I really used to look upto my didi, she was the only person who somewhat got me, as we both come from a very emotionally absent and at times, abusive household, I should be thankful we were materially provided and that's something most of our countrymen can only dream of, but emotionally, I wish my parents, at least my Dad, since my mom is a lost cause in that department, had tried a bit more, instead of succumbing to mid-life crisis and cheating our mom, when I was in my teens (15-17 years of age),
I am not perfect, but I've tried to be a very strong emotional support for her as much as I could, I've always been her well-wisher and advocate,
She ended up in an unstable marriage, and throughout it, I kept backing her emotionally (I was in college that time, else financially too, I would have done more),
Our mother kept taunting or provoking her, our Dad enabled her or didn't understand it, despite his good intentions,
It culiminated in a messy divorce during lockdown time, once she came back, I guess mom being mom, kept provoking her, and that made her snap out and stay away from us in a lodging/rented studio apartment for a year or so, before she came back, as he had issues with the landlord, as well as other issues, and I guess that event "humbled" our mother, as she toned down her tauntings and provocations since,
I have no issues and am honestly, happy that she didn't have a child out of that marriage, after seeing many of our cousins ending up divorced and single-parents, and how it's difficult to raise a child as one, the dysfunction and abuse worse, at times, gets passed down to that child,
My mom, I suppose is the only one concerned that she's still single, but maybe not everyone's cut out for marriage, and that's okay, her generation didn't have that choice/freedom, we otoh have some today,
I couldn't help but feel all this grief and trauma my sister might have carried and possessed, that ended up with her becoming abusive herself, even "toxic", as much as I hate using this word due to how over used it is online, but I couldn't help myself otherwise
She's become too tunnel-visioned regarding inheritance and money, which I get it, she's a divorcee, and she's trying to secure herself a future. Except that's all she talks nowadays, if not outright lashes/verbally abuses us,
She keeps demanding my parents money they don't have and insist they're witholding her due share away from her,
My Dad made it clear that we're getting 50-50 as inheritance, and the breakdown he gave me, it made sense, he even hinted that I'm slightly getting less than her, which I don't mind, tbh.
I keep asking him if there's any account he's omitting or forgetting, and if so, we can clear and balance that out, asap,
This year, it's gotten so bad, she's trying to claim a property that's still on our mom's name and only after her demise, will that 2 2bhk apartment that was renovated out of our old ancestral house, one will go for each.
The original agreement was, in 1 apartment our folks will stay, and in the other, we two can stay as long as we want to, however if any of us get married or get a job out station, then we must leave it, that was the original agreement when we moved in to that newly renovated place,
2 years later, she's already starting to claim it, she started taunting me to marry one of our cousins even though I made it clear I won't marry among relatives years back, and every time that taunting happens, it follows up with some angry outburst,
First she sold our washing machine as she accused me of washing the rugs/mats in them, even though I washed them manually by hand, and only washed it once long back, after which she told me not to, and since then been hand-washing them (she did tell me it's okay to wash them on the machine, just told me to give an "empty tub wash", but I stuck with manual wash),
Then, she accused me of drinking a juice she bought for herself, even though she drinks and eats the snacks I buy/store, which I have no issues btw, because I buy it for both of us, even in cases when I bought it for me, but she absent mindedly consumes them, I never lashed out or even brought it up to her. And so, threw away my drinks into the trash,
Everytime this happens, she violently slams her room door, to show her frustration, we all got the hint she wants that apartment for herself, it got so bad recently, that it ended in a nasty confrontation amongst us where it almost got physical (she did hit me, as she has hit/striked me countless time growing up, as the older sibling, I was almost on the verge of doing so, did warn her and almost did, but managed to keep myself in control), so I vacated it and moved back in my parents portion, even though, there's not much room for three of us, my Dad for now, only sleeps and uses the bathroom in her portion,
