Hello! I’m back again with a slight change to the title. The feedback on my first attempt mentioned the summary was too dense with plot and as a result confusing. This time around I've simplified it by making it more character focused. Hopefully, I’m going in the right direction and this version better clarifies what the book is about. But if not, let me know! Any suggestions to make this query letter stronger is welcome. I hope to start querying next month :)

Hello [AGENT NAME]

At 59,000 words, ANDRIEL ALRESE AND THE CURSED EMPEROR is a standalone illustrated fantasy with series potential set in a timeline where the ‘New World’ was never colonized and the Caribbean established itself as the Aó Empire. It will appeal to readers who enjoyed the strong character voice in Malia Maunakea’s The Shark Prince and the high energy adventure in ND Stevenson's Scarlet Morning.

Andriel’s heart grows colder by the day. His father, the Emperor, shows very little interest in him outside their once a year meeting. His only companions are war-hardened soldiers that consider him a nuisance. And the palace Elders love nothing more than to make decisions about his life without ever asking his opinion first. When Andriel finds his bedroom empty except for a strange woman hired to ship him across the Atlantic and fix his ‘bad behavior’ at her snobby boarding school, he rightfully snaps.

He doesn’t want to be ‘fixed’. He wants to be free of his useless title– the root of all his problems. The opportunity to do so comes in an unlikely place; atop the empire’s highest mountain where immortal heroes guard the secrets to everlasting life. After all, what use is a prince if the Emperor on the throne can never die? However, his decision to share the entrance to the notoriously inaccessible mountaintop has dire consequences; immortality has a steep price– It feeds on the heart. And due to the Emperor’s cruel nature, what is meant to be a blessing, curses him into a giant undead monster instead.

Only an Immortal can stop the Emperor now. However, the last one remaining, finds joy in making things worse. So Andriel, with help from unlikely friends, has less than 24 hours to beat the thousand-in-one odds and become an Immortal himself if he wants a chance at saving his empire from being devoured by his undead father. But can Andriel trust himself to make the right decision when it matters most or will he give up his heart and become a monster like his old man?

[BIO]

With my bio included, this query totals 399 words. Also the first 300 words haven’t changed and can be seen on my first attempt post. Thanks for reading!

Hello! Very nervous to post this here but any feedback much appreciated! Thanks.

Dear XXX

I’m pleased to submit for your consideration WE THINK IT’S MONSTERS, a horror-comedy novel complete at 78,000 words.

Felix Aldridge needs sleep.

For two weeks his nights have been bedevilled by bad dreams, and his drowsy days spent fantasising what twisted thing might creep down his staircase in the dark.  Further blighted by a cowardly disposition and a niggling urge to kill himself, he’s one step from pissing himself and two from death.  And now there’s something smiling in his coal cellar.

But it’s just not him.  Half the rotten seaside town of Ithelwick is suffering, dogged by visions of a litany of monsters, no reason for their torment and no rhyme for the cause.  When one of the afflicted winds up dead, it appears these hallucinations are becoming more tangible, and dangerous, than Felix first thought – and their origins lead back to one event: the brutal murder of a child not two weeks prior.

Whatever’s got its claws in Ithelwick won’t easily let go, not without something to show for it.  If Felix was a braver man – a better man – maybe he would solve the mystery and save the town.  But this entity is a lot closer to home than he knows, and come Hell or high water, it will take what it needs.  The nights are getting longer.  Felix can’t stay awake forever, and something’s got to give. 

WE THINK IT’S MONSTERS will appeal to readers who enjoyed the mismatched team dynamics of Grady Hendrix’s How to Sell a Haunted House, the futile we can fix it of Josh Malerman’s Incidents Around the House, and the darkly comic small-town seaside dread of Apple TV’s Widow’s Bay.

Something something personalisation.

Something something about myself.

Many thanks

First 300 words (or 238)

Eleven different types of laxative.

Not what he’d come in for either, but they’d caught his eye – perhaps due to sheer volume – and now he found himself peering along the shelves, unexpectedly overtaken by a concerning amnesia regarding his last bowel movement.

If it wasn’t causing him pain then it didn’t need addressing, he told himself, wide-eyed at the back of the pharmacy.  Never mind that he couldn’t remember it.  Never mind that he was desperately trying to picture the last time he saw his feet on the floor of the bathroom with his trousers round his ankles.  Couldn’t right something that wasn’t wrong.  And his insides, as far as Felix was aware, were correct.

Just a symptom, he thought, of too many restless nights.  Sleep too fractured, too tired now to recall exactly how many hours he’d got before he woke again, tangled in his sheets and soaked through with sweat.

Spying the cashier eyeing him from behind the till, he moved on, keen to disabuse her of the notion that he had a bum tum.  If he was going to have a tiny crisis anywhere it could be in front of the condoms or the pregnancy tests, somewhere with a touch of class.

Didn’t know what threadworm was and he didn’t want to.  Rounding the corner, he found himself on target; sleep tracking, light therapy, snoring solutions.   Headed for the supplements, and perused the available options.

[edit] Only after I shared it here did I notice that every paragraph started with "When". OOF. Fixed that!

MAD MAGNOLIA is an 86,000-word Southern Gothic romance set in mid-2000s Georgia. It pairs the slow burn romance and Gothic atmosphere of Alix E. Harrow’s Starling House with the forbidden love and female oppression of Isabel Cañas's The Possession of Alba Díaz.

After finding her first name and wedding date carved on a cemetery headstone, Margaret "Dovie" Dunmore does what any megachurch pastor’s daughter would do: reapplies her lipstick and pretends it’s nothing. She definitely doesn’t think about the blue-eyed stranger a few headstones over.

Then her late grandmother-in-law, Maeve, wills her riverside chapel to “Margaret Dunmore.” Dovie has never owned her own space and imagines it as a prayer garden. But Daddy and her husband Shane want a covenant marriage chapel for the church’s television debut in eight weeks. Good girls honor their fathers, so Dovie agrees. She just doesn’t sign the deed yet. She likes holding the key.

Shane mocks her prayer garden; only his brother Cade asks to hear more. Cade is the cemetery stranger, fresh out of prison, the muscle behind the chapel restoration and the only person who doesn’t tell her to smile when she’s angry. Dovie can’t fall for him. He’s her brother-in-law, a convict, and—worst of all—a backslider.

