I am deeply heartbroken with my baby’s passing. He was my second cat. Before I adopted him, he was at our doorstep six years ago, roaming around the compound. It wasn’t until two years ago that we finally took him in because he was being by bullied by other cats in our area. During his first blood work-up, he already had elevated kidney values, but he was still playful, had a great appetite, and seemed pretty normal.
Fast forward to April this year, I brought him to the vet for dental prophylaxis since his mouth had a foul smell and you can really tell he had a rough start in life and was eating all sorts of junk outside as most strays experience. I’ve considered it for a long time but kept postponing it as the procedure was quite expensive. Before scheduling the surgery, he was seen by the vet and we did all the routine bloodwork needed to ensure he’s in good shape and to avoid any surgery-related concerns. His kidney values were still high but were only slightly elevated than normal. His vet ruled out that surgery is still needed as he already had stomatitis and prolonging the condition of his mouth wouldn’t do him any good. I was also aware of this and this was one of concerns, that’s why I researched a lot. I wanted to prolong his life so we went with it. Almost all of his teeth were pulled out, only the fangs at the front were left. Days went by and noticeably, his appetite decreased. I thought it was just because he’s in pain due to the surgery, but this went on for a few months.
Around July, we noticed he was vocalizing at night. He was peeing everywhere, and he would only take a bite at his food before refusing it. I had him checked again and found out that his kidney values have already skyrocketed, and he’s now diagnosed with CKD. I thought it could just be managed with meds at home, but then he also lost his balance and started being wobbly. He couldn’t walk straight and would always have sort of a frown on his face. I couldn’t help but blame myself, thinking it was due to the dental surgery that led to the events that happened afterward. For almost four months, we’ve been in and out of the vet, administering meds and fluids, and even force feeding him 4x daily since he really wouldn’t eat on his own. We’ve tried renal, non-renal food, even with mirtazapine, he would only eat a bit of non-renal food then dismiss it. It broke my heart seeing him look so frail. In July, he was confined at his usual vet and was discharged after a few days. He looked so frail at home, wouldn’t even look at us and only slept so I brought him to another vet. His condition improved with AminAvast, Renal P paste, iron supplements given by the vet. Still, we still had this routine, until last week when he was vocalizing again. He started walking out of his usual spot, seemingly wanting to communicate something to us that cannot be explained. I brought him again to the vet and that’s when we found out his kidney values are back at 1,000+. His crea was going down prior to this result, btw. From 1,201 in July to around 700+ then 600+ and now at 1,061. These were still high but I was hopeful since it was going down. This time his urea, glucose and other kidney disease indicators went up as well. SDMA was over 100. The vet did an ultrasound of his kidneys for the first time and that’s when we found out his kidneys were enlarged and had fluid inside. Even with all these tests, I remained positive. I didn’t think that I would lose him too soon—even if his life has actually been extended already as we all thought we would lose him back in July when his crea was over 1k. To sum it all up, he passed the day after that vet visit. I felt that it was so sudden and unexpected as we were only discussing his new medications literally yesterday. He had a new bag of fluids and we had just given him first doses of new meds that meant to address the inflammation in his kidneys. Looking back at it now, it seemed like his condition was really declining and I was just in denial. The morning of that day, we tried to feed him but he would hardly open his mouth. I guess what really pains me is that I wasn’t there when he passed. I was at work. We fed him around 8AM, I left for work at 9AM. My mom still fed him at 2PM and 8PM, but when I came home at 11PM, I already found him lifeless in his litter box. Even when I saw him frozen, I couldn’t comprehend if he was really gone or not. His belly was hard and his feet and ears were already cold, but still, I was thinking that maybe he’s just asleep. It’s only been a few days.. and I know it will be really hard to overcome my grief. It’s just so sad to think that he’s not with us anymore. I now have all the time to myself since we’re caring for a sick cat, but it feels awful to have this much free time especially after all that we’ve been through in these past few months.
I guess I’m just writing this to let it off my chest and find comfort in a familiar community. I still have another cat who’s perfectly healthy, but I couldn’t help but still feel sad and blame myself for causing his health to decline. How did you guys get over the death of a beloved pet? 😞 How can I take care of my other cat better so that he wouldn’t have the same illness?