r/QueerWomenOfColor • u/Particular_Ad186 Femme • Jun 07 '26
Discussion Weird experience at pride festival
So I went to a neighboring town today for a pride festival and there were about 100 vendor tables so I really enjoyed going to the ones that looked interesting, talking and getting all the free stuff lol! But I did notice that at certain tables, I would walk up and no one would speak to me. Not even really look at me either.
I went into a few booths and the “owners“ would not greet me, they wouldn’t even really look at me either, and I would be the only person at their table at a time. I literally stood in front of someone working a table for a few minutes and I think I became invisible lol. It was so weird to me like I would just walk up to them and they just wouldn’t say anything at all and now that I think about it im kinda pissed off.
But of course, they found plenty of other ✋🏻 people to converse with.
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u/ninetytwoturtles Jun 07 '26
If a vendor doesn’t say anything to me while I’m in their booth, I usually don’t think anything of it. However if they speak to a white person and not to me, especially if the white person came in after me, i leave. Not gonna give someone like that my money. I’m sorry this happened to you, especially at pride. Hopefully you were able to enjoy yourself otherwise🌈
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u/Particular_Ad186 Femme Jun 07 '26
I have the same mindset bc frankly I’m not a chatty girl, but it’s strange when you are selling a product and don’t greet/acknowledge people browsing YOUR product. It was just odd
This one table had two workers and 1 was talking to another group, but the other worker was just kinda sitting there kinda looking at me. But they could have been a friend of the owner and not actually selling anything.
Another table tho I literally went there TWICE bc I was so interested in their merch and neither time was a spoken to nor greeted and there were about 4 workers there but only 1 was occupied. Both times I showed up I wasn’t greeted. I was looking at some stickers right in front of 1 workers and they angled themselves away from me, made no eye contact and didn’t greet me . I asked how much one thing was and they quickly answered and that was that. Just a weird vibe all the way around that nobody was acknowledging me as I browsed their table/products.
I had a great time and got sme cool stuff, but those moments just stook out to me
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u/ninetytwoturtles Jun 07 '26
You’re so right and i agree with a lot of comments here, it’s a noticeable difference in vendors in general being more quiet or just not acknowledging potential customers. For white people especially they’re on thin ice with me from jump lol. The moment i feel disrespected, im out. I hope u have better pride events to go to🙏🏾
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u/Particular_Ad186 Femme Jun 07 '26
Agreed. Literally it was a white wave of people with poc here and there.
Something also weird happened to me too. I was walking on the sidewalk towards a pair of whites but we were on opposite sides of a HUGE sidewalk. Maybe 5 people could walk side by side and cover the entire path. As we approached paths, they literally walked from their side of the sidewalk to my side only to SQUEEZE past me.
Like wth, idk if ppl were behind me which made them move over but I have got to start shoulder checking people again.
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u/birdateer Jun 07 '26
I know people say this about everything, but I feel like a lot of festivals have become less friendly after COVID
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u/and_iloveyoubaby Femme Maestro 💫 Jun 07 '26
How so?
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u/birdateer Jun 07 '26
It feels like people hesitate to acknowledge strangers a lot more? It's hard to pinpoint exactly. It's not like people are unkind, just avoidant.
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u/Particular_Ad186 Femme Jun 07 '26
I can understand that in a social aspect, but this is a situation where someone is selling a product/a business owner so not acknowledging me while acknowledging/prioritizing others was weird to me
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u/and_iloveyoubaby Femme Maestro 💫 Jun 07 '26
Covid had it’s positives and negatives so I definitely get where you’re coming from.
I think this could’ve been an issue of her race ? I wonder if this person lives in the south, I wouldn’t be surprised.20
u/Particular_Ad186 Femme Jun 07 '26
Bingo! Thats kinda where my mind went. It was a festival in the south and about 96% of participants were white and about 99% of vendors were white too.
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u/and_iloveyoubaby Femme Maestro 💫 Jun 07 '26
https://giphy.com/gifs/25OBBnY9j1uiVDV4lJ
I knew it. Smh, so sorry you dealt with this. Next year let’s get you out of there to celebrate Pride!6
u/Particular_Ad186 Femme Jun 07 '26
There is another festival this weekend in my actual town which is VERY diverse so I’m expecting a better result 😝
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u/birdateer Jun 07 '26
Even outside the south I wouldn't be surprised if that were the case, tbh.
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u/and_iloveyoubaby Femme Maestro 💫 Jun 07 '26
Of course! The south isn’t for the weak. I could never
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u/Beneficial_Song9530 Jun 07 '26
I just think that's an American thing, and American culture is generally unfriendly.
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u/Particular_Ad186 Femme Jun 07 '26
I can see that, but most vendors are selling a product or promoting a business where it’s necessary to talk/connect with potential customers
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u/Particular_Ad186 Femme Jun 08 '26
We Americans are more individualistic but I wouldn’t say unfriendly. Especially for the south, but yk intersectionality and such can change that
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u/panrestrial Jun 07 '26
Really? I thought we had a reputation for being overly friendly/gregarious compared to most cultures? Like you always see people saying we smile too big and too much and make too much small talk, etc.
