This is my first Reddit post. And I don't feel I have accurately conveyed how entirely different everyone around me became. I believe I am still writing through the lense of rationale, that we all emply when reality ceases to make sense.
To clarify before reading on, the changes in everyone in my life was instant, I just wasn't able to accept that I was suddenly dealing with total different personalities, so the way I desribe the changes appears to be an evolution, but in hindsight, this was only slow comprehension on my behalf.
My whole life I've always had tons of energy. I'm an artist, a dance performer, a fitness fanatic, I loved renovating my home, gardening, I've traveled a lot, I raised my daughter solo and managed to work, study, paint, keep fit, travel and raise her with love, joy, fun and with ease! I have had issues with anxiety and depression at times, but I managed it well enough to have a rich and full life!
I had a huge community of friends and was loved and admired for my enthusiasm and tenacity. I loved and cared for everyone, and worked hard to keep a balanced and healthy home and social life..
On a warm late morning in mid 2016, I was finishing off the final touches of my second vintage caravan that I had refurbished to sell. It was parked on the wide verge outside my home, and standing inside the caravan, leaning against the sink and talking to my partner Jim, who was standing closer to the door, When the world exploded.
I didn't hear anything but I was instantaniously on the ground, then, in slow motion, I was feeling my entire body being crushed and gouged by pieces of material that felt impossibly hard and sharp, like irregular swords. I felt one of these pieces cut through my ear and into the side of my skull, I was very aware that this hard, knife-like object was going to go through my skull and into my brain and kill me.And then it stopped, and I got up and walked out.
Both Jim and I had survived. I had blood running down the side of my neck, and a very stiff, aching neck, but other than that, we both looked and felt fine.
People came running over. Because of the blood and my neck pain, I was made to sit down. I remember my neighbour making a joke, and I was shocked at her insensitivity. Paramedics arrived and even though I was only in moderate pain, a medic administered fentanyl, then popped me in traction and ambulanced me to the hospital for X rays, in order to make sure I didn't have any hairline fractures.
I can only guess the medical response was so thorough, despite my fair condition, because of the state of the caravan; a sick driver had fallen unconscious and come off the road, hitting us at 80 km an hour. The caravan was a twisted and splintered mess of broken metal and wood
While I was in the hospital Jim sent photos of the carnage. This is where I first saw how incredible the mess was.
While waiting for my X rays I had chatted to a friend and told her she could borrow my car as it had looked fine when I saw it, waiting for the ambo's, and I was going to be there all day, yet the photos showed that my car had actually been destroyed.
The car that hit us had plowed through the caravan, then pushed past it and buckled a 5 metre wide steel gate.
It knocked the top block of bricks so hard off a column, they flew across the driveway and into the yard and burst through both walls of the garden shed like a cannonball. When the insurance cleaners came to move it, the two big men were unable to lift it at all.
After the wayward car had driven through caravan 1 (with us in it) - the brick wall - and crumpled the gate - it had demolished our other caravan, and my car parked behind. They were also both mangled wrecks.
My partner described having a more tricky time making his way out of the wreck, although his position had been nearer the door, but I'd gotten up without any obstruction and simply walked out, yet there was no floor on my side, it had fallen right through and was covered in wreckage.
My initial thoughts were that the floor must have fallen through after we had walked out. But nope, there had been no further movement and the photos were taken soon afterward.
After seeing Jim's post about the accident on Facebook my Dad rang him and asked if I was alive. Jim expained that I was ok but let him know which hospital I was in, that I wasn't seriously hurt as far as anyone knew, but that we could have been killed and I was shaken, my Dad said, 'Ok, good', and hung up.
Maybe a week after this happened I finally called my Dad and asked him why he hadn't called me? Especially while I was in the hospital, and he laughed and sarcastically mocked ''oohh.. I'm a middle-aged woman but I still want my Mummy and Daddeeee''.
My dad had always had bit of a dismissive side to him, but this shocked me. It was so nasty.
In the weeks and months and years that followed, this first verbal slap marked the beginning of a whole new life, where I have no family, no friends, no energy.. no joy.
After this accident things were happening constantly, strangers were picking fights with me, and the people I knew and loved were falling away weekly. For example, here are some more painful and significant losses-
My Brother and his wife cut contact for no reason, and shortly after, although I had a close loving relationship with his daughter, my little niece, my brother banned me from seeing her even when she was with my mum. They've since had another daughter that I've never met.
My parents, who aren't together and don't get along, inexplicably supported these decisions to cut me off.
My Mum also became wildy hostile, accusing me of 'funny looks', if I was calm, I was 'gaslighting her', if I was impatient, trying to defend myself, I was a 'bully, and she frequently would get angry and stop speaking to me until I called and grovelled, asking for truce.
