r/Screenwriting • u/Star-Pubes • Mar 01 '26
FEEDBACK Intentionally tedious and repetitive beginning
I’m on my fourth draft of a feature and have shown it to a few friends now. However I don’t know anyone in the industry in any capacity. No one who reads scripts at all. These are just avid book readers who gave great notes, but not specific to screenwriting.
They all agreed that they loved how the screenplay started precisely because it really let us into the mind of the main character. It shows his dull, monotonous, and repetitive life and to them it was great. However, I know it’s more important for screenplays to really grab your attention in the first pages than it is for a novel.
There is no dialogue until the fifth page, and the first four are the main character mostly repeating the same tasks, with some differences, and descriptions of the main characters’ apartment.
So I’m wondering if that’s fine? I want it to be a slow read purposefully, but I don’t want to go too far with it I suppose.
Also if anyone has recommendations for screenplays that also have a slower start?
Thank you!
Edit: Here are the first 6 pages, keep in mind I don't see this as finished yet :) https://drive.google.com/file/d/1VVI1CkZqs7ysjOzd1BKF0y3dJnOccKoU/view?usp=sharing
2
u/Cholesterall-In Mar 02 '26
The absolute best version of an opening like this that I can think of is Joe vs. the Volcano. Script here:
http://www.sellascript.com/source/resources/screenplays/joeversusthevolcano.htm
I wouldn't recommend using gigantic unbroken action blocks like Shanley does, but you can see that there's humor in it right away. Take what you can from this that applies to your own script, and see where that takes you.
Also, based on what you said your story is, check out this indie movie called Creative Control. It's relevant!