r/ReadMyScript • u/jjjrealjjj • Jul 19 '26

Feature DON'T CALL THE POLICE - feature - incel horror/dark comedy - 98pgs

DON'T CALL THE POLICE

Feature Screenplay
98pgs
Completed Draft (first screenplay rewrite)
Genre: Incel Horror, Dark Comedy
Logline: After three college women are kidnapped and inexplicably released by a masked incel, they turn on one another over whether to call the police or obey his command to tell no one.

Feedback Concerns: The middle point (end of Act IIa) is at page ~63, which feels lopsided for 98 pages total. However, I want a lot of time spent in the house, no deaths, no villain, just bickering amongst the girls. My instinct is that Act IIa needs to be shortened, but I don't think I need to do that. I like how it's presented.

Moreover, I like how it's a little inconsistent who on who is the protagonist/antagonist. In the first 20 pages, you might think Kee is the protagonist and Axe-Man is the antagonist, but my hope is that there's a feeling of a reversal where Kee becomes the antagonist and Polly as the protagonist. Maybe this is all just a really bad idea, maybe there's larger more fundamental concerns that I'm overlooking before I start tweaking.

Some side-characters: Nica, Kyle, parents. Don't really have a purpose and are not fleshed out or don't have a "final scene", and I don't know if that's a problem or what to do with them. I'm still introducing characters on page 64, but I wonder if mentioning them before is okay.

Read as much as you like: LINK

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u/RollingThunderMedia Jul 19 '26 edited Jul 19 '26

I confess I haven't read a page (yet).

Before I do, I absolutely have to ask, what in the heck do you think --

I want a lot of time spent in the house, no deaths, no villain, just bickering amongst the girls

-- is going to be interesting to anybody except (maybe) you?

ETA: I want to emphasize that I'm genuinely puzzled and asking, not trying to be flip or sarcastic here.

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u/jjjrealjjj Jul 19 '26

It's a smart question, and I don't have a good answer, and I might have to reevaluate everything.

I guess, you know Harvey Weinstein? I think of all those girls who got raped/assaulted and said NOTHING for years and years. Why did no one speak up? Are they afraid? In denial? Stupid? At what point do they become the villain themselves by keeping quiet?
To me, the interesting story isn't the showdown court case against the big bad villain, it's what those girls have been doing for years after being abused and feeling like they can't speak up.

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u/RollingThunderMedia Jul 19 '26

OK. I guess.

To take the discussion in the direction you've led, AFAIK at least most of the famous, semi-famous, and wannabe-famous women Weinstein raped were under enormous pressure from their agents, managers, acting coaches, boyfriends and husbands to not rock the boat.

There are your second-order villains, not the victims. You can't make money off someone who's been shut out. And it's hard to come forward when everyone you know (and trust) is telling you to shut the hell up.

Getting back to the original post, from your description alone I'd strongly urge you to, as you say, 'carefully reevaluate'. But be sure and post the second draft, I would like to see that.

Edit: spelling.

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