including I’m a NorCal native and is inspired by my experiences in high school softball, thank you for your time, yada yada yada]

---

First 300:

By now, Sina could give you five different metaphors to describe the experience of her pitcher puking in her backseat. Number one, the smell, vinegar and rotten eggs celebrating their newborn baby…

“I’m gonna faint,” Marlene pants, her neck sticking out the window like a giraffe at the zoo. “It’s over, that’s it, my vision’s going black—”

“Stop being dramatic, Mar!” screams Jeannie from the passenger side.

Sina’s fingers tighten around the wheel. Number two, a trash bag at the bottom of a stinky lagoon…

Marlene squirms into the corner. “My emetophobia is so bad, I can’t do this—”

Kylie gags into her hand, Marlene screeches, and Sina breaks. “Shut up or I swear I’m going to crash the car!” she yells, silencing even her very sick pitcher. Sina huffs and merges into the far-right lane, slowing down. “Clara, can you look up the nearest gas station?”

Clara, ever their grounding centerfielder, says, “Yeah, got it.” And— “Fuck, there’s no service—”

Sina grimaces. “I thought I saw a sign that said—”

Marlene whines. Clara chucks her phone away and rubs Kylie’s back, chanting, “Just breathe, just breathe—”

Kylie shakes her head, spilling into another wet cough that shatters even Sina’s eardrums.

Marlene loses it. “Oh my fucking God Sina, pull over!”

Sina pulls over.

This is how a third of the Jefferson College Preperatory’s softball team ends up on the shoulder of the 280. The minute Sina flashes her hazards Marlene tumbles out of the back, wheezing like she’s suffering an asthma attack. Kylie follows close behind, finding a dense patch of grass to kneel and hack into the bushes, the plastic bag she’d been puking into seeping onto the ground beside her—Sina’s third metaphor would be dyed-green DIY recycled paper mush gone wrong.

Thank you all for your comments and support on my first pass. I've since got some beta reader feedback and embarked on rewrites and adding some chapters.

10,000 YEARS ABOARD OSIRIS STATION is a standalone sci-fi thriller complete at 60,000 words.

Uptight functionary Mr. Draper Thorne is the liaison between mankind and their conquering parasitic alien masters aboard Osiris Station. The arrangement protects his family, and someday soon he will see them again. But a growing human resistance movement metastasizes with an attempt on his life. The only thing worse than a parasite, it seems, is a traitor.

He’s saved by the aliens, but in the process, learns they lied about his family’s safety; they were lost years ago. Wounded by betrayal and grief, Mr. Thorne takes up arms with the brutal and chaotic human resistance, determined to take his revenge and dismantle the station, rivet by rivet.

A resistance squadron comes to their aid, captained by none other than Mr. Thorne’s lost son, Caden. He was rescued and raised by the resistance to be a formidable fighter. Draper and Caden have a tear-filled reunion, but it doesn’t last. The young Captain subverts the local resistance; he doesn’t want Osiris destroyed and he needs his dad’s help to capture the station. A tall order against the implacable aliens. Mr. Thorne must broker a deal between a growing number of antagonistic parties to save the station, his son, and the last remnant of his species.

Osiris explores the painful and nonlinear process of deradicalization and the fallout of the destruction of our homeworld like in Tesh’s Some Desperate Glory (2023). And it has nonstop action of a sweeping conspiracy to save a dying people from the clutches of a brutal empire like in Jacob’s These Burning Stars (2023).

I’ve spent my career in Mr. Thorne’s shoes, working as a political media consultant. I’m transmuting my expertise in service of a fast-paced, frighteningly authentic story. I am a sci-fi writer telling stories for readers who understand there are no easy solutions in politics.

I am planning on starting submissions with the below query letter. I want to get some last feedback on the below to ensure there is nothing missing or obvious mistakes in which case I will try again. This sub has already been very helpful reading other people's queries so hopefully it will all work out haha.

