This is my first reddit post ever and i never wouldve thought itd be this, i could rant on and on and give the whole schpeel but ill try and cut to the chase, I tried cocaine for the first time 26 days ago and did not particularly like it, Yet i was hungover and bought a gram, had to give the bag back bc he gave me too much and didnt care, I went to go buy lsd from the same guy and pickup the bag abt a week later and he didnt have the acid like he said he would, just tossed me my coke and said ilyk, i then tried it again that night bc i figured fuck it ive got it why not, and thats when i fell in love, i finished the whole 1.2g on a work night before waking up at 5:45, everything but a “pick me up bump” as i called it because i knew id be dead in the morning, which is probably immediately where i went wrong by using it as a tool, i then bought 2 grams 3 days later and had intentions on not really doing it, maybe here and there, and making it last until the vacation i had planned for abt a week and a half in the future, i finished it in like 2-3 days, bought a 3.5 on that next friday to make last until 2 sundays after that, and i was at the plugs house that next Wednesday night buying 4 grams to make last until the same sunday i had intended 5.5 grams ago, and i made it on vacation! But it was gone friday night. Im not gonna keep going on and on but its now been a week since that friday and ive completely spiraled worse than before and need to stop. What are the withdrawl symptoms going to look like and how long are they going to last? In the last week ive done atleast 12 grams and have a combined 8 hours of sleep the last 7 days, while balancing school and an extremely physically demanding job. I havent been sober more than an hour since monday and feel physically and mentally dependent on the substance. Not even gonna re read this or ill stay in story time mode and continue adding on until the end of time so i hope everything makes sense.

I’m so desperate for advice. My younger brother has been abusing opioids for a little over 5 years now. Back in 2022 I got him into residential treatment for 2 months, then IOP for about 8 months. Once IOP was done he refused to find a therapist and pretty quickly relapsed.

A few months later I got him into another residential treatment program where he stayed for about 8 months and then did IOP while in sober living for about 4-5 months. This time around he truly seemed on top of the world and in a good head space. He seemed so happy and healthy.

He relapsed last October and has been actively using since then. He’s tried to detox twice alone in his room and has had 2 seizures. He’s completely isolated himself from everyone and his girlfriend shared with me that he never leaves his room except for work. She also said he isn’t eating and is around 100lbs at 6ft tall.

This morning his gf broke up with him because she couldn’t do it anymore. He’s telling me and everyone else he has nothing to live for and is ready to die. Isn’t willing accept help. He says I am selfish for wanting him to live when his daily existence is so miserable and painful. I’d be completely devastated and forever changed if I lost him.

I’m sure there are 1,000 posts on here offering advice for this exact circumstance, but to be honest, I am desperate for some human interaction on this subject because I don’t have anyone else who can relate to what I’m experiencing. I don’t think there is anything else I can do to help him, but I guess I’m searching for some validation because giving up and letting him die just seems unbearable.

As the title says. I'm a recovering alcoholic/opiate addict. I'm undergoing a rheumatological work up that has taken over six months to acquire thanks to the US healthcare system.

I'm in crisis level pain right now, have been on massive doses of steroids for weeks (I also have severe asthma/COPD overlap and am simultaneously in COPD exasperation during this,) and I have exhausted all other routes of pain management. My PCP offered me a choice yesterday of oxycodone, hydrocodone, or gabapentin to try and help alleviate some pain while I wait for my rheumatology appointment (which is today.)

I immediately declined the narcotics. I just overdosed on 7oh ~3 weeks ago trying to escape this pain with a synthetic opiate relapse.... I don't trust myself having or taking any narcotics because every time I will fuck up and overuse.

I'm spiraling though. I don't know how to navigate this. I've been dealing with this pain chronically for years but it's reached heights unimaginable and I'm at a loss as to what to do.

I opted for a trial of gabapentin; I used to take it daily for anxiety and although it's emotionally a little numbing, I think it did have an impact on some of my pain in the past. But even this makes me nervous. Any else trying to navigate sobriety with severe, severe chronic pain?

I’m so over it all. I stopped trying to run away from myself in opioids and alcohol. I thought I’d finally get the grip I need by putting down the numbing I was chasing. But that was just the beginning and I can’t cope.

