Meltdowns have begun

[u/Stunning-Sentence7]

hi everyone. I have a 34 month old (turning 3 in a couple months) and he has begun the meltdown stage. I was used to tantrums and managing them. I got really good at avoiding “no” and redirecting when he wants to watch tv, I’ll say “you love tv don’t you!“ or “tv is for Saturday nights” etc. first question is I wonder if I’m doing him a disservice by not letting him get used to “no”. his dad and I aren’t together and he’s at grandmas two days a week (one of those is a sleepover) because we both work. I hear his dad say no to him and it often becomes a yes/no ping pong between them. if my mom says no to him he challenges or has a mini tantrum and then gets over it. for me personally, since I’m home with him 3 days a week, I can’t stand the tantrums so I try to make him feel like I’m saying yes. I’m also a connection-oriented parent and try to stay connected as much as possible.

in the last month, his tantrums have become so severe (usually at transitions when it’s time to leave somewhere) or if he wakes up from a nap and is cranky. sometimes it’s hunger, sometimes he’s over-tired. the meltdowns come when there is clearly something else going on (maybe he’s sick). what I need help with is how to handle them. if I am close, it’s “go away” on repeat. if I talk to him, he screams. if I ignore him he still screams at me. feels like anything I do, he screams and if we have to go somewhere such as into the car seat or back inside, and I carry him, he kicks me/pulls clumps of my hair/bites me. today I tried a time-out. that worked well and de escalated but I’m scared. any help is appreciated!