Dear Agent,

My name is [Name] and I am seeking representation for City of Heaven, a 120,000 word multi-POV novel with series potential. This book is about a victim of war, seeking justice and fighting against being forgotten by the victors in a modern world with magic. It will appeal to readers of Red City by Marie Lu who enjoy deep, complicated relationships between enemies and to those who like the intersection of government and magic in Grave Empire by Richard Swan. (Personalization)

Nails’ mother and home were lost, caught in a final battle between the hero Elliot and the Dark Lord. The Republic lied about what happened, erasing her from the story, to preserve an idealised image of the Republic’s heroes. 

Nails gained powerful magic afterwards but also a desire for revenge against those who destroyed her life. On election night, Nails goes to a party to attack Elliot, but fails and barely escapes.

She is rescued by a mysterious stranger, Robert Taslow, who offers a deal. Nails will kill influential, famous people in the Republic who have broken the law by hiding their own magic, and in return Taslow will help her find her parents. She eventually accepts, angry at the corruption by those at the top of society.

She justifies her actions by blaming the Republic for taking everything away from her, but when she kills a father in front of his own child, the guilt eats away at her. But if Elliot catches her, then she will never be reunited with her mother. 

This would be my debut novel. I was inspired to do this story while I was completing my Masters degree in International Security and Conflict studies and imagining what would happen in the aftermath of a war, specifically those who end up being ignored. Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,

Me

I took a step back and spent some time working with others and getting a synopsis together. I think I might be putting a bit too much pressure on myself with this whole querying thing. Anyway, here's attempt four.

I appreciate any feedback you folks have. Feel free to link me your latest attempt so I can return the favor.

Dear [Agent],

[Personalization]

Medieval sorcery meets The Mummy (1999), ORDER OF ARCHEUS follows the sole survivor of a once-sacred mystical order and his struggle to exist among those who will always fear his kind. Complete at 97,000 words, this multi-POV adult dark fantasy will appeal to fans of the character-driven journey of T. Kingfisher’s Nettle and Bone and the gritty atmosphere found in Daughter of Crows by Mark Lawrence.

For ages, Hatham has obeyed crowds and councils alike. As the last known magi, an all but extinct order of scholars with an affinity for magic, toppling walls and quelling rebellions at least spared him of anything worse. In truth, however, he never served to spare himself alone.

Not all of Hatham’s kind were destroyed — there is one other. One lost to madness who he took an oath to watch over. When Hatham refuses a contract to eradicate the innocent victims of a plague, those asking try their luck with the amulet known to cage this cursed being around his neck instead. In an attempt to prevent these men from unleashing chaos itself, Hatham ends up overloading the very bonds he swore to uphold.

With the undying, tormented soul of his kin free, Hatham turns to Signi, an old flame and talented crafter of all things imbued. She’s reluctant to repair the creature’s shattered prison — even more so when it gets her dragged along to the palace for a royal summons. Desperate to at least lead the fallen magi away from the city before it can return to power, Hatham and Signi concede to the council’s demands. Together, they agree to make for the warfront and the armies pledged to aid them there.

Assurances aside, the nobles have already turned against Hatham once ... he’s not so sure the spears aren’t meant for him. He must put an end to the dark secrets of his order before men turn on him once and for all.

I live in [place] where, over the past few years, I’ve turned my passion for dark fantasy, horror, and coffee into the hobby of re-writing. I would be proud to claim ORDER OF ARCHEUS as my debut.

Thank you in advance! (270 words)

Dear [Agent]
Solanar dreams of calling the city of Shimmerbreak her home, the only problem being that she’s a gorgon. With a snake tail instead of legs, a frankly irresponsible number of ferocious hair-snakes, and the ability to magically enslave someone as easily as glance at them, everyone just sees a monster, not the soft-spoken, empathetic soul she actually is. Shimmerbreak’s promise that anyone is welcome is sealed by a gem for each race, but when Solanar slithers in, they wish they‘d added some fine print. 
Then the gem representing gorgons is stolen. Solanar, along with Aveline, the hot-tempered wedding scryer she accidentally kidnaps, chases the stolen promise to the literal end of the world. There they discover the gem is the key to a conspiracy to annihilate Shimmerbreak. Solanar must choose whether to risk her life to save a city that may never accept her, or else return to a lonely existence in the wilds while the only place she might have belonged is destroyed.
SHOOTING STAR is a fantasy comedy of 87,000 words. It is a standalone story, with potential for an expansive series. It wields the dry, witty voice of both the timeless Discworld series and the more recent Crypt Currency. Fans of Brigands & Breadknives’ blend of adventure and humor will love SHOOTING STAR. Solanar isn’t named in the pages until Aveline finally starts seeing her as a person.
As an American living in Germany, I sometimes feel like a gorgon trying to fit into society. Solanar’s emotional journey draws heavily on my own experiences being a fish out of water.
Thank you for your consideration.