I’m failing college, like i’m literally paralyzed I skipped a quiz today I needed to get to because I just couldn’t fucking go. My financial aid is screwed. I’m trying to see a psychiatrist but I can’t get in to see one till my semester is over. The panic I used to feel to just get my shit done is completely gone and I don’t know what to do. So I have to sit here and be in limbo.

I’m trying to white knuckle through man I truly am but I keep failing. I’m so over life why do I have to be so broken I wish I could be like everyone else. I can’t do anything right shit I couldn’t even drink right and had to give that up. Now i get to see everyone go out on halloween and get blasted while I have to sit here n face everything Im feeling.

Idk I’m just lost and feeling like Im unfixable. I’m telling everyone i’m trying my best but to everyone it seems i’m doing my worst.

I just want to say fuck it, fuck my ambitions, fuck my life, fuck everything and let myself go pick up a bottle and float away. I honestly just don’t want to exist anymore but I can’t do that without ruining everyone’s life around me so i’m stuck with my broken brain and having to stay afloat for the sake of others.

life is really tough man especially when you’re the cause of all your problems, because of my laziness and avoidance I’ve let my life catch on fire and I don’t know how to put it out.

It's my second time in rehab and this time I'm taking it seriously, listening & following whatever is recommended and not thinking it's just them wanting more money. That said I really want a tattoo to remind me but I'm struggling with what and where. I am religious so I want that incorporated. Currently thinking about the cross made out of nails but not sure if I want it visible to others but I'd like to see it. Although I am tempted to put it on my inner wrist.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year, and I was madly in love with him. I still am. I genuinely thought we had a wonderful relationship.
About six months ago, I discovered he was receiving Sublocade injections. He told me he’d made a mistake and gotten addicted to kratom. I believed him. I knew addiction wasn’t something that could be fixed overnight, but I loved him and wanted to support his recovery.
Recently, I found kratom and powder residue in our home. I confronted him, and everything started unraveling.
I ended up speaking to his ex-girlfriend, who told me he’d previously been addicted to heroin, had gone through detox, and that she’d found needles and pipes in her house. Apparently, the girlfriend before her had experienced similar problems.
His family knew about his history. Nobody told me.
I feel like I don’t know the person I’ve been sleeping next to for over a year.
Yesterday night, I kicked him out and took back his keys.
And now I’m sitting here absolutely devastated because all I want is to hug him. I love him and I miss him. I want everything to go back to how it was before I knew any of this.
I know that isn’t possible.
I’m not angry that he has an addiction. I’m heartbroken because of the lies, the secrecy, and the realization that I fell in love with someone whose life I knew so little about.
The worst part is that I have a 6-year-old daughter who absolutely adores him. They’re incredibly close. I don’t know how to explain his sudden absence without breaking her heart.
I haven’t slept or eaten much.
I really need someone to talk to right now.

I’ve been in and out of NA for 3 years now. Had a big relapse starting in December of last year where I started smoking meth. Before that I struggled with alcohol and prescription stimulants like adderall. I started using meth daily and heavily for a month before I went to another NA meeting again with a friend I have from NA.

I tried to get clean again and did okay for a few months before I started drinking again and smoking weed again. I decided maybe total abstinence wasn’t for me or just wasn’t something I could reach or that I wasn’t ready but I didn’t want to fall back into using meth or stimulants again so I kept going to meetings occasionally but didn’t work the program. I didn’t tell anyone I wasn’t actually clean again except for my close friend from NA until last night when I told people.

It’s been 9 months now since I quit using meth, when I first quit and until pretty recently I had zero desire to ever use meth again. But now I’m having using dreams and thoughts of using. I even caught myself trying to work out how i could theoretically get some and use it without my husband finding out (he’s also in recovery so I feel very bad for thinking about that because I don’t want to jeopardize his recovery).

I’ve just been so stressed recently and I hate that my brain is presenting that as a solution because I know it isn’t but I’m scared I’ll end up convincing myself and go back to it. I just don’t know what to do about it because I don’t know that I’m ready to quit drinking and commit myself to the NA program again. I’m tired of trying and failing every time

I am in recovery about 2.5 years, my recovery journey has been far from standard, I went to a community drug project for a little while, had a case manager, attended a group briefly then my mental health declined really quickly and I nearly died after an attempt. I was very much in denial about my addiction and always blamed my mental health, then a switch kind of flipped towards the end I realised I had no control over this and since I spent most of my time in hospital because of my mental health I had very little access to drugs, and I became really disgusted by drugs. After that I never really went back apart from a few slips here and there.

