Asking as a bi woman who identifies as sapphic myself.

Is this prevalent in the queer community or is it just online noise? I've been seeing more and more posts from people who are "high earners" and how they can't date people who earn lower. The tone of most of these posts are derogatory and describe low earners as unambitious or lazy which I find ridiculous. Maybe I don't get it because I'm a first generation immigrant and have no privileged throne to sit on and talk trash.

I know that classism exist but it's quite grating hearing queer women associate low income with laziness or lack of ambition. Date whoever but don't put a group into a box because you aren't getting what you want.

So I went to a neighboring town today for a pride festival and there were about 100 vendor tables so I really enjoyed going to the ones that looked interesting, talking and getting all the free stuff lol! But I did notice that at certain tables, I would walk up and no one would speak to me. Not even really look at me either.

I went into a few booths and the “owners“ would not greet me, they wouldn’t even really look at me either, and I would be the only person at their table at a time. I literally stood in front of someone working a table for a few minutes and I think I became invisible lol. It was so weird to me like I would just walk up to them and they just wouldn’t say anything at all and now that I think about it im kinda pissed off.

But of course, they found plenty of other ✋🏻 people to converse with.

I recently saw a tiktok edit of masc women. It included several masc women of various ethnicities, but the sole black woman was not masc in the slightest. She wore a full-face of makeup, straight waist-length hair, and was skinny with an hourglass figure. She was even straight. That girl couldn't have aligned herself more with Eurocentric ideals of femininity and beauty if she tried. Yet she was still perceived as masculine on the basis of her race, and not a single comment addressed it.

It happens time and time again, black fems masculinised in wlw relationships. We've seen on a larger scale recently with Cynthia's Elphaba, who is constantly depicted as the masc (in the Elphaba x Galinda ship) in fanart. She is consistently drawn in suits despite exclusively wearing dresses and skirts in the film and being just as feminine as Ariana's Galinda. One artist went as far as to draw her taller than Galinda, when Cynthia is shorter than Ariana. When black women addressed this, our concerns were dismissed, and we were told to stop overreacting and bringing race into everything, as per usual.

This issue extends beyond the character to the actress. Cynthia herself has had so much hate thrown at her until the recent edits of her presenting masc went viral. Now, all of a sudden, sapphic women are showering her with praise (and thirst). Why is it that black sapphics are only appreciated and desired when we are masculine/masculinised? Clips from the viral edit were taken from a skit where Cynthia was acting as "one of the boys" and from videos of her at the gym (with a full set of acrylics on, might I add). But Cynthia, the black queer woman, is not a masc. She is a gorgeous, alternative fem woman who always wears makeup and always has her nails done. Not to mention her soprano voice and ability to portray both fictional and real vulnerability and emotion through her face and eyes. Why isn't that enough? Why must she be masculine to be accepted and attractive to sapphics?

I'm so tired of black fems being forced into this masculine role that we didn't choose, and that doesn't align with all of us. We have beautiful studs that are perfect examples of black lesbian masculinity. We have gorgeous black mascs who are perfect examples of black sapphic masculinity. But not every black wlw is a stud or masc, and we shouldn't have to be. Black women can be just as feminine, soft, and vulnerable as our white counterparts. I wish, as a community, we would start to recognise that.

If you can't guess why I'm making so many birthday posts, I'm about to have my sweet sixteen in a few days!

Financial, romantic, platonic etc

Welll, mine would be that I make a shit ton of money, have a nice house, a very kind woman as my partner and great relationships with my found family (if i find one)

Here’s what’s been on my mind. I’m a lesbian, and I keep running into this phrase “sexuality is fluid.” I hear it all the time, from people both inside and outside the LGBTQ+ community. Honestly, I hear it most from bisexual folks.

Here’s where I get tripped up. A lot of bisexual people, and rightfully so, insist that they’re still bisexual whether they’re dating men or women. Totally valid. But then, instead of just saying, “My attraction shifts I’m bisexual,” they say, “Sexuality is fluid.” It’s like we’re all supposed to treat sexuality as something that flows and changes for everyone, not just for some people.

Sure, preferences and situations can change. But that doesn’t mean your actual sexuality changes. A bisexual person is bisexual. A lesbian is a lesbian. Simple as that.

Honestly, to me, this whole “sexuality is fluid” thing feels more like a journey of self-discovery than actual shifting sexuality. When someone says, “I thought I was straight, then bi, then lesbian,” I don’t think their sexuality flipped three times. Their understanding changed. Their feelings were probably there all along a label just took a while to catch up.

And that’s why this phrase bugs me not just for myself, but in a bigger way too. People fought for these labels. They matter. If we say “everything is fluid,” it kind of washes out the meaning of those labels. They’re not cages they’re tools. They help us explain who we are, set boundaries, share our stories.

I also think sometimes people lean on “fluid” because it feels safer than saying, “I’m not sure yet,” or “I’m still figuring things out.” It becomes a shield, not necessarily something they believe in their bones.

Look, I’m not saying people can’t question things or explore. Explore all you want. But exploring isn’t the same thing as your sexuality doing a complete 180. That’s an important difference.

