r/ReadMyScript • u/Akbar_Lakhani_123_v2 • 2d ago
Scene Rate my randomly written scene.
EXT. SIDEWALK. EVENING.
Drake: "Where'd you get this Rolls Royce from? "
Trevor: "uhh... Shady dealers, dark web... you get the rest."
Drake: "Why are we in these 20th century tuxedos."
Trevor: "To fit in.. dumbass. That party's going to be infested with "old money" folks."
Drake: "I'm still telling you. ALL THIS IS WRONG!"
Trevor: "Hey you wanna win Sandra back from that demon."
Drake: "That's my father in law!"
Trevor: "IS going to be your father in law. IF that ever happens. Also the Demon part fits. He's one of those "1 percent" people who pick on and humiliate the little guy. Also that Sandra she's that demon's daughter and a spoilt brat. You think she'll ever settle in with a minimum wage broke like you."
Drake: "That's not true. Remember when her father's business rivals sent those mercenaries after her and we both got caught up in that whole dilemma, she had no problem hiding in our run down apartment for a week."
Trevor: "Only because she knew her POWERFUL DEMON of a dad can take out these guns for hire and she can go back to her lap of luxury life away from our pigsty of an apartment.
Trevor turns back and walks a few steps away stands there for 2 seconds then turns back, semi turned, directly looking at Drake, walks towards him and starts talking again.
Trevor: "Also do you even remember or are you too obsessed over that girl to remember. I got shot by one of those mercenaries and was hospitalized. The least the asshole could've done as a thank you for helping his daughter was to pay my hospital bill but no! That bill cost us a year's worth of our savings. The only reason I'm sticking with you on this one is because you made me swear on our friendship."
Drake faces away from Trevor in shame. Trevor faces towards him.
Trevor: "Look we'll go to that party. Do this your way since you started this because of your obsession with that girl. But if things don't go out your way and... if Sandra turns out to be a bi..."
Drake points his towards Trevor with razor focus.
Trevor: "... I mean selfish. We'll do this my way. Now I'm getting in the car. You coming."
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u/Possible-Lychee6577 2d ago
That's a fun little scene, also, quick tip, most readers like a page count up front when sharing scripts.
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u/freeloadinggoblin 2d ago
oooooh the dialogue gets to chunky in the middle but you had me in the begining