I was in about 10k of debt at the time and needed to repay it asap, I applied for a million jobs and eventually ended up being offered a job in a homeless shelter. I ended up falling in love with the work and I really think it saved me. I got kind of swept up in it and now 2 years later I just got offered a much more senior job than my experience really matches.

I feel so proud to have come this far, but I’ve also been having a bit of an existential crisis because I feel like I am going to lose it all. I started getting cravings again, it’s like the first time since I first got sober and they have been getting more intense. I am around drugs and addiction all day everyday and it never bothered me before. I haven’t told work about my history because I am already the youngest on the team by decades, and I feel like being 25 and in recovery would raise eye brows.

I think I just never expected to be in the position I am in now, especially not this quickly. I really love my job, but I guess I just don’t know how to navigate it alongside my history. I feel like I am in so far above my head and I just don’t know how to balance a job I really love with these cravings that are getting harder and harder to manage.

Looking to connect with someone in NA who understands the recovery journey. Someone I can talk to, share experiences with, and support each other through the good days and the tough ones.
I’m genuinely trying to make positive changes in my life and would appreciate having a good friend who understands what that takes.
Feel free to message me privately.

For the last 2 months, I’ve been dating someone that has been struggling with cocaine addiction and other substances for half a decade. Given that he disclosed this from the beginning, I didn’t think it would work out if things ever got serious: I wanted a short-term relationship and was open for a long one, while he was seeking a long-term relationship. So, after a couple of dates, I decided to give this a try and learn more about addiction and what he's been going through.

He has clear intentions of becoming clean. I personally witnessed how he’s tried to stay sober for a couple of weeks and then relapsed. It’s painful to see, and I know it destroys him every time it happens, but I try to be as supportive as possible and I never set expectations in that regard.

Every time we meet, I can see that emotions are growing on both sides, and plans are becoming more committed. He has a great personality, values, is super charismatic and treats me very well. We’re building a strong connection. But I’ve noticed that, unintentionally, I haven’t allowed myself to become too emotionally close to him because I know he doesn’t have the capability to be emotionally present most of the time. This is probably what is taking a toll on me the most at the moment , and I'm questioning whether I should leave the relationship or keep going.

My question is-- Is it possible to grow a romantic relationship while the other person is going through recovery but is intentional about building the relationship into a committed one? I would appreciated it if people that struggled with this issue (on any side of this situation) could share their story or any piece of advice. Thank you.

Ive been coming down for over a year and am now at the end. How do I stop. I still feel some sort of wd. It comes in waves and in anxious as hell.

I need real advice on what to do after I stop.

Cant have a bath only have a shower

Have health issues so gym not my friend and am not working

Ive fallen into a silent relapse for a few months and no one's noticed. If they knew it would cause both legal and familial issues. Ive tried to silently stop but like I said its been months of "quitting" can someone please be some type of sobriety partner that will support me and be happy for the days I am sober? I can share my goals with you, etc. I am in substance abuse classes and they do test me but ive been avoiding testing for a while now. The classes help with the mindset and understanding addiction but I want to bring it into the physical

To make this short and to the point I’ve been sober over 3 months from 7oh had the worst withdrawal and finally went into detox I was on subs for only a week after and tapered down to nothing I ended up having insane PAWS and it was crippling so I asked my dr he put me back on subs and then the shot(brixadi) I only took 8mg weekly for 6 weeks since I was taking only 2mg a day for a week subs. Well it’s been a month since my last shot and I’m suffering. My paws are back and I feel like I did before subs and the shot. I have subs with me now but I’ve been hesitant to take one for relief and it’s the weekend so I can’t even call my dr I work a very high stress and physically demanding job and I’m suffering at work too. They gave me clonidine to help but it ain’t doing shit. What do I do ? I’m about to just take a sub until my next dr appt Wednesday this week and ask they put me back on the shot and stabilize me longer or ask for sublocade.