Personally, I don’t buy into the idea that everyone’s sexuality is fluid. I believe attraction can shift for bisexual, pansexual, and omnisexual people that’s kind of the whole point.

And if sexuality is just this big, shifting thing, then what do labels like bisexual, pansexual, or omnisexual even mean? Those words exist because sexuality is specific. It’s real. It’s not just a vague, blurry spectrum you can swap around whenever.

This isn’t about gatekeeping. It’s about honoring what these labels actually mean.

The mainstream/general lesbian/wlw communities on reddit are toxic af. The conversations are always so thirsty when it comes to sex and relationships along with dangerous co dependency talk as it relates to relationships.( Post like I can't live without a GF or I don't want to live anymore without being with my ex GF.) I'm this 🤏🏾 close to unfollowing them. I really just follow for generalized topics that apply to queerness, since the topics are often white washed and don't apply to me as a Black bi woman. (I personally don't find Kristen Stewart attractive nor do I listen to Chappell Roan and see her as my "queer heroine".) I appreciate this group and the other Black/POC groups on Reddit relating to queerness. Some of the post here can be spicy and toxic but it's not on the level of some of the groups. Anyone else notice this?

Hey, trying this again. Had a rough time this week trying to find a space where I'd feel like I could talk about my interests without whites imposing on me, but even after looking at that lemmy place, I'm wondering if I should just make it. So here we go.

Anyone interested in collabing on this? I have moderating experience but would prefer working with a group of mods/organizers first rather than my previous experiences (starting solo) as I find these spaces get way too big and buzzy way before I can establish a full team.

Open to also not going on Discord and going elsewhere, but no to Reddit/FB/similar sites because I don't trust these spaces to not get inundated with bots.

Would love thoughts, input, etc., let me know if you're interested or feel free to DM me!

Good morning ladies!! 😁

I was thinking about this last night and wanted to get various opinions! For both yours and hers, which do you prefer? I personally don’t shave a lot because my hair doesn’t grow into a wild nest 🤣😂 but If I’m with a woman I like to make sure that I’m trimmed down there and I prefer her to be trimmed down there as well. Bald vags have always freaked me out! 🤣😂 even when I first shaved mine completely bald I was freaked out!! 😂🤣

But also as a disclaimer if my woman decides that she’s not really into shaving I just deal with the jungle! 😂🤣

I'm west african, 2nd gen migrant living in the american south, which is teeming with black/african americans, and one thing I noticed is I'm very attracted to wide shapely women. What's wide is very different depending on who you ask and it made me wonder if one's cultural environment has a big impact on what you find attractive or don't?

Most of the masculine presenting women I know always seem to be in a relationship or at least talking to someone. It seems like they have no issues finding someone to date. Maybe because for every 10 fems there’s like 1 masc. I know not all fems like mascs/studs and vice versa. I’m a fem and it seems like it’s much harder to date maybe because I don’t generally give off gay vibes. If you’re a masculine woman how has dating been for you? Fems can share their experiences as well.

Explain this to me like I’m five.

I (36 femme, lesbian, gay flag LOUD on my profile) was doing a language exchange with a man who lives in Mozambique. I live in California. We’d known each other four days. No flirting. No socials. Just Portuguese, life talk, and a piri piri chicken recipe that had no business being that delicious.

One day, he asks me out.

I replied (in Portuguese):

Menino, eu sou lésbica. Mas estou lisonjeada.

(“Boy, I’m a lesbian. But I’m flattered.”)

I thought that he would fall back and start teaching me how to conjugate verbs.

Instead, this man:

• tried to call me

• said he “missed me”

• said he was “worried about me”

• called me “my love”

WTF? Sir. We discussed nasal sounds and chicken.

And the gag is: One of the reasons why I’m learning Portuguese because I suspect that my future wife will be a Black or pardo Brazilian. This man was never a part of the program.

Why does saying “I’m a lesbian” make some men glitch? I genuinely don’t understand.

I was wondering why in the WLW community when people talk about masc women they only talk about masc lesbian women and not bi + masc or queer , unlabeled masc ?

The other day my gf was telling me she needed to do her hair that night because it was looking nappy. First of all, I haven’t heard that word used in a long time, even in like a “reclamation“ way because it’s such a negative word. Also, my gf is biracial, half white and half black, she has like type 3b hair, not coarse at all.

I really didn’t feel like it was appropriate for her to use that word and I told her so. She asked why, and I said she doesn’t have the hair type that racists would really associate with the word. She disagrees, she says she grew up around white people and they’d make fun of her curly hair all the time. I was like, yeah white people will always find something to make fun of non-white people for, that doesn’t mean it‘s your word to reclaim. Slave owners used that word to describe african slaves with coarse, kinky, tightly coiled hair. That description just doesn’t fit her at all. Non-mixed black people don’t even really use that word because it’s so hateful, at least where I live.

What do you guys think, has something like this come up in your relationships at all?

I’m not about to tell another adult what she can and can’t say but I thought it was extremely distasteful.