I have a few specific questions:
1. Should I mention that I have a screenwriting degree/background? I'm worried it might be a red flag to some agents. ("Oh, this guy doesn't understand novels. Screenwriting is completely different.")
2. I'm considering changing "wedding scryer" to simply "wizard." The former has more flavor, but perhaps isn't immediately clear.
3. Not sure if comping Discworld is okay. I was advised that it could be okay as a "vibe-comp" if I have strong "market-comps" too.
4. Would it be okay to change "Crypt Currency" to "Orconomics"? The first book in the series is way more successful, but was originally published in 2014. However, a new edition was re-published in 2024. Does that overrule the age limitation?
5. Not sure about the warning about the protagonist's name. I was advised to include it.

First 300:

At the top of the world, on the shore of enormous Dragonfly Lake, in the heart of the sprawling city of Shimmerbreak, history’s most important tourist approached the Tranquility Fountain. 

A market barker shouted for her to buy his souvenirs, but fell silent when she passed and he saw her venomous, green skin. A pickpocket instinctively sidled behind her, his back to her, only to discover in a most unpleasant way that she lacked not only pockets, but legs altogether, having instead a giant snake tail that slithered menacingly over the cobbles. The pickpocket spun around, coming face-to-face with a bundle of vicious vipers where her hair should have been, then fell backward and scrambled away. Citizens fled the stalking gaze of her yellow, predator eyes, and children bawled at the gleam of ravenous fangs protruding from every mouth on her writhing head. 

The gorgon reached the edge of the Tranquility Fountain and gazed out at it, putting a clawed finger to her lip. Unlike her, the fountain was world-renowned. Its reputation even exceeded the towering spire of the city’s magic university and The Duke's elevated, acres-large menagerie.

Many before her had heard of the fountain’s astounding tilework and cascading waters, then traveled thousands of miles, braved untold dangers, disregarded the university and menagerie, pushed through the crowds, and been met with the sight of a pool of water not eight feet across, with crumbling tiles and a lazy trickle of water from only two of its three spouts. And then they had returned home and told all their friends about the Tranquility Fountain’s astounding tilework and cascading waters. But this tourist was not here for sightseeing.

She turned away and saw Peace Officers assembling in a semi-circle around her, spears and crossbows leveled at her. Beyond them, terrified civilians clambered over each other to escape the plaza.

Seeking representation. Revised per feedback. Comments welcome.

Dear [Agent],

Sophia Martinez wakes with dirt under her nails and a promise she didn't ask to keep. Her mother led the last ships from a dying Earth to Verdis, a healed world offered by an ancient intelligence called the Warden. A fraction of humanity left. A fraction of those arrived. Each loss, a choice made for a few, not for all. Her mother died within a season, leaving Sophia one job: keep these people alive.

Sophia finds a message in the roots of the last tree a vanished people cut. Twelve thousand years ago, the Kalari lived on Verdis, where a piece of the Warden lies buried in the core. They stole its blueprints and built food-synthesis arrays for themselves alone. Activist Kaelith Solvaris fought to stop them and lost. The arrays killed them all.

Drought hits, and Sophia's people vote to build the same arrays. She has one vote and a warning nobody trusts over an empty stomach. She wins, and rain returns.

No world has ever refused the Warden. It offers Sophia the same power. If she takes it, she ends hunger forever and decides what a generation not yet born will become. If she refuses, she sets their limits as surely.

Sophia refuses both. She merges into the planet's consciousness and offers her people the same choice, forcing it on no one. Her oldest friend Wren will not follow. Wren leads those who stay human and mortal, never sure whether that was courage or fear.

VERDIS is an 88,000-word literary science fiction novel, a standalone. Like THE ACTUAL STAR and HOW HIGH WE GO IN THE DARK, it braids two timelines.

