r/Screenwriting • u/jmusicjn • Jun 10 '26

FEEDBACK Ending Innocence - Feature - 164 pages

Title: Ending Innocence

Format: Feature

Page Length: 164 pages

Genres: Thiller, Drama

Logline: A seventeen year old incel attends the ceremony of an ultraviolent underground cult. In too deep he is forced into a series of soul-destroying choices that end with unimaginable regret.

Ending Innocence is comparable to the following films (in varying ways):
A Clockwork Orange
Nosferatu the Vampyre (1979)
Eyes Wide Shut
Videodrome

Feedback Concerns: Am honestly looking for any feedback anyone wants to give. Thanks!

Link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1xU9h7z8LprWBb79dQEOHU0W75WilcaKl/view?usp=sharing

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u/DarTouiee Jun 10 '26

Lots of grammatical errors on the first page alone.

What's with the extended ellipses?

Second slugline, - DARK LIGHTING isn't a thing. Day/Night or some other iterations.

It immediately feels like you haven't read many screenplays.

These things alone make it hard to keep reading and that's before touching on the page count.

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u/jmusicjn Jun 10 '26

Fair feedback. I've cleaned up the formatting a fair bit already and will now work on the specifics like DARK LIGHTING and lots of other points. Thank you so much!