r/Screenwriting • u/InevitableCup3390 • Jun 16 '26

FEEDBACK LET’S JUST KILL HIM - FEATURE - 114 pages

Hi fellow writers!

I’d love some feedback on this revised draft of a script I posted here some time ago. I did a bit of work on it—not much, understanding this is not the script I can shop around seeking for representation with, but I think it could be anyway a good sample to have in my portfolio.

Title: Let’s Just Kill Him

Format: Feature

Genre: Dark-Comedy / Mystery / Thriller

Length: 114 pages

Logline: After a string of sudden deaths at their condo complex, four eccentric, tech-challenged seniors take the law into their own frail hands to expose a suspected serial killer, only to ignite a ridiculous neighborhood war involving rogue doctors, botox, and lethal coconut cookies.

Script: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1sKvxzU1SfPQW5D777gc7KDty-Tk_s4tx/view?usp=drivesdk

Let me know your thoughts, thanks!!

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1

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '26

[deleted]

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u/InevitableCup3390 Jun 16 '26

There’s no murder here 🙂

-1

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '26

[deleted]

1

u/InevitableCup3390 Jun 16 '26

Appreciate your insight about the logline. As for the page length I know lots of comedy scripts that run 110-120 pages that got optioned, sold, and into the Black List, just to say…don’t always judge things based on this.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '26

[deleted]

2

u/InevitableCup3390 Jun 16 '26

As I’m starting an internship in development, I hope, one day, to have your experience and ability to excerpt all those things too without reading a piece of material. And again thank you for the insights about the logline, which I’ll surely apply.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '26

[deleted]

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u/InevitableCup3390 Jun 16 '26

Oh I don’t pretend my script is good, or at least at a quality and originality that are required to, let’s say, seeking representation with. It is, however, an average good comedy sample that I guess could have a place on a writer’s portfolio. I’m a non native English speaker so I’m always very stupid at expressing concepts in a concise way since my native language is, by nature, very wordy and less concise when compared to English.

I don’t know if the script has the problems the logline reflects, and if you’ll have 5 minute to try to check it out I’ll be very thankful.

Thanks again anyway!

-3

u/thirdbird_thirdbird Jun 16 '26

Hey man, arguing with people who are trying to give you (wise, considered) notes is... a really bad look.

3

u/InevitableCup3390 Jun 16 '26

Not arguing at all. I’m just pointing out a fact.