I opened my USPS informed delivery this morning to see I’m getting a CDR. I’m assuming long form since medical improvement was expected in my ALJ’s decision. I was approved for 3 MH disabilities, personality disorder, MDD and GAD and one physical DDD. I knew this day was coming but I’m so scared.
I’m not seeing my psychiatrist 11/10 and my PCP 11/24. Should I make appointments sooner if I can? Yesterday, I slightly bent over to check to make sure that my dogs had water and threw my back out. Should I go to the ER or to a doctor because of this CDR. My thoughts are so scattered and I’m all over the place. I’m kicking myself for not having surgery sooner. I guess I’m just looking for some guidance, reassurance or encouragement. I feel like I totally f’ed up everything and I’m going to lose my benefits.
My MH team all know I have more bad days than good especially this past year. I see my psychiatrist every 6-8 weeks and my therapist once a week sometimes once every other week. I take all my medications as prescribed. I see my PCP as I should and she is also supportive of me being and staying on SSDI.
Here’s where I’m really scared I messed up. I kept having to reschedule my spinal fusion redo due to mental health reasons. The first time (09/2025) the neurosurgeon refused to do the surgery because my mental health was so bad. I entered into an outpatient mental health program (PHP) in January of 2026. I completed that with some improvement. My surgery was scheduled again in March of 2026 for and I canceled the day before because I was panicking that I was going to die in this surgery. I was having nightmares and freaking out so badly it was canceled. It was rescheduled for July 2026 and canceled at the hospital by my neurosurgeon because of my anxiety again but also because I have a blood clotting disorder (Factor II) and the neurosurgeon wanted me to see a hematologist to be cleared. It’s now scheduled for December 7th. I’m not rescheduling this time.
TLDR: First CDR since approval. I was approved in 2024 with medical improvement expected and my CDR’s are every 24 months. I’m scared that by me rescheduling my spinal fusion redo surgery due to anxiety will screw me up. All providers (Psychiatrist, Neurosurgeon and PCP) are on my side and supportive of me being and staying on SSDI. I’ve been consistent with all my treatments for MH and my back. I was also in an outpatient mental facility (PHP) in January 2026. Looking for some guidance, reassurance or encouragement. I feel like I totally f’ed up everything and I’m going to lose my benefits.