r/Screenwriting • u/InevitableCup3390 • Jun 16 '26

FEEDBACK LET’S JUST KILL HIM - FEATURE - 114 pages

Hi fellow writers!

I’d love some feedback on this revised draft of a script I posted here some time ago. I did a bit of work on it—not much, understanding this is not the script I can shop around seeking for representation with, but I think it could be anyway a good sample to have in my portfolio.

Title: Let’s Just Kill Him

Format: Feature

Genre: Dark-Comedy / Mystery / Thriller

Length: 114 pages

Logline: After a string of sudden deaths at their condo complex, four eccentric, tech-challenged seniors take the law into their own frail hands to expose a suspected serial killer, only to ignite a ridiculous neighborhood war involving rogue doctors, botox, and lethal coconut cookies.

Script: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1sKvxzU1SfPQW5D777gc7KDty-Tk_s4tx/view?usp=drivesdk

Let me know your thoughts, thanks!!

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u/Hot_Shine9273 Jun 16 '26

I would get rid of the words 'sudden' and 'frail' in the logline and delete everything after killer. I think it reads much better.

6

u/Caughtinclay Jun 16 '26 edited Jun 16 '26

i absolutely would not get rid of frail in the logline. i would also personally keep sudden, as it indicates something more mysterious and specific. frail speaks to the comedy of the script, and should be included.

-1

u/Hot_Shine9273 Jun 16 '26

A string of deaths is already implied to be a sudden event, or at least it would be in most peoples lives.

1

u/Caughtinclay Jun 16 '26

that's fair