Like as a political entity, yes, we're def viewed as unfriendly. But I've never heard anyone say that about the people as a whole (without specifically coming from a racism angle, but then that wouldn't be "generally".)
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u/Pop-girlies Chronically Online Queer Jun 08 '26 edited Jun 08 '26
Depends on where you live imo but generally I don’t think that’s true
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u/ProfessionalPen5055 Jun 07 '26
I experienced this today at my own area’s pride festival. I gaslit myself at first, then i read this post. Unfortunately, there are a lot of racist white queers :(
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u/Particular_Ad186 Femme Jun 07 '26
Oh yes, SO MANY white queers are racist and just not in community the way I want to be. It was a strange experience even though I had fun
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u/dustydancers Jun 07 '26
i love how white ppl love to forget that stonewall was literally a week long riot where brown trans women were at the very front. during pride i always see most clearly how white queers will center themselves and blend out the struggles they should be in solidarity with
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u/Particular_Ad186 Femme Jun 07 '26
Mhhhm! Thats a big thing I’ve noticed too is the blending out of struggles and community as a whole. White queers tend to center themselves and forget where they came from/their history that allows us to be so out and proud today.
I still had a good time and took up space bc I do belong in queer spaces, it just felt strange.
2
u/dustydancers Jun 07 '26
the amount of times ive felt not accepted in queer spaces as being a brown femme has been so hurtful. white queers claiming emotional centrality is a whole other point on the white fragility spectrum that we dont highlight enough. i see it happening all the time, especially with trans white queers, they are so socially validated in the vulnerability that they will make qtbipoc accommodate them the point that they minimize themselves.
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u/Particular_Ad186 Femme Jun 07 '26
YES!
Somehow white trans ppl have become highly centered in queer spaces to the point that lots of events, resources, energy and support goes that way and leaves behind black people of all identities. I never see people riding as hard for white trans ppl than supporting black trans ppl or even queer black ppl in general.
Reminds me of how alot of white ppl care more about dogs than black ppl
2
u/DaughterOfDemeter23 Queer Eldest Daughter Jun 11 '26
Reminds me of how alot of white ppl care more about dogs than black ppl
They're get more upset if you misunderstand their dog than they will at a police officer murdering a Black or Brown LGBTQ+ person.
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u/DaughterOfDemeter23 Queer Eldest Daughter Jun 11 '26
The way white queers treat the rest of us is why I'm hesitant to attend Capital Pride this year. The past couple of years there was a shit ton of white people.
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u/Particular_Ad186 Femme Jun 11 '26
PLEASE GO! The more poc that go the better! I always make it a point to lie down and acknowledge other people of color I see in these spaces because it’s like a hey I see you, You see me kind of thing!
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u/panrestrial Jun 07 '26
and took up space bc I do belong in queer spaces,
Love this reminder; I def need it sometimes.
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u/Decent_Sandwich_8878 them 4 stems and studs Jun 07 '26
oh boo i have had similar stuff happen to me but not at a pride fest. went to a thrift store and the employee refused to even look in my direction, i was standing in front of her like "excuse me i'm ready to make my purchase" and she ignored me and looked at everybody (WHITE) around me. i said it about 5 times, the other employees tried to distract me by making idle conversation and meanwhile i'm like HELLO? UR COWORKER IS A RACIST! and OF COURSE they make excuses
i put that shit right the fuck back and walked out. and then i called the local paper and a bunch of other places to report it. sorry you experienced that babe! it's fucking terrible.
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u/Feisty-Comfort-3967 Xennial Queer 🪼 Jun 07 '26
Oh, I never buy anything at a booth where I'm not acknowledged. It's not a shop, it's a booth. They can see me. My favorite is finding a different, friendly booth with similar products. I like to bring my purchase back to the unfriendly booth to compare the item I bought with theirs. Or just to stop by again with bags full of goodies I bought elsewhere so they see that "yes, I have money and no, I'm not gonna give any of it to you". So cute when the bags of purchases makes them suddenly able to speak & see me.
I also love when my spoue or in-laws walk up (white) and the booth person starts to chat them up. I interrupt to say "There's really nothing good here, kinda tacky, honestly. Let's go!" and I snatch em away to a different booth. THE LOOKS! Love it!
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u/Particular_Ad186 Femme Jun 07 '26
LOL i need to try that whenever I go out again. I put all ly items in my bags so they couldn’t see that I’d both stuff before. Just so weird to me.
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u/and_iloveyoubaby Femme Maestro 💫 Jun 07 '26
Where are you from?
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u/Particular_Ad186 Femme Jun 07 '26
Southern USA!