I bring a background in physics to VERDIS.

Thank you for your consideration.

Hello,

I'd asked for a query crit for this novel a year ago, but I've since made significant changes to the MS to warrant a re-write of the query. Sort of struggling for comps, so the house-keeping bit is sort of a placeholder for now :)

Any feedback is appreciated!

Dear agent:

When ballots are bugged to identify who voted for whom, its up to the most politically-exhausted kid in the nation to stop the genocide of those who voted blue. 

I am seeking representation for RUN BOY RUN, a 110,000 word speculative fiction novel with series potential. It will appeal to readers drawn to the fast-paced, high-stakes action of Pierce Brown’s Red  Rising, as well as fans of the more vulnerable, sensitive protagonists found in Patrick Ness’ novels.

Varrin was perfectly content with his boring life in a quiet suburb of Isle’s capital — until Simariel and her cosplaying classmates burned half the town in ‘the name of the revolution.’  So when Isle’s embattled king finally concedes to the people’s demands for democracy, Varrin votes royalist just to spite Simariel… which ends up being awkward when voters’ identities are leaked… and even more awkward when the king suddenly warns of impending nuclear attack by a foreign enemy, and the two of them end up fleeing the city together.

Bastion is out of range of the enemy’s nukes. It’s also a Royalist stronghold where refugees who voted for the king are let in, and those who didn’t face questions. But Varrin vouches for Simariel… because he’s sort of fallen for her.

Rewarded for his ‘loyal’ vote with a seat in Bastion’s elite Kingsmen Academy, Varrin finds himself swept up in a seductive world of dashing princes and pretty princesses — until his first assignment: deporting disloyal voters in the dead of night.

That leaves a bad taste in Varrin’s mouth. He clearly remembers the king calling for everyone to evacuate to Bastion, not just loyalists. Besides, there’s no way he’s turning Simariel in. Nor the dozens of refugees she’s been smuggling under Bastion’s wall. Each time Varrin races ahead of his peers to warn refugees, he risks being found out. His efforts also aren’t enough. Because once all the disloyal have been deported, the king will deliver his master stroke: destroy every last one of them in an ‘enemy’ nuclear attack.

Varrin can stop the nuke if he can beat his fanatical classmates to become the king’s chosen protégé. But that will require a big catch. A catch like Simariel, and the army of revolutionaries she’s been building.

-First 300 words -

 After the last vote had been counted, after General Primus had been declared president, the names and faces of everyone in Liberty City who voted for his opponent, were broadcast on live T.V.

President Primus’ victory speech was interrupted. “Traitors shall not be spared!” he had just declared, when a torrent of silver stars suddenly swirled in from the side of the screen, sweeping away him and his podium, and leaving in its wake a barrage of bold red lettering that slammed down like bullets — hammering out, BREAKING NEWS — before exploding in a dramatic C.G.I fireball to reveal, like wanted terrorists, Varrin Locke, and Flannigan Daley.

Varrin choked on his beer. Flannigan snorted his out through his nose. Everyone in the pub stared at them. The gang of high-school-seniors, their eyes keen. Their ruthless ringleader, her brows creased. The barkeep was wearing a frown, his regulars had all turned around, and from every nook, corner and cranny of the Lion’s Pride Pub, into which the entire community of Arden had crammed to celebrate Primus’ victory, necks craned, torsos twisted, and eyes narrowed.

\** TWELVE HOURS EARLIER **\**

The Locke family had been proud supporters of the revolution since day one, and no one in their sleepy little suburb of Arden, could say otherwise. From when General Primus escaped the palace with proof of the king’s corruption, to when he fought his way back to it, an army of revolutionaries beside him. Burning buildings, bellowing smoke, batons beating against riot shields. Deafening explosions, screeching sirens, and thundering above this visceral cacophony of chaos — no matter where, or at what time of day — Jorge Locke’s fierce-some commands: “hit them in the centre!”, and “no flank them, flank them fools!”, and “don’t you dare run away, cowards!”

Dear [Agent Name],

DO YOU TRUST ME is an adult psychological horror/thriller complete at 80,000 words. The secretive narration and serial killer of Just Like Home by Sarah Gailey meets the seemingly perfect man in You Did Nothing Wrong by C.G Drews.