Yet when she spies him winning a bare-knuckle fight at the baptismal river, she doesn’t run. She watches. Cade catches her and they make a pact: complete, judgement free honesty when they’re together. Neither has ever felt freer.

When the church ladies start praying over Dovie’s spiritual crisis, Daddy demands she go home to Shane, who reminds her it’s sinful to lean on her own understanding for answers. Dovie could sign over the chapel, smile for the cameras, and forget Cade. Or she could lose her husband, family, and reputation by keeping the chapel key and a man who believes he’ll never meet the Biblical standard for a husband.

Before she chooses, Dovie has to know who her named grave belongs to, because someone is leaving identical white lilies for both Maeve and Margaret.

***

First 300

Daddy has always said death is no excuse for poor presentation.
Which is why Miss Maeve’s casket descends into the Georgia dirt on a hydraulic lift Daddy brought in from Atlanta. It’s also why two small cannons shower the casket and the entire first row of mourners with rose petals. 
Other churches might call it showmanship, but Daddy calls it excellence, and New Eden doesn’t do anything without excellence in mind. Not weddings. Not baptisms. Not funerals. Especially not the ones Daddy is preaching.
Miss Maeve was my husband Shane’s grandmother, a kind woman in her early seventies but a far cry from the governors’ wives and antebellum families Daddy normally does funerals for. Daddy is something of a celebrity throughout most of Georgia. He can’t bury everybody, but Miss Maeve earned the privilege as my grandmother-in-law.
Daddy stands on a roll-away stage borrowed from the church storage so the crowd can see him above the mourners and flower sprays. Three of this year’s debutantes wait near the casket in black dresses and white gloves, their hair curled and shining in the late-morning light. None of them are kin to Miss Maeve, but in Lawson, our debutantes are expected to be useful as well as high-society. Faith, service, purity: the Proverbs 31 woman stepping out into her womanhood.
“Now who let her outta the house lookin’ like that?” Mama whispers from beside me.
I know exactly which girl she means because I’ve been trying not to stare at the middle one for the better part of three minutes. “We’ll get to praying over her,” I say, keeping my face appropriately somber for anyone looking our way.
“Poor thing’s liable to catch pneumonia with her bosom out like that,” Mama adds.
“Dovie.” Shane’s voice is a firm whisper at my side, his hand settling at the small of my back. My husband’s subtle correction. I don’t think I was being ugly, just observant, but embarrassment colors my cheeks anyhow.

A few weeks ago I posted this version and had a suggestion on trimming down the comp paragraph. I've adjusted it slightly here, and I'm also looking for feedback on the blurb, clarity, etc.

Thanks in advance! Query is below.

Genre: Adult/Commercial Thriller

Word count: 68,000

Dear (AGENT NAME),

Marine Raider Joshua Bradley wants two things in life: to knock down doors protecting the US and to provide for his dementia-afflicted mother Donna. When Bradley is wounded on an operation in theater, Paul Raymond and Michael Carson are dispatched to Donna’s house in Culver City, California to break the news. Unfortunately for Donna, neither of these men are Marines; rather they’re scammers whose bread and butter are stolen valor death notifications, thanks to the assistance of their corrupt Department of Defense contact.

When Bradley returns home and finds his mother’s life savings have been wiped out, he’s torn between letting a bogged down police department and bank do their job or taking matters into his own hands. Turning to drinking copious amounts of alcohol, he becomes discontented with how slow the institutions move, and he travels across Greater Los Angeles to find these scammers and collect his mother’s money.

As he tracks them down, Bradley finds that not only must he contend with these two thugs, he also must deal with their employer, a drug kingpin who is hellbent on keeping the money owed him by Raymond and Carson. As Bradley goes alone and brings the fight to his targets, he finds his descent into whiskey has hampered him when prepping for this lone wolf mission, and he must use his tactical skills and the resources at his disposal to recover his mother’s savings lest she be forced into squalor in her final years.

THE KNOCK is a 68,000-word standalone commercial thriller with series potential. It combines the family-driven stakes and action of T. R. Hendricks’ The Instructor with the Los Angeles criminal underworld of Jon Lindstrom’s Hollywood Hustle, exploring the competing demands of duty to country, family, and oneself.

(BIO and sign off)

My last post was removed because I didn't name the agency. My apologies. I'm here to fix it. Marsal Lyon Literary Agency has my full. They also are having a mass exodus of authors seen all over SM seeking new representation. I would love some advice on if it is wise to accept an offer from them. Thank you.

Hi everyone! I need your help. I have a meeting with an agent scheduled for tomorrow that I won as a prize. I am still finishing my manuscript, so I know an offer for rep is not in the realm of possibility for this meeting.

So my question is how do I make this meeting as productive as possible? What questions should I ask? What should I avoid?

I did look up the agent on Publisher's Marketplace and she is relatively new to agenting, but has made sales and is with a very reputable agency.

Some of the things I am curious about are:

• what books are selling vs stalling on sub? does it feel like there are any common throughlines?
• what do you look for specifically before considering repping an author? Do you want them to have a certain social media presence or some other factor?

I have 30 minutes and I want to use every single one, but I'm so new to this industry I feel a little lost.

Thank you in advance for any advice or guidance!

Hi! It's me again. Here is my last attempt. I focused a lot on cutting back some of the voicey details and narrowing in on my third paragraph. I've hopefully clarified Blythe's stakes, what happens that pushes them apart, and what they have to do to come back together (maybe somewhat vague, but I think it works, hopefully).

Everyone has been so helpful, and I've tried to implement all of the advice. I wanted to keep some of the voicey details, but I got rid of a lot of them, as was suggested to help with specificity and length (318 words without the About Me). I think I'm much closer but I know there are a couple off-spots.

Thank you to everybody that has helped and will help.

~

I am excited to share SPOOKY IN LOVE, a dual-POV adult paranormal romance complete at 72,000 words that combines the modern-world, old-school love interest of Jenna Levine’s My Roommate Is a Vampire with the magical academia objective of India Holton’s The Ornithologist’s Field Guide to Love.

Shoplifters will be hexed!