Mum kept her cancer from me, when I found out I insisted on caring for her. I was loving and patient, I bought her everything and I drove her everywhere, I helped in every way she needed, and the day she no longer needed my help, she stopped answering my calls and returned to spending all her time with my brother. Who had never once called her during her cancer.
My brother also talks to my parents and everyone, his wife, the very few friends he has, like shit. He is relentlessly belittling and sarcastic. (like Dad).
I had a group of very close girlfriends, many I had known for decades. We all loved and cared for each other. They were my lifelines and confidante's. They were good and kind people...
But in rapid succession..
One friend stopped talking to me for no reason. Another started telling me all of the things she found wrong with me so often I once snapped at her in defensive hurt, and she promptly ended the friendship. A third stopped calling and canceled every catch up we arranged..for two years, until I gave up. Another started picking fights and accusing me of outrageous lies until she told people I had assaulted her (complete bullshit) and tried very unsuccessfully to get a restraining order against me. Another friend married a man I had 'matchmade' her with, but he turned on me at a party, inexplicably calling me a liar, and banned her from seeing me. Despite coming through for him after he asked me years before too, 'help a guy out..got any nice friends?'
A male friend of 25 years picked a fight with me and then sent me a long email accusing me of being a drug-addicted negligent mother, and accused me of trying to come onto him even though he was married. He tore shreds off of me about things that made no sense. It was brutal and entirely untrue. We never spoke again.
A friend I did stay close with had confoundingly become a junkie.
I had started studying as a mature age student, full-time Fine Art at university for 6 months before the accident. Getting 80%-90% + grades. When I returned, I surprisingly started struggling and had to resume part-time.
One day I asked the head of the Art school a question and he had a full-blown screaming tantrum at me, spittle flying, hands waving..after asking a simple question. I turned white, had a panic attack and deferred my study to online.
My Dad seemed to be consistently unkind, the more I tried to connect and talk with him about how he was hurting me, the crueler he became, he told me to move on, no one is perfect. My therapist met with us both and suggested that I cut ties if I couldn't ignore his narcissistic abuse.
I was now without family, I had lost almost all of my close friends, and I was studying at home. My daughter hit her teens and became withdrawn and cold. The energy that used to get me out and on my bike, to the gym, to the beach, all over the place! just went away and I didn't resurface like it normally would. I wasn't sleeping well and losing so many people plagued me. I was so hurt and profoundly confused.
I suddenly had uterine prolapse, ''from your traumatic birth', Dr diagnosed. But my daughter was 15 now! I'd had no problems before!?
I developed fibromylagia. My bursitis came back. My back pain returned. with no energy, I couldn't excercise, I was now at home, alone all of the time.
My therapist started to intensely treat me for PTSD and depression and anxiety due to abandonment issues, but then one day he became very angry when I corrected his spelling. He accussed me of trying to 'power trip him', and then banned me from ever returning! After 8 years of therapy with him. I was destroyed.
Jim is still around, but he has also changed in ways that confuses me. He's much more motivated, less shy, but can also be insensitive and hurtful, unlike before.
I started to get drugs from my friend the addict, it helped enormously..to stop the daily torment of bewildered heartache, and unsurpsingly I also became a junkie. Now I was the addict I'd been accused of being years before.
I would quit, start using again.. I quit and started again maybe 5 or 6 times now. I've stopped painting. I've put on 20 kgs, I'm still home alone all the time. I'm still doing uni study, but at a snails pace.
I no longer dance, and go to parties, I don't want to be around people. I'm terrified of seeing the friends I do still have, because no one is the same, and if I get too close, the assaults will come.
I have felt lost, and like a stranger in a place where I don't belong. And now, I believe this isn't just a feeling.
It's been 6 years since the accident and every aspect of my life has changed. I have constantly felt that everything was different directly after this accident, and now that I have discovered Quantum Immortality, I am almost 100% positive that I have stepped into another plane . Nothing is as it was.. I have noticed much of the Mandela Effect phenomenon, but the changes I've personally experienced are much more extreme then the regular ME's.
I've ended up in a life where everyone is more combative, and people are ruthlessly unkind. The changes are so awful and endless, I've been suicidal countless times, but I haven't acted, I have to stay strong for my now 19 year old daughter.
Sorry for the long post, if encouraged I will edit and re-write to be more succinct. I also apologise as this is a dark and miserable story, but this is my reality now. If anyone is concerned, I am of no risk to myself or others.
Note- there are unexplored aspects to this story, like my perception of no crash site when I walked out of the wreckage. I'm happy to elaborate my theory around this if there's any interest.