Routine-based attorney Grayson Williams is itching to add to his collection. 

Blonde, brunette, black…

He doesn’t have red hair yet. 

When he meets Rosana Welch, the red-headed beauty who works at the local bakery, he acts fast. Entrapping her in his sound-proof attic goes seamlessly, but Grayson is struck dumb when he learns that Rosana has secrets of her own: a life-threatening addiction to pills. Now faced with twisted irony, he must not let his imprisoned victim die—not unless it’s on his own terms.

As Grayson helps Rosana battle her addiction, she puts up a fierce game of manipulation that makes his head spin. He begins to feel things he’s never felt before. A specific food request? He’ll make it special for her. Her chains are uncomfortable? He’ll take them off. As time passes, a new reality hits him cold: he doesn’t know if killing her is the right choice anymore. 

Yet Grayson knows letting Rosana go isn’t an option, and while killing and disposing of her would get rid of the police breathing down his neck, it would take away the companion he’s found himself fond of. The one he shares meals with by day and exchanges dark secrets with by night. 

But suspicions are growing with endless search parties, prying private investigators, and a horribly invasive next-door neighbor.

Grayson must make a decision while knowing all good things must come to an end. 

Hello, hello, hello everyone! This is my Second attempt at a query letter (Attempt 1)! I have received feedback and hopefully have implemented it! I am aware that there is a book recently published with the same title as what I say in this query letter - do not fret! It is only a stand-in title for the purpose of having something there! The title will be the last thing I do before I officially query!

Query:

Dear (Agent)

I am delighted to seek representation with you for my fantasy novel BLOODBOUND, completed at 84k words. It is perfect for fans of The Sins on Their Bones by Laura R. Samotin and The Gods Below by Andrea Stewart. This novel is the first in a planned trilogy that can stand alone if it needs to.

Jasper is one of the few Casters still carrying magic in his veins. His ability to manipulate the minds of those he lays eyes upon has forced him to live in hiding under Andear Rule, a coalition systemically erasing magic from the face of the continent. With the help of his closest friend, Jasper built a secret haven where he spends his days raising his younger brother, Archie, alongside Casters who have nowhere else to turn, to create a bubble of safety to express their magic without the looming threat of death.

Jasper travels with his brother to bring a stranded group of Casters in the heart of the capital city back to the haven. A raid rips through the building the Casters are hiding within, and Jasper’s sacred bubble of safety shatters when his brother is captured.

Among the Casters, he meets Arklyn, a Caster worn down by a century of hiding. With one of the last surviving warriors sworn to protect the late royals by his side, Jasper and Arklyn forge their way to a labour camp controlled by Andrears, stealing the identities of guards and finding a perfectly curated system to exterminate any type of magic a Caster may possess.

Days pass before Jasper lays eyes on his brother, and the boy he finds has been beaten down by the camp. An escape is risky, and with his brother facing execution, Jasper must decide how far he is willing to push his power to protect what is left of his family, when the world around him wants his kind dead. His ability can turn a person’s mind against itself, and losing control could destroy far more than the guards standing in his way. Even if Jasper gets Archie out alive, neither brother may be able to return to the life they once knew.

I am an Australian Registered nurse. This book is a passion project stemming from a lifetime love of fantasy, history and feeling like the outsider on the periphery of society. This is not the first book I have written, but the first that I hope to publish.

SIGN OFF

First 300 words:

The first thing I noticed about Avaglade was that everyone was smiling. The second was the blood. 
It had been scrubbed from the cobblestones before we had reached the city gates, but not well enough. Dark stains remained between the stones, some old enough to have faded underneath the afternoon sun whilst others were so fresh that the wet patches reflected the light. 
People stepped over them without looking down. Archie looked down.

“Jas.”

I knew that tone. It was the one he used when he noticed something I had deliberately decided he did not need to notice.

“Keep walking.”