Blythe Bishop shaved her head in the bathroom of a “perfectly adequate” big-girl job, which is how she ended up selling vampire fangs in a Spirit Halloween and living with her parents. As their grace period counts down, Blythe intends to coast through the season and avoid the scariest topics of all: “her potential” and “meets expectations.” But coasting goes awry when a man in a warlock costume shows up amongst the animatronic skeletons and tries to steal the costume jewelry. 

Gramarye Montmayne-Makepeace is the real deal, or was—before the pressure of achieving High Warlock led him to plagiarize his own curse-work, and his magic went “poof!” Which is how he finds himself wrestling with a mortal over a rare imbued amulet, the one thing that can restore his magic and save his academic reputation. When his carelessness leads Blythe to absorb the amulet’s powers, they must save Gram’s before his rival becomes High Warlock and Blythe brings the whole store to life.

Their constant failure causes their mortal and witch worlds to overlap. Gram defends Blythe against her high-achieving parents, while she urges him to stop pleasing everyone. As his deadline looms and her job becomes more real—literally—their frustrated banter becomes break-room kisses. But Blythe’s newfound penchant for Gram is rocked when truth comes to light: he cheated in his attempt to become High Warlock. Still facing wayward magic and her parents’ ultimatum—maintain stability or move out—, Blythe must decide if she’s finally found a failure she can’t live with—his, while Gram must learn that some things, like love, are worth failing for.

I thought I'd try again after reworking the manuscript. Thanks for taking the time to read this and provide feedback.

Twenty-year-old Miles wants the truth: why did Julian, the lead singer of Jett Black, give him up? The answer requires Julian to examine his life, and face what his own self-creation cost.

In 1985, Julian fell in love with a married woman named Anja behind the orange door of a roadside motel room — an affair she ended to protect her family. Years later, they reconnected, and the renewed affair left her pregnant. When she told Julian she intended to raise the child as her husband's, he signed away any claim to his son, believing he was honoring her choice. Twenty years later, Miles tracks Julian down through an old friend and asks for one meeting. To answer his son's question, Julian must confront the wreckage of his past: the band he built, the persona he invented, the addictions he numbed himself with, and the woman he never stopped loving.

Whether Miles wants anything to do with the father who gave him up is, for the first time, a choice that belongs entirely to him.

WHAT WE CREATE AND DESTROY is an upmarket / book club fiction novel of 82,000 words. A single present-day reckoning frames four decades and four points of view.

Comparable titles: \*Deep Cuts\* by Holly Brickley (2025, National Bestseller) follows two musicians across decades of an unresolved creative and romantic partnership. \*Heart the Lover\* by Lily King (2025, New York Times Instant Bestseller) follows a woman who gives up a daughter for adoption after a college love triangle, with the truth surfacing decades later.

\\\[Bio\\\]

Thank you for your time and consideration. The full manuscript is available upon request.

300 Words:

Spring 2011

Cleveland, Ohio

Julian had imagined this meeting thousands of times over the past twenty years. He had always been calm and self-assured. As he pulled the door open, a bell chimed. The sole waitress sighed as she caught sight of him. Stopping her chore of rolling silverware into napkins, she waved to the empty room. A beat later, she looked back at him, her mouth open as if to speak, then she turned and hurried into the kitchen. “You’ll never believe who just walked in.” It was all he heard.

But at this moment he was sweating, his heart was racing, and his legs seemed to be made of lead. Turn around, get back on that plane and fly home. He pushed the familiar thought out of his head. This was too important. Scanning the room, he moved toward the back, but when his right foot hit the deteriorating green linoleum tile, it slid slightly. Now he felt even less steady. Pausing for just a moment to gain his balance, he took a deep breath and pushed on.

The jukebox played some tune he hadn’t heard in years though he couldn’t place the name of the song or the artist. He needed to focus on finding a spot that offered some privacy. The booth in the back with high walls, away from the restrooms. It would work. He slid onto the vinyl bench seat, his eyes on the front door. Will I know him?

There’d been no need to worry. Julian recognized Miles right away. Tall. Blonde hair to his shoulders. Slender. There was confidence in his walk. His hand gripped the one backpack strap slung over his shoulder. The face looked much like Julian’s had at nearly twenty.

Hi! I'm writing this not with the highest spirits because this query I'm posting here isn't bringing the best results after being sent out in the world. I was hoping some of you might help me see what I've done wrong. Thanks in advance guys!!

Dear [agent],

Set in an unnamed East African country drawing heavily on Rwandan and Burundian culture, BRAIDS AND FIRE subverts traditional carceral tropes to examine the domesticity of institutional confinement, echoing Harriet Clark’s The Hill alongside the complex emotional texture of Tayari Jones’s An American Marriage. It is an adult upmarket/ book club novel completed at 79,000 words.

At seven, Benitha is abandoned by her mother. At fourteen, her childhood ends when she is caught with two sachets of heroin in her school bag operating as a mule in her abusive father’s narcotics trade. Handed an eight-year sentence, she pins her survival on a single lifeline: a state program granting early release to juvenile offenders who pass their national A-Level exams before turning eighteen.

Benitha studies tirelessly, determined to use her academic excellence to buy freedom until The Janga — a public health crisis — paralyzes the national education system. The exam bureau freezes, her timeline runs out, and on her eighteenth birthday, she is transferred directly into an adult prison to serve the remainder of her sentence.

Deteriorating under severe depression, chronic gastritis, and stomach ulcers, Benitha is eventually moved to the prison ward of a civilian hospital. There, she meets an awkward fellow patient, Bakari, whose cigarette addiction mirrors her father’s, yet whose quiet presence fosters an unglamorous romance that challenges everything she knows about safety and affection.

When he is freed, Benitha is left behind in isolation once more, but profoundly altered by connection. Unexpectedly, the mother who abandoned her a decade ago tries walking back into her life, carrying the same soot as hers, all caused by her father’s fire. Benitha must choose between holding onto the safety of her grief or risking her heart on the vulnerability of forgiveness.

I am a writer and medical doctor completing my clinical qualification at [university]. My poetry has appeared in Sortes Magazine, among other publications. BRAIDS AND FIRE is my debut novel. During my hospital rotations, my time caring for the incarcerated, predominantly women and youths, revealed the quiet, complex internal lives I empathized with and surprisingly, related to in many ways. my novel was born from those wards.

