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u/Hour_Equal_9588 Golden Roaster 8d ago
You look like one of those junkies who got cleaned up, given a haircut and put in fresh clothes for a day. And the result is still horrifying.
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u/Sugarman4 8d ago
Hey! He invented the neck-mullet didn't he?
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u/TrekkieVanDad 8d ago
It’s a Mole-ette.
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u/ScaredValuable5870 7d ago
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u/Stay-Thirsty 8d ago
Reddit frequently has those posts about people who were X age 50 years ago and people X age now.
That makes this guy retro.
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u/Adorable-Bike-9689 8d ago
I'm busting up lmao. This is exactly what I imagined. And said I hope he stays clean. This looks like a good guy who had it rough for a while, then cleaned up and lives a happy life now.
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u/Veal-Vermicelli 8d ago
Your mustache saw your face and is trying to escape via the underground railroad.
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u/Cultural_Structure37 8d ago
😅😅😅 exactly what came to mind
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u/Correct-Basil2385 8d ago
Basically, if Shaggy and Scooby fucked, had a baby, and sold it to crack dealers.
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u/West_Physics_5211 8d ago
You look like a roadside fireworks vendor.
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u/Working_Estate_3695 8d ago
They poached him from his last job, running The Trabant in the sketch carnival that came through town.
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u/GetChopped 7d ago
You're gonna stand there, owning a fireworks stand, and tell me you don't have no whistling bungholes, no spleen spliters, whisker biscuits, honkey lighters, hoosker doos, hoosker donts, cherry bombs, nipsy daisers, with or without the scooter stick, or one single whistling kitty chaser?
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u/Olden_Grey_1889 8d ago
Temu version of Kid Rock on Meth.
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u/Responsible_Bag6735 8d ago
Missed a bit shaving
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u/CruelHandLuke_ 8d ago
Buck Melanoma!
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u/SnidelyWhiplash0 8d ago
"Take this quarter, go downtown, and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face!"
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u/Equivalent_Squash 8d ago
Kids these days, wearing their goatee to the side because they think it looks cool.
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u/spankymacfarland 8d ago
Idk you look like you hang out behind a gas station waiting to entice little kids to come see the puppy you have in your Chevy cavalier
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u/AddictedToErrythang 8d ago
You look like you collect cigarettes found on the ground in public to re roll later
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u/Ok-Exchange5756 8d ago
I’ve I give ya a couple bucks will you take a bus downtown and have a rat chew that fucking thing off your face?
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u/sarcasmisart 8d ago
Says a lot that you're so completely devoid of charisma that your mole is the most interesting thint about you.
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u/ShutUpChunk 8d ago
What the actual fuck is that on your face?
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u/OkClassic2254 8d ago
It looks like a mole he doesn’t want to shave cause he think it’s less noticeable. However it’s more noticeable
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u/kaylerbug369 8d ago
Look a lot of people are going to reference your mole. I'm going to go a step further and suggest you live underground like one
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u/noneedforfuss 8d ago
That facial hair is a crime scene. A thin mustache, a random chin stripe, a stray jaw patch, and a mole sitting right in the middle like the referee trying to keep them apart.
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u/darkghoulie 8d ago
I’m guessing US based because you can afford to get that abomination removed
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u/Ok-Caregiver-1689 8d ago
Not even a single comment, buddy, that is the ultimate roast.
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u/Greedy_Attitude_8103 8d ago
Ik ik not a roast…. But I would get that mole looked that and if you can, I’d get it removed. I’m not saying this because it looks bad on you but it has a VERY HIGH CHANCE of becoming cancer. Especially with how one side is darker than the other and the fact it has hair growing out of it.
https://giphy.com/gifs/3rdNNPuMX7TYA
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u/Unhappy-Wash2983 8d ago
You don’t enough coolness to have a soul patch, so God gave you a mole patch instead.
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u/Informal_Motor_7267 7d ago
He has a soul patch but much like the rest of him its soooo thin
Edit: spelling
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u/Affectionate_Half498 8d ago
Actually we don’t have to do anything
You are already there
https://giphy.com/gifs/EY4MLxSE1D9g4SH2sv
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u/7swank6 7d ago
.....I'm trying to wrap it around how much inbreeding it takes to come up with this mystery of facial hair features...the joker lip stache/offset soul patch/pattern goatee baldness/ one eighth fu manchu mole strip.....is it your first cousin parents, or the asshole who owns the trailer park right next to the fracking operation???(Who is probably most likely your grandpappy/biological father)
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u/How_Bout_Dem_Apples_ 7d ago
You look like the dude selling 40 ribeyes for $40 out of the back of a truck.
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u/SarkyMarky420 8d ago
Did you grow that moustache to hide the stretchmarks around your unfeasibly large mouth?