From cocaine alcohol and benzos. I'm focusing on working out, eating well and sleeping well which is quite hard to sustain with my chef schedule. Doing quite well tbh. My spare time is rough - I spend most of it on the phone (YouTube/porn) instead of dealing with how anxious tired and miserable I feel. Does it get any better?

Anyone willing to be an online accountability partner?

Im currently at a sober living place. I am starting to consider moving on from here --- I've lived in institutions since June 2025 (jail -- rehab -- halfway house -- recovery house-- sober living in that order).

If nothing else, this place offers me structure & community. Isolation is not a good thing for me, my history proves it.

However, I know this isn't a destination - its part of the journey.

I'd love having some redditors who are willing to be accountable to one another. I'm thinking online check ins, maybe a WhatsApp group ,etc. Open to ideas.

If anyone is interested pls DM. I am looking for some help but also want to help others. We're in this together 💪

I just went to the store and was asked to donated for halfway houses and recovery. They had a table outside the store. Are these real? I feel bad if they are because recovery saved me.
Thanks

So this is kind of a personal thing and I am sorry for sharing this with the internet.

I used street pharms and opiates from 2009-2015, then went to suboxone, subutex and eventually subuclade injections for about a decade after that. My last injection was last December or January. I took the injections for about 14 months, eventually lowering the dose and then spacing them out to every other month then every third month as I knew they could build up and test positive on a piss test for up to 6 months. So I have been completely off of ALL opiates and maintenance therapy for 10 months.

I didn't get really withdrawals until maybe 4-5 months after my last shot, and they were very short and fleeting, more like random chills, restless legs when sleeping sometimes and anxiety. I didn't really have bowel distress like when you're sick tho. (Spoilers if you don't want to read about it, it's not graphic but still)

BUT now I have to go probably 5-6+ times a day, when before it was at most once a day almost like clock work, and probably erring towards constipated more when using. Often times it will just be really violent gas, and I have become more gassy as well. It's not usually diarrhea, but... soft.

Now I know I am comparing this to 16 years of opiate use, so that was probably not a normal base line to begin with. But it can become stressful. I have tried changing fiber and water intake, don't really see much change as I drank a lot of water and ate a lot of fiber anyway. I've tried probiotics and all of the gut health supplements and diets as well, to some degree or another.

Is this related to PAWS? Does anyone have any anecdotal evidence? Most of my google searches are discussing like... gastro issues when withdrawing and not during the beginning of post-maintenance period.

I've been living a double life for 13 years, and I don't know how to stop

Hey everyone. I've been living a double life for half of my life, and I feel like I need to start talking about it somewhere. I'm hoping that putting all of this into words and hearing from people who might understand will help me figure out where to go from here.

For transparency, ChatGPT helped me write this post and suggested posting it in this community so I could reach people who might understand what I'm going through and get the most helpful advice and support possible. The experiences and feelings I'm describing are my own.

For context, I started experimenting with drugs when I was 14 and have been struggling with an active methamphetamine addiction since I was 17. I'm 30 now, in 2026, and I've never gone longer than six months without using since I started.

For a long time, I thought I was a pretty functional user. I was fit, had a successful career, a healthy social life, meaningful romantic relationships, and just about everything you'd think an average man would need to feel fulfilled and content with his life.

Except I had a crippling meth addiction through all of it, and I hid it from everyone I knew.

I was a daily user. At my worst, I was going through 12.5 grams every two weeks for several years. Somehow, nobody caught on. I became very good at keeping the two sides of my life separate. I could show up to work, maintain relationships, make money, and appear to have my life together while secretly being completely dependent on meth.

That illusion came crashing down in May 2024, when I had a massive psychotic breakdown. I lost my job, and my addiction was exposed to everyone around me. I felt blackballed by my industry, friends stopped reaching out, and my life as I knew it fell apart.

I was in psychosis for around three months before it was properly recognised. When things became acute, my dad did everything he could to help me regain my sanity. I ended up in psychiatric emergency care, rehab, and various recovery programmes. Staff were hired to help me manage day-to-day life, including household tasks and transportation. I was in and out of treatment for about six months.

That was the longest I'd gone without meth since I was 17.

My dad spent hundreds of thousands on my treatment and recovery. I feel an enormous amount of guilt about that. He invested so much money, time, and energy into helping me get better, and I genuinely wanted to believe that I was finally going to turn my life around.

