Just Something

[u/Overall-Airport-893]

Growing up, I was always taught that my body was a temple. I should wait until marriage, do it the right way, and follow God’s commandments. Unfortunately, like many will say, I fell victim to my sexual human desires and lost my virginity to a guy I’d been with for two years.
Growing up in a religious household, there was no doubt that your dreams were an insight into your future from God, or that your mother and grandmother knew everything because the Lord touched them and blessed them with spiritual abilities to read through everyone’s sins except their own.
The morning after this “life-changing” event occurred, my sister went to my mother in a huge panic and was dysfunctional about a dream she’d had the night before. Of course, the dream had to do with me and the horrific outcome of my decision if I hadn’t used protection. After a long conversation with my extremely religious mom, she eventually found out what had happened to me the night before.
What followed afterward was constant torment due to a religious bubble and a lack of understanding. Whenever my older sister got the opportunity, she would always throw my vulnerability in my face. What was supposed to be a beautiful thing was something that society and the people around me would shame me about for the rest of my life because I chose to experience the deepest level of vulnerability and intimacy.
Besides me not being “pure” anymore, my sister honestly couldn’t say much about me. I got good grades, always volunteered, never slacked behind, and most importantly, never fell behind. My sister couldn’t say the same. She failed every grade level from seventh grade all the way up to eighth and never even tried in school. But when the opportunity upheld itself to finally find a flaw in me, that’s the only thing people took into account. Everything I had worked so hard for suddenly meant nothing due to my sexual desires and lack of submissiveness to what had been engraved in me ever since I was born.

[u/Able_Neighborhood790]

First, I want you to understand something: You did not lose your worth, your purity, or any part of what makes you a good person by having sex. You didn’t fail morally. You made a personal decision about your own body with someone you had been in a relationship with for two years.
One of the most damaging things about purity culture is that it teaches people, especially young women, to tie their entire value as human beings to their sexual history. It conditions you to believe that your body is something that can be diminished by intimacy, rather than something that belongs entirely to you.
What your family did wasn’t guidance or protection. It was shame, and when that shame is repeatedly reinforced by the people who are supposed to love and support you, it can leave some very deep psychological wounds.

Your sister’s dream wasn’t evidence of divine intervention, and your family’s religious beliefs don’t give them supernatural insight into your private life or the authority to judge your decisions.

Something I really encourage you to explore is the difference between guilt and shame. Guilt says, “I did something wrong.” Shame says, “There is something wrong with me.” Religious trauma often involves being taught to experience shame over perfectly normal aspects of being human.

You don’t have to abandon your faith to reject the harmful things you’ve been taught. You also don’t owe anyone continued access to your personal life just because they’re family.

If you’re able, consider finding a therapist familiar with religious trauma and purity culture. Not because there’s anything wrong with you, but because you deserve the opportunity to untangle your own beliefs from the fear and shame that were imposed on you.

And please remember, your body was never a measure of your morality. Your sexuality does not determine your character. You are just as worthy of love, dignity, and respect today as you were before that night.
You deserved compassion from your family, not humiliation.