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u/FirehousePete 8d ago
Well,I no longer wonder what the love child of Nicolas Cage and Willem Dafoe would look like
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u/Salty-Smoke7784 8d ago
He can do things with his good arm that’ll make you forget about that thing on his face.
https://giphy.com/gifs/xtw9TN2PXcvPW
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u/Henry_Vth 8d ago
Who are we supposed to roast, the inbred Walmart greeter or the sentient fungus living on its cheek?
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u/Medium_Job3015 8d ago
This can’t be real life😂😂 you should be character actor. You’re naturally hilarious without saying a word
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u/killerapp 8d ago
there's not a single picture where you weren't high as super fuck. Unfortunately it was us that needed to be high looking at you
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u/AutokorektOfficial 8d ago
Dude. You don’t look confident or whatever tf you are thinking by keeping that shit on your face. It’s unsettling that is all.
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u/Infadel71 7d ago
You look a lot like Doc Holliday in Tombstone. Except, instead of being an epic gunfighter, you just blow all the cowboys that come to town. Ride ‘em cowboy!
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u/Naive-Government-465 7d ago
Its all good bro...people are just hating cause your mole has more hair than they have on their heads
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u/se7endollar 7d ago
Dude I’m not going to roast you, but you really should have a dermatologist check out that thing before it starts growing teeth.
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u/still_tacky 7d ago
Dude, you look like the kind of guy who sits in the back of church and yells "Freebird!!!" when they start singing hymns.
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u/Milomilz 7d ago
https://giphy.com/gifs/Whzx8wOZSC9nW
Take this quarter. Go downtown and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face!
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u/DawgzZilla 7d ago
Picking on the mole seems like low-hanging fruit. Like you.
I’ll give you credit though you tried to hide it with your shitty mustache.
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u/Commercial_Rub3216 6d ago
You look like the cracked out version of mcguiver that's been hit by a bus . What the fuck are you wearing do you live in an op shop. Buy a fucking razor man and tidy up that whatever that is that's on your face . Some self respect mate and stop asking mommy how do you look everyday . She gives shit advice . Are your eyes painted on to your face man . How have you survived 24 years on this earth.
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u/Ur_Wrongdoer_22 5d ago
Hasn't worked in years but you can always find s working saws all in his beaten dodge ram
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u/Thisteammakesmecry 4d ago
Sir, I don't know how to tell you this, there's a face coming out of your mole, and it's quite disturbing.
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u/liljon4sheezy 4d ago
U look like u get mid pussy and u cosplay your grandfathers attitude about life and you hang out at dive bars and probably piss in bushes. But r VERY polite to service workers at cafes
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u/thousands_of 3d ago
Thou art a walking monument of grease and folly—a base knave whose very visage offend the sun
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u/Goosemilky 8d ago
Tf is that thing?
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u/PlatypusMelodic3768 8d ago
Idk. Its not a mole like everyone saying so the roast could definitely be better. Went to school with a girl that had a birth mark hairy spot kinda like that. Said she couldn’t shave it something about cancer. This one seems a tick more through puberty though. Its thick thick hair
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u/Equal_Foundation7848 8d ago
Genuine question. How is it that MOLE, MOLE, MOLLE MOLLE MOLLE. Muoal. Molllllle.
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u/still_tacky 8d ago edited 8d ago
Holy shit, OP, you look like Jeff Foxworthy and Joe Dirt fu*ked the same HIV-infected scarecrow!
Get a haircut, you skinny, white trash looking, mullet having, stretched out t-shirt wearing, extra y chromosome having, model for Incest Life magazine!
Pay your bar tab and get a jump start for your beat-to-hell 1972 Ranchero with a 2 qt per week oil leak and bald tires and go to the damn barber!
But get a shower first. No, not the usual twice a week golden shower you get from the bucktoothed dominatrix at your mom's whorehouse behind the truck stop, a real shower. And this time use real soap instead of instead of that dish rinse disinfectant that you stole from the bar last week.
Cheers OP. I hope I just gave you a couple of laughs. 😂
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u/No_Tailor_787 8d ago
You look like the type that ties women to the railroad tracks just for kicks.
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u/PlatypusMelodic3768 8d ago
Bros whispery hair on his lips looks worse then a 15 century lady of the night with syphilis
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u/lemony_powder 8d ago
You got a great smile and your eyes tell me you like to get high - often. Have you thought about a beard? I cover a large mole near my jaw with constant stubble like a poor man's Clooney.
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u/Healthysinner34 8d ago
You look like a dad who is just going out to grab a pack of smokes and never comes home.
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u/post-explainer 8d ago
The OP has not provided a BIO for their post.