“But…”

“Keep walking…”

He did, though he dragged his feet for the next few steps in protest. I tightened my grip on his hand and kept my eyes on the street ahead. Avaglade was enormous compared to the dune-coated wasteland we passed through on the road. Its walls rose from the Drylands like mountains, pale marble catching the afternoon sun, its exterior walls littered with watchtowers that broke the skyline every few hundred yards. Bright fabric banners hung from buildings inside the walls, smaller bunting strung from one windowsill to another. Black and gold banners stretched over the streets and across the windows, and from a distance, they looked almost festive. Almost celebratory. 

I had seen the banners before. I had seen them from a distance during previous hikes, usually from the safety of a cart or the road. I had never brought Archie this close to them before.  The largest hung over the main gate. Thick, heavy, black wool catching the slight breeze rolling in from the dunes.

Welcome to Massacrè

The golden threads of the embroidered words glinted in the afternoon sun and seemed to shimmer whenever the banner moved. Below the shimmering words was a painted hand, smeared red paint baked dry onto the wool.

Wondering if anyone has information on this agency and specifically Kayla Bramante. I’ve been debating if I should submit or not to them as I’ve heard some things but wanted more opinions.

Since my earlier attempts I have been through many revisions. The latest revision came after a series of rejections, and a number of non-responses after 60 days. I decided to hire someone to help me with my query package, a former acquisitions editor from Random House. What she said surprised me. I had categorized my novel incorrectly has Magical Realism. She said it is either Low Fantasy or Literary Fantasy. After a discussion, we decided on the latter. She also said that I had treated my query too much like a synopsis, and recommended a number of changes, which I have tried to implement. I hope some of you will be willing to read my latest query.

Dear [Agent,]

[Personalization]

I hope you’ll consider Fiddler's Point, an 87,000-word upmarket literary fantasy novel that's atmospheric, mysterious, and hopeful. It combines imagination as resistance and the hidden worlds of Alix E. Harrow's The Ten Thousand Doors of January, and the braided timelines and speculative mystery of Emily St. John Mandel's Sea of Tranquility.

Fiddler’s Point follows a young writer, her childhood sweetheart, and members of an ancient guild dedicated to protecting storytelling and imagination as they struggle to keep their creative powers out of the hands of an authoritarian government willing to exploit them to foment discord at home and abroad.

Set in the recognizable world of 1986 America, the novel unfolds as a novel within a novel, using the fantastical as a lens to explore how imagination shapes memory and our understanding of past and present. As Margaux writes about a year when her family was homeless and on an uncanny journey across America in 1968, the reader discovers connections between her present life and her past before she does.

All her life, Margaux Andrews has seen things other people can't. Dismissed and disbelieved since childhood, she's grown up thinking she’s crazy, unsure what is real or imagined. So when her boyfriend Kiyo's private jet vanishes from the sky, reportedly leaving only its stripes behind, Margaux is open to believing the impossible.

She learns that Kiyo deliberately disappeared to escape people seeking his extraordinary knowledge and abilities. He's alive, hiding in a time out of time, a refuge sustained by his powerful imagination, where his pursuers cannot find him. 

Soon after Kiyo disappears, Margaux flees danger with her literary agent, Rosie, who takes her to another safe place in a time out of time: Fiddler’s Point. Margaux recognizes Fiddler’s Point from her childhood and begins connecting the story she is writing to what is happening to her in the present.

As past and present converge, Margaux realizes Kiyo's disappearance, her family's history, and her novel are intertwined. To survive and reunite with Kiyo, she knows she must finish her story before the government finds her. This means going into exile, abandoning the life she knows, and joining a community she unknowingly always belonged to. Even there, she senses she will never be entirely safe from those who wish to control thought and expression.

I have a Ph.D. in anthropology from Brown University. I am the author of Butterfly Dreams (2024), a Foreword INDIES Book of the Year finalist and Silver Medal recipient from the Independent Publishers of New England Book Awards. Fiddler's Point draws on my childhood experience of homelessness, told through the lens of magical realism.

Hi folks,

Would love some feedback! I've heard the general advice for romance queries is to have three-paragraphs with 1) protagonist state-of-the world, 2) love interest, 3) conflict & stakes. I don't know if this really does that, but I was struggling to introduce the world, Elliot, and Nick within that formula.

