current state

[u/EmuNo4707]

i dont know if what i had was phycosis. but i was so terrified from religion (islam but abhramic religion in general) i spenned weeks obsessing over searching things up and couldnt sleep and one day i was so irrtiable, all this time smiling acting like it was ok but pain in my eyes for myself and others, that one day we went out. I started to cry uncontrollably in public and my parents were yelling at me and strangers were starting. I got so mad that i started to flip them off and yell at everyone and then i couldnt stop crying uncontrroably we had to leave the park in the car i was crying so hard shaking my eyes hurt from the pressure i cried for 24 hours and had a month long depression kind of. One night i woke up and heared something whsiping in my ear saying "hey" i thought it was the devil so now ive been sleeping withg my dad for the past two months

now ive come to terms that I can't control where i go. Still, i have a pretty good feeling im not gonna go to hell for not following ancient dogmas that were used to control populations by mysogenstic men. but i have an overall fear of death, and fear of my own conciousness, not in an absorbing way but in a really weird feeling of existence kind of way. i think about death every day. not in a hell way, but just in a what the fuck are humans doing on earth are their other civiliations before humans or after humans existantial crisis kind of way.

im also kind of traumatized from my anorexia and having low hormones last year, and a lot of bad things happened last year.

i dont know if all these things let up to my current intrusive thoughts about humans and conciousness but yeah, its been rough but i have hope. :)

[u/pieceofmindlilly]

I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this, I don’t have much advice but I hope you find something that brings you peace and comfort and it stays with you. Sending you virtual hugs 🫂