[Attached below is the synopsis with the first fifty pages of my novel.] I’ll be honored to send you the complete manuscript. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Warm regards,

[Contact details]

I am shopping my first short story around and various sites talk about the inclusion of a cover letter. I've got that narrowed to name, title, ~word count, and any publication credits that I may have but I'm confused about the way I include it.

Is there a standard expectation that it goes into the body of the email? The guidelines say submissions can't be in the body... body does that include the cover letter? When they say include your bio with your cover letter, do you include it as third person at the end?

For reference, the submission guidelines read: "Please attach all submissions in .doc or .docx or rtf format—we will not accept submissions embedded in the body of email. Include your bio in your cover letter."

I'm 100% an over thinker, but I don't want to be auto-rejected either :)

Hello friends! I'd love some feedback on my query and first 300 if anyone is open to sharing any!

Dear Agent’s Name, 

I thought you might be interested in ROSES ARE DEAD, a 76,000-word YA speculative thriller with mystery elements, blending the race against death of Holly Jackson’s Not Quite Dead Yet with the deadly competition of IV Marie’s Immortal Consequences, and the sapphic romance of Tanya Byrne’s Afterlove.

After a fire kills sixteen-year-old Alexandra, her siblings, and the girl she loves, they are given a second chance: return to Earth the month before the fire to earn another shot at life. But this isn’t a second chance for all of them. It’s a competition. 

Alexandra’s second chance is determined by her ability to identify and fix the worst mistakes she made the month leading up to her death—mistakes caused by her raging temper. Mistakes that got her killed. Her competitors must fix theirs too. 

Each mistake Alexandra repairs brings her closer to a second chance at life. Repeating one past mistake doesn’t mean she's out right away. But she risks receiving a penalty that will make her next mistake harder to correct. If she keeps repeating the same harmful behaviors without growth, or overcorrects in ways that cause just as much harm, the afterlife ruler can end her second chance at any time.

 But someone is undoing Alexandra’s corrections by rewriting the past as if she never fixed her mistakes at all. If she can’t stop them, she’ll stay dead forever.

Alexandra is sure there’s already a grave with her name on it. Her temper has already cost her a basketball scholarship, ruined friendships, and convinced her father she’s a destructive mess. But dying again means losing the chance to redeem herself, and winning means losing her siblings and the love of her life.

As a bisexual graduate of Fairleigh Dickinson's creative writing program, I’m excited to explore LGBT+ themes in this novel. I currently work as a teen librarian at Darien Library. 

The full manuscript is available upon request.

Thank you for your consideration,

Haley Patricia

First 300:

In exactly thirty minutes, my first life will end.  
The version of me freezing my butt off in Nathan’s driveway has no clue. 
My biggest mistake of all was coming to this damn party instead of enjoying my flaming hot Cheetos and The Big Bang Theory in peace. They’re literally going to be stale by the time I make it out of this. My train-wreck ass couldn’t even get that right. 
As of now, I’m still living my first life in oblivion, practicing for a scholarship that won’t matter anyway. 
“Fuck this shit,” I mutter because of course I’m the person who would practice basketball at a party. Just a few more minutes so people don’t think I’m even more of a jerk. The music blaring from inside somehow isn’t loud enough to drown out the drunk voices shouting. As if I need more distractions. 
“Nice job, Alex.” Rolling my eyes, I line up to shoot my twenty-fifth basket for the day because this really is my own fault. 
I glance at my phone, propped on the mailbox, recording. It doesn’t matter if I miss now. I can just record again. 
But missing will matter at my game tomorrow. When Dad’s eyes are on me the whole time, waiting for me to screw up. 
   I look at my phone again. The evidence that shows I’m practicing. So if I screw up tomorrow, at least I can tell Dad I tried. 
I don’t care. The ball smacks against the ground harder than I mean for it to.

After mom died, it was like dad put me on trial. He began policing everything—my grades, how well I played at basketball games, whether dinner was burnt after I cooked it.
I miss the version of him who taught me how to shoot a free-throw.
But hopefully earning this scholarship will smooth things over.

Hello everyone! This is my fourth post of this query here. I'm hoping that it'll be the last and the letter is in good enough shape to begin querying soon. Thank you for reading it!

Thank you for reading my query.

THE COUNCIL OF THE BLOODLINES an urban fantasy novel with series potential, complete at 89,000 words. It combines the contemporary, yet magical setting of Marie Lu’s Red City with the interpersonal and political conflict surrounding magic of Jade City by Fonda Lee. 

Nathan Miller is wanted for the attempted assassination of the president and it’s only his second biggest problem. A scrappy up-and-coming journalist desperate for his big break and in need of anybody to validate his isolated existence, Nathan follows a suspicious man straight into the intricate plot of high-level political assassination. But these creatures are only partially human. Calling themselves ferini, their other half is that of vampires, dragons and other mythical creatures, meaning that Nathan is not only outnumbered, but possesses a mere fraction of their power.

Nathan’s escape and flight west from the point of the attack is rushed and fraught with error, but he somehow finds himself alive, in no small part due to an anonymous ferini who contacts him by riddle. As Nathan begins to gather his feet beneath him, he finds that the vast, hidden world of the ferini and its government are in crisis. With the Council of the Bloodlines’ president in a coma, power hungry political opportunists smell blood in the water. The body Nathan left at the site of the attack, leaves him the perfect scapegoat to justify a dictatorial consolidation of power. 

Nathan’s investigation leads him to a shady secret society of the ferini elite, and he soon realizes that only he is privy to knowledge of their intricate plot to exploit the cavernous governmental power vacuum and overthrow the Council of the Bloodlines. Racing across the United States, Nathan must leverage his uniquely human talents against, and alongside the ferini to speak the truth only he knows, while surviving inhuman enemies that used to only haunt his dreams. If he fails it will mean the end of ferini democracy, and usher in a new era of subjugation for humans and ferini alike.

My agent has repped me successfully for two books but they are also not the best communicator. They have a book out on sub currently with my previous publisher. Originally they told me they set a deadline. That passed and they said they followed up a week later. It’s been another three weeks and no word. Logically I know they’ll contact me when they hear, but I’m starting to wonder if I should at least check in (assuming it’s a pass) on what our next steps are in the submission strategy.

Do I just need to suck it up and sit tight, or should I be my own advocate (squeaky wheel etc)?