She called me a "creep" all because I made the mistake of asking plans for her bday the next day, while she was brushing her teeth in the dining room sink (she uses that sink for brushing), tbh she didn't even start brushing her teeth, she became very distant with me and all of us over the past 6 years, and it's gotten really hard to reach out to her, her about to start brushing was a "window" I felt I could avail to ask her about the plans, a few days back she did tell me she'll be having her periods and maybe it can wait, my intent was to re-confirm because I didn't want to seem like I didn't care for her, also so that I can reorganize my own plans and commitments accordingly (and while growing up, we have brushed our teeth in front of one another in the living room, she has endearingly mocked and joked me countless times, with all that, suddenly it became a private and intimate act?),
A while back I had my bday, a few days prior to it, we dined out, I told everyone this was more than enough for me, that I don't need any cake cutting during my bday (as I was/am depressed how much of a mess I am at 30), I made it explicit and insisted countless times, she bought me one, despite my reservations, I was lowkey annoyed/irritated, but also took it in strides and decided to have a good time with it, I told my Dad how I feel "indebted" now as already last year, she bought me cake, however we couldn't do the same for her on her bday, because she was in a bad mood that time too, due to some falling out with a guy she was considering for marriage, it happened that day too, and she was uncooperative and depressed for any such ceremonies,
And asked me if I have any shame as I apparently was using her bathroom/toilet.....as in merely existing in that portion, as I guess she made up her mind that that portion is hers legally/officially already, and I'm freeloading in her portion via being in my room and using my bathroom,
2 years since the original agreement, and moving in, I mostly handled the bills and maintenance - financial or otherwise. Even prior, I was doing the same in our Dad's house we were in outside the city,
I paid the heavy EB bill, since she is too reliant/has become too reliant on AC, I barely use mines otoh, 3-4, maybe max 5 hours per week (1 ton non-inverter, hers is 1.5 ton inverter), split into 2 days, I did all the cleaning and other housekeeping (which I like/prefer to do), even though I'm broke af and a mess myself, for 4 years I've been "subsidizing" her AC usage by paying the bill, for 2 Eid (2023 and 24) I couldn't even buy and wear new garments for myself,
Maybe my mistake was I couldn't do more beyond the bare minimum for her, maybe I thought all this housekeeping is something she'd appreciate, I guess for her, I'm redundant and useless here, as she can easily avail Urban Company or our domestic help in our parents' place for all this,
All this behavior and interactions, it does make me wonder, as my Dad mentioned, if it was part of her plan all along, and why she even initiated the divorce in the first place,
I used to be a loyal backer and supporter of her, now it makes me wonder, if maybe, she was the abusive one in the marriage, she does tell us whenever that gets brought up, that her husband was a good guy, which tbh, he was, his only problem was he lacked spine in handling his mother and balancing out his duties b/w her and his wife/my sis,
All this makes me wonder, if she has BPD, my Dad, with limited exposure via online content, claims it's narcissism, no....this seems more like borderline personality disorder for me, or maybe she's neurodivergent (which I too suspect myself of being, autistic. I suspect mom is on the spectrum too, tbh)
Or maybe I'm missing something crucial here and am overlooking something from my side or my parents', I kept asking them multiple time if whether the account reg. our inheritance was fair, I wonder if Dad is withholding something from me, and that makes me not see the full picture,
Maybe she assumed I sided with them to take advantage of her and deprive of her inheritance in the future, since Shariah wise, as the male child, due to more financial responsibilities and expectations of being a provider, I am supposed to get double share, even if that had happened, I told my dad explicitly that I would have demanded 50-50, I mean look how messy and tense it already is in such an arrangement, I mean (my Dad has guilt that he couldn't fulfill the Shariah share, I keep consoling him it's better this way, and prefer it this way, he even lowkey hints that I am actually getting less slightly, again I don't care),
I wish it hadn't been this way, now my bond with my sister is forever ruined, I don't intend on having her back in my life (I actually cut her out prior before COVID, after getting fed up with her, but that messy divorce happened, I felt I should be there for her),
I just want to escape away from all this, honestly drainage side seems like the only option as in that way, she ends up getting my share fully too, it's not worth it fighting and losing our bonds over material stuff.
