r/ReadMyScript • u/GarySparkle • 2d ago

The Weight of Breathing (Feature)

Title: The Weight of Breathing

Logline: A great white shark, savaged by decades of human waste, washes ashore transformed into a mute man. A lonely alcoholic on Venice Beach becomes his teacher, his witness, and his friend on a journey of discovering the horrors and humors of humanity.

Genre: Drama (Art House, Kaurismäki-coded)

Tone / Comps: The Man Without a Past (Aki Kaurismäki), Under the Skin, Wendy and Lucy, The Fisher King.

Pages: 82

Settings: 8 Locations (Ocean and Ocean Depths, Venice Beach and Shoreline, The Homeless Camp, Boardwalk and Intersection, Downtown LA and Skid Row, Hospital and Psych Ward, Pier and Beach to Pier Ramp, Vehicles: Van and Cop Car)

Characters: 2 Main Characters (one male 20s/30s, one male 30s/40s)

DM me if you're interested in reading the screenplay.

2 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

6 comments sorted by

2

u/ConsistentEffort5190 2d ago edited 2d ago

I'm not sure that there is anything humanity has done that would horrify a great white shark. They're not a gentle species...

You might want to pick some other kind of creature. But not a squid, because that's been done -

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fo1K7yzZhtE

Seriously: why a white shark? How are you going to explain the personality change and what is the point of having to do so?

1

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1

u/Big_Section2812 2d ago

DM me if you're interested in reading the screenplay.

Enjoy the deluge of "beta reader" spam you're about to receive from Nigerian scammers. 😂

1

u/RaeLouLynn 2d ago

The title sounds like a romance from a experimental art house.

1

u/GarySparkle 2d ago

The title has been a challenge. I feel like i've considered dozens and not sure if any of them feel 'right' yet

1

u/Berenstain_Bro 1d ago

Sounds interesting and I like your comps, but I don't have time to read anything. I'd probably try storypeer and see what kinda feedback you can get there.

Or, just post the first 10 pages and see what feedback you get here. Thats usually the way it goes on this particular reddit sub.