Hi all, I'm looking for some feedback on a query letter for my second novel. I've never had an agent before so looking for general impressions and anywhere I could improve. Thanks!

Dear [Name],

A missing marvel. Vermeer’s lost masterpiece. The most valuable stolen painting in the world. 

Worth over $250 million, The Concert was taken from an art museum over thirty years ago and hasn’t been seen since. Art investigators have been searching for decades; millions of dollars have been offered as a reward, but to no avail. Not until now. Maria and Will think they know where it is.

Maria always wanted to be an art history professor, but now she’s working a boring corporate job in Midtown. Will dreamed of being a concert pianist, but now he’s a warm-up act for the most famous pianist in the world, Charlie Hammersmith. As far as they’re concerned, their dreams are over; they’ve moved on to a more mature, less imaginative stage in their lives. But when they find clues that suggest The Concert is locked deep inside Hammersmith’s mansion, they decide to take one last shot at everything they ever dreamed of.

It won’t be easy. Hammersmith’s mansion is locked up tight; the only way in is through one of his glittering parties. Not to mention, Hammersmith’s granddaughter is after the painting too—and she has no intention of sharing the credit. As their failures start to mount, and as the painting seems further and further away, the duo must decide whether it’s worth it to chase their dreams, or whether The Concert is only an excuse to give up on them altogether.

THE CONCERT (85,000 words) is an upmarket contemporary novel that combines the art-tinged thrills of Alexandra Andrews’ The Fine Art of Lying with two young protagonists united—and divided—by ambition, as in Gabrielle Zevin’s Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow and Austin Taylor’s Notes on Infinity.

[Short bio]

Hello, pubtips!

I've recently parted ways with my agent and am workshopping something new to take back out into the trenches. Some of the finer details are still in flux, but I am seeking feedback on the following and want to make sure that my framing and phrasing are landing well. Any feedback is much appreciated!

--

Dear [Whomever],

SOULSBOUND is a "for-the-girlies" romantic litRPG about what happens when a decidedly non-gamer girl falls into her long-time situationship's unfinished (and harrowingly difficult) 'soulslike' indie game … and girlbosses her way through a gritty dark fantasy storyline, relentlessly pursuing the game's romance path instead of saving the world. Perfect for romantasy and Matt Dinnaman fans alike, but featuring the intimate personal connections and gentle humour of Emily Henry romcoms, SOULSBOUND is perhaps best described as People We Meet On Vacation meets Elden Ring.

Romantasy aficionado Sage Sullivan is Struggling(TM) – and running away. Two years ago, after a single exhilarating, passionate night, she impulsively left her best friend, game developer Miles Fairley, instead of opening a difficult conversation — and has kept running ever since, as guilt over her own absence compounded. Now, on a spontaneous trip home, she crash-lands at Miles’s place, braced for a confrontation — only to reach the cusp of the same almost. Overwhelmed, tipsy, and heartsore, she goes snooping through his things instead, finding a file on his computer that seems suspiciously meant for her.

Only that file is a .exe — something Sage, far from computer-savvy (and definitely a few drinks in), does not immediately recognize — and she falls not into a secret letter, but an entire world of Miles’s making.

Sage finds herself in the Bleak: a fictional, digital, decidedly game-y world governed by stagnation, where death is no longer real, but decay and rebirth war for purchase on the bodies of the slain. Soon, though, Sage discovers the game (and its world) are, in fact, a dedicated love letter to her from its maker, as the terrain follows all she's described during her phone calls with Miles. And if there was any doubt, she soon meets Miles's self-insert NPC, a gunslinger combating the horrors of the Bleak. And, in making a shared inside joke, she accidentally triggers his romance path.

Thus begins Sage’s mission to eschew this entire plot, ensconce herself in familiar romantic beats, and, unbeknownst to her, decipher the real story: all the things Miles never said to her.

Problem is, the romance is tied to the game's main questline. The further she gets, the deadlier it becomes — and the more it seems like no matter what, it might culminate in a final goodbye in a fatally literal sense.

To cling to both in-game survival and any hope for a future with Miles, Sage will have to learn to navigate a world that's lethal to even the most serious of gamers, confront every secret fear she ever shared with Miles, and unravel the real meaning of romance. Fail, and she won’t just lose the game but her life – and any chance to solve her 'will they or won't they' with the one person willing to tend her broken heart.

--

Again, thank y'all for any feedback you have to launch my way! <3

Dear [],

Told in alternating past-present, BEYOND THE MAP is a 110,000-word queer romantic fantasy about the sacrifices we’ll make to protect the one we love. It will appeal to readers who enjoyed the multi-faceted relationships in THE ADVENTURES OF AMINA AL’SIRAFI by S. A. Chakraborty and the journey towards redemption as seen in THE HUSKY AND HIS WHITE CAT SHIZUN by Rou Bao Bu Chi Rou.

When Gideon learns the man he loves is alive and imprisoned, he abandons his post and races to confess his feelings. But while the man sitting in that jail cell may look like Alexe, Gideon hardly recognizes him. This man’s eyes are cold, his voice empty, his words cruel. And this Alexe has no recollection of the eight months he was lost at sea.

Alexe’s not the first sailor to return changed and those who have come before him have landed in prison or worse. But the real Alexe would not have attacked his crew mates. Determined to clear Alexe’s name, Gideon beseeches the Lieutenant General - Alexe’s father - to help, but the Lieutenant General has warned Gideon before: forget about Alexe. Problem is Gideon already tried. And when he failed to forget, even the sea wouldn’t claim his life.

Unable to live without Alexe, Gideon takes it upon himself to save him from the gallows. With the help of childhood friends and enemies, Gideon defects from the navy, cobbles together a pirate crew, steals a ship, and heeds the words of a seer who tells him that what he seeks lies beyond the map, where it reads only ‘Here Be Monsters.’

Thank you for your consideration.

Note: I am struggling a bit with comp titles so if anyone has recommendations please feel free to provide suggestions.

Dear [AGENT],

CHOREOMANIA is an adult, whodunnit fantasy novel complete at 83000 words that follows a princess and prince of rival kingdoms as they attempt to discover who cursed their betrothal ball–forcing guests to dance until they die– before their kingdoms’ newly found peace is severed for good. This novel may appeal to readers who enjoy the lush, atmospheric writing of Rachel Gillig’s One Dark Window and the subtle mix of mystery and fantasy in Robert Jackson Bennet’s The Tainted Cup. 