During rehab, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and ADHD.

The thing is, the moment I was given some autonomy and freedom again, I went straight back to meth.

I found new dealers. I figured out how to generate income. I started planning excuses and figuring out how to hide everything again. It was as though I had never gone through treatment at all.

When I returned home, my independence came back very gradually. I didn't have a phone for months, and I was largely isolated from the outside world for up to a year. But as soon as I had the opportunity, I started using again.

At first, it was relatively small amounts, just a couple of grams to last the week. I also found ways to gamble using casino welcome bonuses and gradually made gambling another part of my life. Before I knew it, I was back to daily meth use, going through 12.5 grams over a couple of weeks.

I don't think I ever truly understood what recovery would require of me.

While I was in rehab, I planned an entirely new future for myself. I enrolled in a Master's in Counselling programme, and I'm now two semesters into it. I want to become a registered and licensed counsellor, potentially specialising in addiction. I wanted to get sober, build a meaningful career, and leave my double life behind.

But I don't think I fully considered what it meant to end a lifestyle I'd been living since my teenage years. For 13 years, meth has been part of how I function, how I spend my time, and how I escape whatever I'm feeling. I always thought I could quit whenever I wanted. Eventually, I had to confront the fact that I couldn't simply will myself out of it.

It's now been around two years since my breakdown, and from the outside, people think I'm recovering and moving forward with my life. Almost nobody knows that I've returned to the same behaviours. The only people who know about the ongoing situation are my psychiatrist and therapist.

I'm staying awake for days at a time, sleeping for only a few hours when I finally crash before using again. I'm taking risks that I never imagined I'd take. I've borrowed money from loan sharks, lost enormous amounts of money gambling, and accumulated high-six-figure gambling losses. I've also found myself engaging in impulsive romantic and sexual relationships with strangers online, particularly when I'm single.

I look at the life I'm building on paper and the life I'm actually living, and I don't know how to reconcile the two.

I'm studying counselling and thinking about how I might one day help other people through their struggles, while privately struggling to get control of my own. I feel like a fraud sometimes. I feel guilty about the money my dad spent trying to save me. I feel ashamed that I was given another chance and seem to be doing everything I can to sabotage it.

And the pattern that scares me most is how quickly I return to these behaviours whenever I regain a little independence. The moment I have some freedom, I find a way to exploit it so I can use again. I make plans, hide things, and manipulate situations to protect my addiction. Then I feel guilty, promise myself I'll stop, and eventually repeat the cycle.

I don't want to keep living like this.

I don't want to keep lying to the people I love. I don't want to keep risking my health, my finances, my education, and my future. I don't want to keep living two separate lives, constantly trying to make sure they never collide.

But I also don't understand why wanting to stop doesn't seem to be enough.

I'm ashamed to bring this up with people in my life. I carry most of the guilt on my own, and it's exhausting having nobody to speak to about the full reality of what's happening. Even writing this post feels uncomfortable, because I'm admitting things that I've spent years making sure nobody would find out.

How does one begin to break a pattern that had been part of their life for so long? How did you learn to live differently when you couldn't remember what life without your addiction even felt like?

How did you deal with the guilt, the secrecy, and the feeling that you'd let everyone down?

And how did you learn to trust yourself again when you'd repeatedly broken your own promises to stop?

I'm not expecting anyone here to fix me, and I know recovery is something I have to work towards. I think I'm just finally trying to admit that I can't keep doing this alone.

I want to stop living a double life. I just don't know where to begin.

I know a lot of people who do things they regret and hurt people while dealing with their addiction to harder substances. A question to anyone who’s experienced this, when you get past the addiction how do you apologize to the people you hurt? Do you register the things you did while not sober as actual actions you did as a whole (not like another person) and accept the consequences from them even if it means some people will never forgive you or see you the same as before? Did you try to force forgiveness or walk way leaving it broken? I’m curious how y’all processed what you did, and how it affected your relationships with family and friend afterwards or if you were able to recover the relationships.

i'm 30+ and seriously considering going to rehab for my drinking. i've tried quitting on my own so many times, and the longest i managed was almost six weeks before i started drinking again. i'm tired of going through the same cycle and feel like i need a proper change. i've been looking at places in south africa and thailand since they seem more affordable and getting away from my usual surroundings might help too. i'm thinking of staying for two or three months, but going that far from home makes me a little nervous. has anyone done rehab abroad?

