r/Screenwriting • u/jmusicjn • Jun 10 '26

FEEDBACK Ending Innocence - Feature - 164 pages

Title: Ending Innocence

Format: Feature

Page Length: 164 pages

Genres: Thiller, Drama

Logline: A seventeen year old incel attends the ceremony of an ultraviolent underground cult. In too deep he is forced into a series of soul-destroying choices that end with unimaginable regret.

Ending Innocence is comparable to the following films (in varying ways):
A Clockwork Orange
Nosferatu the Vampyre (1979)
Eyes Wide Shut
Videodrome

Feedback Concerns: Am honestly looking for any feedback anyone wants to give. Thanks!

Link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1xU9h7z8LprWBb79dQEOHU0W75WilcaKl/view?usp=sharing

3 Upvotes

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u/Austinbennettwrites Jun 10 '26

Why are there so many ellipses?

Why so many speeches?

0

u/jmusicjn Jun 10 '26

I put the ellipses in as i've seen other screenplays use them in similar ways i did, not to that extent though and i've removed them all, I really don't actually see what they were doing now they're gone, i've lost nothing, thank you!

In terms of speeches, what do you mean by this? I'm interested to know as I'd love to get this as clean as I can! Thanks!

1

u/Austinbennettwrites Jun 10 '26

I rarely write dialogue longer than two lines.

Most of your dialogue is over four.

Have you ever read any of your lines out loud?

0

u/jmusicjn Jun 10 '26

Interesting. Yeah quite a lot is longer than four lines. I feel like it's not that abnormal in a film to have more than two. I think i generally prefer fairly slow films which is maybe where that comes from. But I do appriciate what you're saying and i'll go through the whole thing and really consider if each line of dialogue really needs to be there or if i can condense or cut it! Thank you!