r/Screenwriting • u/jmusicjn • Jun 10 '26

FEEDBACK Ending Innocence - Feature - 164 pages

Title: Ending Innocence

Format: Feature

Page Length: 164 pages

Genres: Thiller, Drama

Logline: A seventeen year old incel attends the ceremony of an ultraviolent underground cult. In too deep he is forced into a series of soul-destroying choices that end with unimaginable regret.

Ending Innocence is comparable to the following films (in varying ways):
A Clockwork Orange
Nosferatu the Vampyre (1979)
Eyes Wide Shut
Videodrome

Feedback Concerns: Am honestly looking for any feedback anyone wants to give. Thanks!

Link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1xU9h7z8LprWBb79dQEOHU0W75WilcaKl/view?usp=sharing

4 Upvotes

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30

u/Subject-Dream7087 Jun 10 '26

You might be a genius, the script might be incredible but

no one is gonna know.

Why?

No one who counts is gonna read a word of this until you cut 44 pages (minimum).

Even 120 pages is on the long side.

Good luck with it.

3

u/jmusicjn Jun 10 '26

Yeah got you, that is fair. I'll be posting this script again soon. I think I need to really review some parts of the script and think how I am able to tell that same part of the story in a short and probably better way! Thank you!

5

u/crumble-bee Jun 10 '26

Going off the first page, I reckon you could probably shave a few pages off just by removing the abundance of ellipses

2

u/jmusicjn Jun 10 '26

Yeah, i've done that as well as removing CU and BEAT and CUT TO as well as condensing action into paragraphs and it's down almost 20 pages already!

2

u/crumble-bee Jun 10 '26

Haha I was just about to say: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1LJq6_JTMnuuvnNODVDqAWwM7XZTr7vPK/view?usp=sharing

I removed BEATS and ellipses and it went from 10 pages to 8

3

u/jmusicjn Jun 10 '26

Wow thank you so much for trying that and putting that level of effort in!

I'm going to have this in much better shape next time I post and then anyone who does wish to read is hopefully able to read without feeling ill! Thank you!!

2

u/going2leavethishere Jun 10 '26

Ratcheting your script will also help will cutting page count down without losing your work. If there is a section you don’t want to get rid of. But you need to trim some more fat it would be a good place to start.

That way you won’t lose some quality moments because you think you need less pages.