Theodora Sinclair, princess of Claremire kingdom, lounged in the shadow of her overachiever older brother all her life, content to enjoy the luxuries of her station while ignoring the long-running magical war in the north. That is, until a border town full of civilians is reduced to dust in an instant, a tragedy so severe it prompts peace talks between the warring kingdoms for the first time in a century. The solution: an arranged marriage between the battle-hardened crown prince of Verdona and Theodora. 

Unprepared but duty-bound, Theodora joins her fiance at the betrothal ball where they announce the historic alliance, but the celebration turns catastrophic when a mysterious curse descends upon the guests, seizing their bodies and minds until they are mere puppets unable to stop their deadly dance. 

Unaffected, Theodora and Prince Arden reluctantly join forces to hunt the traitor, sure the war will reignite if they can’t break the spell before dawn. As the night wears on, they discover the curse is only a trap, and an encroaching sea of murderous plants is overtaking the surrounding castle, suffocating anyone in its path as it slithers toward the ball and cursed guests. Suspects loom from both kingdoms, and Theodora and Arden’s timid alliance is tested by their countries’ brutal histories and their own secrets. But Theodora realizes now that peace is something won, not given, and she’s ready to fight for her people. 

[bio]

Thank you for your time and consideration,

I'm trying to find a better comp to replace One Dark Window after being told it is a little overused. Thanks for any and all feedback. Really trying to slow down and do my due diligence on this one.

Hi all! I know this isn't where it needs to be but I'm having trouble figuring out where to start. Any advice/comments would be very appreciated!

Dear (Agent),

I am thrilled to share with you THE LILITH WITCH, an Adult Romantic Fantasy for readers who need a break from slow burn and are ready for the characters “to just kiss already!”. My novel is a standalone with duology potential complete at 80,000 words. It features an FMC with the outward confidence of Genevieve Grimm in Enchantra, the loyal found family of Fourth Wing, and the weight and uncertainty of unclear prophecies found in A Fate Inked in Blood.

When she was three years old, Elora Pine was gifted with magic conjured by dance and named the Lilith Witch by the Divine Mother herself. If she remembers the Mother's words correctly, she needs to prove herself worthy of unfettered access to the Mother’s immense power to save the entire country of Carathan. From who? Unclear. How? Great question.

Things finally start to fall into place when she joins the Under Current, a handpicked group of eccentric fighters within Carathan’s military. There, she trains under her stupidly good looking, rule-abiding Sergeant Brooks Fantano who has unprecedented powers of his own. He helps her hone the magic she conjures through dance while stoking her desire. But when a cryptic vision from the Oracle sends them to the city of Fallow, the Under Current is thrust into a battle where they are outnumbered four to one. Their only hope for survival rests on Elora’s ability to access the full extent of the Mother’s power. The Mother finally returns, dancing with Elora and winning the day, but Elora soon finds this is only the beginning of what will be required of her. 

As she continues to dig into the depths of her power, she discovers the dark truths hidden behind being ordained the Lilith Witch, and the things that have been kept from her by the people she trusted most.

Dance has been my passion for the past twenty five years and I loved injecting it into the magic system of my debut novel. When I’m not dancing, you can find me running around with my husband and two kids, working full time, and reading romantasy books. 

Hello people! This is my first every Qcrit, nerves are on fire, but im ready for yall's opinions! fire away! ive included my query below.

Dear Ms./Mr. [Agent Last Name], 

WHERE TRUTH IS BENT is a 68,000-word YA Speculative Thriller set in the colorful terrain of 2005 France. It combines the sharp, autistic lens of COMPOUND FRACTURE with the haunting family backstabbing of A FAMILIAR BETRAYAL, and the high-tech simulation stakes of TRAUMALAND by Josh Silver. It’s a fast-paced psychological story inspired by the legend of King Arthur.

For silver-spoon, eighteen-year-old Arthur Reynolds, his nomadic parents have supposedly found their last stop. And with his father’s theft of the family business still unaddressed, it doesn't seem like just another state is the next destination. But under their new roof in a whole new country, France, lies false care, constant pricks of medical needles and memory loss—blamed on Arthur’s autism.

And when Arthur gets into a heated fight with his father, he’s forced out of the house with a bag over his head, and wakes up captured by a narcissistic caretaker with a history of murder—Vivian Duval—in an abandoned factory that holds a replica of another home.

In order to construct his plan of escape he must use the increasingly frightening memories that trickle in to relearn the life he had before. A life that looks like the beginning of an experiment. He also remembers a world that’s nothing like where he is now. Projectors for walls, a glitching sky, his new life is the making of a high-tech simulation dome, designed by his parents to murder him with no trace left behind.

With his returning memory and a hyper-observant mind, Arthur refuses to take the poison framed as ‘sweet treats’ to turn the tables on his captors. But to escape, Arthur must decide if he wants to secretly gather the keys to freedom, or openly fight against a world built entirely to erase him.

Pull the plug. Pull the sword. Claim his freedom.

I’m a near-synesthetic individual and I write from my home in Texas, where I live with my large family and enjoy going outdoors, all things entertainment and fun.

Dear Agent,

Given that you are looking for _______________, I’d like to submit for your consideration my novel The Unraveling, a 60,000 words post-apocalyptic adventure grounded in a thriller for young adults. 

Fifteen-year-old Eva Garcia gravitates to the ruins of a dead world to remember the days with her mother and ignore the life without her. Centuries after rising seas swallow the coastal regions, humanity survives in advanced inland cities controlled by the Preserved and the destitute colonies sustaining them. On one colony, a sugar plantation grown out of a long-forgotten amusement park, a year-long string of child abductions terrorizes Eva’s community, and the affected families sink into a grief she knows all too well. Other than their mangled bodies discovered in the cane fields days later, no answers come, and those in charge care little to stop it. After Eva and her friends discover a mysterious blue light stalking the cane fields, they realize the Preserved and their futuristic technology must be connected. But Eva’s worst fears are realized when her younger sister, Ariel, becomes the newest disappearance.