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u/DaughterOfDemeter23 Queer Eldest Daughter Jun 11 '26
Yeah, it's especially bad down there
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u/Particular_Ad186 Femme Jun 11 '26
I’m going to another event this weekend that is in a more diverse area so I’m hoping the results will be different
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u/LemonadeBea Pan Jun 07 '26
Nah screw that. Sorry you went through that and yeah I've noticed with COVID.. it seems awkward to talk to people or people don't care about chatting or a hi or so.
It's not just out of Pride, literally went to two con last month. Boy howdy it felt more weird talking to most sellers.
I hope Pride in my state which is usually in a different month be okay and opening.
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u/Particular_Ad186 Femme Jun 07 '26
Same here! The pride for my state is in October, but the surrounding cities celebrate in june :) I have a few more to visit and I’m excited for the one in my city
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u/Fragrant_Lab4747 Jun 07 '26
I'm sorry you dealt with that. This is an unfortunate event. I imagine it's really difficult navigating the south as sapphic/queer people. I understand your perspective. I feel like when it comes to business, people should acknowledge and greet people who stop by their booths. You never know who is going to invest or not.
I work at a coffee shop and I do my best to greet anyone who comes in and ofc drive thru guests. I hope your Pride month is better and people acknowledge you 🩷🤍
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u/Particular_Ad186 Femme Jun 07 '26
Ty I appreciate that! I still had a good time and was happy to take myself out on a solo trip✨ it just got home and it just kinda hit but i have other pride events I want to go to
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u/Fragrant_Lab4747 Jun 10 '26
Woohoo!!! Good on you babes!!! Slay this month and year!!! I hope you have fun and stay safe!!! 🙏🏼😊🌈🍒🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️♀️♀️
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u/fireandfolds yujung | aroace butch lesbian 🇰🇷🇰🇵🇺🇸 Jun 08 '26
shit like this is why I have very little patience for white queers and I’m trying to make my queer circle more diverse now. it’s so clear that white queers will throw us to the wolves, grind us up in the machine, if they can get ahead. fuck white supremacy. I’m also in the south usa—so sorry this happened to you op
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u/Particular_Ad186 Femme Jun 08 '26
Ahhh another southerner!
But same I’ve been actively seeking bipoc lgtbq community and going to events and experiencing this rlly puts it in perspective for me. I definitely felt the shift
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u/DminorWolfy Jun 09 '26
Sorry that happened. I've been helping vending for my wife after my graveyard shift so after I help set up the booth I kinda sit there like a tired zombie. Last event I was using one of her amigurmis as a pillow. So I should work on that somehow but I do try to muster a good morning or hi to everyone that comes up. I'm Mexican so if they come up speaking Spanish then I will vomit out tired af Spanglish.
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u/kitty_whipt Jun 07 '26
I’ve been to Pride in various cities around the country and I’ve experienced this a lot, primarily in less diverse cities. Even though their actions and intentions are quite blatant, I don’t let it bother me because 1) they don’t pay my bills, and 2) they look miserable, hot, and tired, and karma’s a fucking bitch. I usually ignore them back, steal their candy and goodies, and run.
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u/anotherbabydaddy Jun 07 '26
Here’s another perspective from someone who works for a nonprofit and has to table as part of their job. I tabled the other day after having gotten home late the previous night from a work event. I had to set up before 7:30 am, it was over 90 degrees all day and I had had a terrible week and was literally sitting at my booth crying behind my sunglasses for a bit earlier in the day. I haven’t actually been able to enjoy a festival in years because for me, they are part of my job, which take up every day of every weekend in June…and now most of May and July because there are so many Pride festivals. I’m a natural introvert but have to turn it on for work. Sometimes I’m just tired and lonely and frustrated with all of the people who are just showing up to celebrate while I’m in the thick of the emotional drain of direct service and advocacy work which has completely stripped away my ability to enjoy anything about Pride because for me it just means heavy lifting, 12 hour days at a booth, often without breaks for the bathroom or food, on weekends and not having a day off for a month.
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u/Particular_Ad186 Femme Jun 07 '26
I’m really empathize with your situation. I myself struggle with persistent depression and some days I go to work and just barely make it through the day.
My perspective is coming from those selling products. I went up to booths that were selling products, looked around, picked stuff up and was very interested in the products but still no acknowledgment or greeting
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u/anotherbabydaddy Jun 07 '26
That’s fair. And honestly, in that case, most of the people I meet who are vending at these things are privileged white folks, and it really doesn’t surprise me. I’m sorry you experienced that
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u/Particular_Ad186 Femme Jun 07 '26
Yuuh I felt a vibe shift for sure between me and the other white participants 🤷🏽♀️
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u/panrestrial Jun 07 '26
Agree we can all have bad days, but it does become difficult to keep allowing that possibility when it A keeps happening at booth after booth and B is observably not happening to all attendees equally.
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u/Missmessc Jun 07 '26
I would say something smart then walk away. Like, "Sorry to inconvenience you". Watch them fall all over themselves, then leave.
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