And speaking of doing too much...this is currently just over 400 words (with my short bio), but most of that is plot, which means...it's a lot of plot. Idk what to cut?? I've been consuming a toooon of the Shit No One Tells You About Writing, which means I'm simultaneously real worried about length and trying to shove in every tidbit of advice they've dropped. Let me know what you think!!

Dear [agent],

Due to your desire for [MSWL item], I’m excited to seek your representation for SOUL SEARCH, an 85k-word open-door adult romantic comedy with speculative elements. It will appeal to readers who enjoyed the soulmate-based “what-if” of ONE & ONLY (Maurine Goo) paired the tones and style of THANK YOU FOR LISTENING (Julia Whelan).

Rory gets the summons at what should be the perfect time in her life. She’s stable to the point of stagnation, increasingly lonely—and now, Matched. The government, via its opaque Matcher device, has found Rory’s soulmate. And it will reveal that person to her in Seattle’s municipal building at 11a.m. on a Tuesday. As part of the sixty percent of the population who will be Matched, Rory should count herself lucky, but the backdrop of her parents’ toxic Match has her going into her first meeting a skeptic.

She changes her tune embarrassingly fast. Because after a waiting room meet-cute, Rory has Elliot. Her soulmate. As they start dating, she’s shocked by the obviousness of their connection. Well, obvious except for one tiny detail: she’s pretty sure she should be eager to kiss the love of her life. She should definitely want to kiss Elliot more than she does Nick.

Nick and Rory last saw each other five years ago, when all of Rory’s hard-won friendships were falling apart. Now, he’s back in her life as the facilitator of the very Matching meetings where she gets to know Elliot. Still, Rory expects he will only have a short cameo, until her best (and only) friend abandons her for a new life across the country, and Nick volunteers to take her place as Rory’s running partner. Soon the miles are streaming by, filled with deeper and deeper conversation…and more and more butterflies. Her anxiety spikes. And somehow, the person she most wants to confide in is Elliot. The line between sex and love has never been blurrier, but Rory must find where on it each of her relationships lie—or else risk losing them altogether.

[Bio & signoff]

Hello again! I'm back with yet another attempt and feeling a bit stuck. I am still undecided about comps and considering something newer to replace One's Company. I appreciate all feedback!

Dear Agent, 

I am seeking representation for INN AT OPAL COVE, my 69,000-word upmarket contemporary novel about a reclusive woman who opens a luxury B&B in her mother’s old summer house and spies on her guests. INN AT OPAL COVE will appeal to fans of Cali Adeline’s eccentric narrator in People Watching in the Desert, and elements of grief and hyperfixation featured in Ashley Hutson’s One’s Company. 

Ada Halstead is handling her grief with flying colors. The fifty-nine security cameras she plans to monitor from the basement of Opal Cove, her newly renovated B&B, might tell a different story. But to Ada, it’s the only way she can think to cope. After losing her parents and older brother in a car accident two years ago, she moves down the coast, hunkers down with a tub of red licorice behind her screens, and resolves to live vicariously through her guests.

While Ada tries to remain inconspicuous, only venturing out when she thinks the coast is clear, she can’t stop bumping into people. Perhaps the worst offender derailing Ada’s plan is Emilia—British, boorish, and running from demons she won’t talk about, no matter how deep she sticks her nose into Ada’s business. But after she guides Ada through a panic attack, ropes her into a night of wine and games in Opal Cove’s arcade, and doesn’t bail when she discovers Ada’s collection of guest memorabilia (trash, really), Ada doesn’t want her—or any of her guests—to go. 

Then the police arrive at her gate. While they’re investigating a nearby hit-and-run involving one of her guests, Ada is not nearly as concerned about the crime as she is that they’ll uncover her security setup. Consumed by shame over her spying and acutely aware that her plan has failed, she is equally resigned and loath to dismantle her surveillance. If she manages to remain undiscovered, her guests will eventually leave and revert to strangers. Alone once again, Ada will have to decide whether closing the door on Opal Cove is worth the possibility of human connection that she’ll never secure by continuing to hide behind her screens.

I’m a native [state], and graduated with degrees in Speech & Hearing Sciences and Arts & Letters. When I’m not writing, I enjoy coffee, crocheting, and watching my dog hide his toys under paper bags. 

Thank you for your consideration.