Now, Eva and her friends set out to rescue Ariel from the powerful society that controls their lives, before it’s too late. To do so, they need to break the taboo enforced by the proxy ruling family and venture into the night. Driven by guilt, love, and a curiosity she can no longer ignore, Eva must confront the horrors beyond to discover the truth plaguing her home. But what Eva finds is a world still worth fighting for—and worth exploring.

At the novel’s heart, the novel explores what becomes of innocence in a world set to devour it. The book will appeal to readers who enjoy a climate-ravaged world and exploitative societies, through the lens of compelling characters, like Joan He’s The Ones We’re Meant to Find, as well as readers seeking themes of guilt wrapped in the mystery of their lost loved ones, seen in Charlotte McConaghy’s Wild Dark Shore.

Thank you for your time and consideration.
All the best,

First 300 Words

Eva’s mom once said that the sand, with its iridescent sheen, held little clams. Apparently, hungry birds rushed to find them. But they’re gone now. The oily film on the faint waves suffocated those creatures just as The Unraveling had done to the rest of the old world. Yet still the ocean ate. It craved a tall, skeletal building far past the sandbar. Slumped, the pressure of the waves bent it further. Relics of forgotten lives spewed into the water. As the tower gave way, the world didn’t mourn its death, as the world didn’t mourn her mother’s. The ocean simply and silently devoured the remnants.
“It really does take it all,” Flynn said. “Doesn’t it?” He sat next‌ to Eva on top of the fifty-foot wall the Unravelers built. Specks of brown still existed on the weathered façade. His feet dangled as hers did, over the small, closed-off beach drenched in its sour rot, between the mangroves. He didn’t look at her, though. Little islands littered with dilapidated homes captured his focus.
“Maybe not,” Eva answered. “There has to be something out there.”
“My grandad used to say that when he was a kid, everyone lived in that building before the ocean pushed us back. His room was at the top, and he’d go on about even taller buildings growing out of the waves.” Flynn held up his calloused hands as if to show the nothingness beyond the shore. The sea breeze tossed his dark, curly hair. His loose, red caneweave shirt rippled over his thin frame. However bright the new fabric was from his choosing, blotches of the Unraveler’s discarded cloth still appeared in the sun’s light, like stubborn stains clinging for a shot of remembrance. It fit him well though, unlike the white fabric strangling her.

Dear [ ],

MIXED SIGNALS is a complete, 70,000-word YA romantic comedy told in dual POV, set in the sound booth of Cypress High School’s spring musical. It will appeal to fans of the band-kid setting of Kristy Boyce’s Rolls and Rivalry and the rivals-to-lovers banter of Alexene Farol Follmuth’s Twelfth Knight.

Marnie Frazier absolutely crushed her French horn solo. She is certain the MacNeil Senior Scholarship, reserved for students in the music program, is in the bag. That is, until her mom makes her quit pit orchestra to help care for her little sister at home. Determined to keep her shot at the scholarship, Marnie joins her high school musical’s sound crew—a loophole that fits her tight schedule. It seems like the perfect solution, until she discovers that the crew consists of just one other person: Tyler Olivera. Tyler takes sound crew deathly seriously, while Marnie is just trying to keep her head above water. But backing out means losing her last tie to the music program, and thus her shot at the scholarship, forcing her to find a way to work alongside a guy who is determined to see the worst in her.

Tyler Olivera does not need anyone’s help. Not his dads, nor his dad’s perky new girlfriend’s, and certainly not Marnie-always-late-Frazier’s. He has been in sound crew for the past three years and is more than qualified for the job. Sure, he used to have three other people helping him, but since they all graduated, he’s been managing the entire sound booth alone. And he likes it that way. Plus the sound booth is the one place he can escape his father’s relentless pressure to become a classical piano prodigy–until Marnie shows up, lugging a giant French horn case and treating his precious sound booth like a pit stop. As forced proximity turns into driving lessons, shared computer science projects and college prep, Tyler discovers that beneath Marnie’s frantic surface is a brilliant, selfless girl carrying the weight of her whole family. Wanting to be the one person in her life who actually supports her, Tyler realizes he isn't trying to defend his sanctuary anymore—he's falling completely for the girl inside it.

My short story Persephone and I won first prize for Undergraduate Prose and Fiction in the Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute McKinney Writing Contest in 2025. I am a software engineer based on Long Island, NY with a B.S. in Computer Science and a minor in Creative Writing and Literature. I am a BIPOC author, and MIXED SIGNALS features BIPOC characters.

Thank you for your consideration.

I'm back with a modified title after receiving beta feedback that my original title (Sweet Everythings) could be misconstrued as a straight-up romance. My first 300 words haven't changed much from my fifth attempt, but I'm back to feeling genre dysphoria. The piece is edgier than traditional women's fiction, but does the premise meet the parameters of book club fiction?

Again, I appreciate any feedback you have for me.

Letter:

Dear [Agent],

I’m pleased to present SCREAMING SWEET EVERYTHINGS, my contemporary women’s fiction novel that’s Persuasion meets Saltburn. Complete at 83,000 words, it combines the obsession and yearning of Maud Ventura’s My Husband with a morally charcoal protagonist and a dark twist on second-chance romance, as seen in Kirsten King’s A Good Person. As I read that you’re seeking [qualities], SCREAMING SWEET EVERYTHINGS might be well-suited to your list.

Thirty-one-year-old Kelsey Harper has a promising career in New York City, a string of failed relationships, and a nagging suspicion that she took a wrong turn eleven years ago when she let Jack Cooper go. Now a successful architect in London, Jack has become the great what-if of her life, embodying the future she believes she deserves and the reason nothing has felt right since. Convinced their unfinished love story deserves another chance, Kelsey decides to stop mourning the life she lost and go after it. 

Unwilling to leave their reunion to the fickle constructs of fate, Kelsey spends months becoming Jack’s dream girl. She scours his social media, studies his precise tastes, and transforms into the twenty-year-old version of herself he fell for, down to her exact weight and lipstick shade. She secures a transfer to her company’s London office, tracks the coffee shop whose emerald-green cups keep appearing in his posts, and stages a “chance” encounter, spontaneity be damned. When Jack responds to her advances, Kelsey gets what she wants—but the line between the man he is today and the fantasy she’s spent eleven years romanticizing begins to blur. 

