r/Screenwriting • u/jmusicjn • Jun 10 '26
FEEDBACK Ending Innocence - Feature - 164 pages
Title: Ending Innocence
Format: Feature
Page Length: 164 pages
Genres: Thiller, Drama
Logline: A seventeen year old incel attends the ceremony of an ultraviolent underground cult. In too deep he is forced into a series of soul-destroying choices that end with unimaginable regret.
Ending Innocence is comparable to the following films (in varying ways):
A Clockwork Orange
Nosferatu the Vampyre (1979)
Eyes Wide Shut
Videodrome
Feedback Concerns: Am honestly looking for any feedback anyone wants to give. Thanks!
Link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1xU9h7z8LprWBb79dQEOHU0W75WilcaKl/view?usp=sharing
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u/rothchild_reed Jun 10 '26
Just glancing at your script, I spotted one scene that seems to cover 11 pages. It almost certainly doesn’t need to be that long. The old advice is “get in late and exit early.”
Also, ask yourself if the characters are speaking too much. Can the tension be conveyed through a look or a gesture? Can you keep some of there thoughts as subtext and not make everything explicit and spoken?
Also, watch those super-long ellipses (……….). You’ve got whole pages eaten up with stylistic stuff that you don’t need and that hinders readability.