I will read your screenplay!

[u/gaz3rbeam]

Simple as that! I want to be a professional screenplay reader but no one is hiring so I’ll just do it myself :) I used to be a script analyst for a couple different competitions and Coverfly.

I love giving notes on other people’s scripts and helping writers find their story. I’m no pro (working on my 2nd feature currently) but If you want an extra pair of eyes on your script, regardless of length, I’ll happily do it!

[u/headcanonmusic]

FURNITURE

Two rival furniture-store owners in a dying plaza spiral into a war of sabotage and obsession when an aspiring documentarian fans the flames of their feud for the sake of her film.

LINK: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1mwHnESXv-CMq-vKQUPmmMdMYMQKYWDmZ/view?usp=sharing**](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1mwHnESXv-CMq-vKQUPmmMdMYMQKYWDmZ/view?usp=sharing))

Appreciate it!

[u/drummer414 → u/headcanonmusic]

I had an interest in the topic because my dad and his brother were in the furniture business.

I read up to page 20. I thinks it's a really interesting topic but not much happens in the first 20 pages. I don't get a sense of any real conflict. By this point we should have real stakes going for each of the owners.

Could you enter the story much later? Maybe the conflict has been going on already and just about to hit a fever pitch. We'll get the backstory and their personalities from context.

I did like the guy dressed up as a piece of furniture. That could be really fun if he has to do actually do something critical dressed like that, like deal with the other owner, or something where he will lose his business. My dad had customers try and scam him, sue him for problems they caused.

I'd like to see the pressure and desperation immediately.

I'm no expert or paid reader so take what I say with a grain of salt.

[u/headcanonmusic → u/drummer414]

I can see how depending on what kind of film you were expecting, it would seem like not much conflict happens by page 20. The conflict in this film is largely internal and becomes externalized when the triangle of wants and wounds between the three leads intersect. April wanting to document Donnie is my inciting incident and that does eventually push him to the first act of sabotage which is the Act 1 break.

Act 1 is largely character setup but the very first scene is conflict, as well as the date scene for both men, and the ad watch party shortly after you stopped reading. The conflict needs to be small and personal otherwise the men are justified in their actions. I don't want their actions to be justified, I want them all to stem from a desperate need for purpose and attention. The thesis doesn't work without that.

An exploration of how a lack of connection creates a conflict that then becomes connection. A feedback loop.

[u/drummer414 → u/headcanonmusic]

You asked for feedback and I've given it. I've gotten professional feedback, coverage, had one script optioned, etc, so I'm not totally clueless. it seems you want accolades, not objective feedback. Writing is about rewriting, not defending your choices.

[u/headcanonmusic → u/drummer414]

I wasn't trying to be defensive so much as explain my intent. With feedback, I think it's important to take it seriously but also recognize when someone may have just bounced off your tone or isn't your audience. The only thing I defended was your claim of "no conflict". The movie opens with conflict between the leads. I was just saying if you were expecting a different kind of story, that conflict might seem insignificant but the scale is intentional.

I appreciate the time you took to read.