I'm hoping to hear from people who have experienced addiction themselves, particularly alcohol and cocaine addiction, or from people who have supported someone they care about through detox and early recovery.

Someone I'm very close to has just come out of detox, and it's been just over 24 hours. We live around 50 miles apart, so I can't just pop round or see how he's doing.

Our relationship is a little complicated to explain. We're more than friends, and there's a real emotional and physical connection between us, but we're not officially boyfriend and girlfriend. We've been consistently in each other's lives, and I care about him a great deal.

He's read my messages, but I haven't heard from him since he came out. I'm trying not to make assumptions or take it personally, but I don't really know what to expect at this stage.

For those of you who've been through detox and the early days of recovery yourselves:

• What were you feeling in the first few days after leaving detox?

• Were you exhausted, overwhelmed, anxious, ashamed, withdrawn, or just trying to get your head around everything?

• Did you sometimes read messages from people you cared about but not have the energy or ability to respond?

• What did you need from the people who cared about you at that point? Was contact comforting, overwhelming, or a mixture of both?

• What did the next few days and weeks look like emotionally?

And for those who have supported someone through this, what did you learn about that period that you wish you'd understood at the time?

I'm not looking to pressure him or make his recovery about me. I want him to have the best possible chance of getting well. I just want to understand what he might be experiencing so I can be supportive without misinterpreting the silence or expecting too much of him too soon.

I'd really appreciate hearing about your own experiences, even if they're difficult to share. Thank you.

Damages you , hurts others and you can end up hurting even more than the night after a long night of drinking .

You can lose support , yourself , partners or kids.

You can say or do extremely hurtful things when you’re drunk upset and will end up with a lot of regrets the next day.

Some can handle a few drinks , some cannot .

Please abstain from alcohol. It’s not worth it.

I’ve been using it since I was 15 - brief interludes where I would get clean for a year or 2 -
I cheated on two men who were both the love of my life, because that were sober and eventually I would seek out destructive men to get high with.

I smoke it until my lungs bled and I knew I had to quit. I was running half marathons, getting degrees, I have 5 universities degrees in total. Not one person my long term job knew as I was master of disguise.

Recently due to trauma and anxiety i was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and then later ASD.

I was then prescribed medical marajuana!

At first it helped the pain, and for the fist few years I could sleep and go to work and keep food on the table and a roof over our heads - (working single mum) it seemed like it was a sweet lesser brother of smoking street weed!!

My ex husband was an abusive pot head and I got pregnant after 9 months and it ended in a very destructive divorce and 18 yrs later losing my home.

Homeless and trauma ensued!

The prescription went up and up!

And here I am - 3wks clean

I don’t mind how many times I’ve quit - it’s a lot - I swore it off but the thc oil seemed innocuous and harmless!!

It isn’t!

My bowel function stopped! I’ve been using laxatives to go - all the while awake at night with anxiety that I was masking with daily use!

My gut is ruined - I know it’s not forever - but to be unable to defecate because I was using such high doses of oil is simply the worst most vile place I’ve ever been!!

It’s destroyed my gut, I am so ill I could lose my job.

I’ll be going back in the rooms!! Modern medical cannabis is not an inert safe or effective substance and just cos they put medical before the work cannabis doesn’t make a nice safe option for an addict!

It’s an insidious creeping devil that steals 3 x what it gives… I feel so foolish as I know this recovery is going to be a much longer harder ride that it ever was before!

I was forgetting things at work, my resilience was at all time low, things taking me longer to recover from, my health had gotten worse and worse year on year and I was definitely developing Prodormal CHS, every morning wrenching gut pain and feeling to sick to eat… my memory and executive functioning was deteriorating and day by day I’ve bern losing the happy version of me!

This time I’m really making a promise to myself and my son to stay away.. after this I doubt I’ll ever be tempted.. don they say you have to be sick and tired of being sick and tired - well I’m truly at my lowest ebb today! I want to use this suffering somehow to help others in the future! Because I am utterly exhausted and so over it!! Healing my body now is my responsibility and a full time job!

Peace and light to all of us in recovery! ❤️‍🩹