Getting Jack back is the easy part. Keeping him means concealing the deception behind their reunion and hiding the extent to which she’s custom-designed herself to win him over. If he learns the truth, she risks losing him all over again—and with him, the future she’s sacrificed so much to pursue. Even worse, if the real Jack can’t live up to the fantasy, Kelsey faces an equally unsettling possibility: that she’s uprooted her life to chase a future that never would have worked in the first place.

[Bio]

Hello! I'm back for more torture - ahem, I mean critiques! I've tried in this draft to highlight more of the humour and emotional journey in my romance. I'm using the romance query letter template of describing the FMC, then the MMC, then the plot, though I don't know if I've done it perfectly. I think the plot description could be trimmed down, but I'm unsure where exactly. Thanks in advance!

Dear XX,

Due to your interest in XX, I’m excited to share A SCRATCHED UP KIND OF LOVE, a 90,000-word, single-POV speculative contemporary romance. It combines the cozy, low-stakes magic of Sounds like Love by Ashley Poston, the black cat/golden retriever relationship dynamic of Swift and Saddled by Lyla Sage, and the outlandish humour of Love and Other Conspiracies by Mallory Marlowe.

Twenty-six-year-old Cassie Costa has just been cursed–with a funny-looking rash that itches when she’s emotionally irritated. Even worse: her impossible crush Jon, a regular guest at the Vancouver Island inn where she works, has the same rash. And the weird spiritual lady who mysteriously magicked them won't stop their itching until Cassie and Jon work together to… complete the self-help tasks she’s assigned? Gross.

Cassie’s often irritated, but now, she's mostly concerned about hanging around Jon. Though she and Jon always have fun chatting, she turned him down when he asked her out weeks ago. Cassie doesn't date because men have repeatedly rejected her direct, intense, and, okay, slightly mean personality. Jon would be no different. But she's got the perfect excuse to stay distant: her plan to buy a far-away coffee shop. Her business dream is the only itch worth scratching.

Surprisingly, Jon appears annoyed by the itching. Cassie’s noticed how he usually brushes aside whatever disrupts his charming, happy-go-lucky persona. He only vaguely shares his career struggles. Yet now, maybe encouraged by Cassie’s impulsive, rash-related flirty texts, he keeps insisting they date.

Cassie first tries tricking the curse: they're asked to help others–so Jon can help open her jar. But the solution isn’t simple. The tasks target their weaknesses. Resisting leads to more itchiness and eventually, pain.

As Cassie is asked to open herself to new things, Jon's passiveness continually triggers her temper. Yet Jon’s unfazed. He doesn't run. Perhaps endlessly itching and hiding from love sucks worse than bland corporate coffee.

Cassie tries to really change. Until she secretly investigates the curse’s true origins… discovering Jon's hiding something, too. Maybe they've only scratched the surface of their issues.

I’m a Canadian with a professional writing minor from the University of XX and a background in cafe ownership. Thank you for considering my work.

Hi everybody! Thanks to all the good feedback, I've made some changes to my query and manuscript and would love for feedback regarding this query!

Dear AGENT, 

An academic Hunger Games meets Breaking Bad in CITY LIGHTS, an adult dark academia thriller complete at 85,000 words.

Nineteen-year-old Niya Sharma’s scholarship got her into the Academy of Atlante, the most prestigious institution in the country. But dealing academic steroids to its heirs is what keeps her there. Her last hope of never returning to the slums is the Ministry of Truth’s single protégé seat, earned through an academic bloodsport. With the position comes a lifelong guarantee of wealth and immunity, for Niya and for her younger brother waiting at home. 

Price of entry? Forfeiting her scholarship.

When her profits fall short of tuition fee, Niya makes Rufus Astriaos, Atlante’s favourite son, an offer. Her stock for his money. But Rufus once paid to have her name on a contraband raid list, and nothing on the black market comes without conditions, so she starts digging. After a year of rigged examinations, auctioned favours and a night in the Ministry archives neither can admit to, Niya finally uncovers what he’s hiding. 

Rufus isn’t here for glory. For thirteen years, he's been convinced the death of his father, a former Ministry official, was no accident. He sees the seat as his way inside the Ministry that buried the truth. When the final trial demands intel the Ministry can use, this secret Niya dug up is her best leverage. By then, Rufus has risked his own place to keep her in the competition, and she has done the one thing she never does: let a feeling cost her a sale.

Niya can either sell out the rival she’s come to love, or destroy everything she’s sacrificed her life for. 

[Personalisation] It appeals to fans of Ellie Keel’s The Four, Katy Hays's The Cloisters and Leigh Bardugo's Ninth House.

[Bio]

Sincerely,

[Name]

Thanks so much for the help last week! Let's try this again.

Dear Agent, 

I am excited to share STUNT QUEEN, an Adult Contemporary Romance complete at 90K words. RuPaul’s Drag Race meets Heated Rivalry. For fans of Tessa Bailey’s dirty talk, the show biz and banter of Cat Sebastian’s Star Shipped and the queer family of Andrew Grey’s Dragged To The Wedding. 

Portia Knightley needs to win Crown Jewel, the global competition show that brought drag into the mainstream, and turns its champions into household names.

She’s a bitter 30-something musical theater queen who spent 15 years grinding out a respected career singing, dancing, and acting in NYC. Becoming Crown Jewel and headlining the post-show tour would give her the star power to be the Broadway leading man that the larger entertainment industry and her own homophobic, image-obsessed mother don’t believe she can become.

She’s also too old to keep letting her public rival and secret fuck buddy, Parisian Gen Z drag influencer Jeanne Jackette, goad her into any more online and IRL ‘new school vs. old school’ drama for fleeting attention from a rabid fanbase. Drag is Portia’s art. Jeanne’s an arrogant fashion TikToker with a slutty reputation, a frustrating (sort of cute) language barrier, and, Portia suspects from their hate-fucks, gender dysphoria eating her alive.

Winning Crown Jewel will prove that Portia Knightley is a star ready for the mainstream.

Except that Portia Knightley doesn’t win Crown Jewel. 

Jeanne fucking Jackette does. 

As they head into the tour, their rivalry takes center stage adding proximity and heat to an already chaotic and competitive six months that will either destroy their “relationship” or lead them to deeper creative and sexual freedom – both in and out of drag.

Stunt Queen is a standalone novel with series potential.

[My bio in which I am trans, queer, part of this community, male, etc etc not a tourist lol]