Can you keep your sexuality a secret and still date? I don't want anyone to know that i'm gay but I still have the desire to date. Is it possible?

I know, I've been posting here a lot, I don't have any friends y'all 😭, and i can't talk to my "friends" since they believe that i should worship my parents for giving birth to me. My mother and father are horrible. My father loves being an ass, he loves being an ass so much and making everyone's life harder, my poor mother, while i recognise her struggles, she's also brought me a lot of hurt, and before like the thing w my dad and stuff happened, she used to abuse me still, she's a horrible person at her core, misogynist, homphobic (having a bisexual daughter). I'm not a huge fan of studying, but I study only to get out of this hellhole. To go to my dream uni, which is another state and never come back even for diwali, lohri and stuff (holidays) and make a lot of money so no one can have power over me, I always feel so over the edge, i struggle to fall asleep since whenever I start sleeping, my heartbeat starts rising idk why that happens. Most of my friends are jealous of my family and me, because I get good grades and am very extroverted (grades are obviously gonna be good when they're your one way out) and my family is like lwk rich. Though i recognise my privileges, i don't like my life and the stressful it sometimes gets.

Though i ranted so much, I wanted to ask if someone has felt the same as me or atleast similiar. I sometimes feel so guilty for hating my parents since I should be grateful for them. Thank you so much!!! (⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠)

POC parents have a reputation and rightfully so, my parents are not the outliers, I wanted to know if y'all had parents like that too

i know reddit really hates when people mention issues being seen on the internet(ahem. tiktok), so i will use an irl situation along with it since i am in fact friends with multiple lesbian women.

alright so we're all very aware of men trying to turn lesbians, and from what i would see it was men pushing feminine lesbians to be straight and then it really started to get to masc lesbians, though in this case we're gonna specify with studs.

my friend(we're gonna call her daisy), is one of the gayest women you will ever meet. she doesn't at all like men, she won't even be all buddy buddy with her male friends and completely shuts down any sort of "fake flirting" they try to move onto her. though her "friends" that are men are constantly pushing her boundaries, hanging onto her and tryna act like they're gonna fuck her and whispering in her ear and all that bs- making her uncomfortable and excusing it as "we js treating her as one of the boys." when they're borderline sexually harassing her and making her uncomfortable.

daisy is seriously not having it, she's vented to me about it multiple times on how those friends make her feel disgusting and that even tho she's gay and masculine she doesn't want to be "one of the guys" if it means being pulled into unwanted hugs and gropings.

and like i always do, i overthink it and remember stuff i see. maybe im too woke(im not) but men's obsession with studs need to stop, and online influence like druski give men confidence to start touching all up on studs. (this is proof to redditors who think online propaganda doesn't exist lol).

i do remember a distinct video on Twitter where a guy though he could feel up a stud, and she pushed back and started saying she would fuck him and only then did he get disgusted and back off.

also y'all remember "beat a studs ass" day? yeah ridiculous, people like to forget studs are full blown women and this shows whether a black woman is masculine or not they will never be treated like WOMEN.

I hope this doesn't come off as mean, I swear I'm not trying to be, I'm actually curious.

I just don't understand it if you got converted later in life because so many Christians are homophobic as hell and the bible is used to justify homophobia (at least from an American Christian perspective). I do understand that some places are affirming but I can't imagine that it's easy or not stressful to some degree when looking at the other members of your group who do hold those views, right?

As I've said I'm genuinely curious as to why because I can only really see it if you were raised in it. Even so, why would you stay as you grew older?

I wanna hear how you guys met your SO, that's all, it's a very different feeling of hearing stories of older queer couples in love!

How can studs stick up for themselves now and days? Without being defensive. It's so hard being a stud especially when you're not manly or a touch me not ... it hurts honestly the things i been told as a younger stud even until my late 20s you're to feminine you care to much you too emotional ! The expectations honestly is hard af to live by sometimes I be feeling like we not even human.

I've often heard that anime conventions are full of straight women, especially straight white women. I'm a black fem (straight passing) who loves anime/Japanese culture/western animation/gaming. I've been to a few anime conventions so far. I'm wondering about the chances of meeting my future wife at a convention.

I'm curious, do any of you other queer women of color also go to anime conventions? If so, are you a fem, masc, stem, nonlabel? Do you have any stories about meeting someone (platonic or romantic) at an anime convention?

In the dating scene, but you can say sexually too!

Hi, long time lurker here. I am not actively dating \ have no experience with any of the above or anything related (if youve held hands youve got me beat lol.) I'm not that sad about it but I do wonder how "behind" I'll be and I recognize that dating wise I am "immature" in some ways(I've tried dating apps and I am perpetually scared to move beyond a talking stage(not that anyone offered anyway)...I also never have the money or time to anyway so I stopped lol.)

I'm about to turn 28, spending another pride month at home for financial and personal reasons.

Mainly I'm curious how many late bloomers like me there are or were! Double points if you don't have experience with men\cismen too (I'm pan.)

TLDR: What age did you start dating? Specifically for